Who Am I?

Fact or Fiction?

Eating 2 poppy seed bagels can make you test positive for drugs.

Email. Comment. First correct gets an award. No Googling.
--------------------------
So, Followers Say is this Saturday! I'm really excited to see what people have to say. I'm thinking this is gonna be an anual thing, and I hope that it will grow every year.

School...I don't know what's wrong with me. Usually, I go through times when I "hate" school, but I never REALLY do. I feel like I'm kind of resenting school right now. It's getting in the way of all the other stuff I like to do. It seems like the assignments are all really tedious and stupid. I don't know.

I don't like myself very much lately. It's not that I'm usually in love with myself, but I'm usually pretty okay with how I am and getting to be more of who I want to be. Lately, I've not been liking the way my work ethic and thoughts are going, but I don't seem to take the iniciate to change them either. Everything just seems like of discouraging, like I'll never get anywhere I want to be with anything.

My posting style and content are going downhill, too. I used to post lighter, more fun things with interesting facts and real outlooks on things. I used to try to be real and post challenging things. I feel different now, but not good different. Different...darker, more conforming. I hate that. I really hate myself right now.

Don't freak out, I'm not suicidal or anything; I'm not one to go for the permanent solution to a temporary problem. I just don't know what to do to get myself back on track to...whatever it is I want.

I feel kind of lost, I guess. Remember my advice a few weeks ago? "Be sure you know who you are. If you don't, how can you expect others to?" Well, I really need to do that now. I feel like I'm being fake with everyone, but it's not really my fault because I'm not sure who I am anyway. I used to be really sure of who I was. I was KENDRA: smart, persistent, persuasive, and certainly destined to be a great writer and lawyer someday.

NOW what am I? I have no idea, and it bothers me.

Sorry. I don't mean to rant at you guys. You didn't sign up for this.

I guess I'm just feeling down-in-the-dumps. *shrug*

I have my headshot for the play today. I hate pictures like this. I don't mind regular pictures when you're just doing life and people are like "SMILE!" *flash* I hate pictures that you prepare for. I always end up having a bad hair day, or one of those times when my eyeliner won't do right. This picture is for the play, so all the people that I really care about what they think are gonna see it all over. If I look stupid, I'll look stupid for a long time.

-_-

I'm just going to stop now. I don't know who I am, so how can I expect you to?

Eyes and Brains

It's Picture Day! (Blogger is still being stupid. I can't add links or change the font.)

*gasp* Oh my gosh! I can't add a picture! When I try to, all that shows up is the link, not the actual picture! WHAT IS UP WITH THIS STUPID THING?? GOSH! Okay, if any of you more comptuer-savy people have any idea what's wrong (maybe I clicked something?), please let me know what to do to fix it. -_-

And the pictures are awesome, by the way. And I even had a little "speech" to go with them. *sigh* Okay, well, here's an idea. I'll just post the links and you can click on them. Not nearly as awesome and exciting, but whatever.

Link to picture one: http://www.imagecows.com/uploads/7c83-collectionofeyespicsppr3.jpg

Link to picture two: http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa94/patty123654/eyes.jpg

"Speech":

I’ve always been fascinated by eyes. It’s the first thing I notice about people, and it’s the thing I always seem to stare at. Even in restaurants and stores, I find myself looking at peoples’ eyes. You can tell a lot from someone’s eyes. As Shakespeare said, “Eyes are the windows to the soul.”

I think that’s very true. Emotion comes through your eyes. Even if you’re trying to hide your true feelings, I think some of what you’re really thinking comes through your eyes. It’s impossible (or at least nearly so) to prevent this.

Besides being “windows to the soul,” eyes are really beautiful. I love peoples’ eyes. I’m sure a lot of it is just me, but I think everyone has a certain degree of fascination with eyes. For one thing, although there are supposed to be only four main colors—blue, green, brown, and hazel—no two pairs of eyes are alike. Even if they are almost the same color, the shape of the eyes or something else is different.

As I said, eyes are the first thing I notice about people. If I can’t seen someone’s eyes when I’m talking to them or sitting next to them (like in class), it irritates me for some reason. It’s not like I get angry or something, I just feel the need to try to get a glimpse of the person’s eyes.

Some people I know have extremely intense eyes. (I’ve been told that mine are as well, I don’t really think so. It’s possible that your own eyes never seem intense to you.) I’m big on eye contact, but some people I know have such intense eyes that it’s hard for me to continue looking at them for any amount of time. I seem to almost get “lost” in their eyes. When I’m talking to someone like that, I sometimes realize that I haven’t been listening to them. I’ve just been studying their eyes.

It’s completely possible that I’m just a freak and I need to get a hold of myself, but I think I’m just unusually fascinated. Does anyone else feel this way? It seems to me that the eyes are the most important part of the body, and everyone has a certain degree of interest in them. Or at least I think everyone should. Eyes tell a lot about people. Pay attention. Who knows what you might notice?

-end of weird and boring speech-

I'm leaving for mini-camp in two days! Yay! As soon as my dad gets home from doing something (forgot what, lol), we're going to Wal-Mark to get some stuff like more sunscreen and a couple of other things.

I ate some of these weird cookies a couple of hours ago, and now I feel all weird. Ugh. I am not going to eat those again. I hope I don't puke or something.

Wow, sorry; that was definitely too much information, wasn't it? *shakes head at self*

The weird mood is back. Or maybe it's the cookies... XD

Anyway, I've been feeling...bored lately. Not the usual I-don't-know-what-to-do bored. More like, I feel like I don't have a life anymore. Or a brain, actually. I spend entirely too much time on the computer, and my creativity and general intelligence is suffering, I think. (Don't laugh; I'm serious *giggle* No; really.)

I feel like my whole life is on the computer/internet, and that isn't healthy. I need to be outside more, talk on the phone more, write more. I was gonna say "read more", too, but I actually read just as much as ever (maybe more), so never mind that. (FYI, I think "never mind" should be one word. It looks better, and it just seems like it should be one word. Don't you think?)

Anyway, back to my rant about losing my brain (lols).

I have to stop being on the computer so much. It's just not healthy for my body or my mind. I'm thinking of setting myself limits. Like two hours a day or something. Hmm. And maybe I should make schedules for other things, too. Like, being outside time, TV time, reading time, writing time, etc.

I think I should do that. I'll probably hate it, but I think it'll be good for me. The only question is, do I have the self-discipline to stick to this?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

We'll see.

For now, I'm getting off, and I promise myself to only get on one more time (maybe two??) after this.

Carpe diem. NOT on the computer.