So, Yesterday...

The SATs went about like I expected. I'm sure I did well on the reading and writing parts, but I did poorly on the math, I know. I'm just behind where I need to be. I'm not longer completely BAD at it, just behind. And I'm slow at it. So on the first math section, I finished 7 of 10. The second section, 12 of 20. And the last section, 6 of 16. So yeah. Even if I get every one of them right, it's still gonna be baaad.

So, kinda :( But oh well.

Lunch with the "popular" girls went really well. They were nice to me, and I didn't say anything stupid or do anything really awkward-inducing. Some other friends picked me up from the restaurant at about 2:30 and we hung out doing random things. Then we saw "Red Riding Hood," which I thought was really going to be awful, but it wasn't! :O I actually enjoyed it.

I thought it was gonna be scary, too, so I was all worked up inside about it. (I do NOT do scary movies. I don't think...I've never actually SEEN one...) But, again, it wasn't. Not at all. Not even a moment of Oh-My-Gosh-This-Is-Getting-Intense. So yeah. I was surprised to find myself a tiny bit disappointed about that.

After getting up at 5:45 that morning, blowing my brains out on a test, and gallivanting around town all day, I was completely wiped out. I went to bed at 8:30 and was out by 9.

It was interesting, having a life like that. Without a license, I feel like I don't get out much. Yesterday I was gone for over 12 hours and with friends the entire time. It was quite fun. But also expensive and tiring and I've had a good day today just doing nothing :)

~Kendra

A Knight's Tale

Soo. Has anyone seen "A Knight's Tale" with Heath Ledger? :D
Cassidy is reading this right now and laughing at me. And now she's laughing harder. Am I right? XD Just kidding. Ish.

Cassidy gave me about four movies a couple of weeks ago that she's talked about and thought I might like. So far I've watched 3 of them and I've loved every single one. But today we tackled "A Knight's Tale." It's about a peasant guy (Heath Ledger) who decides to enter a jousting tournament. Back then that was for NOBLE PEOPLE ONLY, NO PEASANTS ALLOWED, so he had to be sneaky.

I freaking loved it. Wanna know why? Because it was unpredictable. I ACTUALLY had no idea what was going to happen, and that's weird for me. Normally I'm like "Lemme guess: this is gonna happen. Oh look. It did." That was not the case. I got really into the movie.

Also, Heath Ledger's character (William) is exactly the kind of guy I want to marry. Seriously. Just watch it. He also happens to embody what true southern boys are like. I just loved him.

The only thing was that I hate the girl. (She's not even pretty. Look, click here.) But it's mostly to be expected; I usually hate the girl characters, or at least don't like them. (Eowyn, Arwen, Arya, Meggie, Buttercup, Uhura, Elizabeth Swan, Trinity, Bella Swan, etc. = ugh.) The girl in "A Knight's Tale" is just...I honestly don't like her personality. I don't think she goes well with William's character, I don't agree with her ideals and morals, and she just...she annoys me. But it's okay, 'cause the rest of the movie I LOVE XD

Long story short, please watch "A Knight's Tale" so I can talk about it with you.

Because seriously, how can you not want to look at this for a couple of hours? ;)

~Kendra

If You're Pushed for Time, Just Read the Italic Portion at the End

Wow, I've been terrible at posting. Like, really awful.

My birthday was great, I got four new books and the movie "Brigadoon." The books I got are "The Forest of Hands and Teeth," "Tex," "Incarceron" and "Across the Universe." I've read "Forest" and "Tex" and I'm on "Incarceron." I plan on posting some review-esque posts soon :)

I used to LOVE the movie "Brigadoon" when I was really little and we haven't been able to find it for years and years. We watched it the night of my birthday and it was really sweet :) Some lines and especially some songs brought back waves of childhood memories. The dancing in the movie is really great, too. I guess I was too little to appreciate that when I was five XD

Last Friday was the Father-Daughter Sweetheart Dance. It was basically like prom only with better music and dads instead of awkward guys. I had a blast :D Pictures possibly soon, my friend's dad took them and they haven't appeared on Facebook yet...

Yesterday, in case you don't know, was Valentine's Day :D I had a good one. We went out to dinner as a family + my grandma. The restaurant was actually the same one my dad and I had gone to before the Father-Daughter Dance. We saw the same cute waiter :3 He told me to have a good night. That may or may not have MADE my night...

I got to drive home :) Yes, in case I never officially said so, I got my permit :) I plan to post more on that later also...

So basically my life has been fine. Up until tonight. When something devastating happened (don't get too upset, I suppose I'm probably being a little melodramatic). First, a little back story.

Have you ever heard of the show Happy Days? If you haven't, you should watch it, because it's genius. It's set in the 50s and 60s and it's about this teenager named Richie and his friends. My personal favorite character is Fonzie, the greaser who's a shocking blend of freaking TOUGH and surprisingly profound.

Anyway, I started watching Happy Days every night at 10 o'clock around Thanksgiving when I was going through some internal crap XD It was so hilarious and fun and took my mind off things. I watched the two episodes and went to bed neatly at 11 o'clock. I went to bed happy and laughing over some of the lines.

If I was having a bad day, it was okay because I could watch Happy Days at 10 o'clock.
If I was stressed about school, I could make it through because I could watch Happy Days at 10 o'clock.
If I was struggling with what to do about something, there was a chance that I'd find wisdom in Happy Days at 10 o'clock.

Happy Days was something happy, something constant, something perfect and reliable that I could count on every night to make every day happy. Lately I've actually said during the day, "I'm so excited--Happy Days comes on tonight!"

XD I know, I'm a complete dork. But a happy one. This evening was great because I was looking forward to my daily dose of Fonzie and my close-second-favorite ChaChi. Good ol' reliable 10 o'clock rolled around and--

Holy mother of feathered cow gerbils. No Happy Days.

Yes. You read that right. No. Happy. Days. The show does not come on at good ol' reliable 10 o'clock, just in time for me to go to bed neatly at 11. No Fonzie. No ChaChi. No wisdom. No laughter. No happiness. Nothing to get me through the day or cheer me up.

I realize that it is only a TV show. I realize that it is not the end of the world. I realize that I really need to get a life outside of watching actors who are now pushing 50 years old IRL. But when I read "Next: Family Ties" I died a little inside. I am way more devastated than I should be.

I thought I could never hate Michael J. Fox.

I was wrong.

~Kendra

The Godfather

I watched "The Godfather" today. I've just been feeling in the mood to watch it lately. Maybe it was the references in "You've Got Mail." I dunno.

For those of you who don't know, it's a movie about gangs, basically. But at the same time, that is SO NOT what it's about. It's about family. It's about loyalty, honor and justice. The kind of loyalty those people stick to is incredible, and admirable. You stick up for you family, pay your debts, keep your promises and treat each other with respect. (There is a certain "or else" feeling to it, but that's beside the point XD)

Gangs are bad. I know. Killing is bad. Yes. Blackmail is wrong. It is. But if friends and family could show each other the same loyalty required in the Corleone family...wow. It would be incredible. You'd always have someone to go to, someone to talk to, someone to take your side. You'd never be alone.

"The Godfather" is one of my favorite movies. It's intense, it's a little violent (okay, so it's rated R), and calling it "lighthearted" would be about as accurate as calling Edward and Bella's relationship "healthy," but I love it. I really love it. It fills me with a fierce loyalty for my family, a passion for justice, and a will to plan carefully (along with an overwhelming desire for brothers, of course).

The point is, I think "The Godfather" is definitely a movie to see, so long as you can handle it, and the basic principles are ones that we can all draw from.

~Kendra

Christmas Movies

Hello again! Tomorrow Cassidy and I see "Voyage of the Dawn Treader!" If you've already seen it, don't spoil anything :P

17 Christmas Movies*
1. White Christmas
2. Miracle on 34th Street
3. It's a Wonderful Life
4. Home Alone
5. The Santa Clause
6. Elf
7. A Christmas Story
8. A Christmas Carol
9. I'll Be Home For Christmas
10. Jack Frost
11. Jingle All the Way
12. The Nightmare Before Christmas
13. The Polar Express
14. Unaccompanied Minors
15. Beauty and the Beast: Enchanted Christmas
16. Christmas With the Kranks
17. Deck the Halls

*Note: Just because we listed these, doesn't mean we think they're great XD

~Kendra

DISNEY RECAP

Hi! I'm back! So...Disney World was amazing :)

Hollywood Studios: It's the kingdom where you see all the special effects stuff and very movie-related stuff. They have a show where you get to see an Indiana Jones scene acted out, complete with explosions and amazing fight scenes. It all looks so real.

I rode my first legit roller coaster (the Rockin' Roller Coaster). I got in line with my parents before I told myself what I was getting in line for. I didn't tell myself that the roller coaster went upside down until even later. It was extremely fast and extremely upside down etc.

I have decided that I was born for roller coasters and can't wait to find another one.

I saw a great Beauty and the Beast show.

We ate at this place called the 50s Diner, which is supposed to be so much fun, but I hated it. The food was okay, but our waiter was obnoxious, and the restaurant has RULES. No elbows on the table, and you have to eat all your vegetables to get dessert. -_- It was annoying.

I got my picture taken with Minnie Mouse.

I saw the coolest parades ever.

I experienced snow while wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Disney is amazing. They had a snow machine blowing the stuff from the roofs at one point. It was my own personal dream come true (which is, after all, Disney World's motto): snow when it's warm outside.

Magic Kingdom: Everybody loves Magic Kindgom :) It has Cinderella's Castle and most of the princesses and characters. It's divided into Adventure Land, Frontier Land, Liberty Square and Tomorrowland. It's so fun :D

I MET PETER PAN. :OOOOOO He looked exactly right, aside from the part where he was two inches shorter than me, but what can you expect from a kid who never grows up? I happened to be wearing green, and he complimented me on my color choice. *blush*

I rode Splash Mountain, which I remembered loving. I got soaked and it wasn't as great as I remembered. Drat XD Still fun though.

I went to a store that had M&Ms of every color and I got a pound bag of them. I chose dark teal, light teal, white and brown. They look very pretty :D

I saw Cinderella's Castle get lit up to look exactly like it's covered in ice. I have no idea how Disney is so amazing.

I got delicious pineapple ice cream.

I MET ALADDIN AND JASMINE. Okay, guys...like, I don't even know how to explain how amazing that was. "Aladdin" is my favorite Disney movie, and I loved Aladdin. Jasmine is my second favorite princess. I love, love, love, love, LOVE the whole shabang, so I had high expectations.

My expectations pale in comparison to the real thing.

I don't understand how Disney found two people who look exactly like Aladdin and Jasmine. I swear, they looked EXACTLY like their cartoon versions, and I'm a perfectionist. It only got better from there.

Those of you who have seen "Aladdin" know that Aladdin's voice is pretty distinctive. It's almost a little bit cracky, but not quite. It's just really unique. And the Aladdin I met had the same voice. The VERY. SAME. VOICE. Jasmine did too. She sounded just like Jasmine.

And I'm not done. Not only did these people look exactly right and SOUND exactly right, but they ACTED exactly right.

Most Disney characters, when you go up to meet them and get a picture with them, they say, "Hello, princess/prince, how are you doing today? I like your shirt/necklace/shoes/insert some random article you're wearing. Would you like to take a picture with me?" Then you take a picture and they tell you to have a magical day.

Not Aladdin and Jasmine.

*I walk up*

Jasmine: "Hello!"

Aladdin: *stares at my shirt and reads it:* "Santa's Favorite Brunette."

Me: "Yup."

Aladdin: *blinks and crosses his arms like Aladdin. He looks at Jasmine.* "What's a brunette?"

Jasmine: *raises her eyebrow at him*

Me: *raises eyebrows also* "It's brown hair!" *points to pigtail*

Aladdin: "Ohh...Right.....so, where are you from?"

Me: " >insert my state< "

Aladdin: "We've been there, I think." *looks at Jasmine* "Haven't we?"

Jasmine: "I think so...I don't know, we go so many places. We--"

Aladdin: "I think...if you flew the Magic Carpet back and forth, we've probably been as many places--"

Jasmine: "As Santa Claus."

Me: *raises eyebrows* "Really?"

Jasmine: "But we don't go to Canada."

Aladdin: "Way too cold."

Me: "I heard you don't go to Delaware either." (I'd been listening to them talk to other kids.)

Jasmine: "Oh no, we have been to Delaware--"

Aladdin: "Yeah, just not in the winter. We don't do snow."

Me: "But Canada is too cold all the time?"

Jasmine: "Yes. Always too cold."

Me: *grins and moves in for a picture*

*dad takes a picture*

My mom: "Kendra, you could do your Eliza hands!"

Jasmine: *looks at me* "What's Eliza hands?"

Aladdin: "Yeah, what's that?"

Me: "Well, I was in a play that's set in Siam, and I was one of the dancers, so I had to learn Siamese dancing." *does Eliza hands*

Aladdin: "Ohhhh--"

Jasmine: "Oh, that's kind of like when I hold my scarf."

Me: "Yeah!"

Jasmine: "Here, you do your Eliza hands and I'll do my hands like that too."

Aladdin: "And I'll....well, I'm just gonna stand. Like this." *crosses arms like Aladdin*

Me: *laughs* "Awesome."

*dad takes another picture*

It was...amazing. I know I didn't capture it here, but it was truly...well, magical. It really was. They were so exactly like their real characters that I left them with my head spinning and my heart flying. Some tiny part of me wondered if they might really be the REAL Aladdin and Jasmine. They way they talked, the way they acted, the way they moved...it was all absolutely right. Take your very highest expectations, create in your mind an Aladdin and Jasmine that you think couldn't possibly be out there, and the ones I met were even better than that.

Seriously.

I saw Mickey's Philhar Magic, which will always be amazing no matter how many times I see it. It's the most elaborate 3D show ever, complete with other effects like scents and water splashes and breezes.

I rode It's A Small World, which is annoying, but still somehow really cool.

I walked past a camel statue that spit.

I rode Space Mountain, which is awesome. It's a roller coast that's completely in the dark, except for a few lights that feel like/look like stars and a freaky night sky.

We had breakfast at the Grand Floridian hotel, where Alice in Wonderland, Tiger, Pooh and the Mad Hatter walk around and talk to you and stuff.

Epcot: Epcot is the kingdom where tons of different countries have their own sections. All the stores have items from that country, the people working in that section all have to be from that country, the buildings and food come from that country, etc. It's completely awesome.

I went to a store where you could taste soda from all over the world. Chinese watermelon soda is great btw. So is the stuff from Israel. And I almost got a shirt that says "Coke adds life to me."

I saw a Celtic rock band called Off-Kilter perform, and they were great.

I got a leather bracelet with studs and had it engraved with "Ember" at Epcot in the Canada section. Sorry, I know this post is long, but there's a story with this, too. I was in line to get the bracelet engraved, and in front of me where all this girls. Now, I don't mean to judge, but right away I pegged them as prissy airheads. *puts hands up* Sorry, but I did.

And I turned out to be completely right. Especially about one chick who spent the entire wait time with her head in her hands and her elbows resting on the engraving counter. Why? Because of the admittedly attractive boy running the operation. It only got better when he opened his mouth, because he was FRENCH. I never liked the French much, but I must say I do like their accents.

Anyway.

List of Questions Said Bubble-Head Girl Asked Said Attractive Boy:

1. "Are you French?" (Not a terrible question, because he did sound French, but seeing how we're in the CANADA section...)

2. "Do you live here in Disney World?" (-_- Really? Yeah, he and all the Disney workers just chug on into the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse and spend every night...)

And finally, my personal, gag-me-with-a-spoon, she-did-not-just-ask-that, let-me-turn-so-you-won't-see-me-rolling-my-eyes favorite...

3. "Do you meet lotsa pretty girls working here at Disney?" *bats eyelashes, leans forward on counter*

The poor French-Canadian boy didn't know what to do XD It was funny because I didn't know girls were actually that...THAT. I thought movies only caricatured them. But nope. Some girls are really that...just, that.

So I got up there to have my bracelet engraved after the Bubble Brains were gone. The guy, whose name was Felix, btw, asked me to write what I wanted on the bracelet on this little chart. So I did.

He started programming the engraving machine, and said (don't forget the French accent),

"Ember...Zis iz your name?"

Me: "Well...actually no. It's sort of a nickname."

Felix: "Oh."

Me: "My name is Kendra."

Felix: *laughs and looks at me* "Iz not even close!"

Me: *lols* "No...I'm actually a writer, and Ember is a character of mine."

Felix: "Ah."

*he works on the bracelet for a few seconds*

"What iz it zat you write?"

Me: "Well, mostly fantasy...One of my stories is set in a Celtic/Scottish setting, so this bracelet was sort of perfect for 'Ember.'"

Felix: "Ah." *finishes bracelet* "Well, good luck to you. Have a magical day!"

Me: "Thanks, you too."

My dad as we walked away: "He talked to you a lot. And you didn't even have to ask if he saw lots of pretty girls."

Lols XD

I finally met Belle!

I saw fireworks like you've never seen before. They were so loud and so HUGE and so MANY and FAST and BEAUTIFUL and all synced up with music and other lights...You can't explain something like that. It was so incredible...My mouth was open for the entire thing, and I am NOTTTTTTT easily impressed, y'all. I'm really not.

In the Italy section, we ate genuine Italian food and had a genuine Italian waitress, who was so cool.

In Morocco, there was a belly dancer. (Don't freak out, it was perfectly kid-friendly; she had plenty of clothes on.)

Animal Kingdom: Animal Kingdom is what it sounds like. It's actually one of my favorite kingdoms. It has safaris and all kinds of animal-related stuff.

I saw tons of African animals a few feet away in an open-windowed safari van.

I saw this guy who walked around with a guitar and made up songs about people he saw. He was incredible! He'd ask a kid what his name was, and create a whole song about him as he sang! He never stuttered or paused and all his lyrics rhymed. It was very cool.

I saw the Festival of the Lion King, which is great.

Our Disney Dining Plan got us 1 Sit Down Meal, 1 Quick Service Meal, and 1 Snack every day. The meals all include entrees and sides and desserts. Good grief; I've never eaten as much as I did this past week in my whole life.

Basically, this vacation was incredible. It's impossible to be too old for Disney. No one ever grows up THAT much, and if they do, they need to have that fixed as soon as possible! I love Disney World, and I can't wait to go back :)

~Kendra

P.S. I dunno if you've made it this far, but if you have and you're still reading (XD), I'd like to announce that I think I'd like a new Christmas header this year. I still love the beautiful one Bethany made me last year, but I switched backgrounds and I don't know that it fits as well. If you'd like to help me out, that'd be great. I'm no good at that stuff XD

P.P.S. My Christmas Countdown will start tomorrow! I'm so excited!!!!

Proof of Depth

I feel like I've been talking/posting a lot about hot guys lately. I mean, just look at my Celebrity Crushes list a couple of posts back. Jeremy Sumpter, Hayden Christensen and Michael J. Fox have been in daily conversation for about a week now. Their characters have been elevated in my mind. I was starting to feel terrifyingly shallow.

Then I watched "Troy" last night.

Ever seen it? Well, it's about, um, Troy. The ancient city. And their war against the Greeks. It has Brad Pitt (ehh) and Orlando Bloom (wowowmakesmylist). Trojan prince Paris (Orlando Bloom) kidnaps the Greek queen, Helen. The Greek king calls upon this unbelievable warrior named Achilles (Brad Pitt) to help the Greeks defeat the Trojans.

It was a fairly good movie; not AMAZING in my humble opinion, but fairly entertaining. It definitely elicited some emotional responses from me (actually only one: anger). There's only one real man in the entire movie, and the others make me so sick I wish they'd all get run through.

Orlando Bloom plays just such a sickening man.

I won't spoil what he does for anyone who hasn't seen the movie, but he does the #1 most cowardly thing I've ever seen a man do in a movie. I actually jumped off the couch with a shocked, "WHAT?!" (My dad can attest.) I hated that Prince Paris with a passion. (Okay, so I strongly disliked his guts for the three-hour span of the movie.)

BUT. Something good came out of all that. I had proof for myself that I was not becoming entirely shallow XD I can honestly say that Orlando Bloom's gorgeous face meant nothing to me when paired with his character's despicable personality. And that was a relief.

Things I Love (there are 30, so only one category today :D):
91. Happy Days (the TV show)
92. Cheez-Its
93. Eyeliner
94. Reading
95. Indian (Bollywood, not Native American) culture
96. Writing
97. Dancing
98. Music
99. “Aladdin”
100. Peter Pan
101. Awesome guy characters
102. That 70s Show (Don’t judge me ;P)
103. Emo makeup
104. Green
105. Ice cream
106. Fonzie
107. Greek culture
108. Making people look twice
109. Puns
110. Music in a minor key
111. Rice Krispy Treats
112. Christmas
113. Summer
114. Egyptian Culture
115. Eyes
116. Brothers
117. Winking
118. Car trips
119. Disney World
120. Going barefoot

~Kendra

Junior Year: Week 1

~ Spanish
~ Shakespeare
~ Poetry
~ American History
~ Chemistry
~ Philosophy
~ Logic
~ Algebra

So far, Junior year is okay :) I'm hoping to bridge the Gap of the Cliques once and for all this year. You might think I've got my work cut out for me (and...well, maybe I do), but anything's possible.

I wanna try and not get behind or put off my work. So far, I'm doing pretty well, but today was pretty bad. I got a late start and couldn't seem to get motivated. Some personal stuff is giving me a lot of trouble lately. But hey, I am living and learning. (The laughing and loving are the hard parts right now.)

I made a sign in Spanish this afternoon, inviting my family to watch "Gone with the Wind" with me tonight. At least Momma and Daddy showed up :D I really do like that movie, even though it's a total downer. It's a really interesting story. Scarlet o'Hera fascinates me, Rhett Butler amuses me, Melanie Hamilton amazes me and Ashley Wilkes just disgusts me, but it's interesting, especially along with my American History class.

Other News
I missed soccer sign-ups for the first time in nine years.
At least dance starts in a couple of weeks.

I haven't felt that good today for some reason. Just generally pretty down about things and lacking the energetic motivation I had last week and through the weekend. I'm really stressed out. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

~Kendra

Hey :)

I am forcing myself to blog. Because I've been neglecting poor little Carpe Diem. But in a way I guess that shows a good thing? That I'm Carpe-ing my Diem and not on the computer as much?

What have I been up to lately. Hmm.

Well, on Tuesday I went to Cassidy's 18th birthday party! We went to a hotel and swam and ate and talked. Then we went to the midnight premier of Eclipse! It was actually very good. It stuck to the book beautifully, and Kristin Stewart only sucked mostly instead of completely XD Edward even had a couple of parts where I didn't hate his guts. And Jacob was awesome.

There was just one thing.

Here.

Yeah. The movie opens with a guy screaming his lungs out. And then there are like four more times with guys shrieking bloody murder. I was like O.O *crumples in the seat*

XD Amanda and Kirsten, the girls I was sitting with, weren't aware of my...issue. It was kind of funny.

Other than that, quite a good movie XD

After the movie, we went back to the hotel and hung out and ate stuff and talked. We went to bed around 4:30 and woke up at 8:30 to go eat continental breakfast. I had a really awesome time, even though there were no blueberry muffins D: Isn't that, like, a hotel-breakfast-standard? Apparently not :'(

Today, Daniel, David, this girl named Alden, her FREAKING AWESOME six-year-old brother named Elijah, and some other people came over and we hung out at the lake all day. I got tanner :D WooT! We also watched "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". Great movie XD

So, the past few days have been awesome. Which is good, because the days before that sucked.

I'm beginning to see a pattern. Horrible, great, horrible, great, horrible, great. Whatever happened to days that were in the middle? Hmm. *shrug*

~Kendra

"Killers"

Guess what I'm going to see today? :D

If you don't guess "Killers", you might want to get off the computer and work on your life skills a little. Like noticing giant poster hints preceding an obvious question.

So, yes, I am going to see "Killers" today, the day it comes out.

Ooh, you know what would suck? If all the tickets sold out... I'm just gonna check on that...

Nope, we're good.

So anyway. "Killers" with Lizzy, Brianna, Cavender, and Cavender's friends (hmm XD). And possibly David and Daniel. I feel so unloved. I sent a Facebook message out to about 20 people and 7 decided to come. And half of them are my siblings. *sheds a single tear*

Nah, just kidding, I'm fine.

So anyway, the movie looks good, and when you're with friends, how bad can it be? :D

You know what, don't answer that.

I will keep you posted.

"Honey, your gun is showing."
"Well, what am I supposed to do?! Have you seen the SIZE of this thing?"

~Kendra

Little Things

Today has been one of those "little things" days. You know, those days when nothing exciting happens, but you smiled enough to call it a good day.

Last night (which was really today), I fell asleep listening to music.
I slept until almost 11:30 this morning :)
I remembered my dreams enough to write them down.
I had delicious pasta for lunch.
I laid on the beach in the sun and listened to music and read for two hours :) :)
My dog surprised me with a visit to the beach too.
I wore no sunscreen and didn't burn at all.
My summer freckles are coming out. (I never understood why girls in books complain about freckles so much. Maybe I ought to hate my freckles too, but I don't. I've always liked them:))
I drank orange juice with ice in it. I love that.
I had yummy hot dogs and seasoned fries for dinner.
I ate two cupcakes :D
I acted out a Bible story with my scattered collection of animal bands.
I sat out on the screened-in porch and journaled.
I talked to Cavender for a tiny bit, which was an awesome surprise. (He's grounded.)
I watched the end of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

What a great day :) Sometimes the little things make all the difference, we just have to be careful not to miss them.

Carpe diem :)

~Kendra

Narcissism At Its Longest

So, I'm late >.< Awel Prince is having a blog-party-give-away thing and I loved the questions. Unfortunately I'm too late to enter the giveaway, but I really want to answer the questions. Hope that's okay!

**I'm having trouble with links not working, so sorry about naming your blog and not linking back to it :(**

1) What's your all time favorite blog/blogger? Yikes! Picking favorites is terrible >.< To name a few...Rear Window, The Word Crafter, Teen Justice, One Sparkling Star and My Life's Graffiti.

2) How do you personally define forgiveness?
Forgiveness is when you finally banish your hard feelings toward someone and can genuinely love them in Christ.

3) What object of your possession has the most sentimental value in your eyes?
I'm a really sentimental person; I have a lot of little things that mean a lot.

4) What song do you consider your personal theme song?
Hmm, Relient K has a ton of great songs that really resonate with me at different times. Up and Up, Best Thing, and Must Have Done Something Right come to mind with my life right now.

5) Do the opinions of others about you really matter to you?
It depends. Actually, no. It doesn't. Yes, they matter to me. I'm pretty much always either trying to make a good impression, or shock people >:D

6) Do you ever make up words?
OH MY GOSH YES. My family--no joke--made a dictionary for all our made up words. We are insane.

7) Off the top of your head, do you know what your middle name means? (You can look it up though! :)
Uh. Marielle. Something about the sea. *looks it up* Ah. Awesome. "Star of the sea."

8) What's is something that never fails to make you smile?
Cavender.

9) What person has touched your heart the most?
Hmm, in what way?

10) Give a scene in a book where you really understood what the author was trying to convey.
I'm sure there have been scenes like that, but nothing will come to mind.

11) What do you think of HTML? Is it the ENEMY or your friend?
Uh...I have no knowledge on this subject whatsoever.

12) What person comments the most consistently on your blog?
Hmm. I feel like it's a pretty good balance actually.

13) Who is your personal hero/heroine (fiction or real, or both)? Why?
My dance teacher. She is so amazing. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

14) Are you curious or are you satisfied knowing that "that's just the way it is"?
Wow, anyone who knows me knows that "just because" is one of the most frustrating things you can say to me.

15)List the your top 5 favorite songs. Do they have anything in common? Why do you love them?
They're not necessarily in order here...1) Call Me by Shinedown, just because I love the song. 2) Forsaken by As I Lay Dying, I love the lyrics and the sound, and it makes me feel awesome. 3) Painting Flowers by All Time Low, I think it was a clever take on Alice in Wonderland. And I just like the song. 4) Treasure by Flyleaf, I love the lyrics. For some reason it gives me chills. 5) Numb by Linkin Park, again, love the lyrics. And I love Linkin Park. Ugh, it kills me to only pick 5 XD I have sooo manyyy and for different moods, times, reasons.

16) Do you ever get into arguments with...your characters? (that's if you write a book :). And if you don't write, do you think you would?
I do, yeah, and not just about the stories they're in. Paige Walt argues with me all the time, but mostly about my own choices. "Kendra, what are you thinking? Don't say that, try this..." etc.

17) While reading a book or watching a movie, were you ever blown away by an unexpected plot twist? What was it and how did you react?
Inkspell and the Mortal Instruments come to mind.

18) What's your personal opinion of i-designs? (orignal, I know, but I really want to know! :)
Hmm, I'm not sure what this is talking about actually...

19) What's your favorite color combinations?
Blue and green in all variations.

20) What's your favorite comic book series?
I have never read a comic book in my life to be honest.

21) What is the oldest book you've read? How old was it? (By old, I mean, like antique books...the manuscript doesn't have to be old, just the copy of it. :)
Oh, hmm...I'm not sure. Our books are all in good condition, so it's hard to tell how old they are. We have an old LotR box set though.

22) What character in any movie or book, would you say is the MOST like you?
Well, Belle from Beauty in the Beast is always freakishly like me. Betsy from the Betsy-Tacy books is also amazingly similar to myself. Even the events of her life mirror mine! It's crazy!

23) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Hmm. I'd just be nicer. I don't feel like I'm a very nice person. I feel like I'm selfish and greedy and mean more often than not.

24) As a child, what was one thing that always frightened you? This could be something real or imagined! :)
Being out of control. Any way, shape or form was my biggest fear.

25) What's your life motto?
Carpe diem, of course.

26) As you're sitting in café, you're given a note: "It's in your best interests to meet me at 7 P.M. tonight, alone, at Pine and 4th." How would you react?
I'd go to Pine and 4th, of course! 'Course I don't know if I'd go alone. No one ever does and it always turns out awesome anyway XD Plus if I got a creepy note like that and didn't tell anyone, I know of a few people who would be ticked XD

27) Name seven of your favorite books.
Ugh. This is too hard. Mortal Instruments, Farsala Trilogy (those are six books together) and...Sophie's World.

28) Name your absolute favorite font (you can have more than one though)!
I don't have one.

29) Have you ever cried over...a book or a movie?
Uh, duh XD

30) What's something that's brought you so much comfort?
Books. Books, books, books.

31) Describe what you would call a perfect moment.
I'll know it when it happens.

32) What's the fastest you've ever read?
Hmm, I read Brisingr in two days.

33) What's your favorite book/movie genre?
Books, fantasy. Movies, action.

34) Do you say one word a lot just because of the way it sounds? If so, what's the word?
Hmm...actually, no XD

35) What's something you thought you'd hate, but ended up loving?
Root Beer.

36)Do you prefer British or American spellings of words (ex: the British favourite to the American favorite)
I do not have a preference. Although British spellings seem to have unnecessary letters, and I dislike unnecessary things.

37) List a few of your favorite names.
:O Oh my gosh, I was doing this just today. And I was having a lotttt of trouble. Here's what I got:
Boys:
1) Matthew
2) Jordan
3) Seth
4) Ryder
5) Everett
6) Cole
7) Drew
8) Jayden

Girls:
1) Khloe
2) Avery
3) Juliet
4) Lauryn
5) Raegan

38) What is your favorite movie?
I love The Matrix. But I also love Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast. And the Bourne movies...

39) Imagine you're writing a story, and one of your characters keeps something buried in a box where no one will find it. What's in the box and what's its significance?
It's obviously meant to be a secret.

40) Was this boring? (be honest! :)
Nope. I love fill-outs.

If you wanna do it, that's cool with me :)

~Kendra

Things to Watch

Wow! Today has been extremely full!

Work went well. Today it was just from 9-12, and was strangely exhausting. It didn't seem like I did much, but it was kind of draining. However, I didn't mess anything up, I understood everything, and I actually think I helped a lot. Yay!

David and Daniel and their family were at our house when I got home. We all went down to the lake and played around on this inflatable giganticness we recently bought. I slid down the slide (with some help. Thanks, David -_- :P). Then I decided to be a party pooper and lay around in the sun for a while XD Later we went exploring in the woods and went to our "secret" spot. We had a lot of fun :)

Then, we all went to this little pizza place before going next door to this coffee shop. Some kids that I know are in a band and they were playing.

They're good.

Personally I was like :O The lead vocalist and lead guitarist, Forest, has a great voice and he is an extremely talented musician. Their music had a cool sound. Edgy but calm, and they wrote several really good songs. I was enjoying it and it was really relaxing.

Then Forest screamed.

:O :DDDDDDDDDDDDD WOOOT! >insert shock and wow< THAT was awesome. It was even more awesome than their faces when I was like "WHOA, that one was my FAVORITE do it AGAIN!"

So yeah. Today was really great, but really tiring. And I hafta get up at 7 again tomorrow :( And work 9-4. Seven hours. *moansighsob* I like it, but I'm tired. And that's a long time. And tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful and I wanna swim in the lakeee XD Oh well. I'm making money. So...yay.

After all that ranting do you still want my summer list #5? Well, read it or not, here it comes XD

Things to Watch
1. Pulp Fiction
2. Slendie vids on Youtube (only Cavender will know what the heck I'm talking about)
3. The Blair Witch Project
4. Paranormal Activity
5. Braveheart
6. The Wind and the Lions
7. Alice in Wonderland
8. Men in Black
9. The Transformers movies
10. Push

~Kendra

The Earth Shakes

Today was :D

I hung out with Cavender all day at church, my house, then Ellie's house. Then my house a little bit more. We played Balderdash with just us and my dad, and watched a little bit of the movie "Major Payne", which is awesome.

My friend's party was pretty fun, too!

I also ditched my mood ring today.

*pauses while you scream, gasp, and recollect yourself*

Yeah, I got something better now :)

So, today was great. Really great.

~Kendra

My Daybook: Week 4

GOSH make your OWN. HERE.

Date: Saturday January 3rd, 2010
Starting time: 2:53pm
Mood: Happy :D
Outside my window: Pale sunshine.
I'm thinking: Hmm, about lots of random things :D
I'm reading: "Wicked Lovely" by Melissa Marr
I'm listening to: Lizzy's cleaning timer ticking on the desk.
I'm wearing: Awesome navy T-shirty pants and a Great Wolf Lodge T-shirt.
Yesterday, I: Saw "To Save a Life" with Cavender.
I'm excited for: Uh, nothing :-/
I'm sad because: School continues Monday.
I'm hungry for: Not hungry, DUH.
The song stuck inside my head is: "Revelation" by Third Day
I want: No school. Summer. No headaches. And plane tickets.
I love: Warm weather.
I loathe: Cold weather.
This week, my goal is: Not to die.
Ending time: 3:00pm

Avatar Review (among other things)

Thanks for following, Milli! YAY! :)

And happy New Year, everyone :)

Tonight I was supposed to be babysitting, but that got canceled so we're going over to Matt and Katie's (little brother and little sister's) house for a New Year's party. Tons of people are going to be there. Tons. It's going to be...utterly insane. I'm talking like seven families. Around 30 people. In one house. >:D This should be fun.

Today has been fairly uneventful. I went to be at...uh, just...late, and woke up at 11:30 :O My mom was surprisingly cool with that. *shrug* Okay, I'll take it. Then, I talked on gmail (what else is new?), then ate lunch, then went on a walk with my family. We took our black lab, Licorice (or Licky for short). She's my baby :)

The wind was COLD, and it made my sinuses hurt, but the walk was still fun. The sun actually came out about halfway into the walk, which was great. One thing (of many XD) that I hate about winter: it's always either nighttime or cloudy. No sun. And I LOVE sun.

We walked around in a house that's under construction. My dad and Licky go there a lot, but Licky won't go up the stairs because they're construction steps and she can see through them. But guess what? When I was there, she went up the steps with me :) *Aw* I love my doggie :D

Anyway, the house was nice, but not a Mr. Leon House (Mr. Leon is Matt and Katie's dad). Once you get used to looking, you can just tell when a house is one Mr. Leon has built. LOL, after ten years of walking through house after house that he's built, I've become pretty good at identifying his work.

Hmm, that came out really stuck up. LOL, I didn't mean it like that XD

But anyway, so far today has been good, but pretty chill. Tonight, though, at Matt and Katie's house... O.O :) That's really gonna be something to post about XD

Oh, a quick word about Avatar for those of you who might be wondering what I thought of it:

On a scale of 1-10, my personal rating is about 5, maybe 6. The graphics were AMAZING, absolutely stunning. The acting was fine, the script was fine, but the plot...the plot (in my opinion) wasn't very good.

Plot (no spoilers): The American army is trying to get to this really awesome, valuable rock found on the planet Pandora. Unfortunately, the Na'vi, who live on Pandora, have a village right over the bed of really awesome, valuable rock. The American army wants the rock.

Whoo hoo XD

That wouldn't have been so bad if the villains hadn't been so BLAH. The main "evil guy", an American colonel, is mean for one reason only: the wants the rock.

...

What? That doesn't seem like a good enough reason to be a raving mad evil guy determined to kill everyone in his way?

I didn't think so either.

He was VERY two-dimensional, which is especially pathetic because we saw it in freaking 3D ;)

One last issue:

The movie portrays Na'vi (eco-friendly natives who want nothing but peace and happen to be sitting on a valuable resource) as the terrorists of the real world. The movie then portrays the crazed American army who will stop at nothing to get at the resource as America.

Think I'm reading too much into this? I am not. The comparison is fairly in-your-face. Notice the phrases "shock and awe" and "preemptive strike". Whoever made the movie was clearly trying to show the American army as evil and the terrorists as victims. If you like that sort of thing, fine. I did not.

So, that's my take on the movie. I did not really like it. I may want to see it again, but I was disappointed greatly.

:D So...have a great rest of the day, and I'm headin' to Matt and Katie's!

~Kendra

Two in One...Sorry!!

First of all, WHOA. Thanks for following, Hannah Ross, Miss Zara and LaSara! Y'all rock :) Sorry I couldn't find links for Hannah and Miss Zara, though :'(

Sorry I didn't post yesterday! Gosh, I had the post all ready, really, I just wanted to put some finishing touches on it and never got around to it. Here it is, all finished:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We finished the first season of Alias. Amazing episode, but the worst cliff hanger I've ever seen. Imagine having to wait an entire summer to see the next season!!!!!!

So, Will got tortured, though, and he cried. *hyperventilatingshudder* Y'all know I'm not good with that, but be proud of me; I was okay. I felt like bawling or going into shock (LOL), but I watched it all. I hate how I suck at taking guys' screaming, so I'm working on the whole toughen-up-and-deal-with-it part XD

So, other than that, I went to a Christmas party today! It was kind of awkward, because I don't have mutual friends to talk about with these people, though. They kept talking about people that I didn't know. And they're all masters of innuendos and twisting things. It was pretty okay, though, I'm definitely glad I went. I just hope they don't all think I'm a total dork XD I got a really cute journal and a Hershey bar as a Christmas present, though :)

I've also been doing a lot of serious thinking about lots of people. I should go into more detail so you don't feel like you've bee gypped, but I don't think I will ;P But I could use prayer, and so could one of my friends, if you don't mind? That'd be great :-/

Okay, there are only three days until Christmas. Three.

Tres.

Trois.

Tria.

THREE.

So, what do we do when there are only three days until Christmas?

Christmas Jokes, how about?

1. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve. (WOW, that was lame.)

2. What do you get if you eat your Christmas decorations? Tinselitus.

3. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.

MERRY THREE-DAYS-UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, now there are only--get ready for this--TWO DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!! But we'll get to that in a minute.

Today, my family hung out with another family (descriptive, right?). I've mentioned these guys before: Daniel (14, but awesome), Emily (12?), and Caleb (...10?). We went and saw the movie The Blind Side.

Now, no offense to those of you who like them, but I hate inspirational movies. I hate them. To me, they are all the same: the underdog with a bad past gets someone who finally believes in him. They help him out, something bad happens, someone dies, he stops trusting them, and then it ends happily. The entire point of those movies is to make you happy, but to give you the illusion of happiness, they must first make you sad as crap so they can then lift your spirits back up with inspiration.

-.-

Yeah, I hate inspirational movies. Guess what?

I LOVED THE BLIND SIDE.

I mean, WOW. This is an amazing movie. Shockingly *amazing*. I recommend it to anyone. Everything about it was really good. Just see it. It's truly awesome.

Then, my dad dropped Lizzy and me off at good ol' Barnes & Noble, where Cavender and I "happened" to bump into each other XD Yay for texting!

Then, we went to get Matt (little brother) a Christmas present. He had showed me this remote control car he wanted when we were out before. He's very good at subtle hinting. NOT. LOL, his exact words: "Kendra, come 'ere." *drags me over* "This is what you want to get me for Christmas. That one." *points* "See it? That one, right th--No, wait, THIS one...Ooh..."

:)

So, we went to get it. But, it turns out it's a slot car. In the words of Kyle and Cavender, "FAIL." So we ended up getting him a trick kite.

*blink*

I really hope Matt doesn't read this blog secretly...Nah, LOL.

Then, we came home, ate dinner, and decorated a friend's neighbor's house for Christmas. He's having a rough time with his family, lonely for Christmas, so we decided to surprise him with Christmas cheer, LOL :)

I'm freezing and my stomach hurts. But it is all good, my friend(s).

So, anyway, Christmas Countdown!!! Two days :D TWO DAYS. Here we go...

TWO FAVORITE CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS (as suggested by Cavender and approved by Kyle, LOL):

1. The Cross Collection. Every year, someone in my family makes a small cross. Usually, the cross will represent something or be made of something you've done throughout the year. Something that's defined you, or something that you've been interested in lately. The first year my mom taught eighth grade, she made a cross with Greek letters on it, because she had to learn and teach Greek. My dad has made a lot of stuff with woodworking. When Lizzy was little, it was her turn and Daddy helped her make a little cross out of Play-Doh :) Last year, I wrote a cross. It's a poem about the cross, but it's not cross-shaped. I thought it was a cool idea, haha :) This year it's Lizzy's turn again. Wonder what she'll do...?

2. Christmas dollhouse :) I won't go into this more because I've been talking about it a lot lately, but yeah. I love that.

Also, COMING TOMORROW:

AWARDS!!!! :)

MERRY TWO-DAYS-UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!

Five Wise Men

VOTE ON THE STINKIN' POLL TO THE RIGHT! WE'RE BARELY HALFWAY! THIS IS PATHETIC ;) Just kidding.

THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING, BRIDGET ROWE! I can't find your blog, though, so no link :( Sorry!

*gasp* I am posting twice in a day??? *shock*

Yes. Sorry, LOL. I don't know why I didn't just save that little picture for this post. *shrug*

Okay, one quick thing: does anyone know how to get a scrolling blog button thing on the sidebar? You know, where the buttons scroll through and you can click on the button and it takes you to the blog...Can anyone tell me how to do that? Help would be appreciated, LOL, gracias.

Well, the crowd at church today was somewhat smaller than usual because of the snow. We all expected that, but we never cancel church because of weather. LOL, sometimes it's just my family, Matt and Katie's family, and one other family that show up!

After church, we went home, ate frozen pizzas, and watch Night at the Museum 2 until Mrs. Martha (Matt and Katie's mom) called. She was going Christmas shopping and didn't want to go alone. So, my mom went with her :) Matt and his dad, Mr. Leon, were going to go see the movie Avatar. I was immediately jealous. "WHAT?!" I wanted to see that! DARN.

Mrs. Martha came to pick up my mom, and it turned out Matt and Mr. Leon were in the car! They hadn't gone yet! I could still go! I was very excited until I heard that another of Matt's friends was with them. Darn again. I thought Matt would probably not be pleased with me if I crashed his boy time, so I told Mrs. Martha I'd just stay here. *SIGH* Now I regret that. Forget annoying my little brother! I really wanted to see that movie.

Okay, wow, that just sounded SOOO selfish. But, really, Matt *probably* wouldn't have cared that much if I had gone...Oh well. There will be other times. There WILL be. I will MAKE another time, LOL :)

I also finished reading Earwen's book today!!! She gave me the honor of critiquing it for her! It's an allegorical fantasy called "The Elmeria Chronicles: Shadows". She's selling copies for $20 if you'd like one. (I *think* the offer is still going on...slap me if I turn out to be wrong.) For more details on the offer, click HERE. If you read it and don't love Eristor, then give me your address so I can come over and knock some sense into you ;)

On a completely unrelated note, I just found this website that has good pictures for your basic fantasy heroes, heroines, etc. Not a lot to choose from, but for some reason it gave me a couple of story ideas right away! Maybe you'll have the same inspiration luck? We'll see. Click HERE if you'd like.

Alrighty, Christmas Countdown time! FIVE DAYS! WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did that happen?? I've been counting down and it still snuck up on me! Christmas just has a way of doing that and there's apparently no way around it. *shrug*

Okay, ready?

Five Wise Men

...

Haha, you shoulda seen the look on your face--no, just kidding. But you were probably a bit confused, right? I mean, weren't there THREE wise men?

Nope.

I mean, there very well might have been, but there also might have been five. Or four. Or six. The truth is, the Bible doesn't actually say HOW MANY wise men went to visit Jesus, but since they brought three gifts (gold, frankincense and myrrh), we tend to assume that there were three of them. But we don't know for sure, and I'm all about exposing common myths, so...

five wise men :)

MERRY FIVE-DAYS-UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

Predictable Love Stories

I saw New Moon for the second time today! (TEAM JACOB <3) I went with Kathleen (my eighteen-year-old cousin) and Lizzy (my thirteen-year-old sister). Lizzy liked it okay, but it was kind of intense for her and she had trouble following the story. *shrug-sigh* Kathleen really liked it.

It was good the second time, but SOO infinitely much better the first. There's nothing like seeing a good movie for the first time. All the lines hit you, and you don't know what's going to happen next. Jacob's line that almost made me bawl the first time didn't bring tears to my eyes this time around. Still, it was good. I don't really want to see it again for a while, but it was good.

Keeping with the theme of love stories, I'd like to talk about something I've been thinking about lately: predictability in romances.

Let's face it: you can pretty much tell who will end up with whom ten minutes into a movie, or four chapters into a book. The average girl and the new guy. The new girl and the bad boy. The rocker and the ballet dancer. The human and the vampire :) We still like the stories and movies, but we often sigh at how obvious the outcome is.

One of my personal goals is to write an unpredictable romance. But then I got to thinking...

That would kind of suck.

I mean, we all clamber for some surprises, and surprises are great, but wouldn't you feel bummed if the main character suddenly ditched the crowd favorite went with the underdog? Some of you scream "NO!". But think about it. Some characters were just obviously meant to be together, and you'd be ticked off it the plot messed that up.

Star Wars: Han Solo and Leia. JUST KIDDING, Leia decides to marry Lando Calrissian instead.
Twilight: Edward and Bella. Edward changes his mind and ends up with Jane Volturi.
Cinderella: Cinderella and Prince Charming. Prince Charming ditches Cinderella and marries Drusilla.
You've Got Mail: Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox. Kathleen decides that Joe's not for her and sticks with Frank.

...wouldn't all that kind of SUCK?

Of course, there are some movies that don't end like we expect them to (Casablanca, Gone With the Wind) and they're still good and famous. But we do feel sort of bummed after seeing them for the first time.

I guess my point is, we complain about predictability, but if anyone ever really writes or films a completely unpredictable story, you leave the theater with a curled lip muttering about how crappy it was.

I think we as humans like predictability, whether we like to admit it or not.

So, my challenge to write an unpredictable love story just got that much more challenging:

Write an unpredictable love story that people LIKE.

:)

(INSERT STRONG ADJECTIVE) DREAM. READ.

I know it's "50 Word Friday", but I...it's a holiday? Lol, I gotta say more than 50 words.

But I'll put the poem, of course :)

It might be funny.
It might be wise.
A comment about living,
Or someone’s demise.

It might be scary. Or even something gross.
Maybe something personal
Or something quite morose.

My posts are typically long;
Your eyes soon float away.
So once a week for you,
here’s 50 WORD FRIDAY

(count 'em, it's 50 words XD)

Basically, I woke up from a HORRIBLE dream, went shopping with my cousins, ate potato soup, and watched a REALLY good movie: "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Wow, that is such a deep and symbolic kid's movie! I was really impressed and I couldn't stop watching. It's definitely a new favorite!! I actually might like it better than my three-year favorite, Aladin...

So, I know you want to hear about my awful dream. No? Well, stop reading right here, then 'cause I'm gonna tell you :P

The dream I'm about to tell you is vivid, thought-provoking, personal and other stuff. I'd love it if you read it, it's something I felt like sharing.

Some of you may know that I love nightmares. The thrill, the excitement, the ability to have terrifying, near-death experiences and wake up perfectly safe! I love it!

I did not love this nightmare.

It incorporated everything I'm afraid of, and some things I didn't know I feared. You know what I'm most afraid of, right? Forgetting, losing people I love,being helpless and (lol) guys screaming. Imagine a dream with all of that.

You don't have to imagine long because I'm going to tell you.

I don't remember how the dream started, or what led up to the part I remember. I was in a boarding school "ruled" by an evil group of people who were plotting something horrible. At the heart of the evil was a lady. She was a mix between Helga from the Sweet Life of Zach and Cody, Michelle Pfeiffer and that evil lady in the newest Indiana Jones. She was most like the last.

I don't remember, or maybe I never knew, what the "evil thing" was that the school board was planning. I do remember that I began to tell my closest friends that there was danger. I told them about it, and about what we had to do. We formed a secret alliance against the evil school board. Before long, my small circle of girl friends began to include some of my closer guy friends as well. We never did anything, but it felt good to know that I had friends who knew the "truth".

It wasn't long before we were found out. I don't remember how it happened, but I remember the evil lady, let's call her the Queen, discovered me, and only me. She tried to make me tell her who I had confided in. I refused, but she tried to get it out of me through horrible methods that I don't quite remember. I never told her, but she found out somehow anyway.

She shoved me and the other girls into one car and the boys in another and started driving us somewhere. I've never experienced fear like that before. It wasn't a brave fear at all. I can't say that I would have saved my friends if I'd had the chance. I'd had some terrible things happen to me at that point, and heard of even worse. The fear wasn't a feeling, it was something stronger, something in my brain and in my blood. Something that was pounding me, not just lurking in the back of my mind. It was an ever-present terror.

The cars stopped at the edge of a cliff. The Queen got out and went over to the boys' car. That driver got out and they consulted. Then the boys were drug out.

Up until now, I've played it more or less cool. I've at least tried to be calm and witty (think Max from "Maximum Ride") even when I was screaming inside. This was my breaking point. I'm getting chills all over again just thinking about it. I saw the boys, looking scared and...just scared. I knew it was my fault they were here, in trouble, and I also knew I didn't have the courage to do anything. I started crying.

Daniel was suddenly in the car with us, watching me. I knew he was there, but it was almost like he wasn't. I didn't acknowledge him, but it might have been because I was sobbing too hard.

There were five boys that I had gotten in trouble: Josh (the Nice Guy from my class), Ben (the Dare Devil from my class), Taylor (Brain Half), and Taylor's younger brother, Matthew. One of them was put on this catapult thing, and flung off the cliff into the water! I screamed. One after the other, the boys were flung over the cliff and into the water. I was screaming and going crazy. My friends were dying before my eyes, because of ME.

I watched the boys struggling in the water. Then, Taylor suddenly stood up. "Hey, we're on land!" he shouted. He even snickered. The water was only a few feet deep.

The Queen seemed upset at this, and ordered the boys brought back into their car. They would have to be disposed of in some other way.

The Queen got back in our car, and whatever momentary relief I had experienced was gone. She was going to kill us, kill us all, and not by drowning apparently. Something worse. I didn't want to die, but knowing she'd have something incredibly painful in mind made the fear almost suffocating.

"Do you remember your friend Rochelle?" the Queen asked as we drove. (Yeah, you, Rochelle. Freaky, right? *shudder*) Rochelle was a girl that had been at the boarding school with me, one of my closest friends that I had told the "truth" to. I felt my heart stop. Rochelle. Oh my gosh.

I had actually forgotten her. My closest friend, I had forgotten her.

"Yes," I breathed, terrified of where the conversation was going. "I remember her. Wh...what did you do to her?"

The Queen smirked. "I beat her up."

I swallowed hard. "And then you sent her back home?"

The Queen's lip curled. "When I was finished with her, there wasn't enough of her left to send."

My blood ran cold. Being beaten to death. Can you all imagine that? That fate was never on my list of most horrible ways to die until the Queen said that. Beaten to death. Fists pounding you, feet kicking you, maybe even knives used. You're bleeding and hurting, someone striking you over and over in the same places. It's just pain, pain and helplessness wrapped in terror and begging for mercy.

"No!" I cried, leaning up in my seat in the car. "Wh...how are you going to kill me?"

The Queen smiled. "I'm not going to tell you."

Up until that point, I hadn't really thought I would die. I've never been concerned with dying. I've never thought I would until I was ready. I'm part of a story, I always thought.

People don't die in the middle of their own stories.

But they do.

Do you realize how horrible that realization was for me? Like a punch in the stomach, all the sudden death was very real to me. I stopped figuring I'd get saved, I started really contemplating death. I stopped assuming I could talk my way out of things. I stopped hoping.

I know this is going to sound sexist, ESPECIALLY coming from me, but I never, ever thought I could fear a woman that much. I've never been more afraid of anyone or anything in the world than I was of the Queen at that moment. I never thought a woman could scare me. I always thought I could take them out as easy as anything. I'm definitely not a weakling.

But I realized it's not muscle that can be the most frightening, it's power. Muscles are a FORM of power, but it's power that scares us all. We fear those who have more power than we do, more power over US than we do.

That's what fear IS, you guys. It's when something is controlling us more than we are controlling ourselves.

"Please tell me!" I begged of the Queen, clasping my hands. "Please tell me how you're going to kill me!"

The Queen laughed, enjoying my helplessness as she drove us down the road. "I will not tell you."

"Please, I'm begging!" I cried, my eyes wide with fear. "Please, please!"

All the sudden, I attacked. I grabbed her neck and started pressing. I learned in seventh grade that if you rub some artery in a person's neck, they'll pass out. I rubbed hard, but she didn't pass out, she just talked into her watching, calling for back up!

New fear seized me. The Queen was too powerful! Even if I could defeat her, there were more men on the way! I couldn't run from them, and I sure as heck couldn't fight them all off!

I threw my weight against the Queen, wrestling. The car swerved and ran off the road. I was barely harming the Queen at all. The car stopped by the side of the road and the Queen opened the door. I was still grappling with her and we both fell out the door.

I tried everything I could remember. I kicked her in the side, I jabbed at her windpipe, trying to collapse it or something. She laughed. She was laughing at me!

"You get all these silly tricks from the experts," she chuckled. "But we only tell you what we want you to know. None of those self-defense tricks really work."

None of them work? That was all I could take. I stopped fighting. I was completely defeated. There wasn't even a chance of being rescued by some guy friend--I had made darn sure of that, getting them all carted off somewhere else!

I was powerless.

I was defenseless.

I was alone.

And then I woke up.

Deep stuff right there, y'all. I was only a dream, but very helpful in analyzing myself. My deepest fears were pulled to the surface, my reactions in different situations revealed, my courage and wit tested.

I sort of failed.

And I now realize I CAN die. People DO die in the middle of their stories.

Life is not a novel, Kendra. Life is real.

At any rate, every bit as real as Death.