Sunday, August 16, 2009

Top 50 Ways to Annoy People Who Don't Like the Maximum Ride Books

This is great because you can change it up a little and make it work for ANYTHING.

1. Relate everything they say to the Maximum Ride books.

2. Say they look like a Maximum Ride character of the opposite gender.

3. Quote the Voice.

4. Rewrite their favorite song with Maximum Ride lyrics and sing it constantly.

5. Crowd their inbox with Maximum Ride related e-mail and make sure the subjects are misleading.

6. Start reciting Max's poem "White" at random moments, pretend to forget what comes next, and ask if they know in a very loud voice.

7. Make them play Erasers vs. Bird Kids with you.

8. Give all of their friends Maximum Ride related nicknames and act mortally offended when they don't know the history of their character.

9. Change your name to that of a Maximum Ride character and start screaming when they don't address you as such in public.

10. Draw wings and wrist-scars on every poster and picture you come permanent marker.

11. Give long lectures about how the Voice's advice relates to every day life.

12. Constantly ask if they can see the Flyboys too.

13. ...refuse to explain what a Flyboy is.

14. Pretend you can fly, become invisible, or read minds..

15. Insist that NOTHING in your house be moved, for Iggy's sake.

16. Constantly compare them to Jeb.

17. ...laugh evilly if they ask who Jeb is.

18. Complain loudly about how you need at least 3000 calories a day to grow up big and strong like Max.

19. Tell a very long joke using a random Maximum Ride quote as the punchline and then laugh hysterically.

20. ...make sure the joke isn't funny.

21. Write letters to people (friends, neighbors...politicians) and ask them to join the fight to save the world.

22. ...hand fliers advertising it to random passerby.

23. Report Ari's death to your local authorities.

24. Call them repeatedly asking if Dr. Martinez is there and hang up before they can reply.

25. Walk past a wall over and over again, stopping randomly to bang on. When you receive weird stares, shout, "What?! I'm look for branches of Itex!"

26. Every time you see them, demand an explanation of why exactly they don't like Maximum Ride.

27. If anyone tells you you'll go to hell for reading Maximum Ride, either: a) jump and down and tell them that you can't wait; b) tell them you'll meet them there; or c) ask them to back up this claim with evidence, and laugh at them when they can't.

28. Play the book-on-tape while they're stuck in your car.

29. ...add commentary.

30. When it's the anniversary of one of the releases, call to remind them.

31. ...every five minutes.

32. Classify everyone you meet as a different mutant. (Example: "Ooh, he would make a great dog-whale!")

33. Follow them around while acting out a scene from the book doing very annoying voices for all the characters. Expect them to join in, and act offended when they don't.

34. Count down to some obscure Maximum Ride event, whether it's a random date mentioned in the books, or maybe a character's birthday. Keep saying: "87 (86, 85, etc.) more days!" in the middle of every conversation you have with your friend. Smile in a superior way when they ask what you're counting down to.

35. Start talking about a deceased Maximum Ride character and suddenly burst into hysterical tears.

36. Refuse to be comforted.

37. Send them numerous letters informing them that they have been selected for research, and you must bid them goodbye.

38. Print this out and use it as a checklist.

39. Insist that they subscribe for your new Maximum Ride newsletter and when they say no, act like you've been seriously offended.

40. If you go to a big city with them, loudly ask random people if they know where you can find the School.

41. Invite them to play "Mad Scientists" with you.

42. Tell them you're Fang, then hide.

43. Send out birthday party invitations for a Maximum Ride character. Be sure to call everyone who doesn't respond and ask them if they're coming.

45. Call your local news station and give them a tip on where to find the Bird Kids.

46. Whenever looks like it might rain, scream "Global-warming induced hurricane!!" and hide for days at a time.

47. When travelling long distances, tell them it would be so much faster if they had wings, too.

48. Tell them that they're almost as good a cook as Iggy.

49. ..refuse to tell them who Iggy is.

50. Speak in an androgenous voice at random moments and make predictions about people, give directions and advice. Then, use your normal voice again and pretend that you don't remember anything.

Haha, now that that's done with, I just have three quick "announcments" to make.

1. Since Word Day and Carpe Noctem Day are scheduled for replacement, I need something to replace them WITH. I have some ideas, but I'd really like to know what you guys want, since you're the ones who read my boring junk anyway ;)

2. Don't forget to vote on Name the Assasin girl poll. Pro to Kieran: very cool sound and cool meaning. Pro to Vega: very cool sound and fits with the meaning of her two brothers, whose names mean Sun and Mood. (Vega means falling STAR).

3. Also don't forget about Followers Carpe Noctem coming up on September 26! So far there are only three people "signed up" to do it. C'mom, you know you want to ;) Details here.

That's about it! Thanks, y'all! Talk to ya later!


Jillian said...

Gosh, now I really need to read those books.
Thanks for the awesome comment Kendra!

Cavender James said...

I have an idea.

Maximum Ride day!

Or Whatever-character-Kendra's-obsessed-with-right-now Day!

Kendra Logan said...

Jillian: *sing-songy voice* Thank you for following! You rock!

And the books are really good, especially the first two.

Cavender: I LOVE THOSE IDEAS! Omg, Obsessive Day! Or Character Day!

Muse of Randomness said...

Yes. Obsessed day. That'd be wonderful.

I need to read the books now as well, because this amused me.. My friend Rebekah loved them.

It oddly reminds me of things I've done involving Kingdom Hearts.

Kendra Logan said...

Muse of Randomness: Awesome! It looks like that one is gonna be a winner...

Yes, the books are very good. The character are very relatable, it's well-written, engaging, and it actually got a hold of my emotions in places, which is hard to do.

Life Savior said...

Sounds funny, but what are the 'Maximum Ride' books?


Kendra Logan said...

Life Savior: Maximum Ride is a series about six kids who are 98% human and 2% bird. It's about them trying to escape evil scientists and ultimately save the world. It's better than I just made it sound, lol :)