Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Who Am I?

Fact or Fiction?

Eating 2 poppy seed bagels can make you test positive for drugs.

Email. Comment. First correct gets an award. No Googling.
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So, Followers Say is this Saturday! I'm really excited to see what people have to say. I'm thinking this is gonna be an anual thing, and I hope that it will grow every year.

School...I don't know what's wrong with me. Usually, I go through times when I "hate" school, but I never REALLY do. I feel like I'm kind of resenting school right now. It's getting in the way of all the other stuff I like to do. It seems like the assignments are all really tedious and stupid. I don't know.

I don't like myself very much lately. It's not that I'm usually in love with myself, but I'm usually pretty okay with how I am and getting to be more of who I want to be. Lately, I've not been liking the way my work ethic and thoughts are going, but I don't seem to take the iniciate to change them either. Everything just seems like of discouraging, like I'll never get anywhere I want to be with anything.

My posting style and content are going downhill, too. I used to post lighter, more fun things with interesting facts and real outlooks on things. I used to try to be real and post challenging things. I feel different now, but not good different. Different...darker, more conforming. I hate that. I really hate myself right now.

Don't freak out, I'm not suicidal or anything; I'm not one to go for the permanent solution to a temporary problem. I just don't know what to do to get myself back on track to...whatever it is I want.

I feel kind of lost, I guess. Remember my advice a few weeks ago? "Be sure you know who you are. If you don't, how can you expect others to?" Well, I really need to do that now. I feel like I'm being fake with everyone, but it's not really my fault because I'm not sure who I am anyway. I used to be really sure of who I was. I was KENDRA: smart, persistent, persuasive, and certainly destined to be a great writer and lawyer someday.

NOW what am I? I have no idea, and it bothers me.

Sorry. I don't mean to rant at you guys. You didn't sign up for this.

I guess I'm just feeling down-in-the-dumps. *shrug*

I have my headshot for the play today. I hate pictures like this. I don't mind regular pictures when you're just doing life and people are like "SMILE!" *flash* I hate pictures that you prepare for. I always end up having a bad hair day, or one of those times when my eyeliner won't do right. This picture is for the play, so all the people that I really care about what they think are gonna see it all over. If I look stupid, I'll look stupid for a long time.

-_-

I'm just going to stop now. I don't know who I am, so how can I expect you to?

10 comments:

Kʀɛѵɑɳ said...

I'm guessing... false.

school has been like that for me since 7th grade -_-

I said you shouldn't try to change how you're writing on purpose, but I thought the change just didn't feel right... if you really dislike the way you're writing, I'd say it's okay to try and do it in a way you feel more comfortable with

Cavender James said...

First, true. Heroin

Second. You don't have to expect us to know, some of us will take it upon ourselves to learn who you are.

I know who you are.

Kendra Logan said...

Krevan: Okay, I'll reveal the answer tomorrow :)

Ugh, I'm sorry :(

I dunno. I really don't. *moan*

Cavender: What I said to Krevan, lol

You do? Good. Can you explain me to me? Lol...

Bethany said...

I'll say true...but it's opium :) I grow opium poppies....mehehe...not for juice of course, but for seeds and the Gorgeous flowers. It's illegal to grow them in Canada...I've heard of people being harassed for growing the innocent poppy....that sounds perfect for Carpe Noctem!! woot

And by the way you aren't the only one who's feeling like your writing style is changing....don't worry though, I and I'm guessing most of your followers will be around no matter where you go ;-)

Oh yeah, don't take this the wrong way, it's not creepy or anything; but I think I dreamed about you last night...???? weird. We were sort of inside of one of your stories, except I don't think it was anything like what you write. I think one other blogger was there too. Heh, my dreams last night also included a few other people that I know, and me fighting against three other people...random...this is turning into a post, I can feel it...sorry for ranting! :)

Kʀɛѵɑɳ said...

don't be :S

I do know poppies are used for opium, but I'm guessing their use in bread doesn't make you test positive for drugs

Kendra Logan said...

Lol! Yeah!

I hope you're right, lol! I don't want to freak anyone out (or bore them to death XD).

Wow, cool! I don't think it's creepy. Really interesting though. I dreamed about a bunch of my blogger friends a couple of weeks ago, but I can't remember anything about the dream. Oh, cool, inside one of my stories?? *sigh* THAT would be awesome!

Did you win the fight? Lol!

Bethany said...

haha, the full story is on my blog, in a truly epic post!

GracieTheFirst said...

True.

And dont try to change yourself, people change for the better in the long run even though they go through odd phases.

I did the same last year,
but I toughed it through and I feel much more whole as a person.

Cavender James said...

Really? Opium?


Hmm... I did not know that.

XD

MoonShaw said...

Awwww, that's too bad, I'm so sorry! I hate to see you feeling like that! I hope you are better now, because I know the feeling. I get it sometimes. Aw!! :(