Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sol: The Peacemaker and Something-About-Truth (I need help thinking of word for this.)

Meet Sol (and Aiden, but his own introduction is coming later). His God-given power? Sol can discern truth and has a deep desire for peace.

Sit back. Relax. Here's to Sol.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Sol put his head in his hands. All around him the noise of high-schoolers eating lunch and gossiping filled his ears and turned his stomach. Didn’t it bother anyone else how much spitefulness and deceit went on between “friends”?

“Sol?” A boy named Brandon clapped his friend on the shoulder. Sol blinked and raised his head.

“What?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

Sol rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and grunted. “No. Sorry. What’d you say?”

“I said I talked to Rachel.,” Brandon repeated, obviously impatient. “About what you saw. With her and Michael Hendricks?” Sol felt a frown come together over his nose.

“Yeah. What’d she say?”

Brandon smiled, almost a smirk. “You were wrong. There’s nothing going on between them.”
Sol fought the urge to raise his eyebrows sarcastically. He had never had a good feeling about Brandon’s girlfriend, but after seeing her and the star basketball player locking lips in a corner, he’d had something concrete to tell his friend.

“You believe her?” he asked, almost gently. Brandon’s eyes narrowed.

“Of course I believe her. She’s my girlfriend. And you’re the one who’s always ranting about how relationships are built on trust. Jeez, man.” Sol frowned.

“That’s true,” he admitted, turning away. “I guess if you really think she’s being honest.” Brandon’s eyes narrowed again.

“I do.”

Sol shrugged. “Okay.”

Brandon ignored his moody friend and engaged in another conversation. Sol was secretly relieved. He hated to tell his friend that he knew Rachel was lying. Even if he hadn’t seen the girl making out in a corner, he would have known. Sol considered himself a good judge of character. He almost always was. The minuet he’d seen Brandon’s girlfriend, the word “snake” had popped into his mind.

Sol sighed quietly and absentmindedly ate a Frito.

Suddenly, something happened across the cafeteria, making Sol turn his head sharply to see. He frowned and scanned the back wall of the room, looking for something that would have gotten his attention. Had someone called his name? No, that wasn’t it…No one had dropped a tray or shouted or fallen, or even come into the room. Everything looked perfectly undisturbed.

“What?” Brandon grunted, nudging Sol. “What’re you looking at?”

“I dunno,” Sol said, still searching the room. “Thought I heard something I guess.” Brandon, uninteresting once again, turned back to his conversation. But Sol kept looking in the direction his reflexes had pointed him in.

After another moment, he turned back to his lunch. There was nothing to see. Everything was average in the cafeteria, nothing unusual, unless you counted that boy who’d banged into Ashlyn the other day. He wasn’t looking too good; kind of green and freaked out.

The bell rang; lunch was over. Sol packed his trash into his paper lunch bag and headed for the trashcan. In his back pocket, his phone vibrated. He tossed the brown bag into the garbage and took out his phone. Text message. From…Ashlyn??

Sol frowned and opened the message, walking towards the door.

Fell asleep in English and had a Dream. About you. I think you might be “blessed” too.

Sol stopped in his tracks, making a freshmen girl bump into him. Feelings of shock and almost horror washed over him. Blessed? Him too? With what? He didn’t dream the future. He didn’t do anything special.

He was about to hit “reply” when he turned immediately to the far corner of the cafeteria. His eyebrows rose. It was that boy. He was alone, standing against the wall near the corner of the room. His face was carefully controlled, but he seemed alarmed. Sol sensed his unease strongly, like waves of turmoil washing over him.

Sol frowned. What in the world…?

Everyone was gone from the cafeteria now except for a few stragglers who were on their way. Sol pocketed his phone and warily walked towards the boy.

The boy noticed him almost immediately and pulled out his phone. His fingers moved rapidly across the keyboard, but Sol didn’t think he was really texting.

“Hey, you alright?” Sol asked when he was almost to the guy. The boy looked up, pretending to be surprised.

“What? Uh, yeah. Why?” He seemed on edge to Sol, like he was trying to play something off.

Sol shrugged, his hands in his jeans pockets. “You looked freaked.” The boy snickered and tossed his slightly long hair out of his eyes.

“Nah. I’m good.” He went back to his fake text message and headed for the door, then turned back to Sol. “Okay, this might sound really weird, but…” Sol waited, silently eager. “…do you have any siblings or something?”

Sol deflated a little. “Yeah. You’ve met Ashlyn, kinda. You ran into her the other day.”

The boy nodded, smiling a half smile, and continued to move towards the door. “Right. Yeah. Thought you looked kinda familiar.”

Sol’s eyebrows twitched in acknowledgement. “I’m Sol.”

The boy snorted. “Hi, Sol,” he said, almost mockingly. “What is this? AA?”

Sol’s eyes narrowed, making him look almost formidable. The boy raised his hand slightly.

“Sorry. I’m Aiden. But really, you should stop going up and playing shrink to people. It’s creepy.” He opened the door with a shoved of his shoulder and disappeared, leaving Sol alone and feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Guess that was weird of me,” he muttered to himself, heading out himself. He mentally kicked himself. When was he going to stop feeling the need to fix things all the time?
~~~~~~~~~~~
PleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePlease criticize it! :D Or question it. Or point out typos. Or, if you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO, compliment it ;)

~Kendra

13 comments:

Einar said...

These storied are great Kendra, I think they have a TON of potential I hope you keep going, I could totally see myself reading a series with these characters in it.

Izori said...

Well, you asked for criticism...but I'm afraid I can't give any! It's really cool. Sol's a strong character (he kind of reminds me of myself).

achieve1dream said...

I really like it! I can't see anything glaringly wrong with it. It's well written. I really like your style. It really draws the reader into the story. Very nice foreshadowing and you did a very good job of letting us into Sol's head. I like it a lot.

***Emily*** said...

I am thinking that you spelled minute wrong when you said "The minuet he’d seen Brandon’s girlfriend, the word “snake” had popped into his mind." I think that you spelled the type of dance...

Eh, it could just be me spelling minute wrong all the time.
Einar was when he said the stories have potential.

In Christ,
Emily

Emma said...

Hi, it's Emma. From now on, every Monday on my blog Summer Girl will feature a new weekly event called Commenter's Monday. In this event, I will post about one commenter that I think deserves the post. The first part: why I chose them to be featured on Commenter's Monday. Second: a short interview with them. Third: A snapshot of their blog.
Please visit to see this! Go to http://summergirl-ew.blogspot.com. Thanks!


~Emma~~

Amber said...

I love your blog!!! I'm following yours... care to follow mine!?

Have a great day!

Amber

Tunafish said...

This is really good! I can find part of me in Sol too... kinda weird but cool =) I really like it... that's all I can say =) Sorry, no criticism. Jesus loves you! =)

Tragedy101 said...

Soothsayer: [old English: one who speaks truth] generally, a fortune teller or a prophet (but could be any one who speaks the truth.)

Kendrabelle Logan said...

Einar: Thank you so much! What a great compliment!

Izori: Well, thank you! And yes, Sol's personality is the strong and determined type. I'm glad you like him!

Achieve1dream: That's great! Thank you! Getting the reader into the story, THAT is something I'd love to do!

Emily: Ooh, thanks for catching that! *goes and fixes it* And thank you so much for thinking the story has potential!

Emma: What a neat idea! I'll check it out.

Amber: Wow, thanks! I'll be sure to go find yours!

Tunafish: That's awesome! And weird but cool is a good thing, lol :D

Tragedy101: That's perfect! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

~Kendra

The Irregular Girl said...

I like your point that there is a lot of deceit among friends. It's true, and you really don't find much mentions to it, which is why I find your story very interesting.

Chris said...

Hey, great characterization! Sol is a cool character. I'd enjoy reading more.

I'll point out two things, not major things, though, minor things. In fiction, instead of "towards" people write "toward" (same with forwards and backwards, which should be forward and backward). You only need to change that, though, if you want to enter this in a competition or elsewhere. Word has a cool thing called Search and Replace, so that's not a biggie.

The second thing I saw was that in that last sentence, you used the word "himself" three times. That's an easy fix. :)

Great writing! I'm really impressed.

Tragedy101 said...

Fascinating story. I'm intrigued as to how Aiden's "gift" is good, it seems absolutely horrid to me.

Criticism:

Brandon is often uninteresting, as he is "once again"?

Shoved is a noun?

They aren't spelling mistakes or, most likely, unintended.

kanishk said...

It's really cool. Sol's a strong character (he kind of reminds me of myself)

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