What's Up With Me

So. Hey :)

I've been thinking and evaluating and struggling with some things lately. Some of it's academic, some of it's personal, and some of it's creative. This year, you know, my goal is to be more myself. To become more the person I feel like I'm supposed to be. Lately I've been feeling like I have to choose between being myself and keeping up with certain aspects of school.

God has blessed me with two facets to my personality: academic and creative. Normally, they coexist fine, but more and more, I've been feeling like they...well...can't.

I can keep up with my school work. I can do great. I can be a model student and get straight A's and tell you everything you want to know about Nietzsche and his Ubermensch, but when I sit down to write, I've got nothing. Nothing.

For a while I dismissed it as a phase. Writer's block. Um, really LONG writer's block...a year and half's worth of writer's block, and getting worse every day...

In 2008, I read 40 books. In 2009, I read 39 books. In 2010, I read 20. Counting school books.

I stopped journaling. I stopped wanting to call my best friend. I got about eight colds in six months. I started putting on an act 24/7 of being the same Happy Healthy Fun Creative Kendra I've always been. I wasn't really very happy anymore, but I figured hey, I was making good grades and that's what counts.

I was beginning to think that I'd have to make a choice, and I knew I had already decided. Writing is who I am, reading is what keeps me going, but it's not what the world (or my parents, I thought) cares about. I can't even tell you the number of times my mom has told me to "stop working on my story and get back to my schoolwork."

Eventually I could do that for myself, and a little too well. I stopped writing because I didn't have time. I figured I could pick it up sometime when I did.

But guys, it doesn't work that way. You use it, or you lose it. I was losing it and I didn't know what to do. I made time for writing, but the words wouldn't come because I was so stressed out about what I SHOULD be doing. Even when I had legitimate "free-time," all I could do was veg out in front of the TV or click around on the internet because books didn't interest me, my words wouldn't come. I resigned myself to giving up creativity, and although it felt like cutting off my right arm, I was already halfway there.

When this year started, I knew I needed to do something. I was becoming dangerously angry and jealous of the homeschooled friends who had time just to enjoy being alive. I would read blogs and want to tear my hair out, thinking "Why can't I be her/him?" I was doing well in school, but completely miserable and losing myself in the sea of dates, atoms, charts, conjugations and theorems.

Good grades definitely count. Especially when you're (please excuse the potential arrogance) really blessed in the intelligence area and are 150% dedicated to getting into Wake Forest University. Good grades do count. A lot.

But is the syllabus more important than my soul?

I always thought homeschooling was about doing what was right for you, not about teaching to test or squeezing you into a system. I know God wants me to do my best and stretch my mind, but at what expense? I don't think he wants me to sacrifice my creative side for my academic side. I think there's a way for them to work together...maybe? Hopefully?

I finally breached the subject with my parents a few days ago. I tried to explain how I feel. Honestly, I didn't expect a great reaction. I expected something along the lines of, "Kendra, you're just being lazy because you're struggling in subjects that don't come naturally to you. Stop daydreaming and hit the books and everything will clear up soon."

But that didn't happen. My parents listened to me and took me seriously. We didn't argue and we actually understood each other.

That conversation definitely goes in the top three Must-Have-Been-God moments of my life.

We arrived at a pretty simple solution:

- We're ordering an algebra curriculum on DVD that I can do every day.
- I'm postponing chemistry until this summer. Without a background in algebra 2, chemistry is borderline impossible.

It doesn't sound like much, does it? But the way I feel is a 180 degree turn-around. I used to sleep until 10 o'clock because waking up was just too stressful and depressing. I used to write a total of 0 words a week. I used to be frustrated and didn't get alone with my parents very well.

It's been four days and I've gotten up earlier, feeling excited and so much full of ME. I've written more in my notebooks than I did all of last summer. I like my parents.

I just feel good. I feel like I'm enjoying life. I feel like I might try to do chemistry today just because I feel like I can.

I know this was a really long post, and possibly not something you're interested in, but I just felt like posting about it. I guess I sort of want insight. Do you think I did the right thing? I feel good, but every once in a while a shadow falls across me and I wonder if I should have just kept things the way they were and tried harder...

Comments are great... :)

~Kendra

Writer's Depression

She stared at the blank Word document, hoping for something to come out. Nothing did except the words “I suck”. And her next sentence, “I will never be a writer” came out “I wlil never be a wirter”, proving that even Word hated her.

What happened to those days when she’d take out a fresh notebook and start a wonderful new story? What happened to the days when she’d discontinue the story three days later and not even be bothered by it? What happened to the days when she’d chose acting out a scene in her room over TV and computer any day?

She put her head in her hands. Maybe she wasn’t made for this after all. I mean, she’d only wanted to be a writer for fifteen years, right? She could be wrong. Maybe she was secretly destined to be an astronaut.

She snorted. Yeah, an astronaut. Thanks but no thanks. She wanted to be a writer.

Maybe depression was good. She actually didn’t mind. It’s good to be able to slip into different moods. Makes writing characters easier. Hey, maybe she ought to write down how she was feeling now! It might come in handy…Who knows? Maybe one day she’d have a depressed character to write…

Yes, she had better get this down before her depression went away.

"She stared at the blank Word document, hoping for something to come out..."

Clickity, click, click, click, clickity, clack, clickity, click…

You. Help. Now.

Hey!

WOW, it's been a while!

I have written a proper post in at least a week. Yesterday I was going out of my mind trying to finish this art grant project for art history and study for the biology mid-term that I hadn't started studying for yet.

For the art grant project we have to come up with an art or cultural project that we want the government to fund. We have to put together a presentation trying to convince the class that we should recieve the grant money.

My project is called (at least right now) the Historical Reality Project. Basically, it would be an interactive, virtual reality walk through American history. It's geared to kids with learning disabilities in hopes that "living" history for themselves will help them understand and retain information better.

The project is going fine, but I'm not sure how to make it AMAZING, you know? My visual aids could use some work. I was just going to throw together a poster, but...

OUR TEACHER EXTENDED THE DEADLINE FOR THE PROJECT!!

We have an extra week; yay! So now I have time to make a more exciting visual aid, but what? Hmm...

I'm definitely looking forward to getting caught up in my work. I'm tired of playing catch up all the time. I hate constantly feeling behind. Mostly in Latin, art history, math and a little in biology.

Haha, so basically everything but logic and BritLit. Shocking.

I'm definitely wanting to get back to Mirror. See?? I told you I'd come around :) The passion for the story is back, now all I need is a plotline...

Okay, I really do need help with that, so I'm going to ask you to randomly brainstorm with me. If you are reading this, come up with something crazy, random, exciting, realistic, romantic, mysterious or funny. Or anything. Just come up with something, click "comments", type your idea, and click, "publish". Those three steps could help me finish this book, y'all! Your helps is appreciated ;)

And I'll know if you came and didn't do that because I watch the page hit counter.

Lols ;)

Well, I don't have much else to say. I'm going to go finish watching National Treasure with my family :) Thanks in advance for your help!

Sleeping Beauty's Make-Over

It's Name Day!! WOOHOO! My personal favorite :D

I'm going to go with Sleeping Beauty's name, Aurora. It means "dawn", and it comes from the Latin.

Why that name, you ask? Keep reading.

Okay, now that Name Day is out of the way, let me tell you what I've been doing today :)

First, I started reading "The Da Vinci Code". Both my parents have read it, and they told me I would really like. They said it's intriguing and well-written even if it isn't all historically accurate and some religions are falsely portrayed, including Christianity.

I'm only a few chapters into the book, but it's everything I hoped for so far! It's extremely well-written and fascinating, the story just draws you in. Author Dan Brown uses all the words that I know and never have to use! Haha, I'm such a nerd, but it really excited me to be able to exercise my ridiculously huge vocabulary.

I'm not far into the book at all, but I'll definitely let you guys know what I think when I'm done. Even now I can tell it's going to be one that I highly recommend.

Besides reading, I've been sleeping really late (10:30am today), reading blogs, writing painfully few words, and coloring print-outs of Disney characters.

I've gotten really into coloring the past couple of days. I'm a serious perfectionist about it, too. So far I've colored Meg (from Hercules"), Aladin and Jasmine on a horse, Peter Pan with Tinker Bell, Ariel sitting on a giant clam, Sleeping Beauty with Prince Philip, and Belle with The Beast.

On Sleeping Beauty, I decided not to color her as she is in the Disney movie. I colored her luxurious curls brown, gave her a red crown, an orange dress with red color and sash, and drew on a ruby ring for her ring finger. If I do say so myself, she looks way better than Disney has her ;D She looks mysterious and fiery, not Little Miss Perfect in Pink. I made some terrific changes to Bland Prince Philip, too. He's dressed in red, orange and black with jet black hair. He looks awesome. If I do say so myself.

I am way too into this.

Anyway, the mission trip is in two days! *gasp* Lizzy was getting nervous today, and now I am, too...*deep breath* Oh well. I know I'll be just fine, and having Matt and Lizzy to watch out for will make me feel better anyway. Too bad Daniel isn't going this year, though. Having him around is like having an honorary older brother.

Hmm.

Well, I guess that's about all I have to say.

Oh, wait, let me rant really quick about having writer's block: DANGIT! WHY CAN'T I FREAKIN' WRITE?? WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE? SURE, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M WRITING TOWARDS ANYMORE; SURE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I WANT THE STORY TO END; SURE I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TAKE THINGS ANYMORE; BUT FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, KENDRA! WOULD IT KILL YOU TO CRANK OUT A COUPLE O' PARAGRAPHS??

Okay. I'm finished. Thank you, goodnight, carpe noctem.


P.S. Just for the heck of it, I'm going to tell you the names of my main characters in "The Mirror" along with their meanings. I chose the names carefully, and all of their meanings have significance.

1. Paige: young attendant
2. Darren: small great one
3. Lila: of the night
4. Arawn: unrestrained wildness
5. Narcissa: sleep
6. Luken: light
7. Aerona: poison berry
8. Nyoka: snake
9. Lita: sorrows

Darren's, Narcissa's, and Nyoka's name meanings are the most fitting, but the rest of them are pretty important, too.

Let me know what you think if you want to.

"Stargirl" and Vacation Heads Up

Well, the temporary Jace obsession is fading fast, so there's good news for you ;) He's still awesome and everything, and the books are very good, but you don't have to worry about any more Jace pictures or quotes, I don't think.

Although, since this IS Quote Day, I'll probably post one of his quotes anyway, but that will be the end most likely.

I woke up at ten o'clock today. Ah, there's nothing like sleeping late, then looking out the window and seeing it's sunny, warm, and breezy outside. I ate two Pop-Tarts, finished reading a book called "Stargirl", and then got on here to resume my life as a computer nerd. We might be going to the lake later today, though, so I'll get out then :)

I just want to say a little about "Stargirl". It's written by Jerry Spinelli. (He's written other stuff, but the only other thing I've read, I think, is "Loser".) I really like "Stargirl". It's not one of my favorite books necessarily, but it's provocative and well-written, even if the style is a little odd. I'll post what it says on the back of the book:

"She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitter shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."

Stargirl is a very interesting character, and the whole book is just like one eye-opening experience after another. It makes you think about things in a whole new way. It's a really strange book, but I would recommend it to anyone. It's relatively small, only 186 pages long. I could probably read it in a day, but it's pretty good reading.

I'm going on vacation tomorrow, to the beach! Yay! My grandpa lives really close to the beach and he works at a hotel. We're going to stay at the hotel and be with him some, too, because his brithday is the 10th.

I really like my grandpa. He's fun and always looks for the good things in life. He's funny, but not on purpose. He's terrible with directions, which makes for some hilarious stories. He's always so put-together. He wears nice business suits and seems like the kind of person you can ask things and depend on. Everyone likes him. He's easy to get along with, is considerate and kind, and a good worker. He's an awesome grandpa and I love him a lot.

I'll be gone until Tuesday, but my dad is bringing his laptop along and the hotel has WiFi, so I might be able to post. I don't know for sure. We'll see.

I haven't written "Mirror" in a little while. Hmm. I'm in another block. This time it's because I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know what I want to happen for sure, or how to end it. I have several possible endings, all of them good, but I don't know which one to chose. Oh well; I guess I'll figure it out eventually, right? Hm.

Thanks for reading this jumble of odd thoughts! I hope your day is going well!

OH! I almost forgot! It's Quote Day! But I don't I'll do a Jace quote after all. I think I'll do a Stargirl quote:

"And...I see. I hear. But not with my eyes and ears. I'm not outside my world anymore, and I'm not really inside it either. The thing is, there's no dfference anymore between me and the universe. The boundary is gone. I am it and it is me. I am a stone, a cactus thorn. I am rain. I like that most of all, being rain."

Five Days in One

Sorry. I've been really busy with Bible school and Fourth of July stuff, and frankly, I just didn't feel like posting.

I still have nothing to say. I'm having posting block or something. Well, since I missed Thursday through Sunday, I'll just do those specialty posts:

Thursday, Name Day:

Let's do the most popular names, shall we?

Most Popular Top Ten Girls' Names:
1. Emma (means "universe" or something)
2. Emily (Nothing to say.)
3. Madison (Wisconsin?)
4. Isabelle (Love it.)
5. Abagail (Don't like that name just a whole lot. Reminds me of the 1800's. I like Abby, though.)
6. Olivia (Reminds me of an olive.)
7. Ava (Love this name.)
8. Chloe/Khloe (Kewl.)
9. Sophia (Means "wisdom" or something.)
10. Addison (Pretty much like Madison, only someone drops their "M"s.)

Most Popular Top Ten Boys' Names:
1. Jacob (And Esau ;))
2. Noah (And the ark. Seriously, can't believe this is making a comeback.)
3. Aiden (Means "fire".)
4. Jackson (Yay for surnames as first names!)
5. Jack (And Jill...)
6. Logan (My last name...)
7. Ryan (I like this name. But I think it would be a cute girl's name, too, for some reason.)
8. Matthew (Okay.)
9. Jayden (Hey, I made this up!)
10. Joshua (Generic, but I like it.)

How interesting. Hey, wait a minute! I thought I made up the name Jayden! I thought *I* invented that! -_- Apparently not. Oh well. Just goes to show I make up pretty sweet names, right? Lol ;)

My favorite girls' names out of those would be Isabelle, Ava, Khloe, and Sophia.

My favorite boys' names out of those would be Aiden (it means "fire"), Jackson, Jayden, and Joshua. I like "J" names :D

Okay, Friday, Challenge Day:

Uh. Okay, read a chapter book in a day. Good luck :P

Saturday, Carpe Noctem Day:

You could just go read Carpe Noctem, you know.

Sunday, God Day:

Oh, boy. Well, here's something. I'll tell my favorite Bible point from Bible school this week: God is with us (FEAR NOT!). And he is. All the time, everywhere. How cool is that??

Today, Monday, Word Day:

Ooh, I actually like my word from my Word of the Day calendar! It's "atrabilious", which means given to or marked by melancholy.

Pretty much it means gloomy. Cool word, right?

Well, in the words of Bugs Bunny, that's all for now, folks!

Kavi and "Cooking"

Name Day! :D

The name of the week is Kavi.

I know, I know. Another boy's name beginning with "Ka". Sorry. I must just really like names like that. But I didn't just pick this because I like it. I picked this name because it belongs to my favorite character in that amazing trilogy called the Farsala Trilogy. He's the coolest character in my oppinion. Gosh, I wish I knew other people who've read it so I could talk about it with someone!! If any of y'all have read the books, or if you ever do, please let me know so we can talk about them!!

Meaning of Kavi: unlike most of the other names I've done (okay, so I've only done one other name...), "Kavi" seems to mean the same thing wherever I look. It means "wise man" or "wise poet". It doesn't really fit the character much, but I still like the name and the character.
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When I woke up this morning, my headache was finally gone!!!!!!! I was really happy, lol! I got up, ate a Pop-Tart, and then we got a call from the realtor saying that someone wanted to see the old house! So the whole family went back to the old house to get some more junk out of it and just vacuum and dust and stuff. It looks much nicer in there than I thought it could. Lol, if any of you are looking to buy a house, let me know ;)

Tomorrow night, Ellie B is coming to spend the night! I'm so excited!!!! She hasn't even seen the house since it was finished. How pathetic is that?? One of my best friends ever, and she hasn't even seen the place with carpet. *rolls eyes* Anyway, I'm super excited that she's finally coming. We never see each other anymore. :( But we are tomorrow, so I can't really mope. ;)

I was determined to work on "Mirror" today whether I liked it or not, but I ended up just reading over the last part and editing a little. *sigh* I really do hope I finish this book. I have so many ideas. I just don't understand why I can't WRITE!! *grrrr*

Well, it's Thursday, which means I have to "cook" dinner. Yeah, cook is soooo in quotation marks. I think I'm gonna make microwavable Stoffer's mac and cheese. Delicious, filling, acceptable, and virtually fool-proof. My kind of meal ;)

I'd better get to cooking. I need all the wiggle room I can get.

I'll post tomorrow if I haven't burned the kitchen down or something ;)

Carpe diem!

Hourglass Nebula and My Life

How's this for awesome? It's supposed to be the hourglass nebula. Isn't it beautiful? I'm not really sure if it actually is the hourglass nebula, though, because it doesn't look like an hourglass, or any of the other pictures of the hourglass nebula. But no matter what it is, it's stunning, isn't it?

As I was looking at it, it sort of looks like someone climbing a steep mountain. The wind is blowing, and the person's hair is blowing. There's also like this huge cloud of evil trying to keep the person from making it to the top. Maybe the person is trying to get that red star thing. Do you see all this? Okay, let me see if I can describe it more, just in case you have no idea what I'm talking about, lol!

You see the red star, right? It's sitting in the middle of a mountain. Just the top of the mountain. You see the four rays of light coming out of the star? The top left ray points to a person. The greenish blob is the head, and the person is almost lying on the mountain, it's struggling so much. The wind is blowing, and the person's hair is blowing up and in front of his face. Behind the person (you can't miss this, lol) is a huge cloud of evil and misfortune, swirling darkly, just waiting to knock the person off the mountain.

Do you see it? Okay, well, that's my Picture of the Week :)

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Okay, I like the specialty posts and everything, but they feel somehow impersonal. I feel like I never post anymore, even though I'm posting every day. It's weird. So, I'm just going to take a little bit to recap my life over the past few days, like I used to. Okay? :)

Okay, so Friday was the start to an amazing weekend. Hot, sunny, and just perfect weather. My dad took our little sunfish sailboat out and had a great time. I just took a walk with my dog while listening to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. THAT was cool, let me tell ya :D The music really added something special to my walk through the woods.

Saturday, my dad took the sailboat out again, and I just hung out on the beach with a bunch of my church friends. It was so much fun!! I went on the Fords' boat for the first time in over a year! YAY! It was just awesome. Just like old times. I went barefoot the whole day, so my feet are getting tough already ;D

Sunday, WE DID IT AGAIN! My dad took the sailboat out, and even more people came down to the beach. Like, our whole church almost. Well, okay, not exactly, but like eight families were there. I love my church friends. They're just like extra family. Tons of parents and siblings, all mine :)

That was the best weekend I've ever had. I had so much fun! Indescribably amazing. Wow.

And tonight, I'M GOING TO THE BOOKSTORE!!!!!! Isn't that awesome? I have a list of like twenty-five books I need to read, lol! I'm sure I won't be able to get them all tonight, but I'll get some at least! And I'm going summer clothes shopping, but only a little. Just a couple of pairs of shorts and maybe a T-shirt or two. Nothing extreme. I'm procrastinating the extreme shopping ;)

The only thing that's sad right now is how Mirror is going. It's going as bad as it's ever been. I'm actually thinking I might not finish it. I have a bunch of people who are so excited about it, and I hate to disappoint them, but it's just going so badly, I can't imagine completing it now! :'( But I HAVE TO!! I just HAVE TO! But how? It's going SO BADLY. I haven't really written it in so long.

*giant sigh* I've had rough patches before. After all, when I started this book, I wrote a few pages, and then didn't pick back up until nearly a YEAR later. This is just a rough patch. It'll be okay. I'll finish it, edit it, and it'll be great.

I hope.

Well, that's my past few days and tonight. Hope you weren't bored ;) Carpe this aestas diem!

Slaves and Studying

Last night was so much fun!!!!!!!

I had to skip dance, which was definitely NOT (I had to study), but I got to go with my parents to band practice for our church. After I studied, guess what I did? I PLAYED WITH THE LITTLE KIDS!! My favorite thing to do EVER! (Not really, but close.) That is so much fun, let me tell ya. Two nine year old boys and two seven year old girls.

Wow. It's weird thinking about how old they are now...I've known Ryan and Maddie since they were three and one, and Abby and Jarrod since they were four and six. THEY'RE SO BIG NOW!! I feel all...old or something, lol! Anyway.

We played--you'll NEVER GUESS--slaves.

YES, SLAVES! To some of you, you're like, "Oh, the big deal is that they played slaves. Okay. Got it." But the people who have known me since I was little know that it's a big deal because THAT'S WHAT MY FRIENDS AND I USED TO PLAY/DO, TOO. It felt so strange to be playing it again. Weirder than you can imagine. Like stepping back five or six years.

It was also weird because Ryan was a lot stronger than I remembered him being. In like two years or so, he's gonna be able to take me out. Which is weird, because I'm not exactly WEAK OR SOMETHING, and he's only NINE. And he's not, like, fat or anything (lols). So that was weird, because the first time me and Abby and Maddie tried to "escape" (we were the slaves, Ryan and Jarrod were the owners), I figured I would let the boys catch me, and then after a while, I'd just push them off of me and run away for real.

Only I tried and Ryan caught me by surprise, and then I was on the floor, blinking. Huh? Lol! It was hilarious. I was like "Wow, you are a lot stronger than I remembered." Of course, then I got up and outran him in like six steps and was ready for him the next time, but it was harder to get away than I expected. So yeah. It was just weird.

And now I'm thinking this has to be at least ONE OF the weirdest posts I've ever written. *shrug* I know it's weird that I like playing with little kids, and it's even weirder than we play SLAVES, but, hey, that's just me :) And it was really fun. You should try it sometime ;)

Also today, I saw someone I hadn't really seen in a long time. It was awesome. Not going to say more, but I think I already have in a post...let me find it...ah, here it is: http://puelladei.blogspot.com/2009/01/randomness-at-its-best.html Read that. And the comments. It explains it a little.

Studying went okay today. Physical science, not so great, American Government and memorizing my poem to say for the class are both going GREATLY!! So, I guess two and a half out of three isn't bad. Not bad at all.

"Mirror" still sucks, but I think I'm coming out of writer's block. Maybe. I started writing some of the sequel, and it's at least getting me out of the rut. The only problem is, I have such GREAT IDEAS for the sequel, and for the next generation, but I really, really, REALLY didn't want this to turn into a series. I really wanted to write ONE BOOK, and then just be DONE. But noooooooooooo. My characters have to keep having KIDS in my mind and cool stuff like that. And so much more. *moan*

Over all, it's been a KILLER two days. Despite exams. Who woulda thought, huh? Guess you never know. Carpe diem :)

Skillz--That I don't Apparently Have

I fixed dinner tonight. An actual dinner. Like, not frozen pizzas or eggs or soup. Spaghetti. Sort of. My mom helped kind of a lot. It was weird. Because, I'm really good at a lot of things, so I figured cooking wouldn't be a problem. Well, let me tell ya,

it's a lot more work than I thought.

And it actually takes skillz. Skillz that I do not yet possess. I didn't burn the noodles or anything, but I was suprised at how difficult it was to multi-task in the kitchen! I can make soup and talk on the phone and quiz homework at the same time, but I sure can't make toast, put noodles in a pot, chop the ground beef, put the sauce on and set the table at the same time! HELP! Lol!

"Mirror" is still going HORRIBLY.

I took a bunch of quizes on Facebook instead of writing, haha! So far my fruit is a banana, I'm Darth Vador, a Genius, a class II cop, I almost escape a zombie attack, I'm Peter Pevensie (from Narnia), am a true southerner, am going to have four kids, have a great name, my true age is 11-20 years old, am most ceceptable to the sin greed, am Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'm the state Kansas, and am a Lovely Lady (yeah right). Yeah. I went quiz crazy :D

*sigh* Not writing sucks :'( I hope I can figure out what happens next soon...

We're going to watch "Get Smart" tonight :D Love that movie. So funny. So quotable! "Did you say SIIIIIIIIIIGFREEEEEEEEEEEEID?" LOL! "SSSSon of a hampster!" Lols, if you haven't seen it, you should!

Bye! Carpe diem!

Happinews! ;)

Hi! Wow! All good news today!

Yesterday, it snowed about FIVE INCHES!! How awesome is that?? We haven't had snow like that since I was ten years old. I made a giant snowball and just messed around in the snow. It was a blast!

Class was canceled today, but I didn't do any school work yesterday, so I have to catch up today. Other than that, though, it looks like a super easy week! Yay! That way I can really concentrate on driver's ed homework and studying for the final. Everyone says it's really not hard to pass, but I would absolutely DIE if I failed and had to do this course again. *shudders*

Creepy is going okay. I don't feel stuck right this second. I haven't tried to write yet (and I'll have to do school before I can), but it feels like the mental block might be gone. Yay again!

Wow, it feels much better to be posting positive stuff rather than griping the whole post. I bet it's funner to read, too! I've been working TONS on my website, so check it out again! http://sites.google.com/site/themirrorbook/ I have pictures for almost all of the characters now, too. You can finally see what Paige and Darren look like!

Well, I better go. I have math and science that need to be tackled, and I have to do something about my philosophy project. I don't want to do the idea I've chosen, so I'm scrambling for a way to get out. *sigh* Oh well. I know what I have to do:

Carpe diem!

:)

Oh, yeah, and listen to this awesome song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKLpJtvzlEI

WHAM.

Okay, so I'm just writing my story--the writer's bock is gone--and I'm acutally getting somewhere, okay? So, I'm writing and writing, and then WHAM. I don't know what happened. Just all the sudden, I couldn't for the life of me figure out a single word to put down next. I lost touch with my characters. They're always in the back of my mind. I can feel them there, sometimes I ignore them, but I can feel their presence like they're all inside of me. But then suddenly it was like I hit a physical wall. They were gone. I couldn't connect with them or feel them or hear them or anything. I was completely stuck in the most abrupt way I've ever experienced. I've had writer's block before, you all know that, but it's never come on like that. Just...so fast and so tangibly. It was really weird, and now I can't write! It's so annoying! And sad. I was really going somewhere. I have over 46,000 words now. And I can't feel my characters anymore. It's the weirdest feeling...Almost, well, scary. I feel strangly lonely. I've never had writer's block like this. It's the worst feeling in the world (okay, maybe not, but it's no fun, that's for sure!).

*SIGH* Couldn't my life be perfect for just one day? Just once could I have a day where I could write, feel good, get all my schoolwork done well, and have the sun shine, too (it's raining)?

Guess not.

P.S. I'm gonna start putting pictures in my posts. Just for the heck of it. And I can't write, so what else am I gonna do? :-/

Nothing. (Seriously)

I'm trying to think of something worth throwing out for other people to read. And I'm coming up blank...

Well, my writer's block is gone! Yay! Kyle, thanks for the thing about Paige tripping. That totally losened me up, lol! I just reached over 42,000 words (yay), and have thought up some more plotline, which is always a good thing :)

Uhm...........yeah, it's really hard to focus on blogging when Darren and Paige are screaming at me to write more of their lives, so, I gotta go. :D Ttyl!

WHAT TO WRITE??

Today started out as the worst day of my life, and ended up being awesome! School is all done! For real. No procrastination, everything really is done!! Isn't that a great feeling? I don't know why I'm such a procrastinator when it stresses me so much. I'm just kind of lazy, I guess.

Hmm, haven't really tried to write yet. Don't know what to write! Y'all help me. Which story should I put my effort into? Lol, this should be fun...

Story #1:
Name: Doesn't have one. Right now, it's called "The Creepy Story," even though it really isn't...
Level of promising-ness: High.
Pages so far: 62
Word count: 34,085
VERY basic plot: A girl finds out her best guy friend is half elf and gets swept up in a crazy adventure in which the girl and the guy get thrown into the "Elf World". Girl gets amnesia once in world and gets separated from boy.
Recent action in it: Not much. I've been sort of editing and avoiding writing more because I'm at a block.
Other: Don't know the long term plotline!! Not good! I don't know what to do next, and I'm not sure how happy I am with the whole amnesia thing...it's very irritating...

Story #2:
Name: Right now, "Cammie and Cousins"
Level of promising-ness: Semi-high
Pages so far: 48
Word count: 23,910
VERY basic plot: A girl named Cammie (who has three boy cousins, all older) finds out she is the Wielder of the legendary Dagger. The evil king wants her to use her power for evil with him, and she refuses...sort of. It's hard to explain.
Recent action in it: Uhhh, kind of about the same as with Creepy Story. Have been avoiding seriously writing it because I don't feel good about the plotline.
Other: Has lots of gaps and stuff. Lots of stuff that needs filling in. Again, long term plot is generic and shaky.

Story #3:
Name: "The Chronicles of Jeolotoe: A Spark of Strength"
Level of promising-ness: Iffy. Could be good if I put a lot of effort into it. Mostly I just stick with it because it's been a part of me for soooooooo long and I can't let it go.
Pages so far: Well, I'm in the middle of a brutal re-write, so only 10 so far lol!
Word count: 4,145
VERY basic plot: I do not feel like explaining it. Set on a planet called Jeolotoe. Six fire fairy girls who are entertainers for the evil Fire Lord try to overthrow him with the help of a reluctant super-awesome spy.
Recent action in it: Uhhhhhhh.....
Other: I LOVE THIS STORY!! I just can't give it up! The plot COULD be really good, but is it worth the effort??

Story #4:
BEGIN A NEW STORY! *gasp* Can I?? Do I have the creative juices? Do I have that kind of time on my hands??

Haha, sorry, that post was insanely long. Just tell me what you think. Thanks. I need to write, but can't and it's driving me CRAZY! Or maybe I should say crazier. :)

I don't know why, but I'm happy...

Omg. Wow. It has been a long time. Sorry!! This week has been crazy and stuff, so I haven't had time to post.

Well, I don't feel boring anymore!! Isn't that AWESOME??? Lol! Maybe I still am, but at least I don't FEEL like I am. :) This weekend, we had some friends stay at our house. (Matt, age 12 and Katie, age 10). As some of you probably know, I have always lamented my tiny family (just parents, me and my 12 year old sister), and absolutely LOVE it whenever people stay at our house. Well, Matt and Katie are practically family anyway, but it was amazing having them at our house. They are so much fun, and I could tell that my dad really liked having a fellow guy in the house for a while. :) We did all kinds of stuff together, and it's so sad that they're gone now, but I will treasure those two days forever. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true.

I haven't really tried to write in a while, but I get the feeling that if I tried, my writer's block is gone. Yay!! After this post and after I check my billion various emails :), I'll probably attempt to write a little.

School is awful. Surprisingly, I'm not super upset about that, although I have been pretty stressed lately. I have the tendancy to procrastinate, and this week is an excellent example. :( I have so much to do tomorrow it isn't even funny. I have to finish a horribly boring, long book that I'm not halfway finished with; write two papers on it, summarize the constitution, the amendments, and something else; do FOUR MATH LESSONS, (AHHHHHHHHHHH!!), memorize the rest of my seven minute speech (I have half of it memorized...I think...), and read an entire physical science module.

Wow.

When I just wrote all that down, it looks even worse than I thought it was... :'( Yikes. Well, wish me luck, and if I haven't died, I'll post again tomorrow. :)

I AM LOSING IT!

I am totally freaked out.

I haven't had a single fun thought to post here in like a week. And I haven't been able to write in more than a week. All my creativity is leaving me!! Ahhh! What do I do?? How do I get it back?? I HATE BEING A BORING PERSON!!!!!!!

A Boring Day

Hi! Today was my friend's first day at private school! Hope she had a good day...

Well, not very much at all has happened today. Like, really nothing. I haven't even THOUGHT anything interesting lol!

I'm a bit intimidated by the science research paper...not sure where to start, but I'll figure it out. Hey, the hard parts are (supposed to be) over. I've picked a topic done some research. *crosses fingers*

My writing has gotten a little better. For more than a week I had pretty bad writer's block, but I think it's better now. Hope it lasts :)

*sigh* There are some complications with moving in as soon as we had hoped. We haven't sold the house we live in now, and something is weird with the insurance with the new one. Not really sure of all the details, but it's really frustrating : I was also really counting on being able to have all my girl friends over for a sleepover, and this house isn't big enough :( We all thought we'd be moved in by now, and definitely by my birthday (February 7th). Oh well. It's all good. It'll happen.

Well, maybe I'll post later when I've got more to say. Lol, for someone who has nothing to say I sure can talk a lot :) I have dance class tonight so maybe there will be some interesting things to say about that.

MUST WRITE!!

I love writing.

But sometimes it seems like more of a disease or a mental illness than a gift. I can't stop. Even when I have horrible writer's block (like I do now), I still have the uncontrollable desire to write! You can't imagine how frustrating that is! I can't write, and yet I must. It's hard to describe. Music does that to me. It makes me want to write like crazy, and I get the most amazing feeling like I just HAVE TO WRITE! Unfortunately, music doesn't get rid of the writer's block, so I have to sit there listening to the music driving me crazy! (Betcha wondered how I got so crazy, huh? :D)

Well, that's my venting for today. :)