Dance, Dance

Well, the old philosophy of
"Bad rehearsal, good performance"

has been proven...

CORRECT!

Things That Went Wrong at Rehearsal:
1) I messed up some foot work in dance #1, Razzle Dazzle.
2) The spacing wasn't great on Razzle Dazzle.
3) I work a short-sleeved leotard for the tap dance, which we were supposed to, but no one else did, so I looked weird.
4) I couldn't find my black capri pants for the tap dance. I had to wear my shorts that were part of another costume!
5) I did the wrong number of fouette turns in my ballet dance! It was really obvious.
6) I had a few wardrobe issues.
7) I almost forgot the end bow thing for my tap dance.

Yeah :( But...

The recital was great! I messed up a bit in once dance, but other than that, I have to say it wasn't bad at all :) I had SO much FUN! I love my dances :) My makeup was even fine! And I changed my hair three times and nothing horrible happened :) Also...

I DID MY SPLIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First time ever going all the way down. Can you believe it?? I felt myself hit the ground and kind of looked down, shocked. After the dance, I ran back into the dressing room to do it again. Could it be true? It was! A year and a half of training ends in a perfect victory! Yay!

I also had awesome people come watch me! David, Daniel, their parents, Cassidy, Brianna, my family, my grandma and Cavender! Yay! Most of them had never seen me dance before, and it was really important to me that I do as close to perfectly as I could :)

Dance songs (all of them were cut to fit the time frame):
1. Jazz: Razzle Dazzle (different version)
2. Tap: The tap dance was a cappella!
3. Ballet: Dance, Dance
4. Jazz/hip-hop: Bad Romance (WARNING: suggestive lyrics and language. The language was edited for the dance.)
5. Finale: Thriller! (We did the dance, too :D The Youtube vid won't load for me, so I'm going to cross my fingers that it's a good one, lol XD)

[Captions on the bottom]
Bad Romance poses + Razzle Dazzle costumes = ...this XD (I'm far right, and my face looks weirddd >.>)

Guess which one is me? The one with the dorky leotard and shorts, that's which one! >.< XD
I'm on the far right. With the gray, white and black tie-dyed tights.
Woo! :) I'm front and center, with the same gray, black and white tie-dyed tights.

Good weekend, awful ending. But I'm not gonna think about that :) The dance recital went great, and that's what I'll remember :)

~Kendra

Kendra's Epic (and Painful) Fail

I had play practice today at 1:30.

I rode with my grandma after church, and she dropped me off at the Students' Center, where it was supposed to be. It was POURING down rain, which was fine with me :D I love storms.

I went up to the door and walked in. However, the second set of doors were locked. Great, I thought. It must not be here after all. I know they told me it was here! I turned around and headed back for my grandma's car.

Only she drove away.

I ran after her a little, but in the rain I'm sure it was hard for her to see or hear.

I really did not want to walk to the other building in the rain. I tried calling different people in the play, but no one would answer. Finally I decided to cowgirl up and walk through the deluge. I picked up my bag and water bottle and went over to the other building.

What the heck. No people.

Frustrated and confused, I guessed that I must have been totally wrong and practice was at the high school and not the college. The high school really wasn't much farther, so I figured I'd just walk. I took a deep breath and set out in the rain again.

Note to self: Even if you are planning to dance barefoot like everyone else, do not wear high heels to play practice. End note to self.

"At least now I can really relate to 'Eliza' running through a rainstorm," I muttered, trying to shelter my bag full of journals and books for when I wasn't dancing. I called both my parents to let them know to pick me up at the high school, but they were still at church. There's no cell signal at my church building. *sigh*

I walked a long way, but my feet were starting to blister from the heels. So I shrugged and took them off. I mean, this is ME we're talking about. I prefer barefooted anyway.

Also being me, the twisty country roads didn't bother me. The possibility of redneck creepers didn't bother me. Blisters didn't bother me, walking didn't bother me, rain didn't bother me. What DID bother me?

WHAT IF THERE WERE LOOSE DOGS??

The terrifying thought plagued me (XD).

After about twenty minutes of walking, I started to get worried. I didn't remember the high school being this far away. It was only about a five-minute drive, surely I wasn't THAT slow of a walker. I pressed on.

I tried calling my parents again to ask them how far they though I would have to walk. Still no answer. I tried calling Ellie 'cause I was bored and starting to be more than a little worried. Someone to talk to would have been nice. She didn't answer either. I tried Kyle, but, again, no answer.

By this time, I'm really worried. There was no way that I'd passed the high school, but there was also no way that I shouldn't have come to already. I didn't know what to do. So I kept walking.

Finally, I either got a hold of my momma, or she called me. I can't remember which. But I told her what was going on, and she was a bit freaked. I guess I don't blame her. I was in short shorts all alone on a redneck country road. Prime target for a creeper. I hadn't really thought about it that much XD Creepers I can handle.

But dogs. Not so much dogs ;D

So, my mom agreed with me that I couldn't possibly have not come upon the high school. We talked things through, and guess what?

Basically, I had made a wrong turn >>>>>>.<<<<<<>.<>.< Gosh, I ruined everybody's everything, and it's completely my fault! And my feet hurt XD

So, today has been pretty fail, and I don't know how to make up the practice. We'll see how it goes.

You know what's weird though?

Those of you who know me know that I tend to freak out. Someone ate the last hot chocolate, someone stepped on my toe, someone took my bracelet, I have to try a new food, all that = KENDRA FREAKS.

But when something really weird/scary happens, I'm perfectly fine. I shrug off the freaked-out-ness and figure out what to do.

I'm so strange XD

Anyway, I just thought I'd share one of my biggest fails yet :D I'll call it "Kendra Gets A Time Wrong And Makes A Wrong Turn And Ends Up Making Her Mom Get Her And Ruining Everyone's Plans".

*sigh* Ah well. Live and learn. I promise you all, nothing like this will EVER happen again XD

~Kendra

Perfection vs. Perseverance

I have a confession to make:

I am a perfectionist.

What? You already knew that? It's painfully obvious? Oh. Okay. That's cool, too XD

Being a perfectionist has its pros and cons. Unfortunately, it has mostly cons. As humans, we're always going to fall short of perfection, and beating ourselves up about it isn't a good way to live.

Sure, when you're a perfectionist you are always (well, mostly XD) striving to be perfect and do your best. That's a good, right? Doing your best? Absolutely! God calls us to do our best. He wants us to use our minds and bodies and talents to the best of our ability to serve Him. If we don't use our gifts, we're like the servant in the parable who buries the money he's entrusted with. That's really poor stewardship of what God has given us. So, doing your best is good.

But then there comes a point where it's just too extreme. And that's where I am most of the time. Lots of times, I get to the point where my line of thinking is "If I can't be perfect, I won't do it at all."

You can imagine how many things I've passed up, decided not to go for, chickened out of, and otherwise refused to try, all because I was afraid of failing. That's when perfectionism goes too far: when it stops us from trying things altogether, simply because we might not excel right at first.

Like all opposites, "perfection" and "failure" go hand in hand. You can't really know one until you've experienced the other.

Making mistakes is going to happen. Failure is going to happen. Failure twice at same thing will probably happen. The real honor is not in never failing, but in trying until you do get it right. That's not perfectionism, that's perseverance, and that's really twice as good!

Next time you're hesitating to try something, remind yourself that it's okay to fail. Perfectionism is for the temporarily lucky, perseverance is for the strong at heart.

“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotion, spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never tasted victory or defeat.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Where Did I Go?

Hey :)

Well, I'm back. I mean, I'm still being this weird, happy person, but I'm feeling a little more like myself, too XD

My writing style has gone extremely south lately. I used to be fun to read, I think. I used to say things in creative ways that would make me chuckle. I used to feel like words were my best weapon, my own little minions to express exactly what I wished.

I don't feel that way anymore, and it really bothers me.

What happened to the girl who said at least mildly interesting things like:

"School is killing me. Or more like hacking me to death with a bloody ax." (October 11: "...Hi."

and

"FIRST AND A HALF (because 'second' sounds too late)!" (September 8: Imagination and Irritation)

and

"Just keep me in your thoughts...and hopefully tonight will keep itself in my thoughts, too..." (August 15: My Life, the Psycho Mystery Story?!)

What happened to the girl who said she liked the moon better than the sun?
What happened to the girl who found out that blue inspired creativity and thus painted her room that color?
What happened to the girl who convinced her grandpa that she drank lemon juice for snack?
What happened to the girl who planned to read "Paradise Lost" over Christmas break?

~~~~~~~
Hours later:

Whatever. I'm too tired to work on this any more. And it's not even yesterday anymore. It's 12:02. So, I missed Friday anyway. Fail.

*sigh* Sorry. Never mind.

~Kendra

Today. And Tomorrow.

So, hi :) I don't have any more character introductions ready just yet, so today is going to be a plain post. A not-too-long plain post :)

Today I was tired. (Four hours of sleep.)
Today I was nervous. (Ill-prepared debate.)
Today I was freaked out. (Big, black grasshopper dissection.)
Today I was pained. (Headaches suck.)

Today I giggled. (My short hair makes for cute pigtails XD)
Today I wore my coat ALL DAY. (Just a cold-natured person.)
Today I answered useless Facebook questions. (Boredom.)
Today I poked a grasshopper's stomach. (Dissection.)

Today I plan to write. (Ashlyn's story.)
Today I plan to read. ("Intertwined" by Gena Showalter.)
Today I plan to watch Alias. (Sark <3)
Today I plan to go to bed early. (Four hours of sleep.)

Today I didn't make my bed. (Shh!!)
Today I didn't doodle in math. (I'm trying to try, LOL XD)
Today I didn't remember to print two copies of my school assignment. (Fail D:)
Today I didn't straighten my hair. (Too tired. And pigtails.)

Tomorrow I will do my best in school. (Because I should.)
Tomorrow I will go to dance. (Because I love it.)
Tomorrow I will text Cavender. ('Cuz I do.)
Tomorrow I will wash my clothes. ('Cuz I need to. Rly bad.)

~Kendra

Just T-Hair-ibble

I got a haircut yesterday. To explain to you how I feel, I'm going to use a quote from Simon of the "Mortal Instruments" trilogy:

"I don't like flat soda. I don't like crappy boy-band pop. I hate [my hair]. See the difference?"

I've regretted haircuts before, but never like this, never on the almost-eve of my sixteenth birthday. You know how my hair normally looks after I get it cut? I like it. I think it looks good. Well, I hate this. I hate it. Go read that quote again.

What the HECK was I thinking asking the haircut-lady to go shorter? If it ain't broke, don't freaking fix it, Kendra! Why-o-why!! I'm about to be sixteen, and I now look like I'm ten.

Ten.
TEN.

I really do.

Gosh, could this be any more exactly the opposite of what I want? I hate my hair. So much. I'm so upset >.<

It's completely my fault and everything, the lady did exactly what I asked her to. It's all my fault, and I look terrible.

I.

Look.

Ten.

*sob* Awwwwwwwwww >.<

Ellie, please call me next time I'm about to get a haircut and remind me not to go too short. We usually do that for each other, and I don't do it one time, and look at what happened? Goshhhhh.

Yeah, I know, it'll grow. It will. But not before Sunday. Not before I have pictures taken of my on my Sweet 16 looking like I should be in elementary school.

:(

Ugh. I am seriously quite depressed about this.

Advice Day

Ready for my supreme knowledge?

"Don't get behind in math." ~Kendra Logan

-_- It will kill you dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway. Today was...extremely unproductive and just generally cruddy, but then at the same time it was fun... I messed around most of the day, then did math.

I was woefully behind. I mean, I had been keeping up with the work, but not with the understanding. I'm terrible at math. I'm in algebra 1 AGAIN -_- I don't ever seem to understand even the simplest things. Thanks to Cavender and Kyle for trying to help. Ish XD My mom and dad did eventually clear things up for me.

Then, my ulcer started getting worse. Um, AGAIN. I've been battle the stupid mouth-blister for a week now. It's a literal pain to eat, a literal pain to smile, a literal pain to laugh, talk, and all the other things I do a lot (apparently).

Also, I found out ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE news about my driver's ed certificate. We'd been calling the department of Non-Public Education to send me a form I need to get my permit. We've called four times, and they still haven't sent my form. Well, today my dad finally got a hold of a non-machine person and guess what?

We apparently aren't in the records. And to get your permit form mailed to you, that means your school has to have been set up for at least six months. Know what that means?

I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET MY PERMIT UNTIL I'M AT LEAST SIXTEEN AND A HALF. AND THEN I CAN'T GET MY LICENSE TILL A YEAR AFTER THAT. I WILL BE SEVENTEEN AND A FREAKING HALF BY THE TIME I GET A LICENSE.

Does that suck or what?

Yeah. It sucks.

But then, on the other hand, I've had so much fun with my friends today (all online, LOL), that today really wasn't bad at all. Weird, huh? Well, I mean, I guess not really...

Okay, my thoughts are very scattered today/right now. I guess I'll leave you now :)

Advice Day

"Honesty can be a good thing, but so can discretion." ~Your very own Kendrabelle

Be nice. Being honest can be a great personality trait, but not when you use it as an excuse to blurt out your hurtful thoughts.

That's all I have time to say for now, I'm writing. LOL, sort of. I ended up not really liking what I had going for the Write-a-Thon, so I've started something else...and I only have 496 words so far :-|

*headdesk* Ergh.

Guests and More Procrastinating (Only it's hardly even my fault this time ;) )

Tonight some people are coming to our house for this meeting my mom is doing for Classical (the homeschool program we do), and they're going to spend the night. We've been cleaning all day, I barely got ANY school work done, which is HORRIBLY bad news because I really need to be doing a lot of stuff. My philosophy presentation is like halfway done, and it has to be ready to present (which means I need to LEARN IT) on Tuesday. *gulp*

I know, I know. You're asking "So why aren't you working on it NOW instead of BLOGGING about it?"

Answer: Uhhhhhhh....*cough* slacker *cough*

I did paint my nails today though. Or really I re-painted them. They're this awesome sparkly hot pink.

I have a mouth ulcer where my bottom right canine tooth is cutting my lip. It's so weird. I didn't think your own body was supposed to hurt itself.

I haven't written any Mirror lately. Well, like two days ago and like a sentence yesterday, but it all sucks. I don't know what's wrong. Page thirty and up I feel like I need to SERIOUSLY work on.

Whoa, I just got really dizzy and now I'm seeing spots...I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing. Oh well.

Today we finally put this cabinet thing in place between the wall and the fireplace. THAT was an ordeal, let me tell you. We measured the space before the rock was put on the fireplace, so when the rock was put in, the cabinet (which is HUGE and REALLY heavy) didn't fit. So today, this guy and his daughter, who's my age, came over to help my mom and dad put the cabinet in place. It took like an hour and I thought my dad was gonna get his head smashed (too hard to explain). It was crazyyyyyy.

So, that's another reason why I got next to no school work done. And unfortunately tomorrow is Saturday, so I probably won't work then either. (*Cue stomach knot*)

*MOAN* I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'll let you know if I die of stress or fail ninth grade or something.