Friday, January 30, 2009

I Love Music

I'm listening to music right now. Music never fails to inspire me. I'm filled with a crazy desire to write. So peacful and yet so on fire. So alive. Happy. Music is beast :)

WARNING: Long Post

This is a short story I did for school...

Memories of Drake

April 3rd, 2008
Dear Journal,
It’s been exactly a year since Drake left. I know you’re a new journal, so I’ll give you some background info on Drake.
Drake is my now-sixteen-year-old brother. He’s the best brother in the whole world. You’ll understand that soon. Exactly a year ago today, he left home. Not for college. Not for the military. Not for a mission trip. Not for an internship. Not for a vacation. I don’t know why. No one does. One day, Drake just got up, went to school, and didn’t come home. I think he had been planning to run away for a while though. Drake plans things. I don’t know why the greatest brother in the whole world left. I loved him so much. I still do.
Drake really was a terrific brother. He helped me, he made me laugh, he protected me and, okay, yeah, he could be bossy and mean and he has threatened to kill me a few times (what brother hasn’t?), but he was the best.
I know where he is. I figured it out a couple of days after he left.
When I was seven and Drake was almost ten, we discovered this really cool little cave-like place on my uncle’s property. The entrance to the cave is really tiny and it looks just like a shallow gap between a bunch of rocks against a hill, but inside the gap, there’s a cave-ish place about as big as the inside of a van, and just as tall. I figured out that Drake was hiding there a couple of days after he left, like I said earlier. No one had even thought to look on my uncle’s property. I mean, what fifteen year old boy goes and runs away to his own family’s property? I think Drake figured that everyone would think that. He’s really smart.
Anyway, the day I figured out where Drake was hiding, I got off my school bus at the wrong stop on purpose, to be closer to my uncle’s house. (Lucky for me, my bus driver last year, Mrs. Wilson, had a trouble-making son who also rode my bus. Her son was always getting into trouble at school and always had a note to give Mrs. Wilson, and he usually did so on the bus. So, at least three out of the five school days, Mrs. Wilson was too preoccupied with yelling at her son to notice who got off the bus where. Like I said, lucky me.)
I hiked around my uncle’s property until I came to Drake’s and my secret cave. I poked my head inside and saw Drake staring back at me with enraged eyes. He was really mad that I had found him. He started yelling and I started yelling and we yelled for about five minutes straight. Then, I told Drake that I really missed him and asked him if he would come home. As you probably figured out from what I said at the beginning of this journal entry, he refused. I was about to start begging when he told me that if I didn’t leave, never come back, and never tell anyone where he was, he would pack up his stuff (all he had brought was money, a change of clothes and, of course, his iPod) and go to a place where I would never find him. I decided that it would be better for me at least to know where Drake was, so I promised not to tell and went home.
I don’t think you can quite understand, journal. Drake isn’t like that. I had never seen him act like that before in my whole life. I love him so much it’s not even funny. You can’t imagine how much I miss my brother. I can hardly hear his name without crying. Unless you’ve had the most wonderful older brother in the world and then had him leave you for no reason (apparently for forever), you can’t understand what I’m going through.
This is where you come in, journal. You see, I don’t want to forget Drake, but it’s killing me to remember him. The memories of him are tearing my heart apart. Here’s my plan: I’m going to write down all my memories of Drake in you, and then close you up and never open you ever again. Then, I will do my dead-level best to delete my brother from my memory. I have to forget him or I’ll be miserable for the rest of my life, but I don’t want to forget him. But I do. It’s very hard to explain, but you see, I figure that I’ll write down all my memories of Drake in you and then forget him so that I don’t have to be miserable, and yet somewhere I’ll still have my memories of Drake. Got it? Okay. Here we go…

~Jade Anastasia Henderson ~

About Drake Alexander Henderson:

-Name: Alexander Drake Henderson
- Age: 16
-Birthday: September 5, 1992
-Hair color: dark brown
-Eye color: brown
-Height: 5’ 11” (I think)
-Weight: no clue. He’s not really skinny or really fat though. He’s thin-ish, but strong. Make sense?
-Hobbies: video games, listening to music, skateboarding, basketball,
-Nick-names: Drake (That’s what we always call him even though it’s his middle name. He thinks Alexander sounds too much like Salamander and he likes the meaning of Drake. It means dragon.)
-Crush (before he ran away at least…): Crystal Martins
-Favorite food: pizza
-Favorite color: red
-Favorite book: Eragon
-Favorite movie: the Matrix, the Ocean’s movies
-Favorite sport: basketball
-Best friend: Caleb
-Family members: mom, Melissa; dad, Randy; little sister (me), Jade; dog, Lucky

Memory Number One: More Mud Pies, Mrs. Nesbit?

This memory took place when I was four.
Every summer, my family would rent a condo at the beach and we would stay there for a week. One day when we all went down on the beach, Drake and I were playing in a tide pool. I was happily making mud-pies and pretending to be a girl who lived all by herself on the beach and actually survived on mud pies and salt water. Drake came over and smashed all my mud-pies. The end.
I know what you’re thinking, journal: A: some brother he is, B: what a stupid story and C: is this whole freakin’ journal gonna be made up of dumb memories like this?? The answers are A: yeah, I know, right? B: nuh-uh! And anyway, I told you I was gonna write down all my memories and C: I was four! Not that many things made big impressions on me!

Memory Number Two: Bullying the Bully

This memory took place when I was five.
I was in kindergarten at this time and there was a really mean bully in my class named Chris. I really hated that kid. I’m not sure if this is even possible, but I think he was only in kindergarten still because he had gotten held back. Either that or he was just born absolutely gigantic.
Everyday, he would corner some little kid on the playground and demand for them to give him something or he would beat them up. For some reason, he liked to pick on me the best. (You’d think kindergarten teachers would watch big kids like him better.) One day, Chris had me pinned to the fence and all I had with me was my favorite little Polly Pocket doll. Of course, he made me give it to him, even though he didn’t want it. Then, he let me go. Five minutes later, I watched him decapitate the Polly by prying its beautiful blonde head off with a rock. I was in absolute tears when my grandmother came to pick me up.
That day, my grandmother was picking up me and Drake because my parents must have been doing something that day (I don’t remember what). I went to a different school than Drake for kindergarten for some reason, and Drake always got picked up before me (I guess my parents figured I’d want to have as much playground time as possible. Yeah, right.) My grandmother didn’t know what to do about my crying, so Drake tried to help. He finally got me to tell him that there was an evil bully at school who had killed my Polly. Now, Drake wouldn’t have had any sympathy if he had been the one to pry my doll’s brains out, but since someone else had done it, he was furious. He even at age seven, was very protective of me.
The next day when my mom picked me up, she got out to talk with the teachers, as usual, but this time Drake got out of the car, too. While my mom was busily jabbering with Mrs. Carter, my teacher, Drake came over to me and demanded that I show him who the bully was. I gladly pointed Chris out. Drake marched over to him and got him against the fence. Chris looked pretty afraid. Drake said to Chris,
“If you ever pick on my little sister again, I’ll bash your brains out.” Now, when I think about that now, it makes me laugh, but when you’re five, someone getting their brains bashed out sounds pretty plausible and equally terrifying. Chris just nodded at Drake and ran away. I never really had any more trouble with Chris after that.

Memory Number Three: Spiders and Sleepovers

This memory took place when I was six.
One Friday, I invited my best friend Lindsay over to spend the night. It the was first sleepover either of us had ever had. We were having lots of fun. We watched movies and ate popcorn and told “scary” stories about stupid stuff like monsters in our closets and other stuff that really didn’t scare us. I mean, when you’re six, you just can’t make up very good horror stories, even if the elements of the stories really do terrify you. Then, while we were trying to tell scary stories, eight-year old Drake comes waltzing in and offers to tell us a scary story. We said no. Drake accused us of being chicken. That works on most little siblings. It worked on me, too.
Five seconds later, Lindsay and I were in our sleeping bags and Drake was sitting on the floor with a flashlight. He turned on the flashlight and ominously pointed it upward with his face in the beam, you know, like you see in movies. That was enough to make my six-year-old heart speed up. Drake could make some pretty awful faces even without a flashlight to enhance them, so I was freaking out about what they would look like with the flashlight.
Drake began talking. He spun this wild tale about two little girls having a sleepover. They went to bed as usual, but were woken up by something tickling them on the face. They opened their eyes and saw that there were big spiders crawling all over them. Drake said the spiders were as big as your hand, brown, hairy, and had big fangs dripping with venom. They were murderously poison, he said. Then, he described, as only an older brother trying to horrify his little sister can, how the spiders bit the girls all over their bodies and they died horrible deaths. He described the way the girls looked down to the very last blood-covered welt.
Needless to say, Lindsay and I slept terribly because we dreamed all night about spiders. I’m chronically terrified of spiders to this day.

Memory Number Four: Lucky Lucky

This memory took place when I was seven.
The year I was seven, Drake and I started lobbying hard for a dog. Of course, we had wanted a dog for years, as all kids do, but we felt we were finally old enough to really convince Mom and Dad. Drake and I set about thinking of how to ask our parents for a dog. Like I said, I was pretty young and Drake wasn’t quite ten at the time, so we couldn’t really come up with very good arguments. Despite this extreme disadvantage, we put together a show. The show was supposed to demonstrate to Mom and Dad how much we needed a dog.
Drake told me to draw a bunch of pictures of us with a dog doing different things. I drew pictures of our family and a dog at the beach, going on bike rides, going to an amusement park, playing Frisbee in the backyard, and all the other stuff you see kids doing with their dogs on TV. With my many jump-ropes, Drake roped off a big section of the backyard to be a stage and brought out a bag of dog food for a visual aid. I didn’t think about asking where he got the dog food or why he had it.
Then, we called Mom and Dad out to the backyard. (It was a Saturday so they were home.) We made them sit in lawn chairs Drake held up my pictures one by one and explained what they were of and how much fun our family would have doing the things. I thought he made a very good presentation. When our show was over, Mom and Dad said the things we thought they probably would:
“You know, we really don’t have a fence to put a dog in.”
“Who would take care of this dog? Don’t tell me you two would. Your dad and I would end up doing all the work.”
“Dogs have to be fed and washed and walked, you know.”
“We’re not financially ready for a dog yet.”
“Maybe some day.”
I hung my head. I was disappointed, though not at all surprised. Then, I noticed that Drake had wandered into the woods. My parents were staring after him. Moments later, Drake emerged from the woods leading a mutt puppy on a rope. I squealed with joy. The dog was so cute! My parents, however, weren’t pleased at all. It turned out that Drake had had the dog tied up back in the woods for almost a week. He had fed it everyday and watered it and walked in around the woods. When my parents heard this, their faces began to change. Well, in the end, we got to keep Lucky (creative name, I know, but we were lucky….) but Drake was grounded for a week. I’m glad Drake did what he did—Lucky is an awesome dog!

Memory Number Five: Boy Toys

This memory took place when I was eight.
Usually, my mom goes to the grocery store on Saturdays, but on the day before Drake’s 11th birthday, she had to make an exception and go on a Wednesday because she had forgotten the most important thing for Drake’s party: the cake. Since my dad wasn’t home from work yet, my mom had to take Drake and me with her to the store. She was in a bad mood because of forgetting the cake, Drake was in a bad mood because he didn’t want to go to the grocery store, and I was in a bad mood because everyone else was.
When we arrived at the Super Wal-Mart (it was closer than the actual grocery store), we were all still in a mood. My mom was trying to be cheerful anyway, but Drake didn’t care if everyone knew how irritated he was. We walked through the store all the while listening to Drake complain about wanting to go look at transformers or video games. He was bored, and so he passed the time by bothering me. I was whining about him poking me and pulling on my hair. Finally, my mom got fed up with the two of us and told Drake to go look at the toys and take me with him. Drake was mad about having to take me, but at least he didn’t have to hang around at the bakery counter. We headed off with Mom calling after us to stay together and not to leave the toy department until she got there.
Drake and I found the toy department without any trouble (what kid has trouble finding the toys?). The problem was that Drake wanted to look at the stupid transformer aisle and I wanted to look at Polly Pockets. We were supposed to stay together, though, and I couldn’t make him come with me, so I had to stay and look at Bionicles.
After what seemed like forever and my mom still hadn’t come, I decided that it was my turn to choose where we looked. I demanded that we go to the Polly aisle. Drake refused and told me that I had to stay with him. I ignored him and went to the next aisle anyway. Only a few seconds later, I began to worry about getting in trouble for not staying together, so I reluctantly went back to the boy-toy aisle.
Drake wasn’t there.
I freaked out. I was breathing hard and on the verge of tears. I figured my mom had come and taken Drake with her, thinking that I had wandered off, and gone to look for me somewhere else or left the store entirely. I also figured that Drake wouldn’t tell her where I was just to get me in trouble. I ran away from the toy aisle to look for Mom and Drake. I looked in the kids’ clothes department, I looked in the frozen foods area, I looked in the art supplies section. They weren’t there. I had finally given up and was really starting to panic when Drake showed up beside me, looking angry.
“What are you doing?” he said. “Why did you leave the toys? I’ve been chasing you for like ten minutes calling you and you wouldn’t stop running away!” I hadn’t heard him calling in my panic, apparently. As we hurried back to the toys, I asked Drake where the heck he was when I came back to the transformer aisle. He sort of snickered at me and told me that he had hidden behind the end of the aisle to make me think he was gone. He hadn’t expected me to just take off, he said.
When we got back to the toys, my mom was just getting there. Unfortunately, she saw that we were coming from and area that was obviously not the toy area. She was pretty mad and Drake and I were grounded for a week.

Memory Number Six: Argh!

This memory took place when I was nine.
Drake and some of my friends and I used to play an imaginary game we called Pirates. It was sort of playing pirates, but Drake was the captain and my friend Lindsay and I were the slaves. You might think that Lindsay and I were slaves against our will, but we actually liked it.
The exact story of what was happening changed a little every time we played the game. The story we used the most was that Lindsay and I had been the rich daughters of some British guy who was sailing to America and Drake and his pirate crew had raided our boat and forced Lindsay and me to be the slave girls. Drake liked being the captain and he liked being allowed to boss us around without us yelling for Mom.
Our “ship” was the playground in the park near our house. Lindsay and I were “forced” to swing on the swings all day and night to pump fuel for the boat. (We had some pretty whacked ideas of how boats worked. When we found out how they really sailed, with the wind and everything, we decided that our pirate ship was a special kind of boat in a different world or something.) Occasionally, Lindsay and I would leap out of the swings and try to make a run for it. Drake would always catch us and drag us back. We liked it, but the game had a certain level of fear to it, too, because Lindsay and I always knew that Drake could actually hurt us. That kept Lindsay and me jumpy and made the game more fun.
What was a ship without a brig? The “prison” was the spot under the slides. On the playground, there were three slides that were connected at the sides so they made a big, slanted, roofed spot that was the prison. There were always lots of spider webs hanging down from the slides and beetles crawling all over the ground. Lindsay and I really were scared of the prison and we always refused to let Drake push us into it. But then Drake always told us that if we didn’t go into the prison he wouldn’t play Pirates anymore, so Lindsay and I always ended up curled up under the slides until we got sick of it and just came out no matter what Drake said. He always played with us the next time we asked anyway.
Playing Pirates is one of my favorite memories of Drake. We had so much fun together. But one day when Drake was thirteen, he just stopped playing with us. He never played Pirates with us again after that random day. I guess he just grew up really fast.

Memory Number Seven: Crystal Martins

This memory took place when I was ten.
When I was ten and Drake was thirteen (he’s two and a half years older than me, so that’s why in some of these memories it seems like he’s two years older and sometimes it seems like he’s three), Drake had a huge crush on this girl that went to our church. She was almost three whole years older than he was, and she already had a boyfriend. Drake knew all this and he was still crazy about her. I could never figure out why. I still don’t know. She wasn’t even nice. She was snobby and prissy and was always flinging her blonde hair around and rolled her eyes at people.
Drake took every opportunity to show off in front of the girl—usually by making stupid jokes about me and Lindsay. It was really funny to watch my brother try to impress the girl (her name was Crystal). He would bring his skateboard to church and attempt complicated stunts in front of her, do flips off the monkey bars, and just generally try to get her attention. I think he thought he was being subtle, but Lindsay and I noticed easily. After he really embarrassed us with a stupid one of his put-down jokes, Lindsay and I decided to really get him good.
As he was sitting at a table with Crystal and her boyfriend at a church lunch thing, Lindsay and I casually sat down with them. Drake gave us a get-out-of-here-right-now-or-else look, but we ignored it. For starters, whenever Drake said anything to Crystal, Lindsay and I giggled loudly and exchanged glances. Crystal kept looking at us strangely and then looking at Drake strangely. Crystal’s boyfriend was really getting suspicious of Drake. Drake gave me a really angry look, teeth gritted and everything. I glanced nervously at Lindsay. She looked at me with confused eyes. I guess she had nothing to worry about. She embarrasses Drake, she goes home to a safe house. I embarrass Drake, and I go home to a death sentence.
After a few more minutes of suggesting that Drake liked Crystal, it was time for the big finish on Lindsay’s and my act. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go through with it. Lindsay and I had one of those eye-conversations. I told her I didn’t want to do it. Lindsay said that she couldn’t do it. It just wouldn’t seem right for her to be making real fun of someone else’s brother. With a deep breath I leaned over towards Drake and whispered as loudly as I could,
“Have you asked her out yet?” I’m telling you, to this day I have never seen Drake look more shocked, horrified and furious. I didn’t wait to see how it all went down with Crystal’s boyfriend. I quickly grabbed my lunch plate and ran as fast as I could with Lindsay at my heels. I won’t say what happened later at home, but let’s just say it was not a happy afternoon for me.

Memory Number Eight: Shade-y Tricks

This memory took place when I was eleven.
When I was eleven, I was huge on fantasy stuff (I still am, it’s just that I really started to get into it around age eleven.). For my birthday, my family bought the movie Eragon. We watched it that night. I loved the movie, except for a part when this evil shade (a shade is sort of like a wizard) named Durza poisons this elf girl’s shoulder. Durza has these hideously long, burgundy fingernails, and he points his finger at the elf girl when she’s laying down. A drop of burgundy stuff (maybe it was supposed to be blood...) dripped from his fingernail and landed on the elf’s chest. The drop spread over the elf’s chest and made a big, black-red splotch of poison with spider-webby strings of blackish poison running out from the black-red splotch. It was hideous and horrifying and I hated that part.
That night, Drake came into my room and woke me up. I was pretty mad at him for waking me up, until my eyes adjusted enough to see the terrified look on his face. He looked really scared. When I asked him what was the matter, he pulled his shirt off to show me his chest. I screamed. There was a poisonous looking black splotch with rivers of reddish poison coming out from it. The minute I screamed, Drake doubled over laughing. He didn’t stop until my dad came upstairs to see what was going on. Drake turned around and showed my dad the splotch, laughing hysterically. Then, my dad starting laughing like crazy and my mom came upstairs. Pretty soon, she was howling, too. It turned out that Drake had just used magic markers to make the spot, all just to scare me. I was furious.
I thought Drake would get in trouble, but he didn’t really. I guess my parents thought I had over reacted and that Drake’s joke really had been funny. Now that I think about it, it kind of was.

Memory Number Nine: Saved by the Brother

This memory took place when I was twelve.
When I was twelve, there was this guy in the ninth grade who liked me. I was in the seventh grade and I thought it was really cool to have a ninth grader have a crush on me. All my friends were saying things like,
“You’re so lucky!”
“I can’t believe it! He’s so gonna ask you out!”
“I wish a ninth-grader would like me.”
I was pretty flattered, but I really hoped that the guy wouldn’t ask me out, because my parents wouldn’t let me go out with anyone until I was sixteen and it would be embarrassing to have to tell that to the guy and look like a baby.
One day after school when I was on my way out to the car, the guy showed up and asked me out. I was so upset that I couldn’t go out with him. I told him I couldn’t, but I didn’t say why because I didn’t want to seem like a little kid. He was totally disappointed and he asked me again. I told him that I really couldn’t, but he didn’t believe me or something because he followed me all the way down the hall asking me again and again and jumping in my way and getting really annoying. I started to get kind of scared. I ran the last few steps out of the school and to the car.
The next day, I figured he would be over it, but he wasn’t. he showed up everywhere it felt like, always asking me to go out with him. When he showed up at my locker, I finally told him that I couldn’t because of my parents’ rules, thinking that he would understand. He didn’t. He told me to go out with him behind my parents’ backs and meet him at the little ice cream store. I shook my head, but he demanded that I meet him. He cornered me against the lockers. Then I really started to really panic. Pretty much everyone was gone to their classes now, and the guy and I were the only ones in the hall. If he tried anything, no one would be there to see it or hear me.
I was beginning to think that there was no escape (dramatic, I know, journal, but I’m just telling it how I remember it J), when Drake showed up. He was glowering furiously at me. I was about to shout that I hadn’t done anything wrong and what the heck was his problem, when then I noticed that he wasn’t glaring at me, but the other ninth-grader (Drake was a ninth-grader, too). Drake asked the guy what he thought he was doing, and the guy kind of backed off. I took the opportunity to leap away from the guy. Drake pretty much just told the guy to stay away from me, and the guy seemed to comply because he walked away and he never came near me again. It turned out that Drake had kind of suspected what was going on between me and the ninth-grader and had been watching me all day just in case the guy tried anything. No matter what rotten stuff Drake has ever done to me, I’ll always be glad I had an older brother that day.

May 5th, 2008
Dear Journal,
Well, now you know my memories of the greatest brother in the world: Drake. I’m now going to try to delete him from my memory and be forever a happy person! J

May 6th, 2008
Dear Journal,
HOW CAN I DELETE THESES MEMORIES? I can’t do this! I love my brother too much to give up all my thoughts and memories of him. But I have to. I’ll go crazy if I don’t. I don’t want to forget, but it’s killing me to remember! What should I do, journal? What should I do??

May 7th, 2008
Dear Journal,
I still haven’t deleted the memories. I know I need to in order to be happy. I know I’ll never be happy as long as I hold onto these things. They’re just causing me to be miserable. I have to do this.

May 8th, 2008
Dear Journal,
Do I have to give up my memories in order to be happy? Can I be happy with them? No, that can’t be possible. I’ve already tried that. I just have to buckle down and forget Drake. Completely.

May 9th, 2008
Dear Journal,
I’m doing it. I haven’t thought about Drake all day until this journal entry, and I’ve seriously tried to forget about him. I think it’s working. It’s getting harder to think about him and bring back my memories. Already the fuzzy ones about when I was little are gone. I can do this after all. I can delete Drake and be happy! Aren’t you happy for me, journal?

May 10th, 2008
GUESS WHAT????? DRAKE IS GONE FROM MY MEMORY! GONE! COMPLETELY! I CAN’T THINK ABOUT HIM AT ALL! I DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WHEN HE WAS STILL HERE! The only things about Drake that are still in my mind are that he’s my brother and that he ran away. I DID IT! I DID IT!

May 11th, 2008
Dear Journal,
Something weird is going on. I’m not happy. I know, I know. I should be. I really should be! I don’t know what’s wrong with me1 I’ve deleted all the painful stuff! I can’t figure out what’s wrong! I have no reason not to be happy! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE????

May 12th, 2008
Dear Journal,
I think I know what the problem is. I thought about it all day and a lot of the night. I’m not completely positive, but I think that just forgetting the painful stuff might not really help. I kind of miss my memories of Drake. I miss being able to go back to them when I’m missing him and think about how great he was. True, it hurts, but I think maybe I need those memories. I haven’t looked at them since I finished writing them down, just like I promised. I honestly have succeeded in forgetting them. I wasn’t sure if it was possible, but I guess it is. But now, I’m not sure if it was the right thing to do. I don’t mean to sound all boring and grown-up, journal, but I think that forgetting the good stuff because it’s painful to remember doesn’t really solve anything. Drake is still gone, and I’m sad that I’ve lost my memories. It doesn’t hurt to think about him anymore, but that’s because I don’t remember him. I don’t want to have forgotten my brother! IGNORING AND FORGETTING YOUR PROBLEMS DOESN’T SOLVE THEM. There. I said it.
I think that maybe I was wrong about being happy all along. I think that being happy doesn’t mean that nothing bad ever happens. I think maybe being happy is taking with you all the good memories you have and making the best of the bad ones. My memories of Drake were the good memories, and the memory of him running away was the bad one. I’m not saying that I should forget about his running away, though. Not even close. I think what I’m trying to say (er, write) is that I need not to forget ANYTHING. I need to remember. Forgetting your good memories doesn’t solve anything, but remembering them will help you through the hard times. I think maybe I finally understand, journal. I’m going to read you now. The whole thing. And get back my memories of Drake.

Two Cancelations

Never mind. :( The hair cut lady cancled on me. She hurt her back. Darn it. Now I have to wait until Monday...

Oh, and guess what also got cancled? (This is good news to me.) DRIVER'S ED!! It got moved back a week! So I have one more Saturday of freedom! Oh, wait...DANG IT!!!!!!!! But that means my birthday party will have to be moved AGAIN! And even FARTHER away from my birthday!!!!! Gosh. Make up your minds, people.


Omg!! I'm getting my hair cut today, and I totally forgot about the appoinment until my mom told me a few minutes ago. Yikes!! I'm planning to get five inches off, get side bangs, and posisbly layers...Getting my hair cut is always a big thing for me, lol! I get so attached to my hair (uh, no pun intended...)! Right now, it's like six inches past my shoulders. If I cut it five, it'll be pretty much at my shoulders. And that's without the layers. What if it's super short after the layers?? What if I hate it? Yikes!!!!!!

Well, wish me luck...I'll let you know how it turns out. Maybe I can even post before and after pictures, lol! If I can figure out how to do that....


Thursday, January 29, 2009

Another One (But I promise I've been writing, too)

Just for the heck of it...*sigh* Yes, I took another quiz...

"Funny/Clown Personality Type:

You relate to people with laughter. When you make friends, you crack a joke, if you’re feeling insecure, you make fun of yourself before anyone else does, and when your date is laughing non-stop, you feel like you’ve made a good impression. You like having an audience. Humor is your greatest and most prominent gift."

Okay, cool! I like to laugh. Yep. This is all pretty much true, although I've never actually been on a date...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Driver's Ed

*Gulp* I'm nervous about driver's ed. Yes, it's only the classroom part, but I'm still nervous. I'll only know two people, and one of them I barely know, and he never talks to me anyway. The other friend I haven't really seen in like two years. We still talk occasionally though.

I don't know what to expect at all, and that's the kind of thing that bugs me: not knowing what to expect. I'm the kind of person likes to know everything in advance. I don't like surprises that much (well, sometimes, of course, but not in this kind of thing). I don't know anything about this, and I'm nervous. I don't know anything!! Lol. Advice?

Tell me everything you know :)

Monday, January 26, 2009


Today started out as the worst day of my life, and ended up being awesome! School is all done! For real. No procrastination, everything really is done!! Isn't that a great feeling? I don't know why I'm such a procrastinator when it stresses me so much. I'm just kind of lazy, I guess.

Hmm, haven't really tried to write yet. Don't know what to write! Y'all help me. Which story should I put my effort into? Lol, this should be fun...

Story #1:
Name: Doesn't have one. Right now, it's called "The Creepy Story," even though it really isn't...
Level of promising-ness: High.
Pages so far: 62
Word count: 34,085
VERY basic plot: A girl finds out her best guy friend is half elf and gets swept up in a crazy adventure in which the girl and the guy get thrown into the "Elf World". Girl gets amnesia once in world and gets separated from boy.
Recent action in it: Not much. I've been sort of editing and avoiding writing more because I'm at a block.
Other: Don't know the long term plotline!! Not good! I don't know what to do next, and I'm not sure how happy I am with the whole amnesia's very irritating...

Story #2:
Name: Right now, "Cammie and Cousins"
Level of promising-ness: Semi-high
Pages so far: 48
Word count: 23,910
VERY basic plot: A girl named Cammie (who has three boy cousins, all older) finds out she is the Wielder of the legendary Dagger. The evil king wants her to use her power for evil with him, and she refuses...sort of. It's hard to explain.
Recent action in it: Uhhh, kind of about the same as with Creepy Story. Have been avoiding seriously writing it because I don't feel good about the plotline.
Other: Has lots of gaps and stuff. Lots of stuff that needs filling in. Again, long term plot is generic and shaky.

Story #3:
Name: "The Chronicles of Jeolotoe: A Spark of Strength"
Level of promising-ness: Iffy. Could be good if I put a lot of effort into it. Mostly I just stick with it because it's been a part of me for soooooooo long and I can't let it go.
Pages so far: Well, I'm in the middle of a brutal re-write, so only 10 so far lol!
Word count: 4,145
VERY basic plot: I do not feel like explaining it. Set on a planet called Jeolotoe. Six fire fairy girls who are entertainers for the evil Fire Lord try to overthrow him with the help of a reluctant super-awesome spy.
Recent action in it: Uhhhhhhh.....
Other: I LOVE THIS STORY!! I just can't give it up! The plot COULD be really good, but is it worth the effort??

Story #4:
BEGIN A NEW STORY! *gasp* Can I?? Do I have the creative juices? Do I have that kind of time on my hands??

Haha, sorry, that post was insanely long. Just tell me what you think. Thanks. I need to write, but can't and it's driving me CRAZY! Or maybe I should say crazier. :)

Sunday, January 25, 2009


For school, we had to invent a futuristic invention and write a paper on it. I'm actually very pleased with mine...

The invention discussed in this paper is a huge part of today’s society. It has helped in many areas of life, particularly in the architectural, medical and investigative fields. “PCLs”, which stands for Projecting Contact Lenses, are specially engineered contact lenses that allow what the wearer is thinking to be projected onto a wall or screen. They contacts are gravity sensitive, and therefore rotate to project an upright image even when the wearer is lying down. There are two different types of PCLs. The first is implanted in infants’ eyes before they are released from the hospital, and then the second type is implanted when the child reaches ten years old.

PCLs were invented around 2100, but, of course, those first few models were extremely flawed and were not capable of all that today’s PCLs are. The originals were not gravity sensitive, and also did not have the On/Off capability that today’s do. That particular defect made for some very interesting misunderstandings.

Today, type one PCLs will read audio commands and type two PCLs will read the wearer’s thoughts. Each individual has his/her own special thought sequence or audio sequence that will tell the PCLs when to switch functions. A PCL has three different settings: Public Projection, Personal Projection, and, of course, off. The Public Projection allows the wearer to visualize an image, and the contacts will project that internal image onto a wall or projection screen—really any blank surface. Personal Projection creates the internal image on the contact lenses themselves, allowing only the wearer to see the picture. This is helpful for designing anything from clothing to architecture to new hair styles. The Off setting silences the projection, making the wearer see only reality once again.

Now, the reason that there are two different types of PCLs makes sense when one looks at it. The PCLs that are worn from infancy to age ten are audio sensitive. They are just called “audio PCLs”, or “primary PCLs”. The way to make them switch functions is by saying the set “password” out loud. This is because an infant is not able to consciously turn his/her contact lenses on and off, and a child under the age of ten might not have discretion as to when it was appropriate to project an image. Of course, the child could still change settings, but by having to say the command out loud, an adult would obviously be notified and could turn the primary PCLs back off.

When a child reaches age ten, they are considered mature enough to switch to regular PCLs, which are controlled by a designated thought pattern. When one first gets his/her PCLs implanted, they must set the “password” for each setting. Something unusual that wouldn’t be accidentally triggered is best. A three word “password” containing a noun, a verb, and an adjective is recommended. For example, the “password” to activate the setting Public Projection might be “Blue Micro Earn,” the password for Private might be “Elevated Spoon Shoot,” and the password for Off might be “Crazy Thorn Catch.” The same system goes for the primary PCLs as well, the passwords just must be spoken aloud instead of thought.

This technology has been used in countless situations and even saved lives. One use for PCLs is in the architectural community. Architects can now spend less time trying to explain their visions to coworkers and more time making their visions reality. Infants unable to speak can visualize what they need so parents or guardians can help them without the long frustration of trying to figure out what the problem is. Disorders are easier to recognize and at a younger age. If a child is autistic, his/her thought patterns can help to discern that. Also, in multiple circumstances, PCLs have enabled the police to identify a murderer or a thief. The person who had witnessed the crime had only to conjure up an image of the offender and glance at a projection screen. Of course, if someone wanted to frame someone for the crime, that might be possible, as well. At least it would be if it weren’t for the Lie Detection Chip, or LDC implanted in every infant’s brain before they are released from the hospital…

I don't know why, but I'm happy...

Omg. Wow. It has been a long time. Sorry!! This week has been crazy and stuff, so I haven't had time to post.

Well, I don't feel boring anymore!! Isn't that AWESOME??? Lol! Maybe I still am, but at least I don't FEEL like I am. :) This weekend, we had some friends stay at our house. (Matt, age 12 and Katie, age 10). As some of you probably know, I have always lamented my tiny family (just parents, me and my 12 year old sister), and absolutely LOVE it whenever people stay at our house. Well, Matt and Katie are practically family anyway, but it was amazing having them at our house. They are so much fun, and I could tell that my dad really liked having a fellow guy in the house for a while. :) We did all kinds of stuff together, and it's so sad that they're gone now, but I will treasure those two days forever. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true.

I haven't really tried to write in a while, but I get the feeling that if I tried, my writer's block is gone. Yay!! After this post and after I check my billion various emails :), I'll probably attempt to write a little.

School is awful. Surprisingly, I'm not super upset about that, although I have been pretty stressed lately. I have the tendancy to procrastinate, and this week is an excellent example. :( I have so much to do tomorrow it isn't even funny. I have to finish a horribly boring, long book that I'm not halfway finished with; write two papers on it, summarize the constitution, the amendments, and something else; do FOUR MATH LESSONS, (AHHHHHHHHHHH!!), memorize the rest of my seven minute speech (I have half of it memorized...I think...), and read an entire physical science module.


When I just wrote all that down, it looks even worse than I thought it was... :'( Yikes. Well, wish me luck, and if I haven't died, I'll post again tomorrow. :)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Took Another Quiz

I was bored. So.....I TOOK A PERSONALITY QUIZ!!!!!! Haha!

Your score on this personality test was 58%

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

Here's the link if you're dying to find out what you "are." :)


I am totally freaked out.

I haven't had a single fun thought to post here in like a week. And I haven't been able to write in more than a week. All my creativity is leaving me!! Ahhh! What do I do?? How do I get it back?? I HATE BEING A BORING PERSON!!!!!!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Family Day

Well, today was Family Day! Lol, we made ourselves our own holiday when I was about eight. It's always on Martin Luther King Jr. Day so my dad can have the day off. We do family stuff together and just hang out. Unfortunately, I had a bunch of stupid school work to do :E (That's a growling smiley. :) I made it up lol!) After I go done, we went to the movies and saw the movie "Bedtime Stories." Lol, it was really good! Even though it was a kid movie, I loved it. :)

I don't think I'm reading for my Latin quiz tomorrow. :( Kinda forgot to study...hopefully I can cram and fake my way through it :)

That book "The Host" is getting really interesting. I'm liking it more and more.

Well, that's all for now I think. Hope everyone had an amazing day!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I'm Reading "The Host" and Some REALLY GREAT NEWS! (don't get too excited yet)

Today not very much happened. At all. We went to church, went out to eat with some people, saw a house that our family friend is building (he's a sorry that was big DUH), went to youth group, and then watched Extreme Makeover: Home Addition. Yeah. It was a very boring day.

Like yesterday, I didn't even THINK anything interesting. Actually, wait. Yes, I did. But it's too personal to put on a public blog lol! :)

I'm reading this book called "The Host". It's written by Stephenie Meyer, the same person who wrote the "Twilight" books. "The Host" is really interesting. It set kind of in the future, and the human race is just so evil that in a last attempt to make peace, some people inject souls into people's bodies. The souls never argue or anything...okay, that was just confusing, wasn't it? Let me get an internet summary lol.....actually, never mind. I don't want to look up summaries on the internet because I'm afraid I'll accidentally find out the ending to the book, lol! Sorry! But I absolutely HATE IT when books get spoiled for me. HATE IT.

So yeah. That's all. :) TTYL! Hopefully, tomorrow I will have something a little more interesting to say. (Don't count on it though.)

OH WAIT!!!! I DO HAVE EXCITING NEWS!! (Don't get too excited, it might only be exciting to me :) ) NEW MOON (the second book in the "Twilight" series) COMES OUT AS A MOVIE THIS NOVEMBER ON THE 20TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least it does in the US. Idk about other places lol sorry! :) So anyway, I am SO PUMPED!!!!!!!! Lol!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Okay, So, I Was Bored...

I loooooove quizes. So, when I'm bored and don't feel like writing, what do you think I do? Yup. QUIZES!! :) Here's a personality one I took. I've taken other Jung Typology tests that were more thorough, though, and gotten a different result than the one I got this time. Oh well. Here's what I am (I'll put my comments in bold, italic letters:))

You Are An ENTP:
The Visionary kind of
You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.
Okay. Lol, I'll take a compliment :) You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Unfortunately, yeah. Unfortunately because sometimes I can't resist playing practical jokes on people where I convince them of something reeeally funny lol! Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. Ouch, about the showing off, lol! You're very clever, but you are not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. Ugh, maybe so...
In love, you see everything as a grand adventure. Okay. You enjoy taking risks for love. Yes. And if things don't work out, you're usually not too much worse for the wear! Uhhh, maybe not so much if I was really in love...
You would make a great entrepreneur, marketing executive, or actor. Maaaaaaybe, but what I really want to do is be a lawyer!! At work, you need a lot of freedom to pursue your own path and vision. True. At least I do in school, lol!
How you see yourself: Analytical, creative, and peaceful. Analytical and creative, yes. Peaceful, NO.
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Detached, wishy-washy, and superficial. Not at all. When people don't get me, they usually see me as bossy, superficial, and dramatic. NEVER wishy-washy. I'm a ver set-in-stone kind of person.
Well, there you have it! More about me than you ever wanted to know :) If you want to take a similar quiz that's long-ish, but very accurate, go here:


WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol, I'm a little excited can you tell? Haha, I've never really pulled for a team before. I mean, I pull for Wake Forest, of course, because my parents do, but I've never REALLY wanted my team to win. Well, tonight, I DID. And we won. God is good, man!! I was praying the whole time!! Glory to him, y'all! Our team usually isn't exactly AMAZING, and we were losing BAD. But we won anyway. God is GOOD! :)

Basketball Game

Hi! Today was interesting. I finished school work earlier than usual, which left me the usual problem: a whole half-day to fill. Lol! So, I mostly just messed around on the internet and wrote like a paragraph of my book :) And I talked to a guy named Jordan and read some of his book.

Tonight (actually in like an hour and fifteen minutes) I'm going to a basket ball game for my school. Guess what?? Remember my friend that quit going to school with me? We're playing her school! How ironic is that? Lol! She's going to be there, so we'll all get to see her! Yay!

Well, that's about all I have to say for now. TTYL! :)

Thursday, January 15, 2009


OH NO!!!!!

I just found out something really annoying and awful: If I take driver's ed with the program I'm supossed to be taking it with, I'll have to be in a classroom for 6 hours on my BIRTHDAY! AND I won't be able to have my sleepover that I've been looking forward to so much! This sucks!

What should I do? Is driver's ed worth it? What do y'all think?

What Causes Autism?

Hi! Okay, so in science this semester, we have to write a formal research paper. I decided to do mine on something close to my heart: What causes autism? One of the kids at my church has autism, and he is so sweet. He's a high-functioning autistic kid, which means that his autism semptoms aren't quite as severe or numerous as other kids'.

I've done research on what causes autism, and I found out some really interesting things. Many people are saying that vaccinations are causing autism, but I wanted to find out what is in the vaccines that people think is causing the disorder. The answer is this: a special form of mercury called "thimerosal" which is used as a preservative in vaccines. Apparently, there are about three different forms of mercury, and it's the thimerosal form that is in vaccines.

But then I thought, okay, let's say that thimerosal is the cause of autism. Then why do some kids get autism but not others? The answer is that some children are born with the ability to deal with or get rid of thimerosal, and some aren't. The deficiency wouldn't normally be a problem, except that children at a young age are exposed to the thimerosal in vaccines.

Still, all research says that thimerosal is NOT the cause of autism, just a trigger. The absolute cause still seems like it might be genetic. The thimerosal and other things only trigger the disorder.

One other trigger I found out about is very interesting: TV. Yup, it looks like watching too much TV as a little kid can trigger autism, if the potential is already there. Michael Waldman saw this connection. His son started watching a lot of television shortly before he was diagnosed with autism. Waldman decided to see if TV might be triggering the autism, so he made his son stop watching so much TV.

Within six months, the kid was almost completely better.

The last possible trigger for austism I've found so far is fish. Children whose mother's ate a lot of fish while pregnant seem to get autism more frequently.

Well, I hope you weren't completely bored, and if you were, that is totally cool with me. Not everyone can be fascinated by disorder triggers :) As a matter of fact, I wasn't either until I started this research. It's kind of interesting after all!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Never Mind

Well, nothing much happened at dance. My friend Susanna was as hilarious as ever, and I had trouble with a tap combination, but that's about it. Sorry for the disappointment :)

A Boring Day

Hi! Today was my friend's first day at private school! Hope she had a good day...

Well, not very much at all has happened today. Like, really nothing. I haven't even THOUGHT anything interesting lol!

I'm a bit intimidated by the science research paper...not sure where to start, but I'll figure it out. Hey, the hard parts are (supposed to be) over. I've picked a topic done some research. *crosses fingers*

My writing has gotten a little better. For more than a week I had pretty bad writer's block, but I think it's better now. Hope it lasts :)

*sigh* There are some complications with moving in as soon as we had hoped. We haven't sold the house we live in now, and something is weird with the insurance with the new one. Not really sure of all the details, but it's really frustrating : I was also really counting on being able to have all my girl friends over for a sleepover, and this house isn't big enough :( We all thought we'd be moved in by now, and definitely by my birthday (February 7th). Oh well. It's all good. It'll happen.

Well, maybe I'll post later when I've got more to say. Lol, for someone who has nothing to say I sure can talk a lot :) I have dance class tonight so maybe there will be some interesting things to say about that.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Randomness at Its Best :)

Hey! Wow, Classical (the homeschool program I do) was so much fun today!! Lots of funny stuff happened, but I don't feel like telling every little thing. Some of the funnies will be posted on youtube by serendipitystudents1 pretty soon if things work out. In physical science, we got to make eggs collide :D

A really sad thing has happened. I've known about it for a few days, but I wasn't allowed to say anything because it was still a secret. Now I can safely blog about it: my best friend (one of them :)) is quitting class and going to a private school. :'( I'll pretty much never see her now. *sniff sniff* It's really sad.

I found this song that fits so strangely well with how things felt when He left. It's called "Leave Out All the Rest" and it's by Linkin Park. Here are the lyrics. I seperated the verses and stuff with those little star things because this blog won't let me do multiple blank lines for some reason....anyway, here are the lyrics that go with how it felt when He left (obviously as him in first person):

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave
Behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

So sad! So perfect.

Don't forget. Watch American Idol tonight :) I hear there's a new judge this season.

Monday, January 12, 2009


Okay, so, I promised to elaborate on my death by physical science. :) Well, basically I waited until the day of the test to figure out that I had no idea what I was doing. So, I freaked out and panicked and thought I was gonna flunk. But, but my dad helped me out, and everything is cool now. :) It's all good.

But I still reeeeeeally don't like physical science.

Or any science, actually. I'm really more of a literature, language and philosophy person. Oh, and logic. I just love logic. *sigh*

P ( Q
Ergo, ~Q

I love it. Call me crazy (and I know I am), but I do.

Okay. I know. I'll quit talking while I'm....well, not even ahead, but not so far behind...okay. Bye. I apparently had too much red kool-aid today. :D TTYL!

What Physical Science Will Do To You

I am dying of stress. :p Ugh. Will elaborate later.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A Friend From Russia and Knuckle-Cracking :)

It was cloudy last night, so I didn't get to see the moon.  :'( Lols, oh well.  Just for the record though, I love the sky:  stars, the moon, clouds; love 'em. :)

Well, today not a whole lot happened.  We went to church and then we went to this new family's house for lunch.  It was pretty fun!  One of the kids was adopted from Russia three years ago when he was ten.  I thought that was really neat.  His name is SO cool, but I don't want to say it without permission or anything.  Just in case he minds.  Anyway, it was fun.  We watched part of the movie "Meet Dave," which I thought was okay.  It wasn't great or anything.

*Sigh* Tomorrow begins another week of school.  Weekends never last long enough, you know? 

One of my New Year's resolutions was to stop cracking my knuckles.  I'm not doing all that well!  :)  Today I've cracked them like eighteen times.  :D Yes, I keep track.  Yet again, I'm even weirder than you thought.

Well, I guess I'll be going for now.  I'll be on youtube for a while though, so you can catch me there :)  (my username is embersmokeman)   

Saturday, January 10, 2009


Hey, everyone! Go outside and look at the moon! Tonight's moon is the biggest and brightest of the year! Enjoy it while it lasts! :)

Failure to Excomunicate

1. Put your iPod on shuffle. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

Go All the Way


Born Free

Somewhere in the Middle (lol okay)

Under the Influence (lol)

Who is Like You?

My Friend (yup)

What Have You Been Doing Lately?? (hahahahhahha lols!)

Secret Kingdom (I like the sound of that lol)

One World

The Truth

Remember Me (weirdly true...lols)

Ignition (awesome lol!)

Breakdown (haha!)

Kick Me (lol!)

Unbelievable (hmmm lol!)

Since I Met You, I Been Okay (cool!)

You Consume Me (uhm, yeah that would be!)

The Best Thing (okaaaay...)

Anything (hahaha)

Up and Up
I Know You're There

Let It All Come Out

Wanna Be Loved (lol that's weird...)



Failure to Excomunicate

Blue Walls and Birthday Parties

They’re painting my room in the new house!! I’m so excited! At first when they started painting, I hated the color. It was too bright. Like all you could think about when you walked in the room was: AHH! IT’S BLUE! Lol! But yesterday, the painter guy (who’s soooo nice) helped me mix white into the color until it was how I liked it. Now I love the color and I can’t wait to see it on my walls! Yay!

Guess what?! My birthday is less than a month away! I don’t know what I’ll do for my party though. Last year was a complete flop, and I’ll be the first to admit it. I love “Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring”, but it’s just too long to watch at a birthday party. I don’t know what I’ll do this year…

Haha, sorry, I’m just talking random stuff now. I’ll shut up, at least for now :)

Friday, January 9, 2009

The One Thing I Can't Stand

*Shudders* I just watched Casino Royale, the James Bond movie that came out just before Quantum of Solace. I love spy-action-shoot-'em-up movies, but the one thing I really just can't stand is guys screaming, and, well, James Bond gets tortured. EEK! I can handle everything else that scares normal people: blood, guts, gore, extreme violence, suspense, broken bones, needles, terror, torture. It's just the guys screaming that totally freaks me out.

Haha, I'm even weirder than you thought. :)

Over-all, I liked the movie though. I saw Quantum of Solace (the 2nd one) in the theater before Casino Royale (the 1st one, the one I just watched), so Quantum didn't make that much sense. Now that I've seen Casino, I think I'll like Quantum better.

Lol, that was probably pretty confusing...oh well. :)


I love writing.

But sometimes it seems like more of a disease or a mental illness than a gift. I can't stop. Even when I have horrible writer's block (like I do now), I still have the uncontrollable desire to write! You can't imagine how frustrating that is! I can't write, and yet I must. It's hard to describe. Music does that to me. It makes me want to write like crazy, and I get the most amazing feeling like I just HAVE TO WRITE! Unfortunately, music doesn't get rid of the writer's block, so I have to sit there listening to the music driving me crazy! (Betcha wondered how I got so crazy, huh? :D)

Well, that's my venting for today. :)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Philosophical Questions

Okay. Forget book-bot. Not workin' for me anymore. I'm just gonna blog about life now. :D

Okaaaay. Don't know what to say. Which isn't usually a problem for me in person. I tend to talk a LOT.

Okay, for lack of a better thing to do right now, I'm going to do a fill-out thingie about myself. Wait, wait, wait! Before you scroll back up, this isn't a typical fill-out. We're studying philosophy, and well, I love it!! So, here's a philosophical fill out! :)

1. Prove you are alive. "I think therefore I am." --Rene Descartes

2. Where do your thoughts come from? This is definitely a tough one. Technically, my head. But what goes on in there to make me think what I think?? My thoughts can come from myself, or they can be God influenced.

3. Who or what influences you the most in life? My parents, my friends, what I hear in music, what I read, God occasionally (I'm trying to get better at that). Number one would have to be...a tie between my parents and friends. VERY close second is what I read. I love to read. Books affect me a lot.

4. Do you think about WHY you do what you do, or do you just do what everyone else does? I definitely think about WHY. It's a big problem for me. I analyze things to death :)

5. What do you want to accomplish in life? I definitely want to get a book published!! And have a family. Become a stronger Christian. Become a lawyer.

6. Do you think you know more than most people, or less? More than a lot of kids my age, less than some. It's hard to say. Most people on Earth are older than I am, so they obviously know more than I do. For a person my age, though, I would say I'm fairly up-there. I hope you don't think I'll all stuck up, though, lol!

7. Are you confident that you can discern the truth? I sure hope so. But who can really know the truth in some matters until judgement day?

Well, that was me in about seven questions :) Hope you're not asleep on the keyboard :)

Friday, January 2, 2009

Twilight Review Again


TWILIGHT: *** and a half to **** stars!

OVER-ALL: GREAT! It could have been better, but it was still really good! I loved it!

1. Alice was absolutely perfect. Could not have been any better.
2. The scene at the Cullens' house was hilarious!
3. Jacob was great.
4. Emmett was perfect.
5. Rosalie was good.
6. Charlie wasn't really like the book that much, but he was really funny, so that's okay.
7. Bella's lullaby was PERFECT. (Only I looked and it's not Bella's lullaby lol but it was still perfect for that piano scene!)
8. The graduation cap part was funny.
9. Edward's skin was really good in the sun.
10. The baseball scene was awesome!
11. I thought Victoria was good.
12. I love it when Edward fixes the dent in Bella's truck lol!

1. Bella went straight to the ballet studio instead of stopping by her house. (That was okay. I can understand that.)
2. I didn't like how Carlisle, like, went crazy in the flashbacks of him changing Edward. It looked like he was eating his neck. Ew. Lol!

1. Jasper...yeah, he was weird.
2. Renee wasn't right at all. Much too old.
3. The part when Bella has to leave Charlie was EXTREMELY unemotional, which is so wrong.
4. Edward never gets mad at Bella in the movie. (And we all know THAT'S a big lie lol)
5. Edward is too easy to calm down and convince that Bella's plan is a good one.6. Edward goes crazy when sucking Bella's blood out in the movie.
7. They left out the entire part when they do the blood testing in biology and Bella faints.
8. The whole 20 questions thing when Edward and Bella take turns quizzing each other didn't even happen.
9. Edward never mentions how they hunt, that they don't have to breathe, or what Jasper's "talent" is.
10. Jasper never even uses his "talent."
11. Edward keeps slipping up. He'll be like, "I heard his thoughts!" and Bella will be like, "What??" and Edward tries to cover it up. Um, no. He's had over a hundred years to work on not slipping up. He would not just randomly blurt stuff out like that.

See?? I was much nicer this time lol! I cut out seven bad things and added four good things. :D Go see it! It's great!