My Daybook: Week 12

Date: 5.29.10
Starting time: 5:52pm
Mood: Down.
Outside my window: It's really nice.
I'm thinking: Nothing.
I'm reading: "The Book Thief". Which is intriguingly written and very good so far.
I'm listening to: Technicolor Phase by Owl City.
I'm wearing: Jean shorts and a black tank top with a leopard on it.
Yesterday, I: Babysat all day. It was pretty awesome. An excuse to build pillowblanketcouchcushion forts.
I'm excited for: Nothing.
I'm sad because: I'm fine.
I'm hungry for: Not hungry.
The song stuck inside my head is: "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright
I want: I hate this question.
I love: This weather.
I loathe: Crane flies.
This week, my goal is: Shake this.
Ending time: 5:56pm

~Kendra

School

Cavender says I hafta post ;P And we talked a lot about this subject today, so he suggested I post about it. Way to open the door for a Kendra Rant, Cavender XD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whether your thoughts are on summer being so close you can taste it, or exams beating you over the head with a 2x4, school is most likely on your mind this time of year.

I'm one of those people who hates school, but loves learning. Every once in a while I can step back and agree that school is really important and it gives you a great foundation for the rest of life.

But some people just plain hate school. They don't see the point. You know what? I don't think that's their fault. I think it's the school's fault.

Schools these days aren't giving you knowledge, they're teaching to test. They're teaching you exactly what you need to know to pass. They don't expect you to understand. They don't expect you to know how to think. They don't expect you to be able to apply what you learn. In my opinion, that's robbing you of half your education.

School should be directly related to life. I'm not saying that it is, I'm saying that it should be. Teach us how to think, not how to spit information back at you. Teach us to read, understand, and be able to communicate ideas. Teach us history so this next generation won't make the mistakes we've repeated for centuries.

You know what I think? I think school is not supposed to be about fitting yourself into an academic box and making good grades. I think school is supposed to be about empowering ourselves with knowledge. Giving ourselves a solid foundation of numbers, logic, history, English, biology, physics, art, music, current events, and public speaking. We go to school to get a foundation that we will use for the rest of our lives!

Every subject we learn is integrated! Our Creator did not just make a bunch of independent subjects to be studied! He made everything fit together in beautiful and delightful ways! He left behind all this knowledge, just waiting for us to soak it in and see how it all works together. When we don't embrace our education, we're cutting off part of what makes us in God's image.

School should not be where our parents shove us because that's just what you do. School should not be about becoming popular because a full social calendar is what it's all about. School should not be where our curiosity and creativity are squashed to promote class efficiency. School should not be a place where we are brainwashed because that's how we're supposed to think.

School should be where we go to soak in the knowledge that God has created for us to learn! School should be about making strong friends who will help you become who you're supposed to be. School should be where we're encouraged to ask questions and be our own person. School should be a place where we're not told what to think, but given the tools to draw our own conclusions.

School should not be about facts or about grades. School should be about gaining life skills in specific areas and learning to think. Because when it comes down to it, understanding HOW to think is a lot more useful than being told WHAT to think.

~Kendra

25 Things

I did a tag on Facebook last night, and thought I'd bring it to the blog world! It's called 25 Things. You make a list of 25 random facts about yourself, and then tag 25 people you want to get to know better. I love doing these things and then reading what everyone else puts. Well, here goes!

25 Random Facts About Kendra
1. I cannot stand the word “chick” when referring to a girl. It’s degrading. Unless, of course, you’re using it in a degrading way, and then it’s fine :D

2. I'm allergic to peanuts.

3. I argue just for the heck of it.

4. I'm a dancer.

5. I have a serious fear of food poisoning and tapeworms.

6. My audio processing is zero. I can memorize by hearing, but not process. So, spelling anything to me is completely and utterly OUT, but I will be able to repeat it back to you forever.

7. I don't really like food.

8. I love music in a minor key. So much. It's crazy. I loooove it.

9. I wish more than a lot of things that I had a bigger family.

10. I'm a suspicious person.

11. I haver very eclectic taste in music.

12.Hilari Bell is the writer I think I admire the most (for her writing, I don’t know anything about her as a person).

13. I take random pictures of myself when I’m bored. And it makes me feel vain when I think about it.

14. I’m TERRIBLE at buying gifts.

15. I’m really unobservant.

16. Soccer is my favorite sport, but I’ve played basketball, tennis, tee ball, golf, softball, and dance (still do XD), too.

17. I write lots of unsent letters. It's how I roll.

18. I like giving advice

19. I dislike wearing sunglasses. They make me feel like a diva.

20. Almost everything about me has an exception—or a contradiction. I hate the word chick, but you can use it if you’re being degrading. I’m extremely NOT a touchy-feely person, but there are certain people that I do actually like hugging. I’m a cheapskate, but sometimes I just splurge. I’m not girly at all, but I love heels. I don’t like chick-flicks, but 27 Dresses is one of my favorite movies. And on and on and on.

21. Begging is just not my style.

22. I believe that people who pull “cute” to get their way should be slapped. If you can’t persuade someone with your words, you don’t deserve to get your way anyway.

23. Watching people spit out their toothpaste (or even seeing myself do it) disgusts me beyond belief.

24. Irony is WIN.

25. I believe the most powerful thing in the world is Words.

Now I tag...anyone who wants to do it! If you will, leave me a comment so I'll be sure not to miss your answers!

~Kendra

Dance, Dance

Well, the old philosophy of
"Bad rehearsal, good performance"

has been proven...

CORRECT!

Things That Went Wrong at Rehearsal:
1) I messed up some foot work in dance #1, Razzle Dazzle.
2) The spacing wasn't great on Razzle Dazzle.
3) I work a short-sleeved leotard for the tap dance, which we were supposed to, but no one else did, so I looked weird.
4) I couldn't find my black capri pants for the tap dance. I had to wear my shorts that were part of another costume!
5) I did the wrong number of fouette turns in my ballet dance! It was really obvious.
6) I had a few wardrobe issues.
7) I almost forgot the end bow thing for my tap dance.

Yeah :( But...

The recital was great! I messed up a bit in once dance, but other than that, I have to say it wasn't bad at all :) I had SO much FUN! I love my dances :) My makeup was even fine! And I changed my hair three times and nothing horrible happened :) Also...

I DID MY SPLIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First time ever going all the way down. Can you believe it?? I felt myself hit the ground and kind of looked down, shocked. After the dance, I ran back into the dressing room to do it again. Could it be true? It was! A year and a half of training ends in a perfect victory! Yay!

I also had awesome people come watch me! David, Daniel, their parents, Cassidy, Brianna, my family, my grandma and Cavender! Yay! Most of them had never seen me dance before, and it was really important to me that I do as close to perfectly as I could :)

Dance songs (all of them were cut to fit the time frame):
1. Jazz: Razzle Dazzle (different version)
2. Tap: The tap dance was a cappella!
3. Ballet: Dance, Dance
4. Jazz/hip-hop: Bad Romance (WARNING: suggestive lyrics and language. The language was edited for the dance.)
5. Finale: Thriller! (We did the dance, too :D The Youtube vid won't load for me, so I'm going to cross my fingers that it's a good one, lol XD)

[Captions on the bottom]
Bad Romance poses + Razzle Dazzle costumes = ...this XD (I'm far right, and my face looks weirddd >.>)

Guess which one is me? The one with the dorky leotard and shorts, that's which one! >.< XD
I'm on the far right. With the gray, white and black tie-dyed tights.
Woo! :) I'm front and center, with the same gray, black and white tie-dyed tights.

Good weekend, awful ending. But I'm not gonna think about that :) The dance recital went great, and that's what I'll remember :)

~Kendra

Dance (Rehearsal)

Today is my dance rehearsal! I'm very excited. I love dancing and I love performing. I don't get stage fright, and I love what I'm doing when I'm up there.

Everyone has that one thing that's amazing to them. I know I'm a writer, but I'm so much a dancer, too. This is going to be sooo cheesy, but when I'm dancing, nothing else matters. I might be depressed, but I don't feel that. I might have just pulled a muscle, but I don't feel that. I might be so tired I can barely breathe, but I don't feel that. When I'm dancing, all I hear is the music, all I feel is joy. Everything I am goes into the dance, and I could do it forever.

I love to dance.

The energy.
The music.
The beat.
The excitement.
The subconscious counting that tells you exactly where you are.
The intensity.
The joy.
The passion.
The fun.
The feeling of your body doing exactly what you tell it to.

I can't describe dancing, and maybe I've tried too hard. All I can say is that I love dancing, it's a part of me, and it's been shaping me for fourteen years.

~Kendra

Consumed

Well. Hello. I'm not doing very well lately. I usually try really hard to hide my hard times from Carpe Diem, but I feel like sharing today.

My worst times are the times that happen in my head. When bad things happen to me, I get frustrated and irritable, but I much prefer that to those times when it's all in my head. There's no escape. After all, wherever I go, there I am with me.

To put it all very simply, I'm not happy. I'm not satisfied. I'm just not happy. I don't know what to do. It's not that I need God. I mean, I do, but I'm doing fine with God. I'm happy there, and he's helping me. It's other than that. The thoughts that don't leave me alone. I think all the time. Even my dreams are bad.

Last night, I had the kind of dream that bothers me the most: a searching dream. I hate searching dreams. You never find what you expect. Either you never find what you're looking for, or you find something that's wrong. Like searching for you dog, and you find it, but it's got a disease. Or you're looking for a bathroom, and all the stalls are occupied. Or you're searching for a mirror, but when you find one, your reflection is all wrong.

Last night I was searching for a person. People are the worst, because they're, well, people. Everything about searching for a person seems ten times more realistic than searching for a mirror or something. Ten times more realistic, ten times more urgent, ten times more difficult, and ten times more awful. It was the pinnacle of my hidden bad times recently. I don't know.

I'm not trying to depress everyone, I'm not trying to say something profound, I'm not trying to teach a lesson, I'm not trying to drum up sympathy. I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm just typing.

~Kendra

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Kendra's Epic (and Painful) Fail

I had play practice today at 1:30.

I rode with my grandma after church, and she dropped me off at the Students' Center, where it was supposed to be. It was POURING down rain, which was fine with me :D I love storms.

I went up to the door and walked in. However, the second set of doors were locked. Great, I thought. It must not be here after all. I know they told me it was here! I turned around and headed back for my grandma's car.

Only she drove away.

I ran after her a little, but in the rain I'm sure it was hard for her to see or hear.

I really did not want to walk to the other building in the rain. I tried calling different people in the play, but no one would answer. Finally I decided to cowgirl up and walk through the deluge. I picked up my bag and water bottle and went over to the other building.

What the heck. No people.

Frustrated and confused, I guessed that I must have been totally wrong and practice was at the high school and not the college. The high school really wasn't much farther, so I figured I'd just walk. I took a deep breath and set out in the rain again.

Note to self: Even if you are planning to dance barefoot like everyone else, do not wear high heels to play practice. End note to self.

"At least now I can really relate to 'Eliza' running through a rainstorm," I muttered, trying to shelter my bag full of journals and books for when I wasn't dancing. I called both my parents to let them know to pick me up at the high school, but they were still at church. There's no cell signal at my church building. *sigh*

I walked a long way, but my feet were starting to blister from the heels. So I shrugged and took them off. I mean, this is ME we're talking about. I prefer barefooted anyway.

Also being me, the twisty country roads didn't bother me. The possibility of redneck creepers didn't bother me. Blisters didn't bother me, walking didn't bother me, rain didn't bother me. What DID bother me?

WHAT IF THERE WERE LOOSE DOGS??

The terrifying thought plagued me (XD).

After about twenty minutes of walking, I started to get worried. I didn't remember the high school being this far away. It was only about a five-minute drive, surely I wasn't THAT slow of a walker. I pressed on.

I tried calling my parents again to ask them how far they though I would have to walk. Still no answer. I tried calling Ellie 'cause I was bored and starting to be more than a little worried. Someone to talk to would have been nice. She didn't answer either. I tried Kyle, but, again, no answer.

By this time, I'm really worried. There was no way that I'd passed the high school, but there was also no way that I shouldn't have come to already. I didn't know what to do. So I kept walking.

Finally, I either got a hold of my momma, or she called me. I can't remember which. But I told her what was going on, and she was a bit freaked. I guess I don't blame her. I was in short shorts all alone on a redneck country road. Prime target for a creeper. I hadn't really thought about it that much XD Creepers I can handle.

But dogs. Not so much dogs ;D

So, my mom agreed with me that I couldn't possibly have not come upon the high school. We talked things through, and guess what?

Basically, I had made a wrong turn >>>>>>.<<<<<<>.<>.< Gosh, I ruined everybody's everything, and it's completely my fault! And my feet hurt XD

So, today has been pretty fail, and I don't know how to make up the practice. We'll see how it goes.

You know what's weird though?

Those of you who know me know that I tend to freak out. Someone ate the last hot chocolate, someone stepped on my toe, someone took my bracelet, I have to try a new food, all that = KENDRA FREAKS.

But when something really weird/scary happens, I'm perfectly fine. I shrug off the freaked-out-ness and figure out what to do.

I'm so strange XD

Anyway, I just thought I'd share one of my biggest fails yet :D I'll call it "Kendra Gets A Time Wrong And Makes A Wrong Turn And Ends Up Making Her Mom Get Her And Ruining Everyone's Plans".

*sigh* Ah well. Live and learn. I promise you all, nothing like this will EVER happen again XD

~Kendra