Sunday, May 24, 2009

Questioning God (not an original thought, just original wording)

Okay, so, let's say you've gone hiking. You're just walking along sweating and swatting gnats and hoping ticks aren't dropping on you when all the sudden this random guy pops up and invites you to his little cabin over there. Since this is a hypothetical situation, you agree. The guy leads you back to the cabin, and you both sit down on his porch and have a glass of lemonade.

Then he announces that he is Jesus, aka God (derr ;) ).

You can ask him one question. One question. ONE QUESTION.

Now, I know some of you don't believe in God. I know that at least three of you are opposed to the idea of God. Well, just pretend. This is not going to be a conversion thing, it's just an interesting exercise we did in youth group, so you're safe.

Now. What's your one question?

Let's think about it. You're face to face with God, and you can ask him anything you want. It probably won't be "Whose idea was it to make misquitos anyway? It was the Holy Spirit, wasn't it? I knew it. He's so transparent."

*clears throat*

Anyway.

So, think of your question.

Like, now. Stop reading and THINK OF YOUR QUESTION. Make it good. This is your one shot to take advantage of Mr. Omniscient.

Now that you (theoretically) have your question, here comes the interesting part: That's the thing that's holding you back from God.

Even if you're already a Christian, there are little things that make us hesitant to commit ourselves to God. I have about a million little things and maybe you do, too, but the one question you ask will probably show you what your biggest "problem" with God is. Interesting, isn't it?

(Here comes the part where I get personal and start RANTING. I'll understand if you want to stop reading right here.)

I didn't say my question outloud in youth group, because I'm sometimes closed like that. Somehow it's so much easier to write my true feelings than to say them to someone's face. *shrugs*

My question is going to seem silly. It's going to seem stupid, childish, unimportant, and almost petty, but here goes:

So, God; why didn't you give me an older brother?

And that's it. After I had my question in mind, that's when the youth leader was like, "The question you would ask God is what's holding you back. That doubt is the main reason why it's hard to commit yourself to God." (Or, you know, something like that.) And I thought to myself,

Oh.

That's it. That's true.

That really is what's holding me back.

I may have said this before, but bear with me (if you're still with me at all). As long as I can remember, I've wanted an older brother. It's what I pray for every night, what I wish for one every first star, what I read some books for. Almost as soon as I could talk, that's what I asked my parents for. They explained that God hadn't given them a boy first. He had given them ME. And I, at two years old, was like,

SO? ADOPT.

Well, THAT never happened. And ever since, I've been wishing I had an older brother. In some ways, I think all my problems would be solved if I did. Like, I really think that. Everything that bothers me or is hard for me would be solved or at least helped if I had an older brother.

I want an older brother so bad I sometimes get crazy-jealous around people who have older brothers. I tell Maddie all the time how lucky she is to have Ryan, and never to take him for granted. I DREAM about older brothers. I write the dreams down so I can read them later. I read over certain passages of certain books on a regular basis and try to imagine that I'm the girl in the story, the girl with the older brother.

I'm telling you, it's the one thing I would give anything for.

I can't think of ANY GOOD REASONS for God NOT to have given me an older brother. WHY DIDN'T HE? Having an older brother would have solved so many of my life's problems and caused none. How is it possibly better for me to be brotherless? It doesn't make any sense to me. At all.

Joseph had ELEVEN brothers. Ten of them older.

Would it really have made a difference if he had had NINE? God could have given me the extra.

*sigh* I know it has nothing to do with God "running out of" older brothers. He didn't give me one for a reason. I just really wish I knew what it was.

Wanna know the most disgusting thing about this whole thing?

God sorta gave me an older brother.

Yeah. When I was eight. This guy came along who was just like the older brother I'd always wanted. For the first time in my life, I was really happy. Everything was great. I was so happy. I was thrilled. Like never before, my life was complete. Nearly perfect.

Then four years later, God takes him away. His family decides they don't want to come to our church anymore. Like *THAT*, I never see him anymore.

Uh, ouch. Thanks a lot, GOD.

At least that's what it feels like to me.

*groans* Dang it, now I've gone and made it sound like I think God is this big, insensative jerk. I don't really think that. Not really. It's just that...well, I am sort of mad at God for not giving me the ONLY thing I wanted. God created the Heavens and the Earth, surely he could give me my older brother!!

And he could. But he didn't. Which tells me something:

There's a reason for it.

I sure don't know it, and I may never know, but there IS a reason, and it's all for the best. I just need to remember that.

So, what's your one question? What's keeping you from turning to God?

(Sorry about all the ranting. I feel really bad about blurting all that out now. But after taking all the trouble to type it, I think I'll just keep it. *sigh*)

P.S. *GASP* I have another follower! Emma, YOU ROCK!!

7 comments:

Seth said...

from what i've experienced about my life and what i've been told by my youth leaders, God predestines things.

like, my dad left my family when i was seven. my mom went to prison for not having money to pay bills of all sorts. my sister died of lukemia. and for the longest time, i thought that God hated me. like, it was something that i did to deserve my family being taken away from me.

but now i realize,

if none of that stuff had happened, the Langlys wouldn't have a son. jenn wouldn't have a brother and someone who really loves her. blake has someone to do manly things with.

just kind of snaps things into perspective, right?

you may not be able to find reason why God didn't give you brother, but you will someday.

hang in there,

seth

Kendra Logan said...

Thanks so much! That's really encouraging. I hope I'll see the reason behind God's decision soon. Even if I don't, I'm trying to remind myself that he *does* have a plan.

Thank you :)

Kendra Logan said...

And thanks for following!!

Gabrielle said...

Oh, I love this. Very deep, I like it.

Ian said...

It is an interesting thought, but I disagree with your youth leader's tactics. He was obviously working under the complete assumption that nobody had fully committed themselves to God. Christians don't have something "holding them back" - non-Christians might, but I highly doubt that people who have chosen to follow Christ to any and every end do.

What if someone in your youth group had already given themselves to God? Perhaps I have read this wrong, but your leader didn't seem to think it was a possibility, that everybody MUST have something that held them back from God.

I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, thanks for putting up with my own little rant. I just really don't like people, especially pastors and leaders, making those kinds of assumptions about everyone else.

:)Ian(:

Kendra Logan said...

Oh, he wasn't assuming that. Everyone in the room was saved. Still, Christians most certainly *do* have things holding them back. Even if they are totally committed, they will still have doubts about things. Everyone does.

I'm not saying that no one is close to God; I'm not saying that at all! I'm just saying that it's human nature to have doubts and worries.

Everyone has a "something holding them back". It might not be holding them back much, but everyone is hesitant and doubtful at times. It's part of human nature, and the only one who can defy that would be Jesus, lol!

Emma said...

This was really interesting for me. I'm not exactly religious, but it made me think a lot about things. Thanks for posting it.