Well, Folks, It's That Time of Year Again...

No, not the Super Bowl -_- My BIRTHDAY.

I have a little over 12 hours left of being sixteen.

Sixteen was good. In fact, it was pretty great. I went to the beach with a bunch of friends, went to prom for the first time, vacationed in Florida, almost had a boyfriend, read all the Harry Potter books, got accepted to go to Europe, and finally got my permit! Not a bad year, not a bad year at all :)

However. I am completely ready and eager to leave sweet sixteen behind. I'm excited for my birthday. I mean, I'm actually smiling and happy and bouncy and waiting for the clock to get to tomorrow. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember EVER feeling excited about my birthday before. I'm usually anxious and apprehensive and totally paranoid that I won't enjoy it enough. This year, I'm just plain excited. Old-fashioned excited. Little-kid excited.

My birthday's tomorrow.
My birthday's tomorrow.
My BIRTHDAY'S tomorrow!

Yippee :D

I have it all planned out so that I have NO SCHOOL WORK to do! Tomorrow is all mine. I will be "sexy seventeen" and it's going to be freaking AWESOME.

Gosh, a whole day. Whatever will I do with my aging self? :D

~Kendra

Resolution

Happy Second Day of Twenty-Eleven! How was your first day? Did you notice the date?

1.1.11

I thought that was pretty sweet, but then again, I'm easily amused.

This year, I have a lot of little resolutions, but in general, my goal is very simple (and not particularly original): be myself.

I go through ups and downs in "being myself." 2010 was not an especially good year for being myself. It's not that I lied or was fake or tried to be someone I wasn't, it's just that...I was being the wrong parts of myself and not looking at the big picture.

Of course, 2010 was also just a growing year. I might not have been completely myself, but I did a lot of experimenting and learning and stretching. I learned what works for me and what I'm like and where my limits are.

You know, when I think about like this, 2010 really wasn't that bad. I'm not upset to say goodbye, but it actually wasn't a bad year. I had lots of Firsts (and several Onlys) and discovered that I love eyeliner, hate chemistry and can, in fact, tolerate guys screaming in movies (which will come in handy with the Harry Potter movies, I think).

Long story short, while I wasn't as successful at being ME in 2010, I did make a lot of discoveries about who I am that should help me become more the person God wants me to be in 2011 :)

More on that later.

~Kendra

Childhood Choices

When I was little, I wanted to be a famous singer (as well as the first woman president, an orphanage keeper, and an artist). The "famous" part was very important. I would bring CDs of songs I wanted to sing to church. After the service, I would play the CD through the sound system and use the microphones to live my dream.

I stared a singing group called Triple G (God's Girls Group) and made sign-up sheets for it and put them on the Information Desk at church. Members of the group came and went a lot, mostly due to the fact that I was what you might call a Bossy Little Snit at times XD

Although I wasn't singing to God for the right reasons, I learned a lot through all that. I learned that you can't treat people like crap and expect them to do what you say. I learned that true friends are the ones that will still love you even when you're being a jerk. I learned that not ALL grown-ups take people 2ft. shorter than them as a joke. I learned how to make things happen and persevere. I learned a lot of good Christian artists.

I recently rediscovered my #1 favorite artist of my Triple G club years: Rebecca St. James.

I must admit that even as a very strange child, I had pretty good taste in music. When I decided to go back listen to some of the "Transform" CD, I was prepared to be underwhelmed. But I still love some of the songs! They remind me of awesome times, and the sound is really cool. "Reborn", "One" and "Lean On" are still my favorites.

I also discovered that I freaking love Rebecca St. James' sense of style. Dude. I really picked a good singer to look up to.

~Kendra

Junior

Today, I am a rising junior. Tomorrow, I am a junior. No longer a freshmen, with high school new and exciting, four long years ahead to become whomever I want. No longer a sophomore, who's been through one year and therefore knows everything there is to know about highschool. I'll be a junior. An upperclassmen. In my opinion, junior year is going to be the best.

I'm not a senior, so I don't have to think too much about college, and how much I'll miss my dog and my small town when I leave. (Oh yeah, I'll miss my family too >.> XD Love y'all.) I don't have to make the most of my LASTYEAROFHIGHSCHOOL and stress out.

But I'm an upperclassmen. I've been through two years of highschool, enough to actually know what I'm talking about. I'm starting to realize who I am and how I want to be. There are licenses and cars and actually hanging out on my own in the picture. I'm "Sweet Sixteen" for the fall of my Junior Year, and I'll get to be "Sexy Seventeen" in the spring.

For me, Junior year seems like a perfect storm. The right mix of excitement and the safety of home, becoming who you want to be and being who you are, deciding about the future but still having time, being an upperclassmen without the baggage of being a senior.

Junior year sounds just about perfect. I know it won't be without bumps in the road, but sometimes "perfect" doesn't have to mean "flawless". It just means...well, that you lived, loved, laughed, learned and seized every day. To me, that's just about perfect.

Here's to my third year of highschool. Grade number eleven. My last year of it NOT being my last year. My big year. My best year. My Carpe Diem year.

My Junior Year starts now.

~Kendra

Growing Up (unedited)

I used to be funner, lighter, less dark. I used to think about different things. I used to read. And write.

It's probably just a growing up thing. But it's weird. It's weird to think about graduating in two years, and then comes the rest of my life, just like that. I'll be grown up. No more having other people help me or be responsible for me. "When I grow up" is just around the corner.

I don't even know how I'm supposed to do this.
I don't know how to do stuff.
And I like being a kid.

Why is this so hard?

~Kendra

Kendra's Great Wolf List

Things About Going To A Water Park:
1. Water
2. Parks
3. Wave pools
4. Snacks
5. Lifeguards XD (Lols, just kidding.)
6. Friends
7. Hours of relatively mindless fun

Things About Going To A Water Park When You're SIXTEEN:
1. You are expected to find and wear waterproof makeup (-_-)
2. You can no longer giggle about the seventeen-year-old lifeguards without drawing legit attention to yourself.
3. You're not allowed on that little slide :(
4. You can't sit on the inflatable worm without being told by a small child that you're being immature.
5. You become self-conscious that your legs are banged up and look like they belong on a ten-year-old.
6. You have to buy your own food instead of mooching off your parents. (*sigh* XD)
7. You have to think about all the schoolwork you're NOT getting done because you're going down the Howlin' Tornado instead.

*sigh* XD

This trip will be fun. I will sit on the worm and ignore the children. I will bring money to buy nachos and smoothies made with fake fruit. I will not let my cuter, made-up friends make me feel retarded.

:D This will be fun.

It will be.

~Kendra

Just T-Hair-ibble

I got a haircut yesterday. To explain to you how I feel, I'm going to use a quote from Simon of the "Mortal Instruments" trilogy:

"I don't like flat soda. I don't like crappy boy-band pop. I hate [my hair]. See the difference?"

I've regretted haircuts before, but never like this, never on the almost-eve of my sixteenth birthday. You know how my hair normally looks after I get it cut? I like it. I think it looks good. Well, I hate this. I hate it. Go read that quote again.

What the HECK was I thinking asking the haircut-lady to go shorter? If it ain't broke, don't freaking fix it, Kendra! Why-o-why!! I'm about to be sixteen, and I now look like I'm ten.

Ten.
TEN.

I really do.

Gosh, could this be any more exactly the opposite of what I want? I hate my hair. So much. I'm so upset >.<

It's completely my fault and everything, the lady did exactly what I asked her to. It's all my fault, and I look terrible.

I.

Look.

Ten.

*sob* Awwwwwwwwww >.<

Ellie, please call me next time I'm about to get a haircut and remind me not to go too short. We usually do that for each other, and I don't do it one time, and look at what happened? Goshhhhh.

Yeah, I know, it'll grow. It will. But not before Sunday. Not before I have pictures taken of my on my Sweet 16 looking like I should be in elementary school.

:(

Ugh. I am seriously quite depressed about this.

Fourteen At a Glance

Today is the last day of my life that I will be fourteen years old. Freaky, huh? Birthdays are always uncomfortable for me. I feel like I MUST ENJOY THEM!! And it's a lot of pressure for some reason, lol! I feel like I have to be happy about everything, and it's a big milestone that I have to be careful not to screw up. So, pretty much, my actual birthday is something I almost...well...dread. Not because I'm like, "AHH! I'm old! I'm old!" Lol, I'm not. I just hate the pressure I put on myself to make my special day PERFECT.

And the getting older thing does actually bother me a little. Not because I'm afraid of getting wrinkles, just because it's so final or something. I get older, and there's nothing I can do about it. That scares me. Even if I LOVE my age, it can't stay with me. I get older and leave things behind that I enjoy. I'm going to be fifteen. That means, in five years, I'll be TWENTY YEARS OLD. Does that not freak anyone else out?? I LIKE being fourteen! Why do I have to leave it? *SIGH* I'm such a weird and confusing person.

Anyway, I thought it would be nice to do a little reminicing (or however you spell it). I'm making a list of all the things that happened in my fourteenth year that I want to remember.

1. My class won the championship in Mock Trial competition!!!
2. I had my first summer job.
3. I drove a car for the first time.
4. I started a story that I think I might finish.
5. I'm fluent in Latin (whoopee. I can speak a dead language *rolls eyes* Lol!).
6. Gave my hair to Locks of Love (ten inches, baby! WOOT WOOT! :) )
7. I started writing poetry.
8. I got a cell phone!!
9. I kept a journal for a whole year.
10. I had a boyfriend for two hours (long story :) ).
11. I beat my own record at reading (Read "Brisingr" in two days :D).
12. I saw "Twilight" in the theaters.
13. I got super close to my class.
14. I went down the Howlin' Tornado ride at Great Wolf Lodge.
15. I presented my first speech from memory and did just fine.
16. I wrote 20,000 words in a month.
17. My family is building a house!

Well, that's not all, of course, but it's all the big things. There are little things I treasure, but those are only for me :)

As an unknown author once said, "Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal."