Fortuna Kendrae: My Rings

Some of you may know that I am a ring person. I have about 12 of them. Rings (with the exception of anklets) are the only jewelry I actually wear. Bracelets annoy me, my necklaces always break, and I don't even bother with earrings.

I've had this same plain little mood ring since I was 9 or 10 years old and have worn it faithfully since age 11. It's not big, it's once-silver edges are long turned brass, it makes my finger green, and it rarely gets my mood right, but it's been through a lot. It went through Mock Trial with me, survived my first trip to Disney World, stayed securely on my finger through practicum after practicum. (That is my exact mood ring...well, what it used to look like :D)Also as some of you might know, I'm huge on memories. I get attached to things faster than you can say "carpe diem", and sentimental value is a big deal to me. I "love" this little mood ring. I always make sure I know exactly where it is, which is saying a lot for absent-minded me. If I notice it's not on my finger, I stop whatever I'm doing and find it. My family and friends know that when I say, "WAIT! I've lost my mood ring", they'd better freeze right there.

Ellie B and I joke that when I get married, there will be a ceremonial Removing of the Mood Right (yes, I wear it on my left ring-finger).

I have another ring that's a wrap-around butterfly that I got at this awesome place called Great Wolf Lodge a little over a year ago. I wear it on my right middle finger, and it's also one of my "default rings". I love that ring, too because I built lots of cool memories at GWL, but my mood ring is still #1. (The ring below is pretty much exactly what the butterfly ring looks like, but the outer lines are gold on mine and the jewels that make up the body are smaller and "diamonds".)For Mulan, however, we were all told that we weren't allowed to wear any jewelry. (I didn't really realize that meant my rings at first; I just don't ever wear any other jewelry, and my rings just feel like part of my hands.) It finally recognized the problem just before the Stage Manager called "places" for the opening night show. Yikes! I took them off and stuck them with my stuff.

As the cast headed to the after party, I rummaged around in my stuff to grab my rings; my fingers feel completely awkward and naked without them. I was spending the night with someone, though, so my things were already packed in the trunk. I went to the cast party without them, and sort of forgot.

Every day after that, I would think, "Dang, I have to remember to put my rings back on!" That way of thinking went on for about a week; you know how I am, it takes me a while to ever actually get around to anything. I eventually did get around to it, and put my rings back on. That was short lived, though, because I was about to get in the shower. I took them off again.

Since I'd been out of the habit of wearing them for a week, I forgot to put my rings back on. As I was lying in bed that night, the lack of metal circles around my fingers was starting to bug me. Don't you hate it when you're lying in bed, cozy and half-asleep, and realize you've forgotten something? *sigh* I went to get my rings.

They...weren't on the bathroom counter.

Maybe they were in my hairbrush/makeup/etc. drawer? Nope.

Ohh, maybe I was crazy and never put them back on from Mulan. They were probably in my makeup bag...No, not there either...

Well, I had put on lotion, and I take them off to do that. Maybe they were with my lotion bottles?

No.

On my desk! That must be it.

Nothing.

On my pillows next to my bed?

Nada.

On the bathroom cabinet?

No there either.

WHERE WERE MY RINGS?????

By this time, if you can imagine this, I'm tearing through all of downstairs, frantically searching. I'm kind of OCD, so when I decide I'm going to be irritated until I find something, I am. Everything seems worse at midnight, too XD

Well, after searching every conceivable place forty times, I decided I would HAVE to wait until morning.

The frantic searching continued for days until I finally gave up :( I must have lost the rings at play practice after all. They weren't in my makeup bad, or any other possible place. I was really upset :'(

Saturday, you know, was the last performance of Mulan. That was depressing. On top of that, as we were all walking to the car, someone said something that reminded me of my missing rings. The day was quickly going downhill.

I grouchily yanked bobby pins out of my bun and stuffed them in my makeup pouch. O.O

Hey.

Was that...?

MY BUTTERFLY RING!! Hallelujah! And the mood ring must be right with it! I joyously ran my hand through the makeup pouch.

Are you kidding me.

No mood ring.

It must have fallen out.

Well, that joy was short lived. I was thrilled about having my butterfly ring back, but my real pride and joy was still AWOL. Whatever.

Dejected once again, I flung open the car door.

*draw drop*

Unbelievable.

There, on the floor of the car, sat my faithful mood ring.

How did it get there? How was my butterfly ring in my makeup pouch, for another thing? I *KNOW* I searched in there before. And why was my mood ring sitting on the floor? It shouldn't have been in the makeup pouch to get on the floor in the first place...

What can I say? I'm just lucky like that :)

This has been another episode of "FORTUNA KENDRAE!"

English translation: Kendra's Luck ;)

Until next time,

Who Am I?

Fact or Fiction?

Eating 2 poppy seed bagels can make you test positive for drugs.

Email. Comment. First correct gets an award. No Googling.
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So, Followers Say is this Saturday! I'm really excited to see what people have to say. I'm thinking this is gonna be an anual thing, and I hope that it will grow every year.

School...I don't know what's wrong with me. Usually, I go through times when I "hate" school, but I never REALLY do. I feel like I'm kind of resenting school right now. It's getting in the way of all the other stuff I like to do. It seems like the assignments are all really tedious and stupid. I don't know.

I don't like myself very much lately. It's not that I'm usually in love with myself, but I'm usually pretty okay with how I am and getting to be more of who I want to be. Lately, I've not been liking the way my work ethic and thoughts are going, but I don't seem to take the iniciate to change them either. Everything just seems like of discouraging, like I'll never get anywhere I want to be with anything.

My posting style and content are going downhill, too. I used to post lighter, more fun things with interesting facts and real outlooks on things. I used to try to be real and post challenging things. I feel different now, but not good different. Different...darker, more conforming. I hate that. I really hate myself right now.

Don't freak out, I'm not suicidal or anything; I'm not one to go for the permanent solution to a temporary problem. I just don't know what to do to get myself back on track to...whatever it is I want.

I feel kind of lost, I guess. Remember my advice a few weeks ago? "Be sure you know who you are. If you don't, how can you expect others to?" Well, I really need to do that now. I feel like I'm being fake with everyone, but it's not really my fault because I'm not sure who I am anyway. I used to be really sure of who I was. I was KENDRA: smart, persistent, persuasive, and certainly destined to be a great writer and lawyer someday.

NOW what am I? I have no idea, and it bothers me.

Sorry. I don't mean to rant at you guys. You didn't sign up for this.

I guess I'm just feeling down-in-the-dumps. *shrug*

I have my headshot for the play today. I hate pictures like this. I don't mind regular pictures when you're just doing life and people are like "SMILE!" *flash* I hate pictures that you prepare for. I always end up having a bad hair day, or one of those times when my eyeliner won't do right. This picture is for the play, so all the people that I really care about what they think are gonna see it all over. If I look stupid, I'll look stupid for a long time.

-_-

I'm just going to stop now. I don't know who I am, so how can I expect you to?

[Insert Title Here]

Advice Day!

"Having fun is easy; it's knowing when to stop that's hard." ~Kendra Logan
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Well, today kind of sucked. But it's better now, so I'm going to focus on the positive. I finished writing the 1AC for debate, which was great. It had really been weighing down on me, having to worry about getting it done. Now all that's left, I guess, is to see what happens. *sigh*

I really hope I don't lose! That would be sad. Maybe this is petty, but I have never, ever lost a debate in my whole life, and I want that streak to continue for as long as possible, lol! XD

I talked to my Brain Half yesterday, so that made things a little better. We're still in perfect mental sync, lols! Just kidding. Ish.

Tonight I have play practice at 7pm, soccer practice at 8pm, and this PSAT meeting at my house at 7pm...er, hmm...

Yeah, I can't do it all, obviously, which sucks. I tend to attack things with kind of a Superwoman attitude, and then when I can't do it all, I get frustrated with myself. *sigh* Oh well. Tonight, I'm just gonna shoot for play practice. Soccer is nothing different than usual, but play practice is something new and un-missable every time. The PSAT meeting is mostly for parents. So, I guess it's a no-brainer.

Writing has been HAHAHAHA-Writing-That's-A-Good-One lately. I've barely had time to breathe much less write :-/

I'm not in a bad mood right now, but I don't have much to say because everything I've done or thought all day has been purely academic.

And now my mother is pestering me about cleaning up downstairs even though I've said about thirty times in the last five minutes that I'll do it in JUST A SECOND. Geez.

Okay, now I AM in a bad mood -.-

Whatever. So much for today. Do you want me to stop posting for a couple of days until I can stop being so negative?

P.S. I got my signature fixed. Yay.

Missed: One Brain Half

God Day:

Er...Not now, y'all.
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Sorry. It has so been one of THOSE days. As much as I really have tried to put on a happy face, today did not go well for me at all, as much as I think I hid it.

I got up, thinking that the day was going to go differently, and when it didn't go how I thought, I was pretty disappointed.
I was hungry all during church.
I woke up just kind of stressed out because tomorrow is Monday, which is gonna be bleep.
The sermon just did not hit me at all today.
I didn't feel good this afternoon.
I had to go to youth group, which I feel is at the moment led by slightly hypocritical people. (They DEMAND us to be consistent and faithful with coming to youth, and yet they cancel on a dime because they "want to spend time with their kids" or something.)
I got so hot playing outside at youth, then I came inside, and it was the same temperature.
I was just feeling so stressed and not looking forward to tomorrow at all when the work load will hit me like a ton of freakin' bricks.
I really miss the other half of my brain that decided to be lame and quit doing Classical.
I really miss the other half of my brain. Really a lot. It is so not the same without it. So not.
Chores.
Suck.
Crap.
Crapp.
Crappp.
The end.

Sorry for being depressing.

~Kendra

P.S. Oh, and my nose hurts from getting hit in the face at the soccer game yesterday. All this stupid little crappiness just makes me wanna cry, you know? It's nothing big, just a lot of little things.

:'(

First School Days and Chicken Glaze

Picture Day:

So, there's this puzzle that's all put together--finally. Every piece is in perfect place, each one fits into the next just as it shoud, there aren't any wrinkles or gaps, and everything is just right. Except suddenly there's a giant piece missing...

Hi! Well, lots of news!

Soccer went...well, pretty fine! The coach is very nice, and he doesn't make us run at all, which is good for me in the short run, but not the long run. He's also not a particularly good coach, but I've had WAAAAY worse, so it's all good.

I bought some ADORABLE new tennis shoes yesterday, and I'm planning to run every day. Since I won't be running at soccer practice, I guess I'll have to get into shape somehow else.

SCHOOL UPDATE: Well, it was okay. Definitely overwheming and there's a lot to do each week. I'm not really excited about the main subjects, and logic isn't the kind I like at all. My teacher does a great job, she's just not my favorite teacher for some reason. I really liked having my dad last year; having a guy teacher was awesome, and the boys acted differently (better), too.

So, pretty much, it was a disappointment :'( Still, I thought Challenge I was going to totally suck and it was AMAZING, so, you never know!

We called Ellie at lunch and put her on speaker-phone, so she got to "eat lunch with us" even though she wasn't there. That was awesome.

Several times, I glanced around at Taylor to ask him something with my eyes, but he wasn't there. No further comment on this issue.

In a minute, I'm going to go outside and kick the soccer ball around with my dad before taking a quick shower.

Okay, I gotta tell this story from dinner.

So, we were having a really fun dinner, laughing and joking, and then Daddy started reading the Bible (we're in Revelation, which is my favorite book, and Lizzy *hates* it). Well, all the sudden, I look down at my arm and it's all nasty and greasy. I'm like,

"What the heck? What *is* this??" I'm kind of laughing and freaking out at the same time.

Then my mom is like, "It's in your hair!" And there's all this grease in my hair. Then we all look at the little cup of nasty chicken-juice sitting by my plate, and we're like, *groan*. So, I use like a million napkins, and we're all sort of chuckling. Then, I'm just like,

"Okay, I am just taking a shower after a while."

Mom: "Why don't you just go over to the sink and rinse that piece of hair really quick?"

So, I go over and start sink-washing. And my dad just cracks up. I'm like,

"What is so funny??"

He's just howling and he's like, "It really is funny!"

Me: "It is NOT--okay...yeah, it really is."

More really hard laughing.

Okay, maybe you had to be there.

At any rate, I think my life could totally be turned into a sitcom.

That's all for now! TTYL!

Losing Losers

*swallows hard* Soccer practice is tonight at 8 o'clock. Not only is Ben-from-class on my team, so is Josh-from-class and all Josh-from-class's awesome siblings (at least the high-school-aged ones). Their family is insanely talented in soccer, and Ben isn't a bad goalie himself, so I think we have a really good team even though I don't know who else is on the team. Except me. But I hardly count. I don't do anything stupid, but I'm not really good either, so I'm kind of like a 0. I don't subract from the team's goodness, but I don't add to it either.

I am so nervous. This is gonna be horrible. The coach is gonna make us run suicides or something and I'm gonna finish dead last and then throw up or something. Omg, this is so awful. Why did I even sign up for soccer? I'm so out of shape. This is awful. Oh my gosh. *MOAN*

*clears throat* Well, um, on a lighter note, I just finished watching 17 Again. I really love that movie. Every other line is a LOL, and the moral of the story is great. If you can get past the billions of inuendos, lol ;) Luckily Lizzy doesn't pick up on half of it, or I'd feel really creepy watching it with her. That's why I didn't want her coming with me to see it in the theater. I was so glad my mom hadn't made me take her, too. I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the movie knowing my impressionable little sister was watching in the next seat.

I did the 16 pages of pre-class biology today. I love the science book. It's written by the same guy as last year's was. The way he phrases things is really easy to understand, but it's still complicated stuff so I feel like I've actually learned something when I'm finished.

After school starts tomorrow, I might not be able to post as often. I'm not sure. I'd still like to post every day, and I'll try, but I'm not sure how hard this year is going to be. We'll just have to see.

In honor of school starting tomorrow, let me post a quick class "cast" and an unfair stereotype to them to help you follow me if I start using names.

1. Me - The Bigmouth
2. Ben - The Dare Devil
3. Tori - The Pretty One
4. Josh - The Nice Guy
5. Amanda - The Normal One
6. Kirsten - The Genius
7. Chris - The Clown
8. Jessie - The Good One
9. David - The Youngest
10. Alex -
11. Cassidy -

Yeah, that's our class. Alex (she's a girl) and Cassidy are new this year, so I don't know about them yet.

Writing that list almost made me cry. Know why? Because two very, very, VERY important people aren't on it. Ellie B and Taylor (he's a guy) aren't going to be in class this year. Y'all "know" Ellie. She's a follower and one of my best friends. She's been going to my school since 7th grade. We've started school together every year since middle school. She's awesome. She's part of the class.

And she won't be there this year.

Taylor goes back wayyy farther. We've known each other since we were five (wow, a whole decade), and done school together since we were like seven. We've both been going to THIS school since fifth grade, and every year as long as I can really remember, he's been in my class. We aren't amazing friends or anything, we don't even talk to each other that much. But we're exactly alike. EXACTLY ALIKE. I honestly can't imagine school without him there, asking the question I was opening my mouth to ask, finishing my sentence, giving me the word I was looking for when I'm talking, making the same stupid mistakes as me in math, helping me remember what I was going to say even though I hadn't said it, glancing at each other when someone says something stupid.

I don't mean to get all...memory-lane on you guys, but...all the sudden, it feels really wrong to be starting school without him. It'll be like half the class is gone, not to mention half my brain. We don't like each other all that much, we never talk, don't each lunch together, don't even see each other outside of class, but I'm really gonna miss him. Way more than I ever imagined. In some ways, more than Ellie. I'll still call Ellie and talk to her like every day, and we'll get together sometimes, but Taylor...I might never really see him again.

I don't know what to do about that. It's not like I want to hang out with him, it's just that I feel like I shouldn't be starting school without him. He's always been there, and I kind of figured he always would be.

Gosh, I hate this. I hate it when people leave that you never even knew you cared anything about. You know how whenever I get an email or Facebook fill-out and the question is "What are you most afraid of?" I always put "losing people"? Well, this is why.

I HATE this. Why can't everyone just stay where they are forever? What is so great about changing, growing up, being a LOSER and LEAVING? What is the deal?

*sigh*

I guess I'm done posting. Sorry for ranting.

Soccer in 2 hours and forty-nine minutes.

Carpe diem. You never know who's gonna just not show up next year.

Pascal's Wager

Twenty-two followers! Whoa! Thanks, Gracie! :)

Well, the recital went amazingly. We all did very well, with no extreme mistakes. I'm just sad dance is over until like September!! Noooo! That's so sad :( I love dance. It's so much fun and it makes me feel great.

It's also really sad to think about the fact that I'll pretty much never see the seniors again. Ever. Possibly they'll come around for the recitals once a year, but they won't care about me. I care about them because they're awesome and moderately nice to me and I look up to them. I'm just a freshman who doesn't say much. (Yeah, I actually keep my mouth shut at dance :D) It's always sad to see friendships fade. But, hey, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. The seniors haven't forgotten me completely YET! Lol ;)

The one good thing about dance being over is that I'll get to play with the little kids every Wednesday night now!! (Band practice for the church band, their kids come along, etc. We've been through this.)

I didn't write any Creepy--whoops, I mean "Mirror"--this weekend, but that's okay because it doesn't feel like I'm avoiding it like it sometimes does.

I watched the movie Zathura tonight. Stupid movie. No offense to any die-hard fans reading this ;)

Um...OHHH, right! Today is Bible Day! Okay, well...Let's go with Pascal's Wager. I know some of y'all are familiar with that (maybe ALL of you...), but let me just go over it really quick:

Blaise Pascal. Famous science guy. He was French (you can kinda tell from the name). And invented the first calculator (ish) thing. And I knew all that without Googling it :D That's what Challenge B does to you. *shudders...then grins*

Oh, yeah, and something about Pascal Triangle or something...I don't really pay attention to the math part as much. Haha, just kidding.

Anyway, Pascal basically said that we should put our bets on God.

Everyone wants to have a good life, right? I mean, seriously! Pascal's thinking was that if you believed in God and served him, you would have a wonderful life. Not *necissarily* because God exists, but because you believed you were doing right, and that makes us feel good inside. Plus, living by God's ideals is a lot more peaceful than living by what the world says.

So then Pascal said this (not actually quoting, here): when we die, either there is a God and we served him and we got to Heaven, or there isn't a God and we cease to exist.

If you chose God and he's real, then you have a happy life on Earth, and then die and get something even better. If you chose God and he's fake, then you have a happy life on Earth and lose nothing.

If you reject God and real, you live a sadder Earth life, then...let's just say, ya don't go to Heaven ;) If you reject God and he's fake, then you've lived a sadder life and gained nothing.

So pretty much, you get the better deal if you believe in God, whether or not he's real.

Personally, I believe there is a God. It doesn't seem very logical that all the world evolved from a premordial soup or whatever. Believing in God makes more sense to me. God makes sense to me, and I'm discovering that more and more as I look into things.

I DO see little inconsistencies in the Bible, though, I'm determined to figure out why that is. I don't want to just turn a blind eye to those things that appear to contradict each other--pretending a problem doesn't exist doesn't make it go away. I want to learn the truth. I want to look at the facts, and see where they lead me. I'm going to TRY not to be biased, and see what happens.

But I'm betting on God.

"If you believe, and God exists, you gain everything. If you disbelieve, and God exists, you lose everything."

News of Many Varieties

Good news, medium news, sad news and terribly sad news:

Good news first: MY PHYSICAL SCIENCE TEST WENT JUST FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I got an A!! The test was much easier than I thought it was going to be. My mom says it was because I studied so hard. Maybe it was! Cool!

Medium news second: School is over. *blink* Holy crud. School is over????? I'm on.........summer break?? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! *moan* I'm bored already! I've hated school and wanted summer for the past two months, but now I'm sad! And sort of happy, too. I mean, no more science. I still have a ton of math to do. *glares* And no friends. *sniff sniff* Oh well. I'm free, right? That should feel like good news. Except for now some people aren't coming back next year, and I'll pretty much never REALLY see him again. I mean them. Okay, yeah, it's a him, but I don't like him or anything. I'm just gonna miss him being around. Okay, change this from being "medium news" to just being "sad news".

Sad news third: I don't remember what this was going to be...

Terribly sad news: Okay, have I mentioned this thing called Mock Trial to you? Well, I don't have time to go into a lot of detail, just know it's a complicated and challenging court experience thing people at my "school" do in Challenge B (eighth grade). It's a huge competition, and it's much harder than it looks. And it looks hard! My team won the championships. I loved Mock Trial. That's what made me want to be a lawyer. So, when this year's eighth graders started preparing, I was so excited!! I helped them all I could, but some of them just were not taking the whole thing seriously.

Yesterday was the first round of the competition. The team mostly surprised me! They were very good! Some of it was excellent, some of it wasn't so good. But I was still thinking we had won the first round. I mean, of course they would win the first round. Never in the whole history of the tutor has her class come in anything but second or first.

There is a first time for everything, folks.

Yeah.

They LOST.

They lost.

They lost??????????????

I'm so upset! More upset than you can realize! Mock Trial is a huge deal to me. I could hardly sleep last night at first. I just kept going over the trial in my head again and again and again and AGAIN. I couldn't stop! I kept telling myself, "KENDRA, STOP IT. This wasn't even your class; why are you so upset? And anyway, it's OVER. You can't do anything about winning now."

*moan* So, yeah. That's very sad news.

A tiny bit more not-so-good-news: On account of all the stress of three finals, a memorized speech, and Mock Trial, I have three stress pimples, and two ulcers in my throat, and I think I might have a stomach ulcer.

I know. I seriously need to switch to decaf. Lol! :) Really, I'm okay. I know I'll get over all of this eventually. Even my class breaking apart. It's all good. Sort of. I WILL be all good. You just gotta believe that. Things will work out right somehow, even if it isn't YOUR version of "right". God knows what he's doing. Carpe diem!