Showing posts with label bad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Consumed

Well. Hello. I'm not doing very well lately. I usually try really hard to hide my hard times from Carpe Diem, but I feel like sharing today.

My worst times are the times that happen in my head. When bad things happen to me, I get frustrated and irritable, but I much prefer that to those times when it's all in my head. There's no escape. After all, wherever I go, there I am with me.

To put it all very simply, I'm not happy. I'm not satisfied. I'm just not happy. I don't know what to do. It's not that I need God. I mean, I do, but I'm doing fine with God. I'm happy there, and he's helping me. It's other than that. The thoughts that don't leave me alone. I think all the time. Even my dreams are bad.

Last night, I had the kind of dream that bothers me the most: a searching dream. I hate searching dreams. You never find what you expect. Either you never find what you're looking for, or you find something that's wrong. Like searching for you dog, and you find it, but it's got a disease. Or you're looking for a bathroom, and all the stalls are occupied. Or you're searching for a mirror, but when you find one, your reflection is all wrong.

Last night I was searching for a person. People are the worst, because they're, well, people. Everything about searching for a person seems ten times more realistic than searching for a mirror or something. Ten times more realistic, ten times more urgent, ten times more difficult, and ten times more awful. It was the pinnacle of my hidden bad times recently. I don't know.

I'm not trying to depress everyone, I'm not trying to say something profound, I'm not trying to teach a lesson, I'm not trying to drum up sympathy. I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm just typing.

~Kendra

P.S. A fellow-blogger named Jared Kraft is just getting started with a really cool music service for blogs. He writes theme music for you blog! The rates are very reasonable, too. Right now he's having a give-away where you can win a 2 minute theme song! To check out his blog, click on the button:

Photobucket

For more information go HERE.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Bad Memories vs. Good Ones

Why are bad things always easier to remember than good?

I actually thought of this question while riding home from dance tonight. We have this tape-and-wire (technical, I know) thing that lets you play your iPod through the car speakers. Well, the wire is apparently getting old. Half the time the music doesn't come out of the speakers on the right side of the car, and when it does, it breaks up. Static and funny noises are an added bonus. To get your music to play at all you have to contort the wire into uncomfortable positions and HOLD IT THERE.

And then it sometimes still won't play -_-

Sorry. Tangent. But that really does have something to do with the fact that BAD is easier to remember than GOOD.

How? Well, now I can hardly remember what it was like to be able to just LISTEN to my iPod in the car. No wire-jiggling. No iPod-throwing. No wondering if that's really part of the song. All I know is that now, it SUCKS.

We do that a lot, you know, with lots of different things.

When you're starving in the desert, it's hard to remember feeling full and refreshed. But once you're out of the desert, you sure as heck remember how hellish it was to be there.

When you have a broken heart, you swear that it wasn't worth all the good times you had. And then later when you're feeling better, you still swear that getting close to people is a bad idea.

When you're out of shape, you can't remember how good it felt to be able to run a mile flat out. But then when you finally get back into shape, you remember clearly how horrid it felt to sit on the couch all day.

Sometimes the healthy remembrance of the bad is a good thing. It keeps us from loosing sight of where we've come from, and why we stopped/starting doing things differently. But then sometimes it just makes us pessimistic.

The point of this post isn't to say that remembering bad more clearly is better or worse, it's just to point it out. And to ask why.

Why do you think people remember bad things better than good things? Or do you ever agree that we do?

~Kendra

Friday, September 25, 2009

Long Life Lessons

FOLLOWERS SAY ON CARPE NOCTEM HAS OFFICIALLY STARTED!! :O :O
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Well, today is Question Day, but I won't be able to do it for lack of a question, lol!
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So, justagirl4god awarded me in the Honesty Scrap thing! Instructions:

1) Say thanks and give a link to the presenter of the award.
2) Share "ten honest things" about myself.
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me.
4) Tell those 7 people that they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving.

Thanks, Rachael!!

Okay, 10 honest things...

1. I don’t (usually) like to eat.
2. I like the moon better than the sun.
3. I have a strange fascination with thieves, assassins, etc.
4. Although my blog is named ~Carpe Diem~, I totally suck at carpe-ing my diem.
5. My goals for my life include becoming a writer, lawyer, kindergarten teacher, and mom.
6. The author I admire most (aside from the obvious like Tolkien and stuff) is Hilari Bell.
7. My hair is naturally this weird mix of corkscrew curls and waves (maybe it sounds pretty, but it’s not, lol).
8. My eyes change color.
9. I sometimes bruise/get scratches/have pulled muscles from dreams.
10. My #1 wish of ALLLLLLLLL time is to have an older brother.

Ta-da! :D I now tag/award...
Jaynine
Seth
Steven
Cassie
Mr. Puddle
Meggie
Gabrielle
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Okay, so today has been weirdly awesome.

First of all, let me start out by telling you how a typical school day goes for me.

9:30am: Get woken up by mom.
9:45am: Actually get up.
9:40am: Go upstairs and eat breakfast (and read Dear Annie in the paper, catch my favorite comics in the funnies section, read a chapter or two of whatever book I'm reading..."
10:10am: Come down stairs and "start school"
10:11am: Check all my many emails, check my blogs, check Facebook, stalk some people on Facebook (maaaaaybe...)
10:30am: Repeat.
10:40am: Actually start school. Fiddle around with some research for Western Culture, glance at biology, check off twice as much stuff on my list as I actually did.
11:05am: Repeat what I did at 10:11.
11:30am: Do a math lesson.
11:55am: Well, I've been hard at work all morning, so I guess I can just read or goof around until lunch.
12:30pm: Lunch.
1:05pm: Write a paper...or at least a couple of paragraphs...okay, four sentences maybe...
1:10pm: Check Facebook.
1:30pm: Finish paper...or at least a couple of paragraphs...
2:00pm: Check Facebook, emails, blogs...
2:20pm: Do some logic.
2:40pm: Glance over some reading for Art History...
2:50pm: Get side tracked by this old story I found in my room...
3:10pm: Oh, wow! A whole day gone! Guess I'll call it a day.

-.-

Long schedule short: My work ethic sucks. Absolutely SUCKS. I know that, and the people that I admire the most do not have sucky work ethics. I would like the people I admire to think well of me, too.

So.

Today, I decided to exercise the self-dicipline I KNOW I have (...don't I?) and work HARD. Actually HARD.

I was at school by 9:30. I attacked biology with ferver. I got a lot more done than usual, and OMG I UNDERSTOOD IT??????? I did!

Then, I got to work on the bibliography that I'm supposed to have been keeping for six weeks but haven't. It is no easy task tracing down every website you used to find research on the Renaissance, Albrecht Durer, Jan van Eyck, Michelangelo, El Greco, Leonardo da Vinci, the "Pieta", "The Resurrection", and "Arnolfini's Wedding".

But I did it.

Then, I got to work on the vocabulary list I'm supposed to have been keeping for six weeks but haven't. That was a bit easier.

THEN, I FINALLY started working on my Art Grant Project. (Basically, we have to put together a presentation to apply for a "grant" for an art project. We give a presentation to the class, and then the class votes on whether or not we get the grant.)

Step One: Decide on a project.

Yeah. My work strategy basically sucks.

So, anyway, I got up to date on the Grant Project.

Next, a math lesson.

Next, attack a chapter in logic.

By this time it's 3:30pm, and I've only checked Facebook once. I've also had the most enjoyable (NO sarcasm!) and productive day I've had in a long time.

Then, I attack the Art History paper on Leonardo da Vinci some more.

By this time it's 4:15pm. Busy day, crazy, day, but a really fun day! :O :O :O Weird, huh?

So, my dad comes in and tells me that if we want to grab a bite to eat somewhere before the special play practice at 6pm, we should go. (It takes us 45 minutes to get to the play practice town). The special practice was for me and the other people who are working with the Hun puppets.

So, we go eat at Pizza Hut, just me and my dad, which was awesome. I get along with him so well. We always have such a fun, easy time. We're a lot alike.

Play practice went well. Working with a big, heavy-ish puppet is a challenge, and my arm is a tad sore (lol), but I think I'm getting it, and I had a lot of fun. I'm really getting to know people better, and I'm getting to be more of myself around them.

We came home, and watched two episodes of this spy-mystery-action-freaky-action-spy-mystery TV series we got on DVD called Alias. It's so awesome, but this last episode had some stuff set in a creepy, bad-conditions mental institute...do I even have to say that I am a little creeped out?

So, after an awesome day in all ways possible...

I still have to read a ton of "Gulliver's Travels", do some Latin, and read some Art History stuff.

*SIGH*

SLACKING DOESN'T PAY, PEOPLE! And actually doing the work can be more enjoyable than doing nothing all day...

I am a bit worried about getting those three last things, done, though...Tomorrow's schedule:

8:00am: GET UP.
8:30am: Eat something (c'mon, just oneeeee bite...)
9:00am: Get self looking...decent.
9:30am: Leave for play practice.
10:00am: Play practice.
1:00pm: Lunch break.
2:30pm: Resume play practice.
5:00pm: Get out of play practice.
5:30pm: Babysitting
11:00pm (hopefully): Come home, sleep.

...

And WHERE am I supposed to fit in reading "Gulliver's Travels", doing some Latin exercises, and reading loooooong chapters in the Art History books?

Ohh, right, I should have been doing that instead of posting...

XD Ah, well. Some things never change.

Carpe diem, everyone! And sorry for this epic-long post...

Monday, September 21, 2009

Confessions of a Chocoholic

That's not exactly what this post is about, but close enough. And it sounds cool XD
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Advice Day:

Source: Me
Advice: "Chocolate is dangerous. Consume in moderation."
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Play practice tonight :) Yayy! I still love it.

So, I wrote my short allegory for school today. I would like to put more finishing touches on it and polish it a little more, but I only had today to do it. Might go back and work on it some more. I don't really like it, but I don't completely hate it. It's just kind of blah. I'll post it at the end of this if you want to read it, but don't feel like you have to.

Today begins the first bianual Strange Confessions Week. Because...I feel like it. *blink*

Strange Confession #1: I get hurt in my dreams.

I know what you're thinking. Wow, big deal. I've gotten shoved off a skyscraper in my dreams before, too. Not exactly a confession, and not strange either. That's all true.

But you don't actually BRUISE from falling off that dream skyscraper.

I do.

I wake up with actually bruises from stuff that happened in dreams, and scratches and sore muscles, too.

The scratches thing seems easy to explain, doesn't it? I scratched myself in the middle of the night, and then I dreamed about it. Or, I dreamed about it and then scratched myself. Either way. Unfortunately, that theory flops.

Because, flexible as I am, even I can't make several long scratches stretching from my left shoulder to my right hip, and right shoulder to left hip, and neck to back, etc. etc..

Yes, that has happened to me before. How? Why? *shrug* Who knows? Not me.

End of Strange Confession #1.

*sigh* I feel like my posts are getting weird, strange, stupid, and in other ways not...not...not something. Something about my posts is different, and I can't put my finger on it. They're almost...darker or something. Do you think so, too?

*shakes head* I don't know. I think I'm going to stop typing now. I need to figure myself out. I'm sorry for being so weird. I promise I'm going to try to get back to however it was I used to be :-/


Allegory:

“Do you realize what today is?” Rennite asked Felon as they walked home from middle school. Felon frowned, glancing at her best friend with a quizzical look.
“No,” she said, tossing her dark hair out of her eyes. “What is it?” Rennite grinned.
“It’s our two month anniversary of being best friends!” she cried. Felon smiled back.
“Oh, yeah,” she agreed. “I guess we did meet two months ago at…um, where was it?” Rennite frowned.
“Elizabeth’s birthday party,” she reminded. Felon nodded.
“Oh, yeah, that was it,” she said. “Do you want to come over to my house and celebrate?” Rennite nodded, her straight, red hair catching the sunlight.
“Absolutely,” she agreed. “A little friendship party, for just you and me!” Felon smiled as the two turned into her driveway. Rennite frowned as she spotted someone sitting on Felon’s porch.
“Who’s that?” she asked, pointing. Felon squinted.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Oh, wait, is that the girl that moved in next door to the Rileys’?” Rennite shrugged, looking a bit uneasy.
“I don’t know. Do you think we should invite her inside with us?”
Felon shrugged, too. “Let’s just see what she wants.” That seemed fair enough, so the two best friends approached the lone little girl with smiles.
“Hi!” Rennite greeted, trying to be welcoming. “What’s your name?” The girl smiled, revealing perfect white teeth. Her curly, blonde hair bounced as she got to her feet.
“Temporania,” she answered. “I just moved here.” She turned to Felon. “Our moms were talking yesterday and they think we should get to know each other, since we’re both in sixth grade and everything.”
“Oh, sure,” Felon said. She tucked a loose strand of black hair behind her ear. “Um, wanna come inside? Rennite and I were just gonna have a snack.” Temporania smile brightly.
“Sounds great!”
Rennite nibbled her lip. Oh well. They could celebrate the friendship thing later…
“I love your house!” Temporania cried, looking around. Felon smiled faintly.
“Thanks. My mom likes to decorate stuff.” Rennite nodded.
“Yeah, her mom has a great eye for colors,” she said, heading for the kitchen. The other two followed. Temporania sat down at the dining room table, Felon got out the cookies. Rennite poured everyone glasses of milk. An awkward silence hovered over the three.
“So, what school are you going to go to?” Rennite asked Temporania. Temporania swallowed the last of her third cookie and answered,
“Just the public school. Right up the road. Is that where you two go?”
“Yes,” Rennite and Felon said in unison. Temporania beamed.
“Great! It’ll be nice to know some people already.” Rennite frowned and looked away. She didn’t want to snub this girl or anything, but the way she was horning in on Felon’s and her afternoon…
“Oh, hello, girls,” Felon’s mom walked in, smiling. “Felon, Rennite, I see you’ve met Temporania. She just moved in down the street. I was hoping you’d all get together.” Temporania, of course, smiled. Felon raised an eyebrow. Rennite looked away. Sensing the awkwardness, Felon’s mother suggested the girls play a game.
After a few minutes of polite, “Oh, I don’t care, whatever you want”, the game Sorry! was selected. They played three games, two of which Temporania one, and Felon one the last one.
“I guess I better head home to start homework,” Rennite said around four-thirty.
“I should probably go, too,” Temporania said, to Rennite’s relief. Felon smiled to both of them.
“Alright. I’ll see you in school tomorrow!” she called as the two other girls exited.
After dinner of , Rennite called Felon.
“Too bad we didn’t get a chance to celebrate our friendship monthaversary!” Rennite said, half joking, half serious. She could almost see Felon shrugging on the other side of the phone.
“Yeah, that was too bad. Temporania seems nice, though.” Rennite frowned.
“I guess so. I’m just a little miffed that she horned in our day. I guess she is nice, though.”
“Sure,” Felon agreed. “My mom says we’ll all be good friends. She invited Temporania and her family for dinner tomorrow night.”
“That’s cool,” Rennite said, starting to feel better. She and Felon were best friends. How could one girl change that?

The next day at school, Temporania continued being the bright, open girl she’d been the day before. Most everyone loved her, students and teachers alike. Rennite shrugged off her feelings of resentment and began to like her, too.
The feelings came back that night, though, when Felon called to talk about what a great evening her family had had with Temporania’s. Rennite tried to feel happy that Felon had a good time, but the way Felon talked about Temporania made her jealous.
Shrugging off the feelings once again, Rennite finished the conversation and went to bed.

“Finally, lunch,” Rennite said to Temporania and Felon as they made their way to the cafeteria the next day. “I’m starving!”
“Definitely,” Temporania agreed. “I could eat just about anything right now.” She looked at Felon, her eyes gleaming. “As long as it’s not plastic!” Felon burst out laughing and Temporania joined in. Rennite blinked and laughed hesitantly. It wasn’t that funny…
“Sorry,” Temporania gasped as soon as she could speak. “Inside joke.” The words hit Rennite like a punch in the stomach. An inside joke? Rennite bit her tongue to keep from telling Temporania to keep her inside jokes inside.
The three girls settled at their usual table and began unpacking their lunches.
“Look what I brought,” Felon whispered to Temporania. She whipped out two brownies—only two.
“Oh my gosh,” Temporania said. She groaned with a smile, as if she’d just heard a bad joke. “I’m guessing they’re not—”
“No, they’re fine,” Felon interrupted, grinning. Temporania took the brownie and tucked it into her lunchbox, ignoring Rennite. Feeling like she needed to prove her closeness with Felon, Rennite repeated one of their own inside jokes. Felon stared at Rennite for a moment.
“Ohhhh,” she realized. “I remember that.” She turned to Temporania and began explaining the inside joke in great detail. Rennite ate her lunch in silence, listening to Felon and Temporania finish each others’ sentences about the evening before.

After she finished her chores that day, Rennite decided to see if Felon wanted to come over and hang out. She picked up the phone and dialed the number she knew by heart.
“Hello?” came Felon’s voice.
“Felon? Hi! It’s Rennite!”
“Oh. Hi.” Was it just Rennite, or did Felon sound…disappointed? “What’s up? I can’t talk long. Temp—er, I have something I have to go do.”
“Oh.” Rennite swallowed hard. “Well, I just wanted to see if you wanted to come over, but I guess you can’t. What about tomorrow afternoon?”
“Maybe,” Felon didn’t sound too sure. Rennite heard the doorbell ring on Felon’s end of the line. “Oh! Gotta go! Talk to you later!”
Click.
Rennite lowered the phone, tearing up. She angrily slapped the tears away and set to work on her homework. If Felon would rather hang out with Temporania than her, fine. If Felon wanted to throw away two months of friendship, fine. If Felon would rather explain inside jokes to Temporania than to Rennite, fine.
But Rennite didn’t have to sit alone all day and listen to it.
Later that night, Rennite called one of her other friends and made a sleepover date for that Friday.

Over the next week, Temporania told Rennite at least fifty million stories about herself and Felon over lunch. Felon always eagerly jumped in to help tell the stories. Rennite tried very hard not to talk over Temporania with her own “me and Felon” stories, but it grew increasingly difficult.
After a couple of weeks of this, Felon stopped phoning Rennite entirely. She created a new email address and kept “forgetting” to give it to Rennite. Instead of Temporania being the one to initiate the inside jokes and stories, Felon began to start them, too. When Felon’s parents went out of town, she stayed with Temporania, not Rennite. Felon and Temporania made up a secret code, and used it around Rennite. At birthday parties and church, Felon out-and-out ignored Rennite when she tried to speak to her.
Pretty soon, Rennite decided that Felon no longer wanted to be her friend at all. She started getting close to another girl, Fidelia. Rennite and Fidelia became close friends as Felon and Temporania did. Soon, the two pairs had almost nothing to do with each other.
Somewhere around Christmas, Rennite spotted Temporania and Felon with a new girl. They all seemed to be getting along fine. Of course, by this time, Rennite honestly did not care, and went about her own business with Fidelia. She didn’t think another thing of it until Felon randomly called one day.
“Hi, Rennite!” she said brightly over the phone. Rennite was silent for a moment.
“Hello, Felon,” she said somewhat coldly. “Can I help you?” There was a slight pause.
“Well, no…I mean, I was just calling to talk. What’s up?” Felon said.
“You mean lately, or for the past four months?” Rennite continued in the icy voice.
“Er, both…” Felon said. “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come over later?”
“Why?” Rennite asked, almost genuinely curious. “Is Temporania busy?”
“Yeah,” Felon replied before she realized what she was saying. “She and this other stupid girl are out going to the movies or something.”
“You don’t say?” Rennite answered sardonically. “You mean Temporania ditched you for someone else?”
“Yeah, can you believe it?” Felon fumed. “So, what about later? Wanna come over and hang out?”
“Not really,” Rennite said indifferently. “I’ve actually got plans with Fidelia. See you later!”
Click.
And so the unforgiving Rennite decided it wasn’t worth Felon’s disloyal company, and Felon learned the hurt of being friends with someone who’s only looking for temporary companionship.

Symbolism:
1. "Temporanea" is Italian for "temporary"
2. "Felon" is French for "disloyal"
3. Rennite is a name meaning "stubborn"
4. Felon’s hair is black and often shadowing her eyes. This stands for shadiness, disloyalty.
5. Rennite’s hair is straight and red. The straight standing for solid principles, not going to bend for anything. The red stands for being extreme, refusing to mend the friendship.
6. Temporania’s hair is curly, bouncing from one direction to another.
7. The girls play Sorry!, a restatement of what’s to come

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Er, Don't Bother Reading

Play practice was today!!! YAY!! I really love it. I'm gonna be SO SAD when "Mulan" is over. I'll probably do another play, but I like this one!

We're continuing to just run through the show, and today we got to my all-time favorite "Mulan" song: "I'll Make a Man Out Of You". Our Shang (Matt B, not to be confused with Matt, my "little brother") does a great job of acting, and his singing is good, too. He didn't hit a couple of notes, but you could tell he realized it. I'm sure he'll be fine by showtime.

We went through my second Hun part, and afterwards, Matt B gave kind of a "good job" look and gesture. Cool.

*two hours later*

Sorry. I got interrupted for dinner, etc.

I'm so upset right now. Like, really, majorly upset.

Guys, don't feel obligated to read this girlish rant.

So, I had Facebook up, and then I had to go to dinner, and then I came back, and I had an IM message from Shang, only I hadn't seen it because I was at dinner and so now he's offline and he probably thinks I just didn't talk to him and so I feel really, really, REALLY awful, and I would have liked to talk to him too so I could have told him that he did well at practice because he's always telling me that and I never tell him that so that would have been the perfect opportunity to tell him only I missed it and he probably thinks I just ditched him or ignored him or something and he doesn't get on Facebook that much I don't think, so I might not get another chance to say anything for a long, long time and if he is ever on Facebook, he probably won't say anything to me because he thinks I don't want to talk to him or I'm rude or something!

...

*EPIC GASP*

HE'S BACK ONLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he said "hi" again! And now we're talking! And he doesn't hate me!

*wipes brow*

Um, wow. Okay. Sorry. Girlish tirade over.

I promise, I'm really not like this usually. All of you new followers, don't be scared off. This is really, really, really unusual for me to go all baserk like this.

*shakes it off*

Anyway.

Uhm, I have nothing more to say.

*feels stupid*

Monday, September 14, 2009

[Insert Title Here]

Advice Day!

"Having fun is easy; it's knowing when to stop that's hard." ~Kendra Logan
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Well, today kind of sucked. But it's better now, so I'm going to focus on the positive. I finished writing the 1AC for debate, which was great. It had really been weighing down on me, having to worry about getting it done. Now all that's left, I guess, is to see what happens. *sigh*

I really hope I don't lose! That would be sad. Maybe this is petty, but I have never, ever lost a debate in my whole life, and I want that streak to continue for as long as possible, lol! XD

I talked to my Brain Half yesterday, so that made things a little better. We're still in perfect mental sync, lols! Just kidding. Ish.

Tonight I have play practice at 7pm, soccer practice at 8pm, and this PSAT meeting at my house at 7pm...er, hmm...

Yeah, I can't do it all, obviously, which sucks. I tend to attack things with kind of a Superwoman attitude, and then when I can't do it all, I get frustrated with myself. *sigh* Oh well. Tonight, I'm just gonna shoot for play practice. Soccer is nothing different than usual, but play practice is something new and un-missable every time. The PSAT meeting is mostly for parents. So, I guess it's a no-brainer.

Writing has been HAHAHAHA-Writing-That's-A-Good-One lately. I've barely had time to breathe much less write :-/

I'm not in a bad mood right now, but I don't have much to say because everything I've done or thought all day has been purely academic.

And now my mother is pestering me about cleaning up downstairs even though I've said about thirty times in the last five minutes that I'll do it in JUST A SECOND. Geez.

Okay, now I AM in a bad mood -.-

Whatever. So much for today. Do you want me to stop posting for a couple of days until I can stop being so negative?

P.S. I got my signature fixed. Yay.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Awards! And a Crappy Day :(

AWARD DAY! I'm going to give out two awards a week, I think. I want to get to everyone eventually, so this will make it happen quicker, lol!

Well, it's a full moon, and I LOVE the moon, and Moon Shaw has been very comment-y lately, so...

The Moon Award goes to Moon Shaw! :P

And to Crescentise, the Awesome Name Award!Sorry Crescentise's is bigger. There is no reason for that other than the size of the pictures, lol!----------------------------

Hi! Short post today.

My day was crap. How was yours?

Why My Day Was Crap:

1. I felt uneasy for NO REASON.
2. My mother presented me with a giant list of chores.
3. My father got mad at me at the dinner table (with good reason, but the way my day was going, everything was just a million times worse).
4. I offended my mother and now she isn't talking to me.
5. I didn't feel good this afternoon.

And the day started out with such promise! I woke up, it was sunny, I felt great! I even **DID A MATH LESSON EVEN THOUGH IT'S THE WEEKEND AND I WASN'T BEHIND**. Yeah, that's how good it was!

And then it just had to go and roll down hill from there :-/ *sigh*

Well, guess they can't all be winners.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

A Faithful Follower and My Call Backs

FIRST: Thanks to Moon Shaw for following!!! You're awesome.
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Second: AWARD DAY!! I will now give an award to a follower. Eventually, everyone should have one.

The first award ever will go to...KREVAN! He hasn't been commenting as much anymore because he's been at his grandparents' house, but in general, he's been one of the most faithful followers and commenters on the blog. Thanks, Krevan, and here's your award for whenever you get back:


Thanks, Krevan!

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Okay, so call backs were today. They went okay. Some good things happened, some okay things.

Good thing: More guys came, so now there are actually around EIGHT instead of THREE. Wow ;)

Good thing: I was asked to read the part of an ancestor, and I loved it. I want to be an ancestor now.

Bad thing: I also had to read the part of a Hun, who has one line (I heard him, too, boss. -.-), and is actually going to be a giant puppet for the play. I would just have to do the voice offstage--a guy voice, of course.

Bad/Good thing: A grand total of 29 people auditioned, and there are a grand total of 30 parts in the play. Yeah; everyone will get to be something. Which means that it's not special at all that I will definitely be in the play. (And if I'm not, it'll be a huge slap in the face and not just a "Sorry, there weren't enough parts", LOL!)

Just a thing: I had to read the part of Mulan's grandmother.

So, over all, I really don't know what to think. I guess I feel a little a little disappointed, but I can't really even put my finger on why...*shrug* I'm still glad I'm doing this, and I'm having fun, don't get me wrong. I guess I'm just starting to wonder if practicing six days a week will be worth it if I'm just an offstage Hun.

I know, I know. No small parts, only small actors. Or actresses :)

Other news: ...

Nothing, really. Lots of chores to do today (BLECK!!), I'm going to try to sit down and write, but we'll see.

Oh, we're going to this guy's surprise party. He's turning 90. Yes, NINTY. I don't HAVE to go, but I think I will. I mean, he's a really sweet old guy apparently, and how many surprise parties for 90-year-olds do you get to go to?

I am inviting all of you to come to mine. When I am ninty, I want to see all of you at my party ;)

I think that's about it...

Friday, May 15, 2009

Good News, Bad Luck

Good news about my make-up bag! A lady from the dance studio called and said that no one picked up my bag, but no one has been in the auditorium since last night, so she thinks it's probably still on the counter. Someone will be by the auditorium to unlock the doors at four-thirty, so we'll be going by to pick it up then. Yay!
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Okay, so it's Challenge Day. AGAIN. Um...Gosh!! I think I'm gonna change this to some other kind of day. I'm just not good at this. And I don't think y'all do the challenges anyway, lol! (That's not a bad thing. I'm just saying.) What should I change this day to? Any ideas? Let me know!
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Not much at all has happened today. I wrote a paragraph of Creepy--I mean "Mirror"--and I got a stone bruise -_- I was running up the hill in my backyard and my foot came down on some evil little rock or something. Ouch!! It hurts, and what's worse is I have to dance tomorrow! What if it's still all bruised? Bruises don't heal THAT fast! *moan* This is just not my week apparently. My usually okay luck has turned against me. Greaaaat. (Note extreme sarcasm.)

However, "Mirror" is going tolerably well, so that's good. I'd rather have rotten luck and be able to write. I guess. *sigh* I don't know. I love dance. And I love my cell phone!! And my rings were in the bag, too. I'm addicted to my rings. I have like fifteen rings. Only two were in the bag, but they were my favorite. Completely irreplacible because they hold so many memories and stuff. Hopefully the bag really is on the counter. Although with my sudden change in luck, I would be surprised if it wasn't.

Sorry. I'm going all gloomy on you. I'll just stop now before I say something even more depressing.

Maybe I'll write some "Mirror". Paige is depressed right now, too, so this is probably a good time to write. I'll be able to make her unhappiness more authentic.

*eyes widen* More good news! I have twenty-one followers! Even after that one person stopped! Wow. It's honestly hard to believe that more than like four people care about what I say. Seriously. I have a hard enough time getting my debate partners to listen to me! Haha, just kidding (mostly). But still. Thanks for following and reading, guys! It means a lot to me!

Carpe diem!!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Rehearsal Update

I'm home from my rehearsal.

I've been to twelve rehearsals in my life.

This was the WORST EVER.

Terrible. Horrible. No good. Very bad.

The stage is so much smaller than any of us remember, and we are a HUGE class. Like, twenty girls. On a smallish stage. We were constantly running into each other. No one could do well. Disaterous.

I messed up a little in every dance except the tap, which is my favorite, so that was good. The ONLY good thing.

We had four dances in the first half, so that means we have to dance, go back stage and transform ourselves in like five minutes. STRESSFUL MUCH??

THEN THINGS GET WORSE. A LOT WORSE.

Okay, so my mom and Lizzy and I are on the way home, and I'm griping about how bad I did, and asking Lizzy if she saw this really amazing girl with red hair dance (if you're reading this, Meredith, it's you). Then my eyes get all wide and wild as I say in a panicking voice,

"GO BACK! I FORGOT MY MAKE-UP BAG!!"

My mom freaks, we swerve around and start speeding back to the auditorium.

I know. You're thinking, okay, it's a make-up bag. Bad, but not THAT bad. I mean, you'll just have to put your make-up on at the auditorium instead of at home. No real biggie.

Hahahahaha. If only it were that simple.

MY PHONE WAS IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*panicks all over again*

My beautiful red LG shine was in there. Who knows if someone got it?? I need my phone! If someone finds it, they'll be able to steal it and run up charges and do who-knows-what with it! AND the make-up was a pretty significant problem, too, I mean, I love that stuff. But my PHOOOOOOOOOOONE!!

So we race back to the auditorium, my mom lecturing me about why didn't I keep up with it, why did I even bring my phone back there in the first place, etc. etc. I'm not really freaking out TOO badly, because, I mean, we haven't actually been gone from the auditorium for very long. Someone will be there to unlock the door. I can go right in and get my bag, and everything will be fine. It always is.

We pull up in the parking lot and, thank goodness, there are lights on in there. I run as fast as I can to the front door and pull, crossing my fingers.

It's open! Yay!

I run the last few steps to get to the auditorium and yank on the double doors.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's locked. It's locked. It's locked.

EXCUSE ME?

So yeah. I still don't have my make-up, or my phone. I don't know where it is, if someone got it, or if it's still there. I feel like cussing right now. But, of course, I won't. At least I won't type it.

But I'm really stressed, scared, bummed, and...shocked.

Okay, have any of you seen Ferris Beuler's Day Off? If you haven't, it's about a teenage boy who's sort of invincible. He does awesome, crazy, irresponsible things, and everything works out for him. Things just fall into place in the most unbelievable ways.

Not to brag, but that's kind of how things happen for me. Not ALWAYS, but most of the time. I mean, think about the whole tights thing. I was never super stressed out because I figured it would all work out. That's usually the way things happen for me. It's weird and disgusting, but true. Things just work out right.

So, I wasn't really worried when I lost the make-up bag. Sure, it was a pain to turn around, but I knew the doors would be unlocked and my bag would be right where I left it.

Only it wasn't.

Hmm. Weird. And awful. *shrugs thoughtfully* I just really hope it turns up. It will be terrible if it doesn't. Like REALLY, REALLY, YOU-HAVE-NO-IDEA-HOW-BAD terrible.

Hooray for a reality check, right?

*sigh*

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

News of Many Varieties

Good news, medium news, sad news and terribly sad news:

Good news first: MY PHYSICAL SCIENCE TEST WENT JUST FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I got an A!! The test was much easier than I thought it was going to be. My mom says it was because I studied so hard. Maybe it was! Cool!

Medium news second: School is over. *blink* Holy crud. School is over????? I'm on.........summer break?? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! *moan* I'm bored already! I've hated school and wanted summer for the past two months, but now I'm sad! And sort of happy, too. I mean, no more science. I still have a ton of math to do. *glares* And no friends. *sniff sniff* Oh well. I'm free, right? That should feel like good news. Except for now some people aren't coming back next year, and I'll pretty much never REALLY see him again. I mean them. Okay, yeah, it's a him, but I don't like him or anything. I'm just gonna miss him being around. Okay, change this from being "medium news" to just being "sad news".

Sad news third: I don't remember what this was going to be...

Terribly sad news: Okay, have I mentioned this thing called Mock Trial to you? Well, I don't have time to go into a lot of detail, just know it's a complicated and challenging court experience thing people at my "school" do in Challenge B (eighth grade). It's a huge competition, and it's much harder than it looks. And it looks hard! My team won the championships. I loved Mock Trial. That's what made me want to be a lawyer. So, when this year's eighth graders started preparing, I was so excited!! I helped them all I could, but some of them just were not taking the whole thing seriously.

Yesterday was the first round of the competition. The team mostly surprised me! They were very good! Some of it was excellent, some of it wasn't so good. But I was still thinking we had won the first round. I mean, of course they would win the first round. Never in the whole history of the tutor has her class come in anything but second or first.

There is a first time for everything, folks.

Yeah.

They LOST.

They lost.

They lost??????????????

I'm so upset! More upset than you can realize! Mock Trial is a huge deal to me. I could hardly sleep last night at first. I just kept going over the trial in my head again and again and again and AGAIN. I couldn't stop! I kept telling myself, "KENDRA, STOP IT. This wasn't even your class; why are you so upset? And anyway, it's OVER. You can't do anything about winning now."

*moan* So, yeah. That's very sad news.

A tiny bit more not-so-good-news: On account of all the stress of three finals, a memorized speech, and Mock Trial, I have three stress pimples, and two ulcers in my throat, and I think I might have a stomach ulcer.

I know. I seriously need to switch to decaf. Lol! :) Really, I'm okay. I know I'll get over all of this eventually. Even my class breaking apart. It's all good. Sort of. I WILL be all good. You just gotta believe that. Things will work out right somehow, even if it isn't YOUR version of "right". God knows what he's doing. Carpe diem!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

OH NO!!!!!

Oh no!

My beautiful custom-colored blue walls!

I was putting this corkboard thing up and the sticky-tabs to hold it in place are super strong, so I tested them on a little place in the corner to make sure it wouldn't wreck the walls. It didn't. So I put the corkboard up. I hated it. So I took it down.

RIP!

THE PAINT COMPLETELY CAME OFF AND LEFT NASTY CARDBOARD STUFF STUCK TO IT FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ruined the walls!!!!!!!! The paint was custom made!!!!!!! We can just repaint it! And even if we could, you would see strokes all over the spot!!!!! I've ruined my beautiful walls! My perfect room is wrecked!!!

Oh, I'm so sad and upset :'(

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My List of the Evening

To be honest, I had a terrible evening. I think... I'm going to list good stuff and bad stuff and try to make myself be positive by forcing myself to come up with at least one more good thing than bad. Here it goes:

1. We had to go shoe shopping. (BAD)
2. I was in a bad mood. So was my mom. (BAD)
3. I found a PERFECT pair of shoes that I LOVED, and that made my giant feet look good! (GOOD)
4. They didn't have my size in stock. (SUPER SUPER BAD)
5. The shoe department guy offered to call other stores in our area to see if they had my size (GOOD)
6. They didn't. (BAD)
7. My mom and I had a small fight and she walked out of the store. (BAD)
8. She kindly (sort of) offered to take me to other shoe stores. (GOOD)
9. I saw nothing I liked at the first three. (BAD)
10. I saw some I liked at store four. (GOOD)
11. They didn't actually have the shoe, it was just on display (WHAT?!). (BAD)
12. I never found shoes to wear to this thing I have to have shoes for on Friday night. (BAD)
13. My mom and I went to Wal-Mart very mad. (BAD)
14. We saw these really awesome friendly people that we know there who cheered me up a little. (GOOD!)
15. We found everything we wanted at Wal-Mart. (GOOD)
16. The cashier lady was sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooower than Christmas. (BAD)
17. The stupid deoderant thingie didn't have a barcode on it so the mean cashier lady wouldn't let us buy it even though we were also buying a practically identical one (GRRRR). (BAD)
18. We went to Starbucks.
19. The lady who helped us was sooooooo nice and sympathetic about our crappy evening. (GOOD)
20. My double chocolate chip frappichino was very good. (GOOD)
21. My mom and became friends again over coffee ;) (GOOD)
22. I read some of the book I brought with me. (GOOD)
23. We were late picking up my sister from dance class. (BAD, not too bad though)
24. I wanted a Rice Krispie treat, and my mom forgot that she said I could walk over to the store next door and get it, so she was mildly upset. (A little bit BAD)
25. She drove me to the store (like forty feet away from the dance place, lol). (GOOD)
26. The guy who checked out my stuff was verrrrrrrrrrrry nice.
27. I decided to be generous (haha) and buy my mom and sister a treat, too. (GOOD)
28. They were happy with me. (GOOD)
29. We listened to my iPod on the way home. (GOOD)
30. My dog was happy to see me when we got home :) (GOOD)

Okay, wow. That really helped. I came up with 12 bad things, and 15 good things (only that's imposisble because I have 30 things....oh well. Dont' feel like recounting :) ). And I don't feel so upset and sad now! Man, I should try this more often! ;) Carpe diem!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Hate and Anger

What started out as the best evening ever just ended horribly.

I don't want to talk about it. I'm so angry I can't type straight, think straight, speak straight, or walk straight. Sometimes, I really hate my family.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

On Second Thought

My dog is sad.

I have a cold or allergies or something cause I feel like CRAP today.

I can't sleep here.

This house is too big.

My room is always freezing, and the main floor is always hot. (I'm used to it being the other way around, and I LIKED IT THAT WAY, THANKS.)

Our water tastes NASTY.

I love cable TV.

And...that was my day.

Oh, yeah, and class was awesome.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

**************************

Well, I was right. This week is crap. ********************************

We aren't closing on the house. Some screw up with somebody. I don't feel like relating the detail. Crap, crap, crap, CRAP. We already started moving. There's, like, boxes everywhere. We don't know when we'll be able to move in now. Maybe tomorrow after all (yeah right), maybe next week, maybe next MONTH. Gosh, I hate it when my psychic self is right. Gosh.

On a lighter note, I FINALLY THOUGHT OF AN ENDING FOR CREEPY STORY!!!! YESSSSSSS!

On another lighter note...oops. There isn't another lighter note. *sigh* I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Moving and (Maybe) a Bad Week

The shelves are slowing emptying, brown boxes litter the floors, the sound of packing tape ripping fills the air...we're moving.

Even though we can't officially move into the New House until Friday, we're already packing stuff up. I haven't started on my room yet, but everyone else has gotten started. Hmm. Better start soon. Things aren't super tense yet; I'll let ya know :)

I understood math today. The world probably stood still in respect for that rare and beautiful occasion :)

Didn't feel like going to dance class, but I did anyway. It was okay. I got there and found that I only had one lonely tap shoe in my bag... The other one was missing. Great. I had to dance in jazz shoes, which are way softer than tap shoes. I kept forgetting and banging my toe down on the wooden floor. OW.

The girl who's Ember's real-life twin wasn't there, but Paige's was.

Creepy Story (I mean "The Mirror...gotta get used to that) isn't going well right now. It doesn't feel like I have writter's block, it just feels like...I've lost interest. BAD, BAD, BAD THING. Yikes. Maybe creating my website was a jinx. I need to un-jinx myself and fast. Ideas are boiling in my brain and I just don't feel like writing them down!

*Sigh* This week is going to be bad-interesting. I can feel it for some reason. Don't know why yet, but I just feel it. Oh well. I'll be happy to be proven wrong (for once).

Monday, February 16, 2009

Vita Est Mala

Everything sucks.

I wrote tons (ish) of Creepy Story, and I don't even like it. I feel like 40 out of 80 pages are pretty much one big, long "dull part." *sniff sniff* This sucks. I don't know what to do :(

*MOANS*