What a God Moment :)

I had in mind a hundred different things to post on. Today has not been one of those days where I can't think of anything to say. I've had lots of ideas that cover lots of different angles, but when I came downstairs and checked my email just now, I knew what to post on.

I just had such a God moment.

Ellie B slept over last night, and we talked about a lot of deep things--as usual--but one thing in particular has been bothering me. We used to have this amazing friend a few years ago. She's still a friend of ours, but different things happened and we've kind of fallen apart. We talked about her a lot, and came to the conclusion that everything was over. As much as we hated to think it, we figured the friendship was pretty much dead.

And you guys know how my week has been, right? Just one thing after another, everything sucked. School, family, emotions, the "personal junk" I asked for prayer about, everything.

It wasn't one of those "mad at God times", just more of a completely discouraged feeling that's been hanging over my head. The talk about the fallen friendship was just the icing on the crap cake (lol).

I came down here to blog and see if I could write anything. I saw I had a message in my inbox. I shrugged and clicked on the message.

It was from the "lost" friend. She apologized for the randomness, but said she felt like something was up and wanted to see if everything was cool with us.

I don't know about you, but that was one of the biggest WOW and GOD moments of my life, and definitely of the past few weeks.

I haven't talked to this friend really in three months. Ellie B hasn't talked to this friend for real in a long time. And all the sudden, God laid on this friend's heart the fact that something wasn't quite right.

Well, guess what? I sent a message back explaining my feelings and why the different circumstances bothered me. I read and re-read the message several times, making sure my tone was how I intended it to be (it's so hard to communicate tone in emails; you really have to be careful). I think we can work this out.

Oh my gosh, I didn't even think about this until JUST NOW. Guess what our youth group study was on today?

Friendships.

Wow. I rarely get this excited about God stuff like this. As bad as that is, God really has to HIT ME WITH IT for me to get it. Boy, he really did today. I'm just smiling. Can you even believe how awesome God is?? Without me even noticing it, God shaped this whole day--and last night, too--preparing me for that email. I thought my friend was lost to me forever, but guess what? ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD!

He's not an ancient force that stopped interacting when the Bible was finished.

God is here, God is now, and God is doing things in our lives NOW.

Wow.

What an interested, alive, personal God.

Mary and Martha: God's Custom-Made Love

So, today was definitely a cool day.

1. Cavender came to my church.
2. The sermon really spoke to me.
3. I had the first play practice.

I'll talk about the second cool thing last; it'll be my thing for God Day.

So, Cavender came to my church today! That was cool. He said he really liked the music, which is my favorite, too. I think our church really does have awesome music, and the band members are all really into.

Play practice went well, I think. We just did a read-through of the script and listened to the songs on a CD. Mushu (the little dragon) is played by a girl who definitely does it justice. The girl who plays Mulan is awesome. The guy who plays Captain Shang (Shang + Mulan = falling in love, duh ;D) is pretty good. He can sing pretty well. If he can just hide that southern drawl a little...Lol! No, really, he did fine. Mulan's father is...not good, and neither is the Emperor. I think the guys were just nervous, though. And it was the very first read through.

I'm, just in case you didn't know this, doing the voice for a big Hun puppet -.- Lols, I'm okay with it now, though. I'm also in the Ensamble (yay for singing and dancing with everyone else), and a hairdresser. I forgot to mention that last night. The hairdresser is going to be my favorite, probably. It's a tiny part with no real lines, but in a song, a have a quick singing-line all my myself, and then some with the other hairdressers and stuff. I picked out a couple of harmony parts, so I'm looking forward to being able to do them. I really hope I get a harmony part and not just the melody...
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God Day!

So, the sermon today was about Lazarus. Let me just do a quick run-through of this story. It helps me to do that. So, Jesus and his diciples are just kind of hanging around, and a messenger comes and says to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."

The messenger is talking about Lazarus. Lazarus and his sisters Martha and Mary are good friends of Jesus', so they figured Jesus would want to know that Lazarus was sick. Really sick. Like, about-to-die sick.

Instead of going right to Lazarus' house, Jesus is just kind of like, "Oh, yeah, okay" and he hangs out in the little town where he is for a few more days.

Finally, he says to his diciples, "Okay, let's go see Lazarus. He's fallen asleep, and we'll just go wake him up."

The diciples are like, "Uh, but isn't sleep probably the best thing for him?"

Jesus: "I mean he's dead."

They go to see Lazarus, and when they're close to his house, Lazarus' sister Martha comes out and says to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother wouldn't have died. But I know that even now, God will give you whatever you want."

She's pretty much saying, "I know you're the Messiah, so why didn't you DO SOMETHING?"

She's kind of mad. She's like, if you're so amazing and powerful, why didn't you stop this from happening? Why didn't you FIX IT?

*cough* That might sound just a little familiar...maybe...

May 24th: "Then four years later, God takes him away. Uh, ouch. Thanks a lot, God."

July 17th: "WHY COULDN'T I HAVE HAD BROTHERS? IS ONE BROTHER TOO MUCH TO ASK? ONE? ONE??"

August 2nd: "Why had God taken Him away from me? Why on Earth would a good God do that? It's like someone punching you in the face."

March 23rd: "God created the Heavens and the Earth, surely he could give me my older brother!!"

...

Hmm.

A little later, the other sister, Mary falls at the feet of Jesus and says, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother wouldn't have died."

The way she says it is more like, "How could you be so unkind to your friends?"

Don't you love me, God? Why would you let this happen? Don't you care?

Of course, Jesus ends up raising Lazarus from the dead, but only after he meets both sisters where they are. With Martha, he takes the logical route.

Martha's argument is a simple Modus Ponens:

If you are the Messiah, then you could have saved my brother.
You are the Messiah.
Therefore, you could have saved my brother. (And yet you didn't.)

Jesus talks to Martha about how her brother will rise again. Martha is kind of like, "Yeah, thanks, I know he'll rise again at the ressurection and all."

Jesus says, "I am the ressurection!"

He's like, Martha, listen to me! I AM the ressurection! It's me, it's here! Your brother will rise again.

Mary comes to Jesus not from the logical and theological angle, but from the emotional, friend-to-friend angle. Jesus cries with her. He's really sad! Lazarus was his friend! He's upset. He cries with Mary.

Jesus meets us right where we are. Right where we need to be met. Whether it's logical or emotional, or somewhere in between.

As my pastor said in the sermon this morning (ALL of this is borrowed STRAIGHT from him, by the way), "God's love is not one size fits all, or most. God custom fits his love for us."

That was a great sermon anyway, but add on my whole issue with God not giving me a brother, then giving me one and taking him a way, and the sermon is flat out AMAZING.

It COULD NOT have been more spot on. I come to God from Martha's angle, as demonstrated in my post excerpts. God, you created the Heavens and the Earth. And you didn't give me a brother?? If you're so great, fix this injustice!

I also come to God from Mary's angle a little. God, if you love me, why would you do something so unkind? Why dangle my life's desire in front of my face, and snatch it back? Don't you care for me?

I know this has been a very long post, and sort of jumbled and probably at parts unclear, but I just needed to get in writing how much this morning's sermon hit me. Everything was exactly fit to ME! This story is, literally, ANCIENT, and I've heard it, probably also literally, A HUNDRED TIMES, and it's never been so clear to me.

Every detail fits me. It's even about losing a brother and being mad at God because he could have prevented it and didn't.

It takes my breath away, y'all.

I could elaborate more, but I know you must be tired of the ranting, so I'll stop. I just want you to know that I KNOW that God is watching out for us. He knows what he's doing. And every once in a while, he might throw an tired ol' Bible story at you and revel a whole new meaning.

Thanks, God.

Question Day and NERVOUSNESS!!

Question Day!!

The wonderful Rochelle Blue asked:

"When did you decide you wanted to become a writer?"

This might be a more in-depth question than I thought when I first read it. I thought, "Oh, that's easy. I decided when...um...well...when DID I decide I wanted to be a writer??"

I recently looked back at the “books” I made when I was a little kid. I would draw pictures and then tell my mom what to write under each picture. I thought that I wanted to be an artist because I loved to draw the pictures so much, but now I see that really I wanted to be a writer all along! I just thought I was being an artist, when I was really being an author even then.

Being a writer is the only goal for my future that has never shifted once. My other dreams for the future have all changed or been dropped, but I have wanted to write stories for other people to enjoy ever since I can remember. Because of all the events and passions pointing to my becoming a writer, I do believe it is the one goal that I am certain about. I firmly believe that God’s purpose for me has at least something to do with my being a writer. While all my other career goals and dreams may shift and change, I think being a writer is something that will always be close to my heart.

So, long answer short, I honestly think I was born wanting to be a writer. Something about the way my mind and personality works is just perfectly suited to do that.

Thanks so much, Rochelle! If anyone else has a question for Question Day, feel free to tell me! Please... ;)

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*internally quivers nervously with teeth clenched* That's how I look when I'm really nervous: jaw tight, chill bumps, flat expression, noticable swallowing.

My audition is tonight. I've changed song AGAIN.

Turns out the original "Teardrops on my Guitar" is different from the karaoke version I bought. The karaoke version sounds nothing the same, and the stupid CD doesn't have any tracks with the lyrics on them so I can learn. So, my dad and I spend half the morning hunting down and downloading the sheet music to one of my favorite songs we sing at church: "My Savior, My God". I can sing that really well.

So, now I have a song and sheet music and I know the song and I can sing it.

All very good things that came from a long series of bad things. Isn't God funny like that? Just when you're ready to scream at him to stop messing up everything you try to do, he's like "ta da!" and everything is all fixed. *sigh* You'd think I'd have learned to trust him more by now, but I haven't. Still working on it.

I'm definitely nervous, though. VERY nervous. My dad told me that when I audition, I need to put all my inhibitions aside and be my crazy, wide-open self. He told me that I tend to act small when in front of people, but I didn't used to be that way. He told me that I should forget about nervous and go back to how I was when I was little. Easier said than done. I'm going to try, though.

School is going so weirdly. With birthday shopping on Wednesday and birthday celebrations on Thursday, I just didn't get a whole lot done. I've mostly caught up today, though, so I'm back on track. It's been a very stressful day, though. It's so hard to concentrate on how WAAAAAAAAAAYYYY much school I have when I'm freaking out inside about the audition. When I'm nervous, sometimes I get really short of breath 'cause my heart is beating so fast, and that, of course, affects my singing...*sigh*

If you wouldn't mind, will you guys keep me in your thoughts and prayers tonight? The audition is at seven. I know this really isn't a big deal, but it does mean a lot to me.

Thanks for listening, y'all. It's good to have somewhere to vent.


P.S. GracieTheFirst and Cavender are the only ones who responded to Fact or Fiction. Here's the answer:

Fact/Fiction: In Missouri, a man must have a permit to shave.

Answer: Yes and No. Not to shave himself, but to own a barber shop and shave others, yes, he does ;)

You both won in a way. Sorry for irritating Everyone-Wins??-That-Is-So-Lame thing, haha! In the future I promise there will be only one right answer. In the meantime, Gracie and Cavender both get this award:

Congratulations! :)

P.P.S. I recently got some new awards (see the right side bar thing right below the About Me) from Bethany! Thanks!