Thursday, October 22, 2009

"Mirror" Excerpt

FIRST (even before some follower business): Thanks, Bethany, for sparking my imagination yesterday! Your quote ("I don't know if I'd give up my life for you, but I do know my life would be worth living without you.") helped defeat writer's block and inspired an interesting scene of my book! I never would have come up with the quote on my own. I hope the scene does the quote justice :) THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!

Second: W00T to Amanda and Sam for following! Thanks, y'all!

And now, the Bethany-Quote-Inspired scene...

"I don't know if I'd give up my life for you, but I do know my life wouldn't be worth living without you."

I stared at Luken with large, solemn eyes and tried not to feel the same way. He kept his distance, didn’t come closer at all. The four foot gap between us might as well have been a football field. His green eyes held my blue ones. He was gorgeous, he was clever, he was magical, he was an elf! His dry sense of humor rarely failed to put a smile on my face.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked. I tried to make my voice harsh and commanding, but it came out gentle.

Luken didn’t answer, just stared at me. I knew his feelings for me were strong, but if he wanted them reciprocated, he was going to have to swallow his pride and admit he loved a human.

“I…” he began, but seemed to choke on his own words. “I told you,” he finished impatiently. “It’s your turn to speak.”

Great; time for a heart to heart, one of the many things I’d come to hate over the past few months.

“I don’t know,” I whispered. I could barely hear the syllables, but I knew Luken’s elf ears would. The truth of the words must have resonated with his Elfsense, because he looked away without speaking.

“It’s Darren, is it not.” It was a statement, not a question.

I frowned. Was it? I couldn’t be sure. It might have been. Or maybe it was just that I didn’t feel safe with Luken? He was so difficult to understand, so difficult to know. Every time I thought I had him figured out, he would do something completely out of character and throw off my whole analysis. I’d only known Luken for a few months, too. Love didn’t happen in a few months, did it?

I was sure I loved Darren. 100% sure. But how did I love him? Friendly love? Brother-sister love? Romantic love?

“You overanalyze almost as bad as an elf,” Luken said dryly, still looking off into the distance. He suddenly brought his eyes to mine. “It was the second thing I liked about you.”

I swallowed hard. I knew what he wanted me to ask, and I wanted the answer so badly that I couldn’t cheat him of the satisfaction: “What was the first thing?”

An almost mischievous gleam crept into Luken’s eyes. That didn’t help the situation at all, it was Darren’s gleam, not Luken’s. “Your eyes.”

Well, that’s not cliché at all, I thought sourly. But at the same time, I felt a blush rush to my cheeks and my heart palpitate. “That’s funny,” I murmured, dropping the feature in question. “That’s the first thing I noticed about you. Your eyes were so big and green, I almost seemed to fall into them. They weren’t blue like all the other Dormians’, either. And they reminded me of Darr—"

I glanced up in time to see Luken’s green eyes storm.


“You don’t have to be so jealous,” I hissed, suddenly angry. “One thing’s for sure: I could never love a boy who allows me only to think of him all day long!”

“I’m hardly a boy anymore,” Luken sniffed.

Well, if we’re going to be petty, let’s be petty. “Childish is as childish does,” I shot back. Luken smirked.

“I do hope you realize the irony of that statement.”

I blushed in irritation and embarrassment. “I do,” I said stiffly.

All at once the matter at hand seemed to come back to us and all the haughty humor left our faces. I looked back at the camp. The dying fire glowed orange against the black horizon. I could make out Darren’s sleeping profile in front of it. The warm feeling I got when I looked at him…that couldn’t just be cast aside for another, could it?

I turned back to Luken. He was staring off into the distance, a detached look on his face. The feeling I got when I looked at him…it was different, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t love. I felt tingly, excited, self-conscious, admiring. I wanted him to think well of me. I worshiped his mind, his sense of humor, his face.

“How much longer until we reach the Elven Realm?” I asked tiredly. “Days? Weeks? Not months, is it?”

Luken didn’t react beyond answering, “Weeks, for certain. Five, perhaps six.”

I gave a huff and scowled. Six weeks to think about this. Six weeks with nothing to do but walk between Darren and Luken all day and sleep across from them at night.

This world could definitely use some motor vehicles. Drop a couple of four-wheelers in here…we could cut days off our trip. I smiled a little and turned to go back to the camp.

“I’m going back to bed. Good night.”

“I love you.”

I felt like I’d run headlong into a brick wall. The words stopped my heart. Really. I didn’t feel it beating anymore. The words had come so unexpectedly. So…so something else, too.

“You…no you don’t,” I said uncertainly. He must be kidding. Did he really say that?? “Since when? Why? Why didn’t you say something earlier when we were actually talking about this?…you…” I put my hand to my face. Stop babbling.

“I shouldn’t love you,” Luken said, looking back at me. His green eyes were as wide, open and desperate as I’d even seen them. Now he did cross the space between us until he was so close I had to tilt my head up to look at his face. “It doesn’t make any sense. It’s against all Elven tradition. You humans are so much weaker than we are, so much less intellectual.” Fury leapt into my eyes, but he went on. “But you’re different, Paige. You aren’t weak in mind. You’re strong, you’re intellectual, you’re clever. You’re beautiful.”

I was beautiful? To an Elf? To Luken, the height of masculine beauty? Surely he’d seen countless Elven ladies in his time. I couldn’t be as beautiful as them, could I? No, I couldn’t. Was he lying? Why would he? Luken wouldn’t lie about something so silly as this. He’d have no reason to. Luken always had reasons.

I started to back away, but Luken rested his hand on my shoulder, stopping me. A chill started at the base of my neck and tingled down to my toes. His eyes seemed larger than ever as they searched mine. His skin was pale, with that odd suggestion of green. His straight, angelic hair fell over his shoulders, framing his solid, masculine jaw. He was beautiful, how I’d always pictured as an angel. My eyes found his again and locked there. The greenness was almost overwhelming, blotting out all thought. The bright color reminded me appropriately of peacock feathers.

He looked so alive, and with his hand on my shoulder, I could feel that life pulsing into me as well.

I could feel it coming before it happened. He leaned toward me and I leaned toward him involuntarily, as if we were magnetized. The motion was slow, but steady. I knew what I was doing, and yet at the same time I wasn’t thinking at all. My mind had shut off and there was only feeling.

His mouth and mine connected gently. His lips moved over mine, mine trailed over his. I felt both serene and alive at once. I could almost feel his life flooding into me. His heartbeat was mine; we breathed as one.

The kiss escalated. I felt his hand behind my head, I put mine on his shoulder. It grew more intense. I couldn’t tell where my mouth was anymore. I’d lost myself in him. If my mind had been engaged I would have been afraid for sure. Time stopped and raced forward. We’d been together forever, we’d met only a second before.

I don’t know when it ended. I’d lost all conception of time.

When we pulled away, it took my mind a few seconds to awaken. When it did, I realized my senses were on overload. My mouth tingled, my eyes were wide, my were cheeks on fire, the back of my head seemed to throb where his hand had rested.

I stood there, staring and breathing audibly.We stood paralyzed for minutes until the fire died and left us alone in a pitch black world.

And that's what I wrote yesterday. Not amazing by ANY stretch of the imagination, but at least I wrote something. I don't know where it goes either. Somtimes I just get these scenes in my head and I have to write them down. I'm not 100% how to get here, and I don't know what happens next, but I wrote this.

Thoughts? Questions? Comments? I hope the end of the scene doesn't imply anything that we ALL know I'm NOT implying...what do you think?

Anything is appreciated, but critisism the most. I'll be flattered if you thought the scene was good, but what I MOST want to hear is how to make it BETTER.

Thanks, y'all :)

P.S. I also got invited to a Sweet 16 party for a girl who was in the play with me!! :O How nice is that? I'm so excited!


Cassie said...

i thought it was really, really good. i wanted to keep reading and then it stopped :( your a really good writer :) sorry i don't have any critisism :P

Anonymous said...

romace is honestly not my type
still, objectively reviewing this story bit, it's very good =)
and I kinda suck at writing so I can't really suggest any way to improve it ^_^"

I googled "sweet 16" so I'm not always asking you the meaning of stuff x)
seems like fun!

Logan said...

It's interesting how in such a kiss all duality fades and the two become one in an eternal moment...

Kyle Hendricks said...


Bethany said...

I like it!! Very nice. oooh wow, now I'm wondering which guy she's going to choose...

Kendra Logan said...

Cassie: Thank you! Haha, well, I guess that's still a good thing :)

Krevan: Ah, well ;) Glad you liked it anyway!

Haha, it's fine, I don't mind answering your questions.

Logan: That's totally what I was going for!! Thanks!

Kyle: XP

Bethany: Me too...Lol!