Losing Losers

*swallows hard* Soccer practice is tonight at 8 o'clock. Not only is Ben-from-class on my team, so is Josh-from-class and all Josh-from-class's awesome siblings (at least the high-school-aged ones). Their family is insanely talented in soccer, and Ben isn't a bad goalie himself, so I think we have a really good team even though I don't know who else is on the team. Except me. But I hardly count. I don't do anything stupid, but I'm not really good either, so I'm kind of like a 0. I don't subract from the team's goodness, but I don't add to it either.

I am so nervous. This is gonna be horrible. The coach is gonna make us run suicides or something and I'm gonna finish dead last and then throw up or something. Omg, this is so awful. Why did I even sign up for soccer? I'm so out of shape. This is awful. Oh my gosh. *MOAN*

*clears throat* Well, um, on a lighter note, I just finished watching 17 Again. I really love that movie. Every other line is a LOL, and the moral of the story is great. If you can get past the billions of inuendos, lol ;) Luckily Lizzy doesn't pick up on half of it, or I'd feel really creepy watching it with her. That's why I didn't want her coming with me to see it in the theater. I was so glad my mom hadn't made me take her, too. I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the movie knowing my impressionable little sister was watching in the next seat.

I did the 16 pages of pre-class biology today. I love the science book. It's written by the same guy as last year's was. The way he phrases things is really easy to understand, but it's still complicated stuff so I feel like I've actually learned something when I'm finished.

After school starts tomorrow, I might not be able to post as often. I'm not sure. I'd still like to post every day, and I'll try, but I'm not sure how hard this year is going to be. We'll just have to see.

In honor of school starting tomorrow, let me post a quick class "cast" and an unfair stereotype to them to help you follow me if I start using names.

1. Me - The Bigmouth
2. Ben - The Dare Devil
3. Tori - The Pretty One
4. Josh - The Nice Guy
5. Amanda - The Normal One
6. Kirsten - The Genius
7. Chris - The Clown
8. Jessie - The Good One
9. David - The Youngest
10. Alex -
11. Cassidy -

Yeah, that's our class. Alex (she's a girl) and Cassidy are new this year, so I don't know about them yet.

Writing that list almost made me cry. Know why? Because two very, very, VERY important people aren't on it. Ellie B and Taylor (he's a guy) aren't going to be in class this year. Y'all "know" Ellie. She's a follower and one of my best friends. She's been going to my school since 7th grade. We've started school together every year since middle school. She's awesome. She's part of the class.

And she won't be there this year.

Taylor goes back wayyy farther. We've known each other since we were five (wow, a whole decade), and done school together since we were like seven. We've both been going to THIS school since fifth grade, and every year as long as I can really remember, he's been in my class. We aren't amazing friends or anything, we don't even talk to each other that much. But we're exactly alike. EXACTLY ALIKE. I honestly can't imagine school without him there, asking the question I was opening my mouth to ask, finishing my sentence, giving me the word I was looking for when I'm talking, making the same stupid mistakes as me in math, helping me remember what I was going to say even though I hadn't said it, glancing at each other when someone says something stupid.

I don't mean to get all...memory-lane on you guys, but...all the sudden, it feels really wrong to be starting school without him. It'll be like half the class is gone, not to mention half my brain. We don't like each other all that much, we never talk, don't each lunch together, don't even see each other outside of class, but I'm really gonna miss him. Way more than I ever imagined. In some ways, more than Ellie. I'll still call Ellie and talk to her like every day, and we'll get together sometimes, but Taylor...I might never really see him again.

I don't know what to do about that. It's not like I want to hang out with him, it's just that I feel like I shouldn't be starting school without him. He's always been there, and I kind of figured he always would be.

Gosh, I hate this. I hate it when people leave that you never even knew you cared anything about. You know how whenever I get an email or Facebook fill-out and the question is "What are you most afraid of?" I always put "losing people"? Well, this is why.

I HATE this. Why can't everyone just stay where they are forever? What is so great about changing, growing up, being a LOSER and LEAVING? What is the deal?

*sigh*

I guess I'm done posting. Sorry for ranting.

Soccer in 2 hours and forty-nine minutes.

Carpe diem. You never know who's gonna just not show up next year.