HEY! :)

Hi! :) Remember me? Kendra?

No?

...

Yeahh, this is awkward.

Anyway, hello there :) It is July 6th, which means there are 2 days until something very big happens to me. You might remember me talking about this in January, and if you don't, here's the post: Official Announcement Post.

*gives you a minute to read it*




*still giving*




Finished? Yeah, you didn't read it, did you? :P

Anyway, it basically says that I am going to Europe. I am going to Spain, France and Italy, without my family, for 19 days. That's a long time, my friends. Up until this week, I haven't been nervous whatsoever. Up until today, I've only been nervous about the plane (I've never been on one before). But now, I'm starting to get just plain old nervous in general.

19 days is a long time! Almost three weeks, in fact! I won't see my friends, my family, my dog, my bed, anyone for almost a month! What have I gotten myself into?

But the biggest part of myself is still really excited :) I'm not going to flip out and beg to get out of this like I used to do about things. I'm going to pretend I'm not nervous at all and get on the plane without a single tear. I'm going to console my mom and Lizzy and tell them I'll take pictures and notes for them and not to be sad. I'll be strong.

I'll get homesick, I know, but I'll also have a really good time. It's literally the chance of a lifetime. I can't believe I get to do this! This is so cool!

Prayers would be greatly appreciated if you ever happen to think of me during the next few weeks. I know I'll be needing them, if only for the little things.

Talk to you later! Bye!

~Kendra

P.S. I miss this...

SATs

I am going to take the SATs today...I'm leaving in twenty minutes...I had to get up at 5:45...I slept horribly...afterwards I'm going out to lunch with some of the more "popular" girls...

Not sure if I'm more nervous about THAT, or the SATs...

Just kidding. You know, mostly.

I'm really nervous. See, I like taking tests. I don't mind it. It's fun to me. But I'm so far behind in math that I feel there's no way I can do well. I'm not BAD at math like I used to be (I've been working hard lately), but I'm not where I need to be.

And then I'm nervous that something will just plain ol' go wrong. I'll loose a pencil. I'll tuck my hair behind my ear and get kicked out for cheating. My mind will blank. Someone tries to cheat off me. Etc. Etc. Etc.

>.<

If you wouldn't mind, prayers would be appreciated.

~Kendra

Hair Cut

Okay. So, some of you might remember what happened last time I got my hair cut. Just reading that post makes me shudder. I've only recently gotten to where I like the length of my hair. Yeah, a 10-minute hair cut took me six months to recover from.

And today, I have an appointment. Hair cut.

I used to be terrified of getting my hair cut, then I loved it, then that little disaster in February happened and now I'm terrified again. Even more than usual this time, because--guess what?

I'm going to get side bangs.

I think.

I know it's a little late to be having second thoughts. My appointment is in--LESS THAN TWO HOURS? D: But yeah. Side bangs. I think.

I think I'd look fine with them, and I've always wanted to try it. But at the same time, so much could go wrong. Soooooooooooooo much.

They could be infinitely annoying. Whenever I dance, they might fly in my face. Whenever I get sweaty, my hair gets curly, and is there anything worse-looking than a piece of hair two inches long going out of control around your eyes? NO. They could also just get in my eyes all the freaking time. During school, when I'm writing, when I'm talking to people, just living life in general.

I'd have to keep them straightened. All the time. No exceptions. My hair isn't the kind of hair that will be okay with side bangs unless it's straightened. True, straightening side bands takes all of three seconds, but I'll eventually totally fry that little piece of hair. And it might look weird to have ONLY my side bangs straightened, which means I'll ALWAYS have to straighten ALL of my hair. Which definitely takes a lot more than three seconds.

I could look really bad with them. That's completely possible. It could draw attention to my big nose. (That's something my February Disaster did. With short hair, you just see this face and then the NOSE and then...yeah, it's bad). This is a fear I just thought of. And it's now a big fear. I have a big nose. Don't try to tell me otherwise. Sometimes it's not so bad, but certain things I do to my hair make it a lot worse. What if this is one of those things?

So you see, I'm a bit petrified about my appointment. And I know most of you are in school, but if you're not and you happen to be reading this, please, please leave me your thoughts.

I think I'm going to get them. I've always wanted to try them, and after all, hair grows back. But I'm soo nervous, and if you think I shouldn't, I'll definitely reconsider...

I just need help XD

~Kendra

Today. And Tomorrow.

So, hi :) I don't have any more character introductions ready just yet, so today is going to be a plain post. A not-too-long plain post :)

Today I was tired. (Four hours of sleep.)
Today I was nervous. (Ill-prepared debate.)
Today I was freaked out. (Big, black grasshopper dissection.)
Today I was pained. (Headaches suck.)

Today I giggled. (My short hair makes for cute pigtails XD)
Today I wore my coat ALL DAY. (Just a cold-natured person.)
Today I answered useless Facebook questions. (Boredom.)
Today I poked a grasshopper's stomach. (Dissection.)

Today I plan to write. (Ashlyn's story.)
Today I plan to read. ("Intertwined" by Gena Showalter.)
Today I plan to watch Alias. (Sark <3)
Today I plan to go to bed early. (Four hours of sleep.)

Today I didn't make my bed. (Shh!!)
Today I didn't doodle in math. (I'm trying to try, LOL XD)
Today I didn't remember to print two copies of my school assignment. (Fail D:)
Today I didn't straighten my hair. (Too tired. And pigtails.)

Tomorrow I will do my best in school. (Because I should.)
Tomorrow I will go to dance. (Because I love it.)
Tomorrow I will text Cavender. ('Cuz I do.)
Tomorrow I will wash my clothes. ('Cuz I need to. Rly bad.)

~Kendra

**AUDITION UPDATE**

Well, I think the audition went pretty well!! I did fine with the song, and the dance combo was pretty easy. I didn't ham it up as much as some other people, though...I wonder if that's too bad...hmm...

I GOT A CALL BACK!! But before you get all excited, so did everyone else -.- But, I still did. It's tomorrow at 2 o'clock. So...YAY!

:D :D :D :) :) :)

I'm so glad the audition over with (well, most of it), but I really had a fun time doing it! I also met lots of nice people. Now I hope I get a good role, not just the chorus like I had hoped before.

I know you guys' thoughts prayers helped so much; thank you!

Question Day and NERVOUSNESS!!

Question Day!!

The wonderful Rochelle Blue asked:

"When did you decide you wanted to become a writer?"

This might be a more in-depth question than I thought when I first read it. I thought, "Oh, that's easy. I decided when...um...well...when DID I decide I wanted to be a writer??"

I recently looked back at the “books” I made when I was a little kid. I would draw pictures and then tell my mom what to write under each picture. I thought that I wanted to be an artist because I loved to draw the pictures so much, but now I see that really I wanted to be a writer all along! I just thought I was being an artist, when I was really being an author even then.

Being a writer is the only goal for my future that has never shifted once. My other dreams for the future have all changed or been dropped, but I have wanted to write stories for other people to enjoy ever since I can remember. Because of all the events and passions pointing to my becoming a writer, I do believe it is the one goal that I am certain about. I firmly believe that God’s purpose for me has at least something to do with my being a writer. While all my other career goals and dreams may shift and change, I think being a writer is something that will always be close to my heart.

So, long answer short, I honestly think I was born wanting to be a writer. Something about the way my mind and personality works is just perfectly suited to do that.

Thanks so much, Rochelle! If anyone else has a question for Question Day, feel free to tell me! Please... ;)

-------------------------------

*internally quivers nervously with teeth clenched* That's how I look when I'm really nervous: jaw tight, chill bumps, flat expression, noticable swallowing.

My audition is tonight. I've changed song AGAIN.

Turns out the original "Teardrops on my Guitar" is different from the karaoke version I bought. The karaoke version sounds nothing the same, and the stupid CD doesn't have any tracks with the lyrics on them so I can learn. So, my dad and I spend half the morning hunting down and downloading the sheet music to one of my favorite songs we sing at church: "My Savior, My God". I can sing that really well.

So, now I have a song and sheet music and I know the song and I can sing it.

All very good things that came from a long series of bad things. Isn't God funny like that? Just when you're ready to scream at him to stop messing up everything you try to do, he's like "ta da!" and everything is all fixed. *sigh* You'd think I'd have learned to trust him more by now, but I haven't. Still working on it.

I'm definitely nervous, though. VERY nervous. My dad told me that when I audition, I need to put all my inhibitions aside and be my crazy, wide-open self. He told me that I tend to act small when in front of people, but I didn't used to be that way. He told me that I should forget about nervous and go back to how I was when I was little. Easier said than done. I'm going to try, though.

School is going so weirdly. With birthday shopping on Wednesday and birthday celebrations on Thursday, I just didn't get a whole lot done. I've mostly caught up today, though, so I'm back on track. It's been a very stressful day, though. It's so hard to concentrate on how WAAAAAAAAAAYYYY much school I have when I'm freaking out inside about the audition. When I'm nervous, sometimes I get really short of breath 'cause my heart is beating so fast, and that, of course, affects my singing...*sigh*

If you wouldn't mind, will you guys keep me in your thoughts and prayers tonight? The audition is at seven. I know this really isn't a big deal, but it does mean a lot to me.

Thanks for listening, y'all. It's good to have somewhere to vent.


P.S. GracieTheFirst and Cavender are the only ones who responded to Fact or Fiction. Here's the answer:

Fact/Fiction: In Missouri, a man must have a permit to shave.

Answer: Yes and No. Not to shave himself, but to own a barber shop and shave others, yes, he does ;)

You both won in a way. Sorry for irritating Everyone-Wins??-That-Is-So-Lame thing, haha! In the future I promise there will be only one right answer. In the meantime, Gracie and Cavender both get this award:

Congratulations! :)

P.P.S. I recently got some new awards (see the right side bar thing right below the About Me) from Bethany! Thanks!

Losing Losers

*swallows hard* Soccer practice is tonight at 8 o'clock. Not only is Ben-from-class on my team, so is Josh-from-class and all Josh-from-class's awesome siblings (at least the high-school-aged ones). Their family is insanely talented in soccer, and Ben isn't a bad goalie himself, so I think we have a really good team even though I don't know who else is on the team. Except me. But I hardly count. I don't do anything stupid, but I'm not really good either, so I'm kind of like a 0. I don't subract from the team's goodness, but I don't add to it either.

I am so nervous. This is gonna be horrible. The coach is gonna make us run suicides or something and I'm gonna finish dead last and then throw up or something. Omg, this is so awful. Why did I even sign up for soccer? I'm so out of shape. This is awful. Oh my gosh. *MOAN*

*clears throat* Well, um, on a lighter note, I just finished watching 17 Again. I really love that movie. Every other line is a LOL, and the moral of the story is great. If you can get past the billions of inuendos, lol ;) Luckily Lizzy doesn't pick up on half of it, or I'd feel really creepy watching it with her. That's why I didn't want her coming with me to see it in the theater. I was so glad my mom hadn't made me take her, too. I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the movie knowing my impressionable little sister was watching in the next seat.

I did the 16 pages of pre-class biology today. I love the science book. It's written by the same guy as last year's was. The way he phrases things is really easy to understand, but it's still complicated stuff so I feel like I've actually learned something when I'm finished.

After school starts tomorrow, I might not be able to post as often. I'm not sure. I'd still like to post every day, and I'll try, but I'm not sure how hard this year is going to be. We'll just have to see.

In honor of school starting tomorrow, let me post a quick class "cast" and an unfair stereotype to them to help you follow me if I start using names.

1. Me - The Bigmouth
2. Ben - The Dare Devil
3. Tori - The Pretty One
4. Josh - The Nice Guy
5. Amanda - The Normal One
6. Kirsten - The Genius
7. Chris - The Clown
8. Jessie - The Good One
9. David - The Youngest
10. Alex -
11. Cassidy -

Yeah, that's our class. Alex (she's a girl) and Cassidy are new this year, so I don't know about them yet.

Writing that list almost made me cry. Know why? Because two very, very, VERY important people aren't on it. Ellie B and Taylor (he's a guy) aren't going to be in class this year. Y'all "know" Ellie. She's a follower and one of my best friends. She's been going to my school since 7th grade. We've started school together every year since middle school. She's awesome. She's part of the class.

And she won't be there this year.

Taylor goes back wayyy farther. We've known each other since we were five (wow, a whole decade), and done school together since we were like seven. We've both been going to THIS school since fifth grade, and every year as long as I can really remember, he's been in my class. We aren't amazing friends or anything, we don't even talk to each other that much. But we're exactly alike. EXACTLY ALIKE. I honestly can't imagine school without him there, asking the question I was opening my mouth to ask, finishing my sentence, giving me the word I was looking for when I'm talking, making the same stupid mistakes as me in math, helping me remember what I was going to say even though I hadn't said it, glancing at each other when someone says something stupid.

I don't mean to get all...memory-lane on you guys, but...all the sudden, it feels really wrong to be starting school without him. It'll be like half the class is gone, not to mention half my brain. We don't like each other all that much, we never talk, don't each lunch together, don't even see each other outside of class, but I'm really gonna miss him. Way more than I ever imagined. In some ways, more than Ellie. I'll still call Ellie and talk to her like every day, and we'll get together sometimes, but Taylor...I might never really see him again.

I don't know what to do about that. It's not like I want to hang out with him, it's just that I feel like I shouldn't be starting school without him. He's always been there, and I kind of figured he always would be.

Gosh, I hate this. I hate it when people leave that you never even knew you cared anything about. You know how whenever I get an email or Facebook fill-out and the question is "What are you most afraid of?" I always put "losing people"? Well, this is why.

I HATE this. Why can't everyone just stay where they are forever? What is so great about changing, growing up, being a LOSER and LEAVING? What is the deal?

*sigh*

I guess I'm done posting. Sorry for ranting.

Soccer in 2 hours and forty-nine minutes.

Carpe diem. You never know who's gonna just not show up next year.

Citizen Soldier

Sorry for not posting yesterday! I was just about to when we had some unexpected company. This lady that my mom works with and her three kids: Daniel (14), Emily (12) and Caleb (10). I had so much fun! I just thrive on people. Being crowded gives me energy, so these past few days of PEOPLEPEOPLEPEOPLE has been so much fun for me!

We all went swimming, and then I got my mom to ask if they could stay for dinner. They did! Yay! Daniel is a really good musician. He taught himself piano from YouTube vids, and now he's taking lessons. Guitar is the same way. He played our old pump organ, and the little keyboard we keep in the unfinished part of the basement! I really like to listen to him play, and he doesn't mind playing in front of people, so that's cool.

Tomorrow we're going shopping for mission trip clothes. I know I haven't said much about the mission trip at all, have I? Well, it's for a week and we're going somewhere seven hours away. I won't say where, though, just for safety's sake (not that I think any of you are stalkers, lol).

I'm kinda nervous, but I don't get nearly as homesick as I used to, so I think I'll be okay. My lil' sister Lizzy is going this year! That's gonna be weird. Not bad (necessarily), just...weird. And so is Matt. That'll be like having a little brother, too. His mom already told me like all this stuff for me to ask him and make sure he does, lol! Hopefully having people to look out for will make me less nervous. It usually does.

Tonight is Challenge B orientation! (AKA, orientation for 8th grade, which my mom teaches.) One of my friends is going to come because her little brother is gonna be in my mom's class, so that should be cool.

I really love Challenge B. Like, I would sit in on the orientation if Kirsten wouldn't get bored to death. Challenge B was, like, the best and funnest year of my whole life.

Well, I need to go, so let me do Word and Picture Days really fast:

Word Day: Agape (pronounced ah-GAH-pay).

No, it's not actually an English word. It's Greek.

"Agape" means love, but not just "love". It means brotherly love, the love you have for your friends and family.

You see, in Greek, there are actually three different words that mean "love": agape, phileo, and eros. Agape is brotherly love, and phileo is kind of the same, only more unconditional (I think). Then eros is more like lust.

Cool, huh? I think we ought to have three words for love, too. It would take away so much confusion, don't you think?

Picture Day:

Whether you believe in this war or not, it is our duty as Americans to support our troops. They put their lives on the line every day for you and me. They are so brave, and we cannot forget it.

Citizen Soldier by 3 Doors Down.

P.S. SOMEONE MADE AN OFFER ON OUR OLD HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? SOMEONE MIGHT FINALLY BUY OUR HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Please pray that this works out!

HAIR CUT APPOINTMENT!!

Omg!! I'm getting my hair cut today, and I totally forgot about the appoinment until my mom told me a few minutes ago. Yikes!! I'm planning to get five inches off, get side bangs, and posisbly layers...Getting my hair cut is always a big thing for me, lol! I get so attached to my hair (uh, no pun intended...)! Right now, it's like six inches past my shoulders. If I cut it five, it'll be pretty much at my shoulders. And that's without the layers. What if it's super short after the layers?? What if I hate it? Yikes!!!!!!

Well, wish me luck...I'll let you know how it turns out. Maybe I can even post before and after pictures, lol! If I can figure out how to do that....

:)

Driver's Ed

*Gulp* I'm nervous about driver's ed. Yes, it's only the classroom part, but I'm still nervous. I'll only know two people, and one of them I barely know, and he never talks to me anyway. The other friend I haven't really seen in like two years. We still talk occasionally though.

I don't know what to expect at all, and that's the kind of thing that bugs me: not knowing what to expect. I'm the kind of person likes to know everything in advance. I don't like surprises that much (well, sometimes, of course, but not in this kind of thing). I don't know anything about this, and I'm nervous. I don't know anything!! Lol. Advice?

Tell me everything you know :)