Carpe Diem

You may have noticed something (Okay, probably more than one something, but I'm talking about something specific XD):

My lack of blogging.

(Okay maybe you didn't XD But now that I've brought it to your attention...)

I love ~Carpe Diem~. Like, I think I might actually love it, like it's a person, an extension of myself. It's been a sounding board for new ideas, my journal for good times and bad, a venue for meeting some of the most amazing people, a way to document my life in fun and beautiful ways that I never would have been able to otherwise. I LOVE ~Carpe Diem~.

The name is perfect; Seize the day. Live, love, laugh, learn. To me, ~Carpe Diem~ represents growing up and changing and being excited about life. Even the templates have been happy and fresh.

So it feels kind of like my heart is breaking as I say that I think I'm finished here.

I'm so silly, I'm almost crying XD

(Dang, as I type, I'm not sure if I can go through with this.)

For some reason, there's been a distance growing between me and ~Carpe Diem~. Not a dislike, not a disinterest, just a distance. I'm growing up, but that's not quite what I mean. I've outgrown ~CD~ is more like it. I haven't matured out of it, I've grown out of it. I know that might sound like the same thing, but it isn't. Maturing would mean that I feel ~CD~ is below my thought level now, that it was cute while it lasted but I'm moving on. That is not how I feel.

I feel like ~CD~ represents a definite chapter of my life, of who I am, and that chapter is over.

Honestly (for you writers out there), it feels like I've finished a book. I'm heartbroken to leave it behind, but it's truly finished and it's time to move on. It'll always be there, and I'll reread it or maybe even work on it, but it's in the past now. I've finished it. I've out grown it and I'm ready to move on.

If I haven't made it obnoxiously obvious yet, I will now: I won't be posting on ~Carpe Diem~ anymore. I may post occasionally, but most likely it'll be memorial posts (~CD~'s birthday, MY birthday, holidays, etc.) and not a regular thing. At this point, I don't plan to ever come back to daily posting.

I love ~Carpe Diem~ dearly, and much more than anyone should love a blog, and I love all of you. I can't believe 137 people care about what I say! It's mind-boggling! Me? ME?? You want to read ME??

I've gotten really arrogant about the whole blog thing too, and I think that was what started the distance. I started caring too much about the number of followers and not enough about the real reason for blogging. I'm so sorry.

As hard as it is to make myself come to terms with this decision, I feel like it's almost been made for me. I grow up, I change, and those plain facts are out of my control. So this is goodbye. (Forget almost crying, I AM crying >.<) I honestly cannot thank you enough for being a part of this wonderful journey I've been on.

If you're interested in keeping up with me, I have something to tell you, but you need to email me: livinglovinglaughinglearning@gmail.com.

With much, much, MUCH love,
Kendra Logan

If You're Pushed for Time, Just Read the Italic Portion at the End

Wow, I've been terrible at posting. Like, really awful.

My birthday was great, I got four new books and the movie "Brigadoon." The books I got are "The Forest of Hands and Teeth," "Tex," "Incarceron" and "Across the Universe." I've read "Forest" and "Tex" and I'm on "Incarceron." I plan on posting some review-esque posts soon :)

I used to LOVE the movie "Brigadoon" when I was really little and we haven't been able to find it for years and years. We watched it the night of my birthday and it was really sweet :) Some lines and especially some songs brought back waves of childhood memories. The dancing in the movie is really great, too. I guess I was too little to appreciate that when I was five XD

Last Friday was the Father-Daughter Sweetheart Dance. It was basically like prom only with better music and dads instead of awkward guys. I had a blast :D Pictures possibly soon, my friend's dad took them and they haven't appeared on Facebook yet...

Yesterday, in case you don't know, was Valentine's Day :D I had a good one. We went out to dinner as a family + my grandma. The restaurant was actually the same one my dad and I had gone to before the Father-Daughter Dance. We saw the same cute waiter :3 He told me to have a good night. That may or may not have MADE my night...

I got to drive home :) Yes, in case I never officially said so, I got my permit :) I plan to post more on that later also...

So basically my life has been fine. Up until tonight. When something devastating happened (don't get too upset, I suppose I'm probably being a little melodramatic). First, a little back story.

Have you ever heard of the show Happy Days? If you haven't, you should watch it, because it's genius. It's set in the 50s and 60s and it's about this teenager named Richie and his friends. My personal favorite character is Fonzie, the greaser who's a shocking blend of freaking TOUGH and surprisingly profound.

Anyway, I started watching Happy Days every night at 10 o'clock around Thanksgiving when I was going through some internal crap XD It was so hilarious and fun and took my mind off things. I watched the two episodes and went to bed neatly at 11 o'clock. I went to bed happy and laughing over some of the lines.

If I was having a bad day, it was okay because I could watch Happy Days at 10 o'clock.
If I was stressed about school, I could make it through because I could watch Happy Days at 10 o'clock.
If I was struggling with what to do about something, there was a chance that I'd find wisdom in Happy Days at 10 o'clock.

Happy Days was something happy, something constant, something perfect and reliable that I could count on every night to make every day happy. Lately I've actually said during the day, "I'm so excited--Happy Days comes on tonight!"

XD I know, I'm a complete dork. But a happy one. This evening was great because I was looking forward to my daily dose of Fonzie and my close-second-favorite ChaChi. Good ol' reliable 10 o'clock rolled around and--

Holy mother of feathered cow gerbils. No Happy Days.

Yes. You read that right. No. Happy. Days. The show does not come on at good ol' reliable 10 o'clock, just in time for me to go to bed neatly at 11. No Fonzie. No ChaChi. No wisdom. No laughter. No happiness. Nothing to get me through the day or cheer me up.

I realize that it is only a TV show. I realize that it is not the end of the world. I realize that I really need to get a life outside of watching actors who are now pushing 50 years old IRL. But when I read "Next: Family Ties" I died a little inside. I am way more devastated than I should be.

I thought I could never hate Michael J. Fox.

I was wrong.

~Kendra

The Godfather

I watched "The Godfather" today. I've just been feeling in the mood to watch it lately. Maybe it was the references in "You've Got Mail." I dunno.

For those of you who don't know, it's a movie about gangs, basically. But at the same time, that is SO NOT what it's about. It's about family. It's about loyalty, honor and justice. The kind of loyalty those people stick to is incredible, and admirable. You stick up for you family, pay your debts, keep your promises and treat each other with respect. (There is a certain "or else" feeling to it, but that's beside the point XD)

Gangs are bad. I know. Killing is bad. Yes. Blackmail is wrong. It is. But if friends and family could show each other the same loyalty required in the Corleone family...wow. It would be incredible. You'd always have someone to go to, someone to talk to, someone to take your side. You'd never be alone.

"The Godfather" is one of my favorite movies. It's intense, it's a little violent (okay, so it's rated R), and calling it "lighthearted" would be about as accurate as calling Edward and Bella's relationship "healthy," but I love it. I really love it. It fills me with a fierce loyalty for my family, a passion for justice, and a will to plan carefully (along with an overwhelming desire for brothers, of course).

The point is, I think "The Godfather" is definitely a movie to see, so long as you can handle it, and the basic principles are ones that we can all draw from.

~Kendra

What's Up With Me

So. Hey :)

I've been thinking and evaluating and struggling with some things lately. Some of it's academic, some of it's personal, and some of it's creative. This year, you know, my goal is to be more myself. To become more the person I feel like I'm supposed to be. Lately I've been feeling like I have to choose between being myself and keeping up with certain aspects of school.

God has blessed me with two facets to my personality: academic and creative. Normally, they coexist fine, but more and more, I've been feeling like they...well...can't.

I can keep up with my school work. I can do great. I can be a model student and get straight A's and tell you everything you want to know about Nietzsche and his Ubermensch, but when I sit down to write, I've got nothing. Nothing.

For a while I dismissed it as a phase. Writer's block. Um, really LONG writer's block...a year and half's worth of writer's block, and getting worse every day...

In 2008, I read 40 books. In 2009, I read 39 books. In 2010, I read 20. Counting school books.

I stopped journaling. I stopped wanting to call my best friend. I got about eight colds in six months. I started putting on an act 24/7 of being the same Happy Healthy Fun Creative Kendra I've always been. I wasn't really very happy anymore, but I figured hey, I was making good grades and that's what counts.

I was beginning to think that I'd have to make a choice, and I knew I had already decided. Writing is who I am, reading is what keeps me going, but it's not what the world (or my parents, I thought) cares about. I can't even tell you the number of times my mom has told me to "stop working on my story and get back to my schoolwork."

Eventually I could do that for myself, and a little too well. I stopped writing because I didn't have time. I figured I could pick it up sometime when I did.

But guys, it doesn't work that way. You use it, or you lose it. I was losing it and I didn't know what to do. I made time for writing, but the words wouldn't come because I was so stressed out about what I SHOULD be doing. Even when I had legitimate "free-time," all I could do was veg out in front of the TV or click around on the internet because books didn't interest me, my words wouldn't come. I resigned myself to giving up creativity, and although it felt like cutting off my right arm, I was already halfway there.

When this year started, I knew I needed to do something. I was becoming dangerously angry and jealous of the homeschooled friends who had time just to enjoy being alive. I would read blogs and want to tear my hair out, thinking "Why can't I be her/him?" I was doing well in school, but completely miserable and losing myself in the sea of dates, atoms, charts, conjugations and theorems.

Good grades definitely count. Especially when you're (please excuse the potential arrogance) really blessed in the intelligence area and are 150% dedicated to getting into Wake Forest University. Good grades do count. A lot.

But is the syllabus more important than my soul?

I always thought homeschooling was about doing what was right for you, not about teaching to test or squeezing you into a system. I know God wants me to do my best and stretch my mind, but at what expense? I don't think he wants me to sacrifice my creative side for my academic side. I think there's a way for them to work together...maybe? Hopefully?

I finally breached the subject with my parents a few days ago. I tried to explain how I feel. Honestly, I didn't expect a great reaction. I expected something along the lines of, "Kendra, you're just being lazy because you're struggling in subjects that don't come naturally to you. Stop daydreaming and hit the books and everything will clear up soon."

But that didn't happen. My parents listened to me and took me seriously. We didn't argue and we actually understood each other.

That conversation definitely goes in the top three Must-Have-Been-God moments of my life.

We arrived at a pretty simple solution:

- We're ordering an algebra curriculum on DVD that I can do every day.
- I'm postponing chemistry until this summer. Without a background in algebra 2, chemistry is borderline impossible.

It doesn't sound like much, does it? But the way I feel is a 180 degree turn-around. I used to sleep until 10 o'clock because waking up was just too stressful and depressing. I used to write a total of 0 words a week. I used to be frustrated and didn't get alone with my parents very well.

It's been four days and I've gotten up earlier, feeling excited and so much full of ME. I've written more in my notebooks than I did all of last summer. I like my parents.

I just feel good. I feel like I'm enjoying life. I feel like I might try to do chemistry today just because I feel like I can.

I know this was a really long post, and possibly not something you're interested in, but I just felt like posting about it. I guess I sort of want insight. Do you think I did the right thing? I feel good, but every once in a while a shadow falls across me and I wonder if I should have just kept things the way they were and tried harder...

Comments are great... :)

~Kendra

Resolution

Happy Second Day of Twenty-Eleven! How was your first day? Did you notice the date?

1.1.11

I thought that was pretty sweet, but then again, I'm easily amused.

This year, I have a lot of little resolutions, but in general, my goal is very simple (and not particularly original): be myself.

I go through ups and downs in "being myself." 2010 was not an especially good year for being myself. It's not that I lied or was fake or tried to be someone I wasn't, it's just that...I was being the wrong parts of myself and not looking at the big picture.

Of course, 2010 was also just a growing year. I might not have been completely myself, but I did a lot of experimenting and learning and stretching. I learned what works for me and what I'm like and where my limits are.

You know, when I think about like this, 2010 really wasn't that bad. I'm not upset to say goodbye, but it actually wasn't a bad year. I had lots of Firsts (and several Onlys) and discovered that I love eyeliner, hate chemistry and can, in fact, tolerate guys screaming in movies (which will come in handy with the Harry Potter movies, I think).

Long story short, while I wasn't as successful at being ME in 2010, I did make a lot of discoveries about who I am that should help me become more the person God wants me to be in 2011 :)

More on that later.

~Kendra

Proof of Depth

I feel like I've been talking/posting a lot about hot guys lately. I mean, just look at my Celebrity Crushes list a couple of posts back. Jeremy Sumpter, Hayden Christensen and Michael J. Fox have been in daily conversation for about a week now. Their characters have been elevated in my mind. I was starting to feel terrifyingly shallow.

Then I watched "Troy" last night.

Ever seen it? Well, it's about, um, Troy. The ancient city. And their war against the Greeks. It has Brad Pitt (ehh) and Orlando Bloom (wowowmakesmylist). Trojan prince Paris (Orlando Bloom) kidnaps the Greek queen, Helen. The Greek king calls upon this unbelievable warrior named Achilles (Brad Pitt) to help the Greeks defeat the Trojans.

It was a fairly good movie; not AMAZING in my humble opinion, but fairly entertaining. It definitely elicited some emotional responses from me (actually only one: anger). There's only one real man in the entire movie, and the others make me so sick I wish they'd all get run through.

Orlando Bloom plays just such a sickening man.

I won't spoil what he does for anyone who hasn't seen the movie, but he does the #1 most cowardly thing I've ever seen a man do in a movie. I actually jumped off the couch with a shocked, "WHAT?!" (My dad can attest.) I hated that Prince Paris with a passion. (Okay, so I strongly disliked his guts for the three-hour span of the movie.)

BUT. Something good came out of all that. I had proof for myself that I was not becoming entirely shallow XD I can honestly say that Orlando Bloom's gorgeous face meant nothing to me when paired with his character's despicable personality. And that was a relief.

Things I Love (there are 30, so only one category today :D):
91. Happy Days (the TV show)
92. Cheez-Its
93. Eyeliner
94. Reading
95. Indian (Bollywood, not Native American) culture
96. Writing
97. Dancing
98. Music
99. “Aladdin”
100. Peter Pan
101. Awesome guy characters
102. That 70s Show (Don’t judge me ;P)
103. Emo makeup
104. Green
105. Ice cream
106. Fonzie
107. Greek culture
108. Making people look twice
109. Puns
110. Music in a minor key
111. Rice Krispy Treats
112. Christmas
113. Summer
114. Egyptian Culture
115. Eyes
116. Brothers
117. Winking
118. Car trips
119. Disney World
120. Going barefoot

~Kendra

A Little Life Update

I think the Scavenger Hunt is going off pretty well! So far, only two people have completed the Hunt though! All you Hunters better get a move on before Saturday rolls around and the Hunt is over! Thanks so much to everyone for participating :) It means a lot to me, and I hope you had fun!
~~~~~~~~~
Wow, that was a lot of exclamation points XD

Life's been interesting lately, but good. Very good. I was right about Junior Year being awesome. Honestly, school isn't bad at all. Last year was HORRIBLE, but this year is kind of...not. The only thing giving me trouble is chemistry, and I'm planning on understanding that...in the near future XD

American History was starting to be a living nightmare, but my teacher had a talk with us yesterday and explained that we were all taking too many notes. (At least some of us were XD I'm pretty sure some people haven't taken ANY XD) She told us how to outline the chapters less heavily, and so far it's going better.

I absolutely LOVE Spanish. Languages come sort of naturally to me, and Cassidy loves Spanish too, so we talk about it allllll the time :D It's great.

Shakespeare. Was. A. Genius. Oh my gosh! I love his writing! The way he phrased things was so perfect! So witty and ironic and funny. The subtleties in his writing are absolutely brilliant. I love this class.

I also have poetry, which is tacked onto Shakespeare. I didn't really do my poetry assignments until last week because I forgot about them. We're using the book "The Roar On the Other Side." The exercises are so cool. Basically, it's just learning how to write better and be creative, but I get SCHOOL CREDIT FOR IT :D It's helping me get over my seemingly-chronic writer's block too.

Math is...not bad. Not bad at all. One might even say good. One MIGHT even say that with tutoring and actual effort, I love math. One MIGHT say that. Not saying it's me.....I don't love math, I hate it......right......Oh crap XD I like it this year. All my years of profound hatred gone to waste... *sigh*

Philosophy is the love of my life, has been since 9th grade. It's awesome. I love my class, too. We're deep thinkers. I get more out of this class than possibly anything else.

This year my class is getting along really well. Normally, you have Group A and Group B. Group A appears to think themselves too good to associate with Group B, thereby removing themselves from the class whenever possible. Group B rolls their eyes and thinks Group A needs to get a life and stop treating people like dirt.

This year, there is only one group. There is no Us and Them, no A and B, no Good and Evil. We're just a class. We're just all friends. I absolutely love us this way. We haven't been like this since 8th grade. I know there's a lot of growing up going around. Personally, I decided I was just as much part of the problem as anyone. I was guilty of being conceited and exclusive too, so I decided to change that. I'm definitely not saying I'm responsible for the great class dynamics, just that I've been paying more attention to how I act this year.

And...Cavender might be coming to church this Sunday. I really want to see him. It's been a while.

~Kendra

The Great Pumpkin Shortage

So, "our" grocery store is Lowes Foods. We've watched the check-out guys grow up (Derek, you're awesome), learned to like the store brands, and know where everything is. I love Lowes Foods. But today, they deeply wounded and disappointed us.

Just kidding.

XD

They didn't have canned pumpkin! What in the world! It's September, it's practically fall, time to get out your orange-and-brown-themed napkins and apple cider and pecans and CANNED PUMPKIN. Stores break out Christmas stuff before you're finished eating the last of the Thanksgiving turkey. WHEREISTHEPUMPKIN?

*clears throat*

We opted to try our local grocery store, which is also awesome. I even wanted a job there this summer, but they were not hiring, even though multiple friends of mine mysteriously began working there... Do I count this against their awesome? Nope. They know our names and where we go to church and that I play soccer at the rec center. They were sure to have canned pumpkin.

They did not.

Has there been some pumpkin virus that's wiped out all those lovely orange gourds? Did the factory workers go on strike until someone addresses the issue of pumpkin cruelty? Did the aliens steal it all?

Reality check: None of the above.

Basically, it rained a lot in Illinois last year, which is bad for pumpkin-growing. Even worse, Illinois is where 95% of America's pumpkins come from. Although the pumpkin weather is okay now, apparently you have to wait for the pumpkins to get ready before they can be canned. We're still waiting.

Ergo, no canned pumpkin in stores. Like, at all.

It's supposed to be back soon, but I wish it would hurry up. I love pumpkin scones and gingerbread cake.

In the meantime, you can apparently use butternut squash as a substitute.

Who knew?

~Kendra

Unwanted Days

Well. Today has just not been good.

I was lonely.
I was distracted.
I felt very unwanted.

And realized something awful:

I'm trying my best at chemistry. And I'm still honestly confused.

This may sound arrogant, but I've never struggled in a school subject for any reason other than pure laziness. Sure, physical science and biology had their kick-my-butt moments, but that was because I'd gotten behind and shirked the work.

I'm completely caught up in chemistry. I've actually been putting in the time these first two weeks of school.

Yeah, only two weeks and I'm like O_o

*sigh* I don't know what to do. At least I'm actually trying. That oughta count for something in the end, right?

I wish the other parts of my life worked that way.

~Kendra

To Pierce or Not to Pierce? Biblical View

Wow! The feedback on To Pierce or Not to Pierce was great! Y'all are so awesome :) Thanks for giving me your opinions. It's helping me make my decision.

There was one particular comment I want to address specifically. One person wisely suggested that I turn to Bible for the answer (always the best place to start). A few verses this person suggested:

Leviticus 19:28
"Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD."

Deuteronomy 14:1
"You are the children of the LORD your God. Do not cut yourselves or shave the front of your heads for the dead."

Genesis 35
"And they gave unto Jacob all the strange gods which were in their hand, and all their earrings which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem."

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

Lots of information there! I have trouble knowing where to start XD

First, I'd like to point out a pattern in the verses (well, one of them): They come primarily from the Old Testament. Why is that? Well, it's because back then, there were TONS of rules to follow to make Christians "clean". It's unbelievable! If you read those early books of the Bible, it's staggering to see the lists of rules the Israelites were expected to follow. You might even say it was impossible. Why would God give people so many rules that were so difficult to follow?

I think one of the biggest reasons is simply because it's impossible. God wanted the Israelites to realize how impossible it was to be perfect, how much they needed God and his forgiveness.

For years and years and YEARS it went on like that. People tried to follow all the rules (even the ones about clipping your beard, braiding your hair, and piercing your ears) all the time. Then something cool happened:

Jesus came.

Jesus wiped away all the rules but two:

Love God.
Love your neighbors.

(If you follow those two commandments, the other Ten Commandments kind of naturally follow anyway.)

This is one reason why Jesus made people so angry.

WHAT??? This trouble-maker says we don't have to wash our hands before every meal. HOW DARE HE?

Etc.

See, when Jesus came, HE was the perfect sacrifice! By dying for our sins, he took away the burden of trying to be perfect. We don't have to follow all the Old Testament rules to be good Christians. Jesus took care of that burden for us :) It's all good.

There is one verse from the New Testament:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

I really like this verse. But I don't think it means that piercing your ears is wrong. Piercing ears does not dishonor God. It's simple a fun way to show your personality. To show who you are, how God made you, a way to express yourself! We should always honor God with our bodies, but I see that as more what you physically do. Honor God by opening the door for people. Honor God by not reacting in sudden violence. Honor God by using your hands for His glory. Things like that :)

The Bible is the best place to look for answers. It's our instruction manual, our map for life, God speaking to us! But it's also really important to make sure you understand all the details behind the text.

~Kendra

To Pierce or Not to Pierce

That is the question. I'm searching the depths of this cosmic world for the answer.

AKA, my internet buddies XD

As of now, this is what my ears look like:
Plain. Unimpaled. Virgin. Unscathed. Whole.

See also "unpierced".

Thus we come to the deep, philosophical question I'm struggling with: Should I pierce them or not?

So far I've left them untouched because I don't think piercing them is worth it. It's girly, I'm not. It involves jewelry, something I don't even wear. It would be a hassle, and if I don't even care, why bother? It's just something extra to keep track of and remember (and clean twice daily for four-to-six-weeks).

My 13-year-old sister Lizzy votes to pierce them. Actually, she votes "PLEEEEEASE DO IT! DOITDOITDOIT, JUST DOIT." I vote "Ehhhh....I dunno."

I sort of feel like I might as well, to open up the option of earrings if I ever wanted them. If I end up hating the hassle, I can always just keep some plain studs in and forget about it. Or let the wholes grow over. But then again, if I'm going to end up not caring/hating it, why do it in the first place?

So you see my dilemma. Assistance would be greatly appreciated XD What are you thoughts? Do you have pierced ears? Do you like them? Do you have "virgin ears"? (XD) Do you like them? Pros of ear-piercing, cons of ear-piercing...Share your thoughts! I've been debating this for months...

~Kendra

Pool Faith

Hey! Well, so far, there are some AWESOME family stories!!! Y'all, this is EXACTLY what I had in mind! You guys are freaking amazing! :D I laughed out loud. Your families are pretty awesome XD

For any sad souls who don't know what I'm talking about, I'm having a crazy family stories contest. Read this post for details!

Today the sermon was cool. Our pastor compared the different styles of faith, to the way we play in the pool!

Are you the kind of person who jumps right in?
Or are you one of those people who steps in one step at a time?
Or maybe you're someone who just sits on the edge and dangles their feet in the water?

That's how it is with faith and God. Some people just want to dive right in! They want all of God, more of God, they're so excited!

Some people are more slow-moving. They don't take things all at once, they like to ease in and explore God little by little. They're more cautious.

Then there are some people who only want a very little bit of God. Just enough to keep them headed to Heaven and away from Hell. They don't necessarily want God all up in their business, but he's a good hobby. They just want to feel the cool pool water, but not much else.

The first and second styles are just different, I think, but there's something to watch out for in the third. We don't want to be those people who want "just enough" of God. We should want to dive in, or at least eventually be surrounded by God's power!

After all, when you look around the pool, who's having the most fun? The jumper-inners, or the foot-danglers? XD

~Kendra

The Weekend

Shopping
Brothers
iPod
Beastly nails
Allergies
Church
Go-karts
Brothers
Sisters
Corn
Spiritual Gifts
Sleep
Laundry
Extra family
Barf-esque face masks
Pictures
Grown Ups
The Matrix
Pizza
Reading
Beastly toe nails
Lasagna

And too much thinking.

~Kendra

My Daybook: Week {Lucky} 13

Date: 7.10.10
Starting time: 7:44pm
Mood: Indifferent.
Outside my window: It's really nice :)
I'm thinking: I'm trying to do this FB status thing.
I'm reading: "Black and White". I borrowed it from Brianna.
I'm listening to: "Going Under" by Evanescence
I'm wearing: Jean shorts and a tank top that looks kind of paint-splattered.
Yesterday, I: Had the last day of VBS and had friends over at the lake.
I'm excited for: I feel like there was something...but I can't remember it now :-/
I'm sad because: Nothing new.
I'm hungry for: Not hungry.
The song stuck inside my head is: "Going Under" 'cause I'm listening to it.
I want: I my allergies to stop bothering me.
I love: This weather.
I loathe: Crane flies.
This week, my goal is: CARPE DIEM!
Ending time: 8:17pm

~Kendra

Enthusiam & AILD

I’ve been crazy this week. Just really pumped about everything, really WILD. Everything I do recently, I get really into. Like right now, I’m really into this music. Like, I can’t even explain it. I’ve always *liked* music, and even lately liked it more, but right now, I love it. I love it so much.

As I Lay Dying is blasting through my M&M earbuds at a volume that may do permanent damage, and I could not be happier. I love this. I love this so much. It makes me feel better than good, it makes me feel alive (irony ftw) and happy and pumped and wild.

And like I have to be able to do this.

I need to be able to play guitar like that. I need to be able to scream. And you know what?
Right now, I’m convinced that I could.

Maybe I can, maybe I’m fooling myself. But there’s only one way to find out, right? And I intend to find out.

Our selfishness consumes us
Until the whole world is not enough
Forgive the day that I erased your name
For it's the memory of me that will decay.
~ "Forsaken" by As I Lay Dying

I've seen my world change
And then go back to where it came.
~ "I Never Wanted" by As I Lay Dying

~KeNDra

Identity Crisis

Click to enlarge.
~Kendra...I think.

Hey :)

I am forcing myself to blog. Because I've been neglecting poor little Carpe Diem. But in a way I guess that shows a good thing? That I'm Carpe-ing my Diem and not on the computer as much?

What have I been up to lately. Hmm.

Well, on Tuesday I went to Cassidy's 18th birthday party! We went to a hotel and swam and ate and talked. Then we went to the midnight premier of Eclipse! It was actually very good. It stuck to the book beautifully, and Kristin Stewart only sucked mostly instead of completely XD Edward even had a couple of parts where I didn't hate his guts. And Jacob was awesome.

There was just one thing.

Here.

Yeah. The movie opens with a guy screaming his lungs out. And then there are like four more times with guys shrieking bloody murder. I was like O.O *crumples in the seat*

XD Amanda and Kirsten, the girls I was sitting with, weren't aware of my...issue. It was kind of funny.

Other than that, quite a good movie XD

After the movie, we went back to the hotel and hung out and ate stuff and talked. We went to bed around 4:30 and woke up at 8:30 to go eat continental breakfast. I had a really awesome time, even though there were no blueberry muffins D: Isn't that, like, a hotel-breakfast-standard? Apparently not :'(

Today, Daniel, David, this girl named Alden, her FREAKING AWESOME six-year-old brother named Elijah, and some other people came over and we hung out at the lake all day. I got tanner :D WooT! We also watched "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". Great movie XD

So, the past few days have been awesome. Which is good, because the days before that sucked.

I'm beginning to see a pattern. Horrible, great, horrible, great, horrible, great. Whatever happened to days that were in the middle? Hmm. *shrug*

~Kendra

Take Heart!

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33

There's almost something mystical about that verse, isn't there? Maybe it's just me. But doesn't it sound like something a fantasy hero or God out of a book would say? Something fantastic and eye-opening and magical. Something important the hero's mentor tells him, or something the heroine finds written on an ancient stone. Just goes to show you, God is so much cooler than our coolest creations.

I just sit here and read that verse over and over. It's so powerful. Think of all your troubles. All the little ones, all the big ones, all the secret ones, all the public ones. Can you beat them? Maybe not. Can you fix them? Maybe not. Maybe you can't overcome them, maybe they're overcoming you. But guess what?

TAKE HEART! Jesus has overcome the world!

That doesn't mean you'll never have trouble. It means that you can be sure that whatever your trouble is, Jesus is bigger.

Anything that bothers you here and now is okay. They might be real troubles, things that are worth being troubled over. But Jesus has already defeated them. He's Jesus. He's GOD. He's got your back--before you even need it.

So next time you're stressing, next time you just know there's nothing to be done, think about this.

TAKE HEART! Jesus has overcome the WORLD!

~Kendra

Growing Up (unedited)

I used to be funner, lighter, less dark. I used to think about different things. I used to read. And write.

It's probably just a growing up thing. But it's weird. It's weird to think about graduating in two years, and then comes the rest of my life, just like that. I'll be grown up. No more having other people help me or be responsible for me. "When I grow up" is just around the corner.

I don't even know how I'm supposed to do this.
I don't know how to do stuff.
And I like being a kid.

Why is this so hard?

~Kendra

My Daybook: Week 12

Date: 5.29.10
Starting time: 5:52pm
Mood: Down.
Outside my window: It's really nice.
I'm thinking: Nothing.
I'm reading: "The Book Thief". Which is intriguingly written and very good so far.
I'm listening to: Technicolor Phase by Owl City.
I'm wearing: Jean shorts and a black tank top with a leopard on it.
Yesterday, I: Babysat all day. It was pretty awesome. An excuse to build pillowblanketcouchcushion forts.
I'm excited for: Nothing.
I'm sad because: I'm fine.
I'm hungry for: Not hungry.
The song stuck inside my head is: "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright
I want: I hate this question.
I love: This weather.
I loathe: Crane flies.
This week, my goal is: Shake this.
Ending time: 5:56pm

~Kendra