Carpe Diem

You may have noticed something (Okay, probably more than one something, but I'm talking about something specific XD):

My lack of blogging.

(Okay maybe you didn't XD But now that I've brought it to your attention...)

I love ~Carpe Diem~. Like, I think I might actually love it, like it's a person, an extension of myself. It's been a sounding board for new ideas, my journal for good times and bad, a venue for meeting some of the most amazing people, a way to document my life in fun and beautiful ways that I never would have been able to otherwise. I LOVE ~Carpe Diem~.

The name is perfect; Seize the day. Live, love, laugh, learn. To me, ~Carpe Diem~ represents growing up and changing and being excited about life. Even the templates have been happy and fresh.

So it feels kind of like my heart is breaking as I say that I think I'm finished here.

I'm so silly, I'm almost crying XD

(Dang, as I type, I'm not sure if I can go through with this.)

For some reason, there's been a distance growing between me and ~Carpe Diem~. Not a dislike, not a disinterest, just a distance. I'm growing up, but that's not quite what I mean. I've outgrown ~CD~ is more like it. I haven't matured out of it, I've grown out of it. I know that might sound like the same thing, but it isn't. Maturing would mean that I feel ~CD~ is below my thought level now, that it was cute while it lasted but I'm moving on. That is not how I feel.

I feel like ~CD~ represents a definite chapter of my life, of who I am, and that chapter is over.

Honestly (for you writers out there), it feels like I've finished a book. I'm heartbroken to leave it behind, but it's truly finished and it's time to move on. It'll always be there, and I'll reread it or maybe even work on it, but it's in the past now. I've finished it. I've out grown it and I'm ready to move on.

If I haven't made it obnoxiously obvious yet, I will now: I won't be posting on ~Carpe Diem~ anymore. I may post occasionally, but most likely it'll be memorial posts (~CD~'s birthday, MY birthday, holidays, etc.) and not a regular thing. At this point, I don't plan to ever come back to daily posting.

I love ~Carpe Diem~ dearly, and much more than anyone should love a blog, and I love all of you. I can't believe 137 people care about what I say! It's mind-boggling! Me? ME?? You want to read ME??

I've gotten really arrogant about the whole blog thing too, and I think that was what started the distance. I started caring too much about the number of followers and not enough about the real reason for blogging. I'm so sorry.

As hard as it is to make myself come to terms with this decision, I feel like it's almost been made for me. I grow up, I change, and those plain facts are out of my control. So this is goodbye. (Forget almost crying, I AM crying >.<) I honestly cannot thank you enough for being a part of this wonderful journey I've been on.

If you're interested in keeping up with me, I have something to tell you, but you need to email me: livinglovinglaughinglearning@gmail.com.

With much, much, MUCH love,
Kendra Logan

Kendra's Friday is Average

Friday, because it was more interesting XD

Friday it was 80 degrees and I went out to tan. Somehow, I only tanned on one shoulder.

Friday I hardcore danced in the bathroom. To Celtic music.

Friday I choked on an ibuprofen tablet.

Friday I started a texting conversation, then immediately forgot and walked away from my phone for hours. Three times.

Friday I searched my entire room for my house key, only to find it was in my purse where it belongs. How weird.

Friday I realized I had an entire hour to get ready to go. I spent 45 minutes doing nothing and was pissed when I had to rush around the last 15.

Friday I had to reach waaaay up to help my "little" sister with her hair. Depressing.

I've been planning on going prom dress shopping with my friend on Saturday for weeks. Friday it occurred to me that I needed one too.

Friday I read my assigned section of "Hamlet" and was so into it that I kept going.

My Friday is average.

~Kendra

Pictures Only!

Read THIS post. Then (and only then, because there is evidence you may not have seen before) vote on the respective polls to the right ;)

A tag from my great friend in real life, Camellia! Answer the following questions in pictures only!

1. Favorite food?

2. Favorite drink?

3. Favorite movie?

4. Favorite TV show?

OR

5. Favorite book?

6. Favorite animal?

7. Favorite hobby?

8. Something that annoys you?

9. Worst hurt you've ever had?

10. Least favorite thing to do?

11. One thing you can't stand, but know you do, too?

12. Least favorite school subject?

13. If you could be anything, what would you be?

14. If you could live anywhere, where would you live?

15. What does your dream house look like?

16. What does your dream car look like?

17. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

18. What's one thing you want to do before you die?

19. What's your dream vacation?

20. What's your biggest goal in life?

(Click to enlarge.)

I tag anyone who wants to do it! Just let me know so I can come see it! :D

~Kendra

Finally. Maybe.

You might remember when I took driver's ed.
You might remember when this guy lost my certificate.
You might remember when the Department of Non-Public Education messed up our paperwork.
You might remember that we had to order my birth certificate because we couldn't find it.
You might remember that it took 8 weeks to arrive.

Nearly two years later than normal, I'm going to get my driver's permit today. Theoretically. I'm hesitant to even say anything because I'm really, really, really, really, really, REALLY afraid I might fail. Like, legitimately.

*sigh* We'll see. Prayers wouldn't be out of order :)

~Kendra

What's Up With Me

So. Hey :)

I've been thinking and evaluating and struggling with some things lately. Some of it's academic, some of it's personal, and some of it's creative. This year, you know, my goal is to be more myself. To become more the person I feel like I'm supposed to be. Lately I've been feeling like I have to choose between being myself and keeping up with certain aspects of school.

God has blessed me with two facets to my personality: academic and creative. Normally, they coexist fine, but more and more, I've been feeling like they...well...can't.

I can keep up with my school work. I can do great. I can be a model student and get straight A's and tell you everything you want to know about Nietzsche and his Ubermensch, but when I sit down to write, I've got nothing. Nothing.

For a while I dismissed it as a phase. Writer's block. Um, really LONG writer's block...a year and half's worth of writer's block, and getting worse every day...

In 2008, I read 40 books. In 2009, I read 39 books. In 2010, I read 20. Counting school books.

I stopped journaling. I stopped wanting to call my best friend. I got about eight colds in six months. I started putting on an act 24/7 of being the same Happy Healthy Fun Creative Kendra I've always been. I wasn't really very happy anymore, but I figured hey, I was making good grades and that's what counts.

I was beginning to think that I'd have to make a choice, and I knew I had already decided. Writing is who I am, reading is what keeps me going, but it's not what the world (or my parents, I thought) cares about. I can't even tell you the number of times my mom has told me to "stop working on my story and get back to my schoolwork."

Eventually I could do that for myself, and a little too well. I stopped writing because I didn't have time. I figured I could pick it up sometime when I did.

But guys, it doesn't work that way. You use it, or you lose it. I was losing it and I didn't know what to do. I made time for writing, but the words wouldn't come because I was so stressed out about what I SHOULD be doing. Even when I had legitimate "free-time," all I could do was veg out in front of the TV or click around on the internet because books didn't interest me, my words wouldn't come. I resigned myself to giving up creativity, and although it felt like cutting off my right arm, I was already halfway there.

When this year started, I knew I needed to do something. I was becoming dangerously angry and jealous of the homeschooled friends who had time just to enjoy being alive. I would read blogs and want to tear my hair out, thinking "Why can't I be her/him?" I was doing well in school, but completely miserable and losing myself in the sea of dates, atoms, charts, conjugations and theorems.

Good grades definitely count. Especially when you're (please excuse the potential arrogance) really blessed in the intelligence area and are 150% dedicated to getting into Wake Forest University. Good grades do count. A lot.

But is the syllabus more important than my soul?

I always thought homeschooling was about doing what was right for you, not about teaching to test or squeezing you into a system. I know God wants me to do my best and stretch my mind, but at what expense? I don't think he wants me to sacrifice my creative side for my academic side. I think there's a way for them to work together...maybe? Hopefully?

I finally breached the subject with my parents a few days ago. I tried to explain how I feel. Honestly, I didn't expect a great reaction. I expected something along the lines of, "Kendra, you're just being lazy because you're struggling in subjects that don't come naturally to you. Stop daydreaming and hit the books and everything will clear up soon."

But that didn't happen. My parents listened to me and took me seriously. We didn't argue and we actually understood each other.

That conversation definitely goes in the top three Must-Have-Been-God moments of my life.

We arrived at a pretty simple solution:

- We're ordering an algebra curriculum on DVD that I can do every day.
- I'm postponing chemistry until this summer. Without a background in algebra 2, chemistry is borderline impossible.

It doesn't sound like much, does it? But the way I feel is a 180 degree turn-around. I used to sleep until 10 o'clock because waking up was just too stressful and depressing. I used to write a total of 0 words a week. I used to be frustrated and didn't get alone with my parents very well.

It's been four days and I've gotten up earlier, feeling excited and so much full of ME. I've written more in my notebooks than I did all of last summer. I like my parents.

I just feel good. I feel like I'm enjoying life. I feel like I might try to do chemistry today just because I feel like I can.

I know this was a really long post, and possibly not something you're interested in, but I just felt like posting about it. I guess I sort of want insight. Do you think I did the right thing? I feel good, but every once in a while a shadow falls across me and I wonder if I should have just kept things the way they were and tried harder...

Comments are great... :)

~Kendra

Resolution

Happy Second Day of Twenty-Eleven! How was your first day? Did you notice the date?

1.1.11

I thought that was pretty sweet, but then again, I'm easily amused.

This year, I have a lot of little resolutions, but in general, my goal is very simple (and not particularly original): be myself.

I go through ups and downs in "being myself." 2010 was not an especially good year for being myself. It's not that I lied or was fake or tried to be someone I wasn't, it's just that...I was being the wrong parts of myself and not looking at the big picture.

Of course, 2010 was also just a growing year. I might not have been completely myself, but I did a lot of experimenting and learning and stretching. I learned what works for me and what I'm like and where my limits are.

You know, when I think about like this, 2010 really wasn't that bad. I'm not upset to say goodbye, but it actually wasn't a bad year. I had lots of Firsts (and several Onlys) and discovered that I love eyeliner, hate chemistry and can, in fact, tolerate guys screaming in movies (which will come in handy with the Harry Potter movies, I think).

Long story short, while I wasn't as successful at being ME in 2010, I did make a lot of discoveries about who I am that should help me become more the person God wants me to be in 2011 :)

More on that later.

~Kendra

~Sad Songs~

When I was little, I hated sad songs.

And when I say "hate," I mean "LEGIT. HATRED." If I heard the first note of "Christmas Shoes" on the radio, it was off before the sound had time to register with anyone else. Just about any country sound was taboo, and the general category of Sad Love Songs was banned from my presence.

It's not that I was a controlling little devil (although maybe I was), I just couldn't deal with sad songs. My heart would start to get smaller and tighter and my throat would squeeze and I'd feel warm wetness in the back of my eyes and an uncontrollable need to curl up and die would overtake me.

I heard "Christmas Shoes" ONCE and spent that entire Christmas alternately crying in my room because I thought my mother was going to die. True story.

Now, I love sad songs.

I buy them on iTunes, search them out on my iPod, have playlists for them, put them on in the car. My sister hates me for it, but I figure she'll come around eventually like I did.

Instead of sad songs ruining my day (or possibly my ENTIRE CHRISTMAS SEASON) the way they used to, they fill my soul. Isn't that weird way to say it? But it's true. Something inside me swells with emotion until I think I might burst. The truth and tragedy resonate with me. Sad songs inspire me to write with passion; they pull my emotions together into a breathtaking bundle. They make me feel something beautiful.

I'm not sure when the change happened, or why. I've always been a very emotional person. I don't mean that I cry a lot or am a drama queen. I actually don't cry very often and I pride myself on dry humor.

I mean that when I'm happy, the whole world is beautiful and alive and nothing can stop me. When I'm sad, everything I am dips into a well of despair filled to the top with all the misfortune and cruelty in the world. When I'm angry, everything is tinged in red and channels of passion course through my veins, giving me strength to make a change.

I feel everything strongly. No matter what the emotion is, I am all over it. Full-force, completely, nothing halfway about it.

I think when I was little, I was afraid of my emotions. I knew how powerful my sadness was, so I ran from it, blocked it out, avoided it at all cost. Somewhere along the line, I began to realize how beautiful emotions are. The stronger they are, the more potential for beauty, for inspiration. Not to say that emotions should control you--you must be sure that YOU are in control of THEM--but that you shouldn't fear them.

You miss 100% of the shots you never take. No pain, no gain. The bigger the risk, the bigger the success. You can never win unless you're willing to try.

If you run from your feelings, you'll never know just how beautiful they can be.
~~~~~~~~~
[Due to miscounting on my part, I'm going to have to do more than 30 Things a day for the next three days, because I want to end on Thanksgiving :)]

Questions (all originals, btw XD):
361. When witnesses are asked if they will tell the whole truth in court, what happens if they say no?
362. How do British schools teach about the Revolutionary War?
363. Do Mexicans think about Spain the way Americans think about England?
364. Why do only guys go bald?
365. How important does a person have to be before they're "assassinated" and not just "murdered"?
366. How were cuss words invented?
366. Do other countries celebrate Thanksgiving?
368. Why is it now more of a girl thing to have long hair? I mean, originally, guys AND girls did.
369. What is the big deal with those nerdy glasses this days?
370. Why is it that when I try to think of them, all the awesome questions I have go away?

RANDOM FACTS
371. Saturday mail delivery in Canada was eliminated by Canada Post on February 1, 1969!
372. In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes!
373. There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo!
374. Should there be a crash, Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane as a precaution!
375. Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!
376. The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card!
377. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos!
378. There is one slot machine in Las Vegas for every eight inhabitants!
379. Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500!
380. The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!


Answer to the "How Well Do You Know Me" Quiz:
381. B
382. A
383. D
384. A
385. A
386. C
387. D
388. A
389. B
390. There were only 9 questions... :3

Most Visited Sites on My Computer
391. Yahoo!
392. Gmail
393. Blogger
394. Facebook
395. Google
396. Youtube
397. Wikipedia
398. Stumble
399. Fandango
400. Twitter

~KeNdRa

Exploring the Forbidden Halls

Today, I went to class with the rest of my family. At my "school," preschool through 10th grade meets on Tuesdays, and my lonely little class of juniors meets on Wednesday. Normally, I stay home on Tuesdays, but I decided to go hang out around the school today. Sometimes my friends will drop by, and some of the "lowerclassmen" are pretty cool anyway XD

Sure enough, some of my friends showed up, and we even ended up going to Subway where our friend works for lunch. We got back from lunch at about 2 o'clock: math class time. Some kids don't take that math class, including Daniel S, so Amanda and I hung out with him until school was over.

We were bored and unsupervised, so we decided to explore. The school building is massive, and most of it's not even being used. There are lots of stairs and complicated hallways that connect and turn and end and lead to random double doors that lead to MORE hallways and stairs. It can be confusing when you're not used to it, but we mostly know our way around.

We went to the elementary school wing and reminisced for a while, went to the office and dodged the scary administration people, poked around in the vending area. On our way back, we decided to go through what I like to call the "Forbidden Hallway."

I don't know that it's actually forbidden, and I don't say that out loud, but it has a great ring to it, doesn't it? It really looks like a Forbidden Hallway.

For one thing, it's unfinished. The floor is some kind of black stuff that looks like it's been scratched up. For another thing, it's really long. You walk through the double doors and you're met with a long, dark hallway that ends in another set of doors waaaaay off in the distance. On either side of the hall, there are empty doors, offering all sorts of ghouls. It's perfectly quiet, but the echo is unbelievable. It's like you can hear every breath bounce off the walls. It's also frigid.

It's dark, lonely, long, cold, creepy, and full of echos. I pretty much love it. I wonder if they'll ever finish it?

So Amanda and Daniel S and I hung out there for a while, poking in the classrooms (the group of scarecrow children nearly gave us a heart attack), whispering, listening to our footsteps change sounds as they bounced down the hall.

After a while we explored the quiet upper floors we'd never had a chance to as kids.

It was a pretty cool afternoon. I like just chilling with my friends. Not even doing anything. Just being with them is fun.

Things About Blogging...
151. It’s like my online journal.
152. I never feel alone.
153. I love finding people with common interests.
154. You guys cheer me up!
155. Decorating ~CD~ helps get me into the spirit of things.
156. Blogging made me realize how much I love Christmas!
157. I hate word verifications on blog comments.
158. I promise never to put hidden auto-start music on my blog XD
159. Getting followers used to be really important to me.
160. Now I just like being myself and meeting great people :)

20 Random Things About Me:
161. I cannot stand the word “chick” when referring to a girl. It’s degrading. Unless, you're using it in a degrading way on purpose, and then, of course, you picked the right word XD
162. I’m allergic to peanuts.
163. I love to run, but I’m out of shape so it sucks.
164. I hate ravioli.
165. I have a serious fear of food poisoning and tapeworms.
166. The closer to and more comfortable I am with you, the more sarcastic and “mean” I can be. I think this is because if I feel safe with you, I feel like I don’t have to worry about you starting to hate me when I’m a brat…or something twisted like that.
167. My hair is naturally this weird, ugly, half-curly thing.
168. I live next to a lake. I can walk to it :D
169. I love Bojangles.
170. I have very eclectic taste in music.
171. I love As I Lay Dying.
172. I love learning.
173. Hilari Bell is the writer I think I admire the most (for her writing, I don’t know anything about her as a person).
174. I take random pictures of myself when I’m bored. And it makes me feel vain when I think about it.
175. I’m TERRIBLE at buying gifts.
176. I hate the shows Suite Life of Zack and Cody and Suite Life on Deck.
177. I write lots of unsent letters.
178. I dislike wearing sunglasses. They make me feel like a diva.
179. Begging is just not my style.
180. Watching people spit out their toothpaste (or even seeing myself do it) disgusts me beyond belief.

~Kendra

Culture Honor and the Civil War

I have a essay due on Wednesday. Anything from chapters 7-9 of my history book, which covers the years up to the Civil War, and the Civil War. I've chosen to do my paper on why the south decided to fight.

You may say the reason for fighting was slavery, and I agree in part, but I think there's a lot more to it than that. Sure, the south wanted to keep its slaves, but I don't think that was the root issue or why most southerners fought.

"Why are you fighting this war?" Union troops asked a captured southern soldier.
"Because you're down here," the soldier replied.

I believe that most southern soldiers fought not to keep their slaves, but out of loyalty, out of cultural honor. Someone challenges you, invades your land and threatens your way of life. If you are a southerner, what do you do?

Fight, obviously.

I'm against slavery. I hope everyone reading this knows that! It's unchristian, unfair and wrong. But if I had been a boy during the time of the Civil War? I would have fought for the Confederacy, no doubt.

It's difficult to explain my feelings, but I think a lot of my southern friends can understand. There's something that runs deep, really deep in southerners; something that makes us fight for our family and friends; something that rears up when someone attacks our character; something that will not stand by and let our land be taken.

Whatever "that" is, I think, was a bigger reason for fighting than slavery. But what is "it"?

That's what I've decided to write my paper on.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Southerners Are...
121. Extremely competitive
122. Naturally rebellious
123. Intensely patriotic
124. Fiercely independent
125. Passionately loyal
126. Steadfastly honorable
127. Impressively good shots
128. Unfailingly polite
129. Proudly territorial
130. Always charming ;)

Strange/Crazy Things I've Done (thanks, Izori!)
131. Ride cross-legged on the top of a pickup truck.
132. Wear two kinds of eyeliner at once
133. Go out in public in my Wacky Tacky Day attire (It was for school, and I decided not to change so I could see all the weird looks it would get me.)
134. Wink at a random guy at the fair (He ran into a prize tent >.> My bad.).
135. Go up to a random guy and ask if he tried to figure girls out.
136. Ask the man who works the counter at the bowling alley if he could please blow up my ball, I thought it was flat.
137. Challenge a friend to a heated debate at a Christmas party
138. Feed the dog in the snow without shoes on
139. Fall off a cliff in the dark
140. Be a boot for Halloween.

Things I Stand For
141. God
142. Freedom
143. The right to speak freely
144. Equality
145. The right to bear arms
146. Justice
147. The right to challenge the government
148. Individuality
149. My country
150. And, of course, southern honor XD

~Kendra

"I'm southern and proud of it. I think all southerners are. I mean, if you're not proud of it, you're not really southern."

Proof of Depth

I feel like I've been talking/posting a lot about hot guys lately. I mean, just look at my Celebrity Crushes list a couple of posts back. Jeremy Sumpter, Hayden Christensen and Michael J. Fox have been in daily conversation for about a week now. Their characters have been elevated in my mind. I was starting to feel terrifyingly shallow.

Then I watched "Troy" last night.

Ever seen it? Well, it's about, um, Troy. The ancient city. And their war against the Greeks. It has Brad Pitt (ehh) and Orlando Bloom (wowowmakesmylist). Trojan prince Paris (Orlando Bloom) kidnaps the Greek queen, Helen. The Greek king calls upon this unbelievable warrior named Achilles (Brad Pitt) to help the Greeks defeat the Trojans.

It was a fairly good movie; not AMAZING in my humble opinion, but fairly entertaining. It definitely elicited some emotional responses from me (actually only one: anger). There's only one real man in the entire movie, and the others make me so sick I wish they'd all get run through.

Orlando Bloom plays just such a sickening man.

I won't spoil what he does for anyone who hasn't seen the movie, but he does the #1 most cowardly thing I've ever seen a man do in a movie. I actually jumped off the couch with a shocked, "WHAT?!" (My dad can attest.) I hated that Prince Paris with a passion. (Okay, so I strongly disliked his guts for the three-hour span of the movie.)

BUT. Something good came out of all that. I had proof for myself that I was not becoming entirely shallow XD I can honestly say that Orlando Bloom's gorgeous face meant nothing to me when paired with his character's despicable personality. And that was a relief.

Things I Love (there are 30, so only one category today :D):
91. Happy Days (the TV show)
92. Cheez-Its
93. Eyeliner
94. Reading
95. Indian (Bollywood, not Native American) culture
96. Writing
97. Dancing
98. Music
99. “Aladdin”
100. Peter Pan
101. Awesome guy characters
102. That 70s Show (Don’t judge me ;P)
103. Emo makeup
104. Green
105. Ice cream
106. Fonzie
107. Greek culture
108. Making people look twice
109. Puns
110. Music in a minor key
111. Rice Krispy Treats
112. Christmas
113. Summer
114. Egyptian Culture
115. Eyes
116. Brothers
117. Winking
118. Car trips
119. Disney World
120. Going barefoot

~Kendra

Kendra's 500 Begins!

*FANFARE PLAYS*

WOOOOOT! Can you believe it?? ~Carpe Diem!~ is two years old! It's a toddler! It's speaking in full sentences! Soon it should hit the terrible twos...um...great...

But it's also the 500th Post Celebration!!!

Do you know what this means?????questionmark?

I gotta post 500 of something. I'll spend hours and hours trying to figure out things that would hold your attention and interest you and not seem narcissistic.

And then you won't actually READ all 500 things anyway...>.>

SO.

I got to thinking.

What if I milked this a little? What if I spread my 500 things over the course of a couple of weeks? Give it to you in pieces that wouldn't require you to pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, buckle down and stay glued to my blog for an hour and a half?

I figured, that might be nice.

I've put my 500 things into convenient little bundles of 10. I have 50 different categories of awesome, so what if I post, say, 3 a day for a little while?

Yes, I realize this would have been better if I'd had a COUNTDOWN to my 500th post instead of STARTING this at the big five-oh-oh, but hey, good ideas can come better late than never, right? :D

Also, this smaller-bits-at-a-time idea is NOT a result of Kendra waiting until 11:12 at night to think of 500 freaking things.

I hope you're not mad :( I honestly do have 355 things already. Only about 150 to think of.

Anyway, without further adeu, the first 3 categories in Kendra's 500...

*drumroll* (<-- Does that hurt your eyes? 'Cause it hurts my eyes.)


Things I Am
1. Friendly
2. Stubborn
3. Ambitious
4. Persuasive
5. A writer
6. Unique
7. Confusing
8. Complicated
9. A screw-up
10. A Christian

Things I'm Not
11. A jealous person
12. A fake
13. Dull
14. Wishy-washy
15. A touchy-feely person
16. A Justin Bieber fan
17. A Justin Bieber hater
18. Quiet
19. Stupid
20. Normal

I Plan On...
21. Going to Wake Forest
22. Majoring in political science
23. Minoring in philosophy
24. Getting married
25. Having kids
26. Writing
27. Arguing
28. Staying up late
29. Making mistakes
30. Living for God

Hopefully, I'll see you next time, when Kendra's 500 continues!

How Well Do You Know Me?

Y'all have really good ideas for the 500 post celebration! I'm definitely gonna use those...If you have more, comment! :D

So, I made this quiz on Facebook, but it looks like it got messed up -_- I tried the link, and it's wrong...Or something. 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

So, at the risk of sounding narcissistic, I'm going to post it here XD If you feel like taking it, leave a comment :) I'll let you know how you did. It's pretty hard, so I won't be offended if you get a lot incorrect, haha XD

1) What was the first Linkin Park song I ever heard?
a. In the End
b. Papercut
c. New Divide
d. Breaking the Habit

2) What's something unusual that I like?
a. Nightmares
b. Hiccups
c. Brussel sprouts
d. Ruffles

3) Who are my two favorite presidents?
a. Washington and Reagan
b. Jefferson and Lincoln
c. Washington and Lincoln
d. Jefferson and Reagan

4) What upsets me the most?
a. Being lied to
b. People being late
c. People spreading rumors
d. Getting a bad grade

5) Where do I want to go to college?
a. Wake Forest
b. William and Mary
c. Somewhere in Florida!
d. Highpoint

6) What have I written the most of (completed)?
a. Stories
b. Short stories
c. Poems
d. Songs

7) If I were going to dye my hair, what color would I dye it?
a. Black
b. I'd try blonde, but it probably wouldn't work.
c. I'd get highlights.
d. Reddish brown

8) What's my favorite sport to watch?
a. Soccer
b. Basketball
c. Football
d. Tennis

9) What is my hair like naturally?
a. It's basically straight.
b. Wavy, neither curly or straight. Ugh.
c. Curly -_-
d. Frizzy.

I had ten questions on the Facebook one, but now I can't remember them all! Oh well XD

~Kendra

Childhood Choices

When I was little, I wanted to be a famous singer (as well as the first woman president, an orphanage keeper, and an artist). The "famous" part was very important. I would bring CDs of songs I wanted to sing to church. After the service, I would play the CD through the sound system and use the microphones to live my dream.

I stared a singing group called Triple G (God's Girls Group) and made sign-up sheets for it and put them on the Information Desk at church. Members of the group came and went a lot, mostly due to the fact that I was what you might call a Bossy Little Snit at times XD

Although I wasn't singing to God for the right reasons, I learned a lot through all that. I learned that you can't treat people like crap and expect them to do what you say. I learned that true friends are the ones that will still love you even when you're being a jerk. I learned that not ALL grown-ups take people 2ft. shorter than them as a joke. I learned how to make things happen and persevere. I learned a lot of good Christian artists.

I recently rediscovered my #1 favorite artist of my Triple G club years: Rebecca St. James.

I must admit that even as a very strange child, I had pretty good taste in music. When I decided to go back listen to some of the "Transform" CD, I was prepared to be underwhelmed. But I still love some of the songs! They remind me of awesome times, and the sound is really cool. "Reborn", "One" and "Lean On" are still my favorites.

I also discovered that I freaking love Rebecca St. James' sense of style. Dude. I really picked a good singer to look up to.

~Kendra

To Pierce or Not to Pierce

That is the question. I'm searching the depths of this cosmic world for the answer.

AKA, my internet buddies XD

As of now, this is what my ears look like:
Plain. Unimpaled. Virgin. Unscathed. Whole.

See also "unpierced".

Thus we come to the deep, philosophical question I'm struggling with: Should I pierce them or not?

So far I've left them untouched because I don't think piercing them is worth it. It's girly, I'm not. It involves jewelry, something I don't even wear. It would be a hassle, and if I don't even care, why bother? It's just something extra to keep track of and remember (and clean twice daily for four-to-six-weeks).

My 13-year-old sister Lizzy votes to pierce them. Actually, she votes "PLEEEEEASE DO IT! DOITDOITDOIT, JUST DOIT." I vote "Ehhhh....I dunno."

I sort of feel like I might as well, to open up the option of earrings if I ever wanted them. If I end up hating the hassle, I can always just keep some plain studs in and forget about it. Or let the wholes grow over. But then again, if I'm going to end up not caring/hating it, why do it in the first place?

So you see my dilemma. Assistance would be greatly appreciated XD What are you thoughts? Do you have pierced ears? Do you like them? Do you have "virgin ears"? (XD) Do you like them? Pros of ear-piercing, cons of ear-piercing...Share your thoughts! I've been debating this for months...

~Kendra

Enthusiam & AILD

I’ve been crazy this week. Just really pumped about everything, really WILD. Everything I do recently, I get really into. Like right now, I’m really into this music. Like, I can’t even explain it. I’ve always *liked* music, and even lately liked it more, but right now, I love it. I love it so much.

As I Lay Dying is blasting through my M&M earbuds at a volume that may do permanent damage, and I could not be happier. I love this. I love this so much. It makes me feel better than good, it makes me feel alive (irony ftw) and happy and pumped and wild.

And like I have to be able to do this.

I need to be able to play guitar like that. I need to be able to scream. And you know what?
Right now, I’m convinced that I could.

Maybe I can, maybe I’m fooling myself. But there’s only one way to find out, right? And I intend to find out.

Our selfishness consumes us
Until the whole world is not enough
Forgive the day that I erased your name
For it's the memory of me that will decay.
~ "Forsaken" by As I Lay Dying

I've seen my world change
And then go back to where it came.
~ "I Never Wanted" by As I Lay Dying

~KeNDra

Identity Crisis

Click to enlarge.
~Kendra...I think.

Growing Up (unedited)

I used to be funner, lighter, less dark. I used to think about different things. I used to read. And write.

It's probably just a growing up thing. But it's weird. It's weird to think about graduating in two years, and then comes the rest of my life, just like that. I'll be grown up. No more having other people help me or be responsible for me. "When I grow up" is just around the corner.

I don't even know how I'm supposed to do this.
I don't know how to do stuff.
And I like being a kid.

Why is this so hard?

~Kendra

25 Things

I did a tag on Facebook last night, and thought I'd bring it to the blog world! It's called 25 Things. You make a list of 25 random facts about yourself, and then tag 25 people you want to get to know better. I love doing these things and then reading what everyone else puts. Well, here goes!

25 Random Facts About Kendra
1. I cannot stand the word “chick” when referring to a girl. It’s degrading. Unless, of course, you’re using it in a degrading way, and then it’s fine :D

2. I'm allergic to peanuts.

3. I argue just for the heck of it.

4. I'm a dancer.

5. I have a serious fear of food poisoning and tapeworms.

6. My audio processing is zero. I can memorize by hearing, but not process. So, spelling anything to me is completely and utterly OUT, but I will be able to repeat it back to you forever.

7. I don't really like food.

8. I love music in a minor key. So much. It's crazy. I loooove it.

9. I wish more than a lot of things that I had a bigger family.

10. I'm a suspicious person.

11. I haver very eclectic taste in music.

12.Hilari Bell is the writer I think I admire the most (for her writing, I don’t know anything about her as a person).

13. I take random pictures of myself when I’m bored. And it makes me feel vain when I think about it.

14. I’m TERRIBLE at buying gifts.

15. I’m really unobservant.

16. Soccer is my favorite sport, but I’ve played basketball, tennis, tee ball, golf, softball, and dance (still do XD), too.

17. I write lots of unsent letters. It's how I roll.

18. I like giving advice

19. I dislike wearing sunglasses. They make me feel like a diva.

20. Almost everything about me has an exception—or a contradiction. I hate the word chick, but you can use it if you’re being degrading. I’m extremely NOT a touchy-feely person, but there are certain people that I do actually like hugging. I’m a cheapskate, but sometimes I just splurge. I’m not girly at all, but I love heels. I don’t like chick-flicks, but 27 Dresses is one of my favorite movies. And on and on and on.

21. Begging is just not my style.

22. I believe that people who pull “cute” to get their way should be slapped. If you can’t persuade someone with your words, you don’t deserve to get your way anyway.

23. Watching people spit out their toothpaste (or even seeing myself do it) disgusts me beyond belief.

24. Irony is WIN.

25. I believe the most powerful thing in the world is Words.

Now I tag...anyone who wants to do it! If you will, leave me a comment so I'll be sure not to miss your answers!

~Kendra

Dance (Rehearsal)

Today is my dance rehearsal! I'm very excited. I love dancing and I love performing. I don't get stage fright, and I love what I'm doing when I'm up there.

Everyone has that one thing that's amazing to them. I know I'm a writer, but I'm so much a dancer, too. This is going to be sooo cheesy, but when I'm dancing, nothing else matters. I might be depressed, but I don't feel that. I might have just pulled a muscle, but I don't feel that. I might be so tired I can barely breathe, but I don't feel that. When I'm dancing, all I hear is the music, all I feel is joy. Everything I am goes into the dance, and I could do it forever.

I love to dance.

The energy.
The music.
The beat.
The excitement.
The subconscious counting that tells you exactly where you are.
The intensity.
The joy.
The passion.
The fun.
The feeling of your body doing exactly what you tell it to.

I can't describe dancing, and maybe I've tried too hard. All I can say is that I love dancing, it's a part of me, and it's been shaping me for fourteen years.

~Kendra

Consumed

Well. Hello. I'm not doing very well lately. I usually try really hard to hide my hard times from Carpe Diem, but I feel like sharing today.

My worst times are the times that happen in my head. When bad things happen to me, I get frustrated and irritable, but I much prefer that to those times when it's all in my head. There's no escape. After all, wherever I go, there I am with me.

To put it all very simply, I'm not happy. I'm not satisfied. I'm just not happy. I don't know what to do. It's not that I need God. I mean, I do, but I'm doing fine with God. I'm happy there, and he's helping me. It's other than that. The thoughts that don't leave me alone. I think all the time. Even my dreams are bad.

Last night, I had the kind of dream that bothers me the most: a searching dream. I hate searching dreams. You never find what you expect. Either you never find what you're looking for, or you find something that's wrong. Like searching for you dog, and you find it, but it's got a disease. Or you're looking for a bathroom, and all the stalls are occupied. Or you're searching for a mirror, but when you find one, your reflection is all wrong.

Last night I was searching for a person. People are the worst, because they're, well, people. Everything about searching for a person seems ten times more realistic than searching for a mirror or something. Ten times more realistic, ten times more urgent, ten times more difficult, and ten times more awful. It was the pinnacle of my hidden bad times recently. I don't know.

I'm not trying to depress everyone, I'm not trying to say something profound, I'm not trying to teach a lesson, I'm not trying to drum up sympathy. I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm just typing.

~Kendra

P.S. A fellow-blogger named Jared Kraft is just getting started with a really cool music service for blogs. He writes theme music for you blog! The rates are very reasonable, too. Right now he's having a give-away where you can win a 2 minute theme song! To check out his blog, click on the button:



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