Challenge and Update

Hi! It's sooo good to be home! And guess what? I'm here for almost a whole week before I have to leave town again! I won't be going to a practicum this time, I'll be going to this camp thing with my friend Brianna. It's kind of a mini-weekend thing. Thursday-Saturday. It sounded really fun, so I told her I would go. Yay!

This practicum was okay. I'm not nearly as tired after this one, so that's a giant plus. Also, the house we stayed at was *GORGEOUS* and the people were *AWESOME AND NICE*. The only real bad things were that I worked in Logic camp and ended up hating it, and one of the helpers IRRITATED ME TO NO END.

I thought I would LOVE logic, you know, but it turns out I hate working with 9-13 year olds. Hate it. I don't know why, but the 9 to 11 year olds are all brats, and the upper 11-13 year olds are all boring. *shrugs*

And then one of the helpers just got on my nerves. He was so weird. And VERY immature. And he was sort of mean to this other little helper. And he was just SOOOOOO immature!! GOSH! Lol :)

When we got home today, we chilled for an hour, then ate a quick supper and went to a play that this guy from our church is in. The play was "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat". I love that play! I had seen it once before when the Broadway version came through, and then we have the Donny Osmond version on DVD.

The play was so good! Joseph was good. He had super curly hair, and he was a good singer. The narrator was AMAZING though. Even better than the one that travels with the Broadway version (my mom and I saw that a year or so ago). The show was really well done. There weren't many props, but somehow everything was still elaborate...I don't know how to describe it. Some of the brothers were around my age, so it was cool to see that.

NEW THING: I want to be an actress.

Not because I saw this play or anything like that, though. It's something I've been wanting to do for a month or so now. I don't know how serious the desire is. I mean, I REALLY want to be an actress right now, but the urge came on so quickly; I'm sure it could disappear equally quickly. The funny thing is, four different people tonight told me I should act in one of the next plays. Maybe it's a God thing? I don't know.

I am going to looking into *maybe* doing "Mulan" and/or "The King and I". I would just audition and then take whatever part I got. As long as it was a girl. Some girls in "Joseph" had to play guys, and I am NOT doing that, lol!

Back to "Joseph". I love that Bible story. It is my absolute FAVORITE. There are a few reasons for that, but I want to see if anyone can guess the main one. Just curious. I know some of you will if you're reading this (*cough* EllieBandGabrielleandLizzy *cough*), but I want to see if anyone surprises me.

Since this is Friday, that will be the Challenge: Figure out why the story of Joseph is Kendra's favorite Bible story.

If you don't know the story that well, here's a condensed (REALLY, *sadly* condensed) version.

Well, even though I'm not AS tired, I'm still pretty worn-out, so I'll just say a couple more things:

WE MIGHT BE GOING TO SEE "STAR TREK" SUNDAY AFTERNOON WITH DAVID AND DANIEL AND THEIR FAMILY!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT??!! I AM SO THRILLED! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

And I would like to point out the results of the "Star Trek" poll about whether or not you liked it. Well, only two options had any votes for them: the "I haven't seen it option" and the "I LOVED IT" option. Therefore (of the people who voted), if you saw it, you loved it! SO GO SEE IT!

Okay. I'm done.

Good night.

Quel du.

Carpe diem.

Over 'n' out.

Questioning God (not an original thought, just original wording)

Okay, so, let's say you've gone hiking. You're just walking along sweating and swatting gnats and hoping ticks aren't dropping on you when all the sudden this random guy pops up and invites you to his little cabin over there. Since this is a hypothetical situation, you agree. The guy leads you back to the cabin, and you both sit down on his porch and have a glass of lemonade.

Then he announces that he is Jesus, aka God (derr ;) ).

You can ask him one question. One question. ONE QUESTION.

Now, I know some of you don't believe in God. I know that at least three of you are opposed to the idea of God. Well, just pretend. This is not going to be a conversion thing, it's just an interesting exercise we did in youth group, so you're safe.

Now. What's your one question?

Let's think about it. You're face to face with God, and you can ask him anything you want. It probably won't be "Whose idea was it to make misquitos anyway? It was the Holy Spirit, wasn't it? I knew it. He's so transparent."

*clears throat*

Anyway.

So, think of your question.

Like, now. Stop reading and THINK OF YOUR QUESTION. Make it good. This is your one shot to take advantage of Mr. Omniscient.

Now that you (theoretically) have your question, here comes the interesting part: That's the thing that's holding you back from God.

Even if you're already a Christian, there are little things that make us hesitant to commit ourselves to God. I have about a million little things and maybe you do, too, but the one question you ask will probably show you what your biggest "problem" with God is. Interesting, isn't it?

(Here comes the part where I get personal and start RANTING. I'll understand if you want to stop reading right here.)

I didn't say my question outloud in youth group, because I'm sometimes closed like that. Somehow it's so much easier to write my true feelings than to say them to someone's face. *shrugs*

My question is going to seem silly. It's going to seem stupid, childish, unimportant, and almost petty, but here goes:

So, God; why didn't you give me an older brother?

And that's it. After I had my question in mind, that's when the youth leader was like, "The question you would ask God is what's holding you back. That doubt is the main reason why it's hard to commit yourself to God." (Or, you know, something like that.) And I thought to myself,

Oh.

That's it. That's true.

That really is what's holding me back.

I may have said this before, but bear with me (if you're still with me at all). As long as I can remember, I've wanted an older brother. It's what I pray for every night, what I wish for one every first star, what I read some books for. Almost as soon as I could talk, that's what I asked my parents for. They explained that God hadn't given them a boy first. He had given them ME. And I, at two years old, was like,

SO? ADOPT.

Well, THAT never happened. And ever since, I've been wishing I had an older brother. In some ways, I think all my problems would be solved if I did. Like, I really think that. Everything that bothers me or is hard for me would be solved or at least helped if I had an older brother.

I want an older brother so bad I sometimes get crazy-jealous around people who have older brothers. I tell Maddie all the time how lucky she is to have Ryan, and never to take him for granted. I DREAM about older brothers. I write the dreams down so I can read them later. I read over certain passages of certain books on a regular basis and try to imagine that I'm the girl in the story, the girl with the older brother.

I'm telling you, it's the one thing I would give anything for.

I can't think of ANY GOOD REASONS for God NOT to have given me an older brother. WHY DIDN'T HE? Having an older brother would have solved so many of my life's problems and caused none. How is it possibly better for me to be brotherless? It doesn't make any sense to me. At all.

Joseph had ELEVEN brothers. Ten of them older.

Would it really have made a difference if he had had NINE? God could have given me the extra.

*sigh* I know it has nothing to do with God "running out of" older brothers. He didn't give me one for a reason. I just really wish I knew what it was.

Wanna know the most disgusting thing about this whole thing?

God sorta gave me an older brother.

Yeah. When I was eight. This guy came along who was just like the older brother I'd always wanted. For the first time in my life, I was really happy. Everything was great. I was so happy. I was thrilled. Like never before, my life was complete. Nearly perfect.

Then four years later, God takes him away. His family decides they don't want to come to our church anymore. Like *THAT*, I never see him anymore.

Uh, ouch. Thanks a lot, GOD.

At least that's what it feels like to me.

*groans* Dang it, now I've gone and made it sound like I think God is this big, insensative jerk. I don't really think that. Not really. It's just that...well, I am sort of mad at God for not giving me the ONLY thing I wanted. God created the Heavens and the Earth, surely he could give me my older brother!!

And he could. But he didn't. Which tells me something:

There's a reason for it.

I sure don't know it, and I may never know, but there IS a reason, and it's all for the best. I just need to remember that.

So, what's your one question? What's keeping you from turning to God?

(Sorry about all the ranting. I feel really bad about blurting all that out now. But after taking all the trouble to type it, I think I'll just keep it. *sigh*)

P.S. *GASP* I have another follower! Emma, YOU ROCK!!