Writer's Depression

She stared at the blank Word document, hoping for something to come out. Nothing did except the words “I suck”. And her next sentence, “I will never be a writer” came out “I wlil never be a wirter”, proving that even Word hated her.

What happened to those days when she’d take out a fresh notebook and start a wonderful new story? What happened to the days when she’d discontinue the story three days later and not even be bothered by it? What happened to the days when she’d chose acting out a scene in her room over TV and computer any day?

She put her head in her hands. Maybe she wasn’t made for this after all. I mean, she’d only wanted to be a writer for fifteen years, right? She could be wrong. Maybe she was secretly destined to be an astronaut.

She snorted. Yeah, an astronaut. Thanks but no thanks. She wanted to be a writer.

Maybe depression was good. She actually didn’t mind. It’s good to be able to slip into different moods. Makes writing characters easier. Hey, maybe she ought to write down how she was feeling now! It might come in handy…Who knows? Maybe one day she’d have a depressed character to write…

Yes, she had better get this down before her depression went away.

"She stared at the blank Word document, hoping for something to come out..."

Clickity, click, click, click, clickity, clack, clickity, click…

Tagged by Gracie!

Hey, y'all! Just a couple of announcements before I get to the tag...

Thanks for following, adoptedbyblood!

The poll about Liking vs. Disliking Twilight is over! Hmm...look at that! 70% of those who dislike Twilight have not read the books! Of those who HAVE read the books, only about 40% dislike them. Imagine that.

Sorry. That might have been just a LITTLE big smug-sounding. Please excuse me; I couldn't help myself. I'm in such a...mischievous mood today >:D

Also, please click on the link at the very top of the sidebar. The thing that says "What do you think of me?" or something like that. I can't really remember what it says. I'm very interested, and I'm not easily offended either. Be as rude as you like as long as you're honest :)

I'd like to direct you all over to Thoughts of a Shieldmaiden. For $35, Earwen, the wonderful authoress of that Robin Hood thing I talked about, is offering to send out copies of her book! The book is called "The Elmeria Chronicles: Shadows". It's the first in a...trilogy, is it? Anyway, there are sequels :) I haven't read any of the book that I can think of, but everything by Earwen that I HAVE read has been amazing. If you want more information, click HERE. She answers FAQs about ordering HERE as well.

Now for the tag! Thanks, Gracie!

1- Have you been asked out?
Twice.

3 - What's your middle name?
Michelle

4 - Your current relationship status?
Single and proud :D

5 - What's the first thing you do when you wake up from a nap?
Feel cruddy. Naps always make me feel weird.

6 - What is your current mood?
Kind of ticked at my sister, but working through it.

7 - What color shirt are you wearing?
Navy blue sweatshirt

8 - Missing something?
Not really.

9 - Current Favorite Quote?
Hmm...I have so many! Okay, try this one: "Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake." -Napoleon Bonaparte. I love that! So funny and yet so true!

10 - If you could go back in time and change something what would be?
I'd definitely change a few things, but explaining it might take a while.

11 - If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
A wolf.

12 - Ever had a near death experience?
Yes. Not to seem freaky, but I actually should be dead right now.

13 - Something you do a lot?
Use sarcasm.

14 - The song stuck in your head?
"Jesus Light of the World" by Third Day. My favorite non-traditional Christmas song, and we sung it at church today.

15 - Least favorite household chore?
Hanging up/folding laundry. I hate it.

16 - Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Laura Ingalls Wilder, Charles Dickens, and Ashton Kutcher :D

17 - When was the last time you cried?
It's been a while.

18- Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yeah.

19 - If you could have one super power what would it be?
EASY: Control time.

20 - What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
Um...Kind of just generally how they look.

21 - What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Tall double-chocolaty-chip frappuccino

22 - What's your biggest secret?
Gee, why don't I just type out my biggest secret on the internet? Oh yeah, because I'm not STUPID. :P

23- What's your favorite color?
Green!

24 - Do you still watch kiddie shows or TV shows?
Um, duh, they're the best ones around. Haha, no, I don't actually, but Arthur was totally my hero growing up :)

25 - What's on your walls?
Blue paint, a poster of Joe Jonas and the Jonas Rolling Stone magazine poster (I don't like them much anymore, but I'm afraid of what my wall looks like under the posters...) and a Narnia poster (from LWW).

26 - What are you?
A half-elf in a human world who loves reading and writing and too often loses her patience.

27 - Do you speak any other language?
Pig-Latin, Latin, English, some Spanish.

28 - What's your favorite smell?
I do not know.

29 - Describe your life in one word!
Complex.

30 - Have you ever kissed in the rain?
No.

31 - What are you thinking about right now?
Kissing in the rain...LOL!

32 - What should you be doing?
Something productive.

33 - Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
Lizzy.

34 - How often do you talk to God?
A lot.

35 - Do you like working in the yard?
Not for my family, but for other people XD

36 - If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
That seems a bit personal, now, doesn't it? ;)

37 - What is your natural hair color?
Medium brown.

38 - Do you have many friends?
Lots of acquaintances, and my number of real friends is growing all the time!

39 - Who is your role-model?
Jesus, obviously.

I tag whoever wants to do it! I've been doing a lot of tagging lately, so only do this if you want to :)

Thanksgiving is over! It is officially time to start thinking about Christmas :)

Predictable Love Stories

I saw New Moon for the second time today! (TEAM JACOB <3) I went with Kathleen (my eighteen-year-old cousin) and Lizzy (my thirteen-year-old sister). Lizzy liked it okay, but it was kind of intense for her and she had trouble following the story. *shrug-sigh* Kathleen really liked it.

It was good the second time, but SOO infinitely much better the first. There's nothing like seeing a good movie for the first time. All the lines hit you, and you don't know what's going to happen next. Jacob's line that almost made me bawl the first time didn't bring tears to my eyes this time around. Still, it was good. I don't really want to see it again for a while, but it was good.

Keeping with the theme of love stories, I'd like to talk about something I've been thinking about lately: predictability in romances.

Let's face it: you can pretty much tell who will end up with whom ten minutes into a movie, or four chapters into a book. The average girl and the new guy. The new girl and the bad boy. The rocker and the ballet dancer. The human and the vampire :) We still like the stories and movies, but we often sigh at how obvious the outcome is.

One of my personal goals is to write an unpredictable romance. But then I got to thinking...

That would kind of suck.

I mean, we all clamber for some surprises, and surprises are great, but wouldn't you feel bummed if the main character suddenly ditched the crowd favorite went with the underdog? Some of you scream "NO!". But think about it. Some characters were just obviously meant to be together, and you'd be ticked off it the plot messed that up.

Star Wars: Han Solo and Leia. JUST KIDDING, Leia decides to marry Lando Calrissian instead.
Twilight: Edward and Bella. Edward changes his mind and ends up with Jane Volturi.
Cinderella: Cinderella and Prince Charming. Prince Charming ditches Cinderella and marries Drusilla.
You've Got Mail: Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox. Kathleen decides that Joe's not for her and sticks with Frank.

...wouldn't all that kind of SUCK?

Of course, there are some movies that don't end like we expect them to (Casablanca, Gone With the Wind) and they're still good and famous. But we do feel sort of bummed after seeing them for the first time.

I guess my point is, we complain about predictability, but if anyone ever really writes or films a completely unpredictable story, you leave the theater with a curled lip muttering about how crappy it was.

I think we as humans like predictability, whether we like to admit it or not.

So, my challenge to write an unpredictable love story just got that much more challenging:

Write an unpredictable love story that people LIKE.

:)

(INSERT STRONG ADJECTIVE) DREAM. READ.

I know it's "50 Word Friday", but I...it's a holiday? Lol, I gotta say more than 50 words.

But I'll put the poem, of course :)

It might be funny.
It might be wise.
A comment about living,
Or someone’s demise.

It might be scary. Or even something gross.
Maybe something personal
Or something quite morose.

My posts are typically long;
Your eyes soon float away.
So once a week for you,
here’s 50 WORD FRIDAY

(count 'em, it's 50 words XD)

Basically, I woke up from a HORRIBLE dream, went shopping with my cousins, ate potato soup, and watched a REALLY good movie: "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Wow, that is such a deep and symbolic kid's movie! I was really impressed and I couldn't stop watching. It's definitely a new favorite!! I actually might like it better than my three-year favorite, Aladin...

So, I know you want to hear about my awful dream. No? Well, stop reading right here, then 'cause I'm gonna tell you :P

The dream I'm about to tell you is vivid, thought-provoking, personal and other stuff. I'd love it if you read it, it's something I felt like sharing.

Some of you may know that I love nightmares. The thrill, the excitement, the ability to have terrifying, near-death experiences and wake up perfectly safe! I love it!

I did not love this nightmare.

It incorporated everything I'm afraid of, and some things I didn't know I feared. You know what I'm most afraid of, right? Forgetting, losing people I love,being helpless and (lol) guys screaming. Imagine a dream with all of that.

You don't have to imagine long because I'm going to tell you.

I don't remember how the dream started, or what led up to the part I remember. I was in a boarding school "ruled" by an evil group of people who were plotting something horrible. At the heart of the evil was a lady. She was a mix between Helga from the Sweet Life of Zach and Cody, Michelle Pfeiffer and that evil lady in the newest Indiana Jones. She was most like the last.

I don't remember, or maybe I never knew, what the "evil thing" was that the school board was planning. I do remember that I began to tell my closest friends that there was danger. I told them about it, and about what we had to do. We formed a secret alliance against the evil school board. Before long, my small circle of girl friends began to include some of my closer guy friends as well. We never did anything, but it felt good to know that I had friends who knew the "truth".

It wasn't long before we were found out. I don't remember how it happened, but I remember the evil lady, let's call her the Queen, discovered me, and only me. She tried to make me tell her who I had confided in. I refused, but she tried to get it out of me through horrible methods that I don't quite remember. I never told her, but she found out somehow anyway.

She shoved me and the other girls into one car and the boys in another and started driving us somewhere. I've never experienced fear like that before. It wasn't a brave fear at all. I can't say that I would have saved my friends if I'd had the chance. I'd had some terrible things happen to me at that point, and heard of even worse. The fear wasn't a feeling, it was something stronger, something in my brain and in my blood. Something that was pounding me, not just lurking in the back of my mind. It was an ever-present terror.

The cars stopped at the edge of a cliff. The Queen got out and went over to the boys' car. That driver got out and they consulted. Then the boys were drug out.

Up until now, I've played it more or less cool. I've at least tried to be calm and witty (think Max from "Maximum Ride") even when I was screaming inside. This was my breaking point. I'm getting chills all over again just thinking about it. I saw the boys, looking scared and...just scared. I knew it was my fault they were here, in trouble, and I also knew I didn't have the courage to do anything. I started crying.

Daniel was suddenly in the car with us, watching me. I knew he was there, but it was almost like he wasn't. I didn't acknowledge him, but it might have been because I was sobbing too hard.

There were five boys that I had gotten in trouble: Josh (the Nice Guy from my class), Ben (the Dare Devil from my class), Taylor (Brain Half), and Taylor's younger brother, Matthew. One of them was put on this catapult thing, and flung off the cliff into the water! I screamed. One after the other, the boys were flung over the cliff and into the water. I was screaming and going crazy. My friends were dying before my eyes, because of ME.

I watched the boys struggling in the water. Then, Taylor suddenly stood up. "Hey, we're on land!" he shouted. He even snickered. The water was only a few feet deep.

The Queen seemed upset at this, and ordered the boys brought back into their car. They would have to be disposed of in some other way.

The Queen got back in our car, and whatever momentary relief I had experienced was gone. She was going to kill us, kill us all, and not by drowning apparently. Something worse. I didn't want to die, but knowing she'd have something incredibly painful in mind made the fear almost suffocating.

"Do you remember your friend Rochelle?" the Queen asked as we drove. (Yeah, you, Rochelle. Freaky, right? *shudder*) Rochelle was a girl that had been at the boarding school with me, one of my closest friends that I had told the "truth" to. I felt my heart stop. Rochelle. Oh my gosh.

I had actually forgotten her. My closest friend, I had forgotten her.

"Yes," I breathed, terrified of where the conversation was going. "I remember her. Wh...what did you do to her?"

The Queen smirked. "I beat her up."

I swallowed hard. "And then you sent her back home?"

The Queen's lip curled. "When I was finished with her, there wasn't enough of her left to send."

My blood ran cold. Being beaten to death. Can you all imagine that? That fate was never on my list of most horrible ways to die until the Queen said that. Beaten to death. Fists pounding you, feet kicking you, maybe even knives used. You're bleeding and hurting, someone striking you over and over in the same places. It's just pain, pain and helplessness wrapped in terror and begging for mercy.

"No!" I cried, leaning up in my seat in the car. "Wh...how are you going to kill me?"

The Queen smiled. "I'm not going to tell you."

Up until that point, I hadn't really thought I would die. I've never been concerned with dying. I've never thought I would until I was ready. I'm part of a story, I always thought.

People don't die in the middle of their own stories.

But they do.

Do you realize how horrible that realization was for me? Like a punch in the stomach, all the sudden death was very real to me. I stopped figuring I'd get saved, I started really contemplating death. I stopped assuming I could talk my way out of things. I stopped hoping.

I know this is going to sound sexist, ESPECIALLY coming from me, but I never, ever thought I could fear a woman that much. I've never been more afraid of anyone or anything in the world than I was of the Queen at that moment. I never thought a woman could scare me. I always thought I could take them out as easy as anything. I'm definitely not a weakling.

But I realized it's not muscle that can be the most frightening, it's power. Muscles are a FORM of power, but it's power that scares us all. We fear those who have more power than we do, more power over US than we do.

That's what fear IS, you guys. It's when something is controlling us more than we are controlling ourselves.

"Please tell me!" I begged of the Queen, clasping my hands. "Please tell me how you're going to kill me!"

The Queen laughed, enjoying my helplessness as she drove us down the road. "I will not tell you."

"Please, I'm begging!" I cried, my eyes wide with fear. "Please, please!"

All the sudden, I attacked. I grabbed her neck and started pressing. I learned in seventh grade that if you rub some artery in a person's neck, they'll pass out. I rubbed hard, but she didn't pass out, she just talked into her watching, calling for back up!

New fear seized me. The Queen was too powerful! Even if I could defeat her, there were more men on the way! I couldn't run from them, and I sure as heck couldn't fight them all off!

I threw my weight against the Queen, wrestling. The car swerved and ran off the road. I was barely harming the Queen at all. The car stopped by the side of the road and the Queen opened the door. I was still grappling with her and we both fell out the door.

I tried everything I could remember. I kicked her in the side, I jabbed at her windpipe, trying to collapse it or something. She laughed. She was laughing at me!

"You get all these silly tricks from the experts," she chuckled. "But we only tell you what we want you to know. None of those self-defense tricks really work."

None of them work? That was all I could take. I stopped fighting. I was completely defeated. There wasn't even a chance of being rescued by some guy friend--I had made darn sure of that, getting them all carted off somewhere else!

I was powerless.

I was defenseless.

I was alone.

And then I woke up.

Deep stuff right there, y'all. I was only a dream, but very helpful in analyzing myself. My deepest fears were pulled to the surface, my reactions in different situations revealed, my courage and wit tested.

I sort of failed.

And I now realize I CAN die. People DO die in the middle of their stories.

Life is not a novel, Kendra. Life is real.

At any rate, every bit as real as Death.

My Thanksgiving and a Tag!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! As cheesy as it might sound, I'm really thankful for you all and this blog. Having somewhere to write whatever I feel like is great, but knowing I have people who care reading it is ten times better :) I appreciate you all so much! God bless you guys!

Today was fun! I woke up a little after nine and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, OF COURSE. Totally a family tradition. After a while I got dressed in nice(ish) clothes, and Kathleen came upstairs. (She's a late-sleeper :D) My aunt, uncle, and other cousin Garrett arrived at about noon. Garrett (will be 15 in December) is so tall :-/ I feel tiny next to him, which is never the case. He's 6'2" and I'm like 5'7". *shudder* :P

After dinner (turkey, ham, sweet potato pie, corn casserole, stuffing kind #1, stuffing kind #2, cranberry sauce, strawberry salad, rolls, pumpkin pie, gingerbread cake, and pound cake!), we cousins always just mess around for a while before everyone goes to visit my grandfather's grave and then my great uncle. My grandpa died in 2001 :( and my great uncle just...never comes out of his house except to play golf and go to the store. LOL. Some day I'll do a post about my dad's side of the family. It's...really something XD

Depending on what mood my great uncle is in, the visits range from short and stiff to really fun and engaging. But before I get into the visit itself, allow me a quick paragraph on his house.

It's really big and old and completely white on the outside. There's a porch, but it's just like an inch off the ground and, like, gray concrete. There are big white pillars that go from the ground to the top of the house. It's definitely not pretty.

Then you open the door. Right in front of you are steep, freaky stairs. All along the stairs are giant boxes and garbage bags filled with STUFF. To your left is a room with a fire place, two couches covered with the UGLIEST orange and brown pattern ever. Then there are about fifty boxes and twenty garbage bags full of STUFF. To your right is the dining room minus a table, chairs, and a china cabinet. And yet, it's completely full. OF BOXES AND GARBAGE BAGS OF STUFF. Don't even get me STARTED on the man's kitchen. You'd have to pay me a lot to attempt to find anything, and even more to eat anything that came out of it.

Basically, the guy's the world's biggest pack rat. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. In the WHOLE WORLD, maybe he comes in more like...second. But maybe that's being too kind. My great uncle has...some of everything. He hits every sale Wal-Mart ever has and buys at least three of whatever it is. Yard sales are his thing. Basically anything kind of sale is his thing. The useless family heirlooms he's collected are crazy. I mean...I don't even want to get into it.

BUT, he did have a couple of items of considerable interest to me and Garrett: SWORDS.

Real swords!! From Thailand and India! A machete and...some other kind of way cooler sword. And several cool knives. Oh man, that was so awesome. I want a sword really bad(ly). Actually, I want a dagger. Well, I call it a dagger. My dad says what I want isn't called a "dagger" (excuuuuuuuse me, lol). I want something small (maybe a four or five inch blade) and sharp that comes in a little sheath. Is that not a dagger? Einar? Is that not a dagger?

Anyway, the sword part was freaking EPIC, and my great uncle was in a really awesome mood. We had tons of fun and took plenty of pictures to show my grandmother. *grins evilly* Maybe I'll upload them later.

Now, H--Gracie tagged me! The tag is fun, so read it if you feel like it. If you're leaving, HAPPY THANKSGIVING

TAG:

Do you like to write? YES.

Favorite books? Eragon, the Mortal Instruments Trilogy, the Farsala Trilogy and...I'm forgetting something...someone help me out...

Do you compose music/write songs? I haven't ever written the music down (I don't how), but I've written lots of lyrics and thought of some tunes.

Do you like poetry? Some.

Love someone so much who made you cry? Yeah :-/

Broken a bone? Nope. Maybe my pinkie toe a couple of summers ago, but it might have just been sprained. I never went to the doctor, so I'll never know...but I *can* move it by itself now >:D

Been in a police car? No.

Been on a boat? Are you kidding me?? I live next to a lake! I looooove boats. Good times, good times.

Fallen asleep in school? No, haha.

Did you sing today? Yep, in the car. I'm still figuring out the mystery of alto harmony...

KFC, Popeyes or Church's? Um, KFC. What kind of a choice is that?? Their mashed potatoes are especially excellent!

Chick-fil-a or What-a-burger? I have no clue what What-A-Burger is and Chick-fil-a fries in peanut oil, so it makes my throat hurt. *sigh* The injustices of life :)

Starbucks or McCafe? Starbucks. McCafe is good, and I love McDonald's, but nothing's quite like Starbucks.

What's your favorite time of year? SUMMER. Do you even have to ask!

Do you ever talk to yourself? No, never. But I do have several, um...*imaginary* friends that keep me great company ;)

Do you have a favorite treat you like to buy on occasion? Anything sour, and atomic fireballs :D

Do you believe the Bible is the literal Word of God and is infallible? Absolutely. Whether it's literal in the way we think of it in some places (mainly Genesis), I'm not sure about.

What's your favorite sport? Definitely dance. But if you insist on ball sports, SOCCER. I'm also dying to do fencing and archery though.

What color is your iPod? Silver

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? In THIS world? ;) Ireland.

If you could go to any fictional place, where would you go? TOUGH CHOICES. Alagaesia probably. Unless my own worlds count, and then it's a tie between Sorayoni and Jeolotoe.

Do you love to write or do you just like writing? Love it. When you like to write as much as I do, it stops being a "gift" and becomes a mental disease.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Lawyer-writer-mom-teacher. Don't you dare tell me I can't do it all >:D

Favorite animal? Puppies and anything adorable. I'm a sucker for those big eyes, lol :)

Favorite song? Hmm, it changes. Right now, Orchard of the Mines. AMAZING.

Do you like school? Eh, yeah, I guess. I love learning with everything in me, so I guess I have to. I do not like math and science at all, though.

Are you a people person? Yes. People are my coke. Lols, that sounds even weirder than I planned >:D

Do you like to talk? I will quote a Facebook flare: "Telling me to stop talking is like telling anyone else to stop breathing."

Favorite food? Ugh, seriously? Um, I love my mom's corn casserole. Also love M&Ms, Cadburry mini eggs and tomato soup.

Hobbies? Reading, writing...um...arguing, goofing off on the computer, reading, writing, hanging out with friends, languages, writing, music, reading.

Favorite author? Hilari Bell is definitely one of the most brilliant writers I've ever read. Cassandra Clare is extremely talented, too, though. (This is not including obvious ones like Tolkien and all the famous people XD)

Favorite weapon? My mind. But if it has to be concrete, I'll definitely side with Gracie and say a bow and arrow.

Is this a fun tag, or are you getting bored? Fun, but I really should be with my family on Thanksgiving, so it's getting kinda long...

Do you like Hannah Montana and all those girly people and movies like High school Musical? Shoot me, no.

What are you scared of? Forgetting, losing people I love, and crane flies.

Favorite flowers? I do not know...

What is the expression on your face? Glazed and bored-looking, even though I'm not really.

Color of your eyes? Blue and green. Kinda like THIS.

Who are you going to tag and why?

1. Kyle Hendricks, because he says he never gets tagged.
2. Chris Kolmorgen, because he's proof that good Christians can still accept Twilight :)
3. Lady Brainsample, because she wrote older brothers into her stories, too.
4. KnightWing, because he's my internet older brother :D
5. Bleah, because she's my newest awesome follower!

Thanks!!

Kathleen!

My awesome cousin Kathleen is home from college and staying with us over Thanksgiving!! She's amazing and I love her so much. I can talk to her about anything. If I don't have an older brother (in real life, I do have an "internet" one, though :D), at least I can have an older sister!

<3

Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth...

Hell, or biology final tomorrow?

Take a wild guess.

Note: "Same thing" will also be an accepted answer.

The Question You've Always Wanted Me to Answer...

Why Do I Want an Older Brother?

Those of you who have been following my blog for a while know what my number one wish is.

Yes, you groaned correctly: an older brother.

*sigh* The subject seems old, tired, and dusty to me. It's such a part of me and the way I think, that every time I have to think about it, it feels overdone. Wanting an older brother is like breathing to me. I want one, and that desire sits at the back on my mind 24/7.

But...why? We all know how much I want one, just judging by the posts that talk about it:
My Biggest Wish
Sunny Sundays and Protocol
Questioning God
Challenge and Update
Top Five
Lost: One Beautiful, Red LG Shine Cell Phone
Jace Wayland
Observing the Male Specimen
Another Amazing Day!
Post 200: The Mission Trip and Him
*mutters and moans*
Change
Mary and Martha: God's Custom-Made Love
Character Day: Taking Sibling Rivalry To a Whole 'Nother Level

That is 14 posts, folks. All have at least SOMETHING to do with my desire for an older brother.

But the question remains:

WHYYYYYY?????????

I was a pretty happy little kid, but from the time I could talk (literally), I've asked for only one thing consistently: an older brother.

When I was two, my parents calmly explained to me that that was impossible. God had given me to them first, not a boy.

Even at that young age I was nobody's idiot. I remember staring back at my parents, wondering if they were really that slow.

"ADOPT."

I mean, really? This is not rocket science, folks. Of course, my parents told me that adopting wasn't possible at the time. We weren't rich by any stretch of the imagination, and they didn't feel like God was calling them to do that right then.

So, whatever. I decided to take matters into my own hands. If I couldn't have a real brother, I would have to fake it. All my imaginary games began to incorporate a "big brother". Then I started claiming these two teenaged twin boys at my old church: Jeremy and Jason. They were fifteen years older than me, but I figured they'd do. I liked them, so I started telling everyone that they were my brothers. I guess people thought a sweet little two year old wouldn't lie, so they started believing me. That left my parents in an interesting position when word got around to them about their extra kids...

When I was five, we left our old church and started the awesome one I go to now. Wh--

Oh, DANG IT. I just let the cat out of the bag. *sigh* Yes, my Daddy's a pastor. Don't judge me XD

When we left our old church, I was brother-less for a while, but not for too long. I was going to find a brother, that was for sure. Every older guy that I met I mentally auditioned. I met a few, even asked one if he'd be my older brother when I was about seven, but that didn't go over well.

Even though I knew it was useless, I prayed for an older brother all the time. It was what I wished for on every single birthday cake and every time I saw a first star, I wished for an older brother. I was just so lonely without one. Nothing was good without one. It seemed like the world's largest injustice.

When I was eight, Gabrielle and her older brother started coming to our church. They were nice, and after a while, I became best friends with Gabrielle. She was into the same pretend-games I was, and we had all the same weird interests. One of the coolest parts was that her brother (let's call him Him) would play with us!

It took me a whole year before I started realizing that He was the brother I'd always wanted. I mean, I was still begging my parents to adopt. Of course, by this time, my dad insisted that he did not want to bring a strange teen-aged boy into the house with me and my sister.

So, GREAT, Dad, you've MISSED THE WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY. You could have adopted YEARS ago, but you waited until I was too old???

Anyway, "He" was absolutely everything I'd ever thought of, plus so much more. He treated me just like a sister, I treated him like a brother. He would play with me, talk to me, protect me, make me laugh, explain things to me. I loved him and trusted him more than any other guy in the world (Daddy excluded).

He played imaginary games with us every night after Wednesday night Bible study. Me, Lizzy, Gabrielle, Matt ("little brother") and Katie ("little sister") would all run outside to the swing-set in the summertime and wait for him to come play with us. Our games were not your normal ones; no tag or hide-'n'-go-seek. We played one of three things: Orphans, Slaves or Orphan Slaves. Chiefly the latter.

In the wintertime when it was too dark to play outside after Bible study, we'd play a different version in the preschool Sunday school room.

I have tons of memories that include Him, most of them good, although there are a few times I wish hadn't happen, haha. Mainly the time he rolled over on my leg while we were on the trampoline when I refused to get off.

Still, he was the most amazing "brother" in the world. I was finally "happy" for the first time in eight years. God had finally heard me! I had a brother! I was so happy I'd lie in bed at night and just smile. God was awesome, everything was good.

I didn't appreciate "Him" as much as I should have. I figured that was fine. I mean, he wasn't going anywhere. He'd always be around. I figured I had my whole life to love him and live around him. Who cared about carpe diem? I would always have cras (tomorrow)!

Unfortunately, I was wrong.

The February I turned thirteen, He and Gabrielle stopped coming to our church.
They stopped coming to Bible study.
I stopped seeing Him altogether.

That was hard. That was...really, really hard.

You know the phrase "You never know what you've got until it's gone"? Well, I understand that so much more now.

It felt like God had dangled joy in front of me, gotten me accustomed to it, and then snatched it back. Why would God give my an older brother and then just take him away again?? Wasn't it enough not to have one in the first place??

I used to cry all the time, every night. My journals were filling up with Him Memories, trying to salvage what I could. I didn't want to talk about Him anymore. If anyone said his name, I would leave the conversation. I didn't want to forget about him, but remembering him made me want to cry. I was mad at Him, I was mad at God, I was made at His and Gabrielle's mom for taking Him and Gabrielle away. (I could always see Gabby at parties and have her over, but I'd never have a reason to see Him ever again.)

I know this is going to sound really melodramatic, but it felt like there was a Hole in My Heart.

So, there's a brief history of my brother problems, but it still doesn't explain WHY I crave an older brother.

As I think about it, I almost wonder if it's been bred into me or something. Not by a parent or anything, but by ME. Was it just a childish whim that I nourished until it's become this overwhelming desire? Is the hole in my heart just...manufactured?

The need for an older brother is very present in the way I think. I feel lonely, like I used to have something that was taken away, or I'm supposed to have something I don't. Like there's a piece of my life missing. It honestly feels like I'm living a mistake.

I also know my dad would really like a boy, too. I mean, he has a half brother, but he had all girls, too. This is the generation my family name dies. If I had had an older brother, "Logan" could have lived on. I know Daddy wishes he had a boy, but not instead of me or anything. I know he wouldn't trade me or Lizzy for ANYTHING, but I still sort of feel bad sometimes, you know? Like I should have been the boy or something, and that would have fixed everything. Daddy would have a son. He wouldn't have to show his daughter all the stuff about tools and yard work just because he has no one else to tell. Lizzy would have an older brother at least.

I also feel kind of lonely a lot. Not for lack of friends, but for lack of...a brother. I don't like being the oldest, and I want someone to look up to, to help me out, to talk to, to protect me if I were ever in trouble.

In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm the older brother. I'm the one who kills the spiders, looks into the weird noises Lizzy hears in the basement, checks behind the closet doors, likes the gory movies, enjoys trekking through the woods, and annoys my little sister. I don't like being the "older brother", I wish I had someone else to do it.

Does any of this make any sense? I probably seem like a complete psycho, don't I?

*sigh*

Maybe there *is* something wrong with me. But whatever. I want an older brother, and this was my attempt at figuring out why.

Opposites

My sister Lizzy and I are complete opposites. Everything about us is different and opposite. We still get along (mostly, haha), but we're completely different.

Me:
I have brown hair and blue-green eyes.
My favorite color is green, and I hate purple.
If I had one wish, it'd be for an older brother.
I like soup because I don't like to eat, and I'm good in every subject but math and science.
I'd rather be hot than cold, and summer is my season.
I'd rather read and write than just about anything, but if I'm watching a movie it'll be action-packed and full of suspense and clever dialogue.
When it comes to cleaning, I'm a big believer in "Let's don't and say we did".
My room is organized chaos: it's messy, but I know EXACTLY where everything is.
I'm sort of OCD, though, and if something isn't symmetrical, it irritates me to no end.
I'm terrible about procrastinating.
I'm persuasive and mischievous and enjoy getting around the rules.
If a rule is stupid, I will break it just to bother you.
You can yell at me all day, I don't mind, and the whole guilt-trip thing is lost on me.
Overall I'm a green-loving, persuasive, tom-boy-rebel who should have been born in Florida with an older brother.

Lizzy:
She has blue eyes and blonde hair, but darker eyebrows which she worries about all the time.
She loves blue and likes purple, and she likes to cook, too.
She likes to eat, but she's still skinny.
Where I would kill for an older brother, she'd like to have a little sister.
Reading and writing are basically the bane of her existence, and she works herself up every time she has to do either.
She hates being hot and would probably thrive in Alaska.
She's an absolute neat-freak and if something isn't SPOTLESS, she'll scrub it for half an hour (I wish I were kidding).
When relaxing she likes hanging out with the family and is a lover of chick-flicks.
She okay with word play if you explain it to her, but it's really not her thing.
She's very helpful and kind and easy to guilt-trip and if you yell at her she'll cry.
She's huge on rules, she'll follow them even if they make no sense. If the dentist tells her not to eat for two hours, she won't eat after it's been an hour and fifty-minutes seconds. She might even wait an EXTRA hour just to be on the safe side.
Overall she's a very sweet and fun neat-freak who believes in following the letter AND the spirit of the law.

And there you have it.
Opposite. Complete opposites.

I'm Evil where she's Good.
She's Clean where I'm Messy.
I'm Chill where she's Freaking Out.
She's Helpful where I'm Clueless.

Opposites, but sisters, and that's enough the same for me. I love her no matter how she is <3

~Kendra

My Temporary Insanity Manifested in Pictures

THIS IS NOT MY POST ON NEW MOON. PLEASE READ THE POST BEFORE THIS.

*sigh* No hatin' now, and don't think I've suddenly morphed into a shallow teenage girl. I'm still here, just as thoughtful and intelligent as ever, I'm just going through a brief SHALLOW TEENAGE GIRL PHASE, OKAY?

Lols.

I was Googling pictures of Alec Volturi (new favorite) and kept coming across such good pictures of him and the Volturi that I had to share. Scattered near the end are a couple of Jacob Black shots and a Jace Wayland or two...LOL...Ah, I do love Jace even though he has NOTHING to do with Twilight or New Moon.

**CLICK FOR FULL PICTURES**

THE VOLTURI


ALEC VOLTURI (NEWEST FAVORITE)


JACOB BLACK

JACE WAYLAND
I sincerely apologize for my...insanity.

Keep your eyes open for a REAL post later today!

New Moon Review

Thanks for following, the_blanch_is!!

...*tries to arrange thoughts*...

Before I go into my take on the New Moon movie, let's review my thoughts on the Twilight movie:

Overall, I gave it two out of five stars. It was not good. The acting was poor, the script was gosh-awful, and the special effects were something close to Power Rangers. On top of that, the storyline of the book was not respected and the directing was much too artsy for me (thank you, Catherine Hardwicke).

I went into New Moon fairly excited. I don't know what exactly I was expecting. I was mostly just trying to "carpe diem" and have a good time regardless. Cassie Roads and I got to the theater two and a half hours ahead of time, and that wait was an interesting experience in itself (stay tuned for elaboration in a later post). When the movie finally started, I felt that thrill that WE'RE FINALLY SEEING IT!! It was 12:01, but I was ready.

The first scene was awesome! I was immediately drawn in, but still had my guard up. I figured the movie would go south pretty quickly. Haha, guess what?

It didn't.

Half an hour into the movie, I forgot to be cynical. I was caught up in the story, even though I knew what was coming. Every scene fell into place, revealing a story almost exactly like the book. The acting was GOOD, the script was VERY GOOD, the special effects were GREAT. The scenes with the wolves were mind-boggling, and the vampire-speed was about a million times better than the puppet-theater quality of Twilight.

Taylor Lautner is officially Jacob-in-the-Flesh. He did an incredible job. I had my doubts from Twilight, his acting was pretty weak there. In the beginning of New Moon he was a bit shaky, too, but that may have been in the script. (To be honest, I think it was the wig he had to wear. I think it made him uncomfortable, LOL!)

It takes a lot to satisfy a cynic like me, but, boy, was I satisfied!!! I became so wrapped up in the story, I just forgot other stuff. It's an incredibly intriguing, intense film. There are hardly words to express it. I raved the entire way back from the theater, my eyes shining, my heart pounding, my brain working! I searched for things to find fault with, and couldn't come up with a thing! (One thing: Seth and Leah Clearwater do not appear. Hmm. Still, minor.) I was blown away, just really blown away.

I definitely think the new director, Chris Weitz, made all the difference in the world. I didn't like Catherine Hardwicke from the beginning, and apparently no one else did either. Weitz was officially chosen as the director of New Moon only twenty-three days after Twilight hit theaters.

Long story short, I WAS FREAKING BLOWN AWAY.

IT.

WAS.

AWESOME.

Well, Folks, It's Today...

I have a new follower! Thanks, Olive Tree!

NEW MOON COMES OUT AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT/TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I am going to be at the theater! Cassie Roads and I will be arriving at the theater two hours ahead of time to ensure a good seat. And I'm still not holding my breath for one. I have a sneaking suspicion that there will be Twi-hards and fanpires lined up outside as early as 6pm this evening.

Can you believe that last year I was about to wet my pants to go see Twilight? LOL! Boy, how times have changed. I've barely had time to think about New Moon until, like, today. I kept thinking I'd start getting excited...but I never did. I'm definitely excited now, but it's more like a vague smile as I participate in a fad than a screaming obsession.

Maturing? *shrug* Maybe :)

So, in honor of the Day of Release, I thought I'd do a Twilight post containing all my thoughts about it. Feel free to roll your eyes and skip this post if you so desire :)

I've already state my opinion on the Why-Christians-Should-Hate-Twilight issue, so I won't go into that again (I believe Twilight is perfectly okay for Believers, by the way). If you want to here my relatively-short-for-me rant, click HERE.

Now my view on the ever-popular issue: TEAM EDWARD OR TEAM JACOB??

VIEWS ON EDWARD
The Good
1. Beautiful
2. Strong
3. Mythical
4. Firm believer in abstinence

The Bad
1. Ultimate controlling boyfriend
2. Learn to laugh, would ya, Ed?
3. Dead
4. His love for Bella is completely unrealistic. I mean, really?
5. Robert Pattinson is ugly.

VIEWS ON JACOB
The Good
1. Hott
2. Great sense of humor
3. Mythical
4. Fun to hang out with
5. Loved/knew Bella as a friend first
6. Protective, but not controlling
7. Did I already say hott?
8. Did I mention great sense of humor?

The Bad
1. ...
2. ...
3 ...OH! He swears a couple of times! That could be bad, right...?
4. ...

So, that's where I stand on the Team Jacob vs. Team Edward issue.

BUT. There is someone who trumps them both.

Guess who?

EMMETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WooooooooooooooT! :) Hehe, he's my faaaaaavorite. He's everything Jacob is/has except he's an OLDER BROTHER, TOO!! I mean, c'mon! ;)

Now. Which book is my favorite? I like them all for different reasons, so it's honestly hard to choose.

TWILIGHT:
Great beginning to the story. Edward is awesome in this one because you don't get to know Jacob that much XD Edward and Bella's relationship is fun and healthy and Edward growls several times. *girlish giggle*

Sorry.

*clears throat*

NEW MOON:
**SPOILER ALERT**
Edward leaves!! :O *gasp* Which sucks the first time you read the book, but then when you read it again, you're not as shocked and you can enjoy Jacob more. Then the book is pretty awesome. Lots of Jacob and Jacob-esque humor. Bella and Edward's relationship spirals quickly into the utterly ridiculous and unhealthy stage.

ECLIPSE:
Definitely my ultimate LEAST FAVORITE. Edward is back (*grumble*), and a complete control-freak. He keeps Bella from her other friends and from her best friend, Jacob. Bella and Edward's relationship is stupid and creepy, and Jacob is constantly fighting for attention. There are some good moments, of course, but over all I wanted to slap Edward the entire time.

BREAKING DAWN:
**BIGGGGGG SPOILER ALERT**
Hehe, PG-13. No, really, it's not that bad. Bella and Edward get married, and they do what married couples do. So it's not bad morally, but maybe not for little kids either...Still, you get to see Emmett a LOT more, which is a huge plus to me. Jacob appears plenty, too, and there's even a section of the book written from his point of view! Awesome!

So there's my view on the books. I'll just wrap this rant up with some lovely cast photos :D

**WARNING!! CONTAINS A VERY SHIRTLESS MALE. IF YOU ARE GOING TO HATE ME FOREVER FOR POSTING SUCH ATROCITIES, DO NOT SCROLL FARTHER THAN THIS. THANK YOU.**

JACOB BLACK

EDWARD CULLEN

EMMETT CULLEN

BELLA SWAN

Inspiration Tag! And Magic Ring Part III

Dress giveaway! Click HERE to go see it! It's bright green, springtime-y and very cute.

Guess what? I'VE BEEN TAGGED!! How fun is that? Thanks, Ciaraaaa:) (I also just noticed that your URL is "davetheninja". I LOVE THAT.

Okay, so it's called the Inspiration Tag, and you pick pictures for it, then tag people who inspire you. And you have to tell WHY.

1. Choose one picture that makes you "cringe like *heck*" (hehe, censored!)
2. Choose two pictures that just amaze you.
3. Choose one picture that shows your dreams and aspirations.

This is gonna be FUN!!!

Okay, cringe...So, I don't cringe that easily...only two things can guarantee a good wince from me: things being torn off/out (fingernails, eyeballs, etc.) and guys screaming. The latter just freaks me out and I have trouble sleeping. It must be psychological. It just scares me.

But, most of you probably don't want to see someone's smashed finger, so I won't put it here. If you're crazy, click HERE :D

Amaze 1 (CLICK ON IT) I love this. I love the moon and majestic-feeling stuff.



Amaze 2 (It's China)
Dreams:
Now, everyone knows that I want to be a writer and a lawyer, so that's no fun at all. So...guess what?
I "secretly" want to learn how to fence. I really, really do. Unfortunately, whoever invented the GUN sort of ruined it for all us swordmen (or women) wannabes. I mean, nowadays the bad guy could shoot you befor you've even drawn your sword.

And that was the Inspiration Tag. Now, I have to tag four people who inspire me. That's hard. Inspiration for me doesn't usually come from people, at least not "real" people. Famous figures might inspire me, but mostly it's music, books, and exercising (runner's high, there's nothing like it). The main "real" person who inspires me doesn't blog, so forget him/her/it ;) Alright, I tag...

1. David Bailey--my Daddy :)
2. Gabrielle--BFF!!
3. Ellie B--BFF!!
4. Ember-- ;)

Don't be sad if I didn't tag you. I wouldn't have really tagged anyone except that I HAVE to, haha! Inspiration is rarely from people for me.

Okay, now here's the next except from The Magic Ring (this is the last thing in this post, so if you don't care about the Ring, stop reading...NOW ;P)

The Magic Ring
Written at age 12-13
Total number of words: 4,214
Words in this installment: 527

Personal Ratings (1-10):
Plot: 5.5
Style: 7
Last installment go HERE

Part III:

It was the ugliest ring Katelyn had ever seen in her whole life. It was so ugly it almost made you want to cry. It looked like it had belonged to a rich, stuffy person from the eighteenth century.

“Oh, wow,” Katelyn said in a wooden voice. “I’ve never, ever seen anything like this before.” No one I knew was capable of producing such hideousness. “I’ll keep this very safe.” Like in a vault that I’ll never, ever, open. The ring had a thick gold band and a huge, reddish brown jewel in the middle. It was all Katelyn could do not to grimace. Jamie, who was leaning over Katelyn’s shoulder, gave a little gasp of horror. Caroline’s smile was frozen on her face. Mrs. Mullen had her hand over Emily’s mouth so she wouldn’t say anything.

“It’s given to the middle daughter on her thirteenth birthday,” Gram explained. “Your grandfather and I only had two children, so I didn’t have the chance to give it to one of my own. It’s been in the family for hundreds of years and is treasured beyond all compare.”

“Like I said,” began Katelyn. “I’ll keep it really safe.” Remember the vault? Gram still looked irritated to have to give it to Katelyn. It was as though she didn’t think Katelyn was worthy and she wished that Jamie or Emily had been the middle.

“I trust you will, Katelyn Elizabeth,” replied Gram. “And I know you will be so proud of it that you will want to wear everywhere…”

So much for the vault. Maybe I can lose it…

“…and whatever happens, don’t lose it!” Gram finished.

So much for that idea. Silence filled the air.

“Well,” Mrs. Mullen began. “I see Roger driving up now. Let’s all have dessert.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Oh, Jamie!” groaned Katelyn to her sister that night as they were getting ready for bed. Jamie and Katelyn shared a room and Emily got her own because Emily talked in her sleep and it would wake up anyone who slept in the same room. “I hate that ring!” Jamie nodded sympathetically.

“It’s pretty ugly,” she agreed. “But remember, you only have to wear whenever Gram and Pap are around.” Katelyn wrinkled her nose.

“I wish I could just forget about it!” she declared. “What a waste! A perfectly good notebook or fantasy story replace with an ugly old ring.” Jamie looked at her.

“Katie,” she said. “Don’t be ungrateful. It might be ugly, but it’s the thought that counts.” Katelyn glared at her older sister.

“You might feel differently if it were your birthday present,” she pointed out. Jamie shrugged as she climbed into bed.

“Maybe,” she agreed. Emily wandered in from her room down the hall.

“Whacha talking about?” she demanded. “That ugly ring?” Katelyn shot Emily a look.

“None of your beeswax,” she snapped. “Go back to bed.” Emily wrinkled her nose.

“Are you gonna wear that ring for real?” she asked. Katelyn shook her head.

“Not if I can help it,” she replied. “Now go away.” With one last pout, Emily went back to her room. Jamie turned out the lights and everyone went to sleep

Procrastination: Why do we do it?

Why do we procrastinate?

With exam week (for me) just around the corner, I thought this might be a good topic to cover :)

Bad Things About Procrastination:
1. Your work is often sloppy.
2. It stresses you out.
3. People feel you are undependable.
4. The free time you gain is not enjoyable because of #2.
5. You develop bad habits for future education.

Good Things About Procrastination:
1. ...
2. ...
3 ...
4. ...
5. ...

So...I repeat:

WHY DO WE PROCRASTINATE? There's really nothing to be gained by it. Sure, you gain temporary free time, but there's always that little itch in the back of your mind that says "but remember, you still have an entire semester's worth of biology to cram into tomorrow"...And people stop trusting you to get your work done on time. I mean, maybe you always manage to pull together an A (*cough* ...like me... *cough*), but you and the people around you are constantly on edge, wondering if you'll make it this time. It's exciting for sure, but not healthy.

Let's look into psychology...

According to Dr. Kevin P Austin, "Most people assume that the reason that they procrastinate is because they lack will power....The reality is that people who procrastinate demonstrate quite a lot of will power for certain things. It is only when they experience emotional conflict about what they have to do that they procrastinate and the question of will power becomes an issue."

Dr. Austin suggests that people avoid doing a task because there are emotions involved that they don't want to feel. Maybe you'd rather NOT KNOW how deep you're sunk in chemistry. Maybe doing your chores feels like you're BEING CONTROLLED by your parents. Maybe you think sorting things out with your friend will just cause you MORE PAIN.

Dr. Austin goes into a lot of detail about the different categories of emotional struggle, but somehow I get the feeling you'd rather see the big picture ;) If you DO want to read his whole article, click HERE.

Greg Frost, another doctor of psychology, sums up procrastination in three simple reasons:

1. Perfectionism - "Some people have unrealistically high standards and expectations, and this causes them to procrastinate as they feel that they do not have the skills and abilities that are needed to complete it satisfactorily."

2. Anger - "The feelings of anger and resentment against them [your superiors, the ones who assigned the project] can translate into an unwillingness to do what they have assigned you to."

3. Negative thinking - "These are the people who constantly harbour thoughts that they are not good enough, or that they always fail, and are probably just stupid and incapable."

Which one are you? Well, I fall into the category of perfectionist to some degree. Everything I do has to be perfect, and the first time, too. My motto:

"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence that you ever tried."

My fear isn't that I cannot complete the project satisfactorily, though. Honestly, I know I can do stuff pretty well. Then I lean toward Dr. Autin's theory, that there are some emotions (being overwhelmed) I'd rather not feel/deal with.

So there you have it. We procrastinate not because it causes something GOOD, but because it avoids something BAD.

Categorize yourself, figure out why you procrastinate. Then (if you WANT to), you might be able to start turning in your homework/doing your chores/calling your friend on time.

Info taken from:
- Counseling Center
- Enzine @rticles

Keep the Focus...

I had an amazing day with Matt ("little brother"), David, Daniel, and Matt's wii sports!! Brothers :) Right after reading and writing, they're next.

I love my church. No offense, but it's the best church in the world ;) Why?

1. The music is amazing. Our drummer is better than most drummers in professional bands. He's a Legend. We end up playing songs until the originals sound bad :)

2. Everyone is on fire for God. There are no lukewarm people. Everyone is close to God, and doing His will 100%.

3. Everyone is like one big family. It's like, I'll tell your kid to stop picking his nose and you'll tell mine not to run in the parking lot. Kids get left at church all the time, and hitch a ride with someone else. Once you hit the church building property, it's all good. You know your kids are safe; someone is watching them.

4. NO DRAMA. Gosh, I hate drama. Lots of churches I know get all wrapped up in lots of "he-said-she-said" crap. We don't do that. At all. Ever. There is 0 gossip at our church. If someone has a problem, they go to that person and DEAL WITH IT. We're about to move into a new building, one that we'll have to design. Guess how we're doing it? Together.

5. No deacons. Um...I'm not really sure what those are to be honest, but apparently they're like "elders" of the church that are great, except when they get stuck in their ways and power hungry...or something...

So, yeah.

And this was the most contradictory, hypocritical post ever.

The entire point of a church is not to be awesome. It's to show how GOD is awesome. But in this ranting post about how great WE are, I think I've missed the point of having a great church. The point of having a great church is not to pat yourself on the back (not that I was doing that, really), it's to glorify God.

Yes, my church is awesome. Why?

Because God is awesome. It's all because of him.

Remember to keep your focus. It's not about you, it's not about me, it's not really about the whole world.

It's all about God.

The Magic Ring Part II

The Magic Ring
Written at age 12-13
Total number of words: 4,214
Words in this installment: 597

Personal Ratings (1-10):
Plot: 5.5
Style: 7
For last installment, click HERE!

Part II:

At five twenty-five, the door bell rang. Katelyn jumped up before her mother could offer to answer it, glad for an excuse to escape. She flung open the front door. It was Caroline and her mother, Mrs. Kirk. They had both moved from London almost two years before. Most of their accents were gone, but occasionally, an English sounding word would slip in. They used words like “lovely” and “horrid” and “repulsive”. They also still called cookies “biscuits” and said some other things differently. Caroline had a brother named Nathan, but after her parents divorced, he stayed with Mr. Kirk in England.

“Caroline! Mrs. Kirk! Boy, am I glad to see you!” Mrs. Kirk gave Katelyn an odd look, but said.

“Thank you, dear. We’re thankful to you for inviting us. It was a lovely thought.” Caroline smiled.

“I couldn’t wait this whole week for today!” she announced. “Since school is out and everything, we never get to see much of each other.” Katelyn led the two guests to the living room.

Everyone, this is my friend Caroline and her mother, Janice,” she told the room full of people. Mrs. Mullen stood up and guided Mrs. Kirk to a chair and the two of them began talking. Katelyn wished she could just take Caroline up to her room and talk, but she knew that would be rude. She and Caroline shared the big armchair Katelyn had been sitting in.

At six o clock, Mrs. Mullen announced that dinner was ready. Everyone went into the dining room and sat down. Mr. Mullen still wasn’t home. Dinner was chicken, mashed potatoes, rolls, strawberries and a chocolate cake for dessert. Katelyn ate and ate. Finally, everyone was finished. Mr. Mullen still wasn’t home. Katelyn was pretty mad since it was her special day, but she didn’t say anything.

“Why don’t we go into the living room and save dessert for when your dad gets home?” suggested Mrs. Mullen to Katelyn. Katelyn nodded. “Okay,” she agreed. “But can we do presents now?” Gram clicked her tongue at Katelyn. Katelyn knew it had been slightly rude to ask, but she couldn’t help herself. Mrs. Mullen looked at Katelyn for a minute.

“Okay,” she consented.

“Yea!” Katelyn exclaimed. She ran into the living room. Everyone followed. Caroline handed Katelyn her gift.

“You’re going to love it,” she said. Katelyn had no doubt. Caroline always knew just what to get. Katelyn tore into the paper. She gasped. It was a beautiful journal with a pack of gel pens to go with it!

“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” Katelyn squealed. She hugged Caroline as hard as she could. “I’m almost finished with the journal I have now!” Caroline smiled even bigger.

“You told me that last week,” she said. “I bet you forgot.” Katelyn nodded. She had. But Caroline always remembered everything.

“You’re the best!” Katelyn shrieked. Caroline blushed. Gram made a little noise in her throat. Katelyn looked at her.

“We have a small gift for you as well, Katelyn Elizabeth,” she announced. Katelyn smiled.

“Thank you,” she said politely, taking the small box from Gram’s shriveled little hand. It was wrapped in proper looking burgundy wrapping paper with a gold cord around it. Katelyn unwrapped the box carefully and opened it. It looked like a jewelry box, the kind that rings come in. Katelyn slowly opened the box and prepared to be dazzled by its beauty and wonder how such awful grandparents could give such a lovely present. The lid came all the way up and the ring was revealed. Katelyn was speechless.

50 Word Friday: Bad Day

It might be funny.
It might be wise.
A comment about living,
Or someone’s demise.

It might be scary.
Or even something gross.
Maybe something personal
Or something quite morose.

My posts are typically long;
Your eyes soon float away.
So once a week for you,
There’s 50 WORD FRIDAY!
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You know those days when school work won't die, your dad makes plans for you, you're forced to go out when you'd rather stay in, your hair looks like crap, and you’ve got a headache?

Well, it's been one of those days.

But, hey, at least I was PRODUCTIVE.

*grumbles*

FUNNEST TAG EVER!!

I was not tagged, but I couldn't help but do this when I saw it on Earwen's blog! Sorry if this is cheating! I couldn't help myself ;)

First, list twelve characters from any fandom, then answer the questions below.

Characters (pictures conveniently added for your viewing pleasures):
1. Eragon ("Eragon")
2. Darren (from my book, "The Mirror")
3. Paige (from my book, "The Mirror")
4. Luken (from my book, "The Mirror")
5. Jace ("The Mortal Instruments Trilogy")
6. Soraya ("The Farsala Trilogy")
7. Kavi ("The Farsala Trilogy")
8. Shang ;) (Mulan)
9. Will Turner (Pirates of the Caribbean)
10. Murtagh ("Eragon")
11. Jane Eyre ("Jane Eyre". I'm reading it for school.)
12. Jacob Black (*sigh* Yes, from "TWILIGHT".)

(Yes, I am aware that there are only 3 girls. Stop harassing me.)

Now for the questions...

1. Who would make a better collage prof, 6 or 11?
Oh my goodness, 11 by FAR!! Jane Eyre is actually a teacher! And Soraya is unfailingly impatient.

2. Do you think #2 is hot?
Darren? Shoot yeah! ;)

3. 12 sends 8 out on a mission. What is it? Does it succeed?
I totally laughed out loud. Jacob Black orders Captain Shang on a mission? Hmm, mission: Take down Victoria so she won't kill Bella (let's say Edward is gone). Jacob can't protect Bella himself because he's been ordered by the Alpha for some reason not to. Does the mission succeed? Hmm, I really want to say yes, but no. Vampire Woman against human Captain Shang? No amount of strength, honor and bravery can save him from her!

4. What is or what would be 9's favorite book?
Will Turner's? I don't know actually.

5. Would it make more since for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?
Hmm, Darren swearing fealty to Soraya, or vice versa? Darren swearing to Soraya, I think. Soraya is near royalty, and Darren would be a capable aid to her.

6. For some reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should (s)he room with 9 or 10?
I love this one! Should Jace room with Will Turner or Murtagh? I think Jace and Murtagh might get along rather well, actually...

7. 2, 7 and 12 are going out to dinner. Where do they go and what do they discuss?
Darren, Kavi, and Jacob Black. I LOVE THAT! Where do they go? I'm going to go with JP Looneys. What do they talk about? Well, Darren and Jacob are both from here and now, so that's not too hard, but Kavi is from the Middle East-ish and a long time ago...Well, regardless, I bet they find SOME way to talk sports XD

8. 3 challenges 10 to a duel, who wins?
LOLS!!!!! Paige vs. Murtagh? I'm sorry, Paige, but you have no chance.

9. If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would (s)he get it back?
Eragon steals from Shang...I suppose Shang would hunt Eragon down and corner him and ask him to give it back. From what you can gather from a Disney movie, Shang is a very act-now-ask-later kind of person. Strength, bravery and honor always.

10. Suggest a story title in which 7 and 12 both attain what they desire.
Kavi and Jacob. What does Kavi want most? The best thing for his people, justice. What does Jacob want? Bella (lol). So the title of the book would be...Love and War.

11. What kind of plot device would you have to use if you wanted 1 and 4 to work together?
Eragon and Luken working together? Well, since Eragon has some experience working with Elves and their peculiarities, that might not be too difficult. Although, Luken's arrogant attitude is enough to drive anyone crazy.

12. If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would it go?
KAVI!!! *hyperventilates* I love him!! Well, as a character. Um, it would probably go rather disappointingly, though. He's not a very sociable person and I'm much younger than he is (he's 19-20). I would definitely ask him lots of questions about being a spy and a peasant, etc., but I can't imagine him being more than vaguely interested in visiting.

13. If you could command 3 to perform any service or task for you, what would it be?
Oh, Paige. Um, maybe pull a few strings and get me to Sorayoni?

14. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw 11?
Jane Eyre? Um, no. She's not a very well-known character among people my age, lol!

15. If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, what side would (s)he choose?
Darren choosing between Luken and Jace? Oh, WOW, this is good. Luken and Jace are very much alike in personality, actually. Jace is much funnier and Luken more serene, though. It would depend on the issue, but in general, I almost think Darren would go with Jace...I think he could definitely relate to Jace much more. Then again, there are some things that would make Darren want to side with Luken...Probably Darren would side with Jace, though.

16. What might 10 shout out while charging into battle?
Murtagh might shout something like, "LOOK OUT GALBATORIX!" No, really, I have NO IDEA. I'm awful at that sort of thing.

17. If you had to choose a song to best describe 8, what would it be?
Shang. Uh, "I'll Make A Man Out of You", duh ;)

18. 1, 6 and 12 are having a dim sum at a Chinese Restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets it?
Eragon, Soraya, and Jacob Black. Soraya most definitely gets it. I can't imagine Eragon caring that much about a pancake, and Jacob (pre-phasing at least) is fairly happy-go-lucky. Soraya is definitely not flexible or selfless by any stretch of the imagination.

19. What would be a good pickup line for 2 to say to 10?
Um, Darren trying to pick up Murtagh...I'm thinking there would be nothing to say, LOL!

20. What would 5 most likely be arrested for?
JACE! I was hoping it'd be him :) Hmm, probably getting super angry and doing some damage to public property...No, more likely he was a smart-alec to a police officer or security guard.

21. What is 6's secret?
*whispers* She's actually still alive and the Daughter of the House of the Leopard!

22. If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?
Um, Will Turner vs. Jane Eyre. I'm going with Will. It's hard to run fast in a dress :D

23. If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, who would you feel more comfortable walking with, 7 or 8?
*squeal* Kavi or Shang? I'd feel perfectly safe with either. Kavi is quite street-smart, a very good liar and could talk his way out of anything. He'd make you laugh at the same time with his dry humor, too. Of course, he's a good fighter when necessary, but with him, it probably wouldn't be necessary. Shang is your ideal Chinese warrior. Need I say more?

24. 1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister secret organization. 11 volunteers to help them,but it is later discovered that s/he is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. What title would you give this fiction?

So Eragon and Will Turner team up to save the world from Luken's secret organization (completely plausible). Jane Eyre volunteers to help, but actually turns out to be a spy for Luken! Meanwhile, Luken has kidnapped Jacob black in an attempt to force his surrender. Following Jace's wise advice (haha), Eragon and Will seek out Paige who gives them what they need to complete the quest.

Title of Book: (I have NO IDEA.)

Wow, I know you probably didn't read all that, but that was SO MUCH FUN!!!

Now, I tag...
Einar
Illunse
Christopher Kolmorgen
Bethany
Hannah
Jake

Have fun!

The Magic Ring Part I

Thanks to Sarah and Maggie S (for whom I can't find a blog!) for following!! Wow, 67 is an insane number! You guys are so amazing :)

Anyway, the votes are in. After a measly 12 votes (haha, just kidding), the first partial story to be published in serial form is...

"THE MAGIC RING"!!

Lame title, I know. It's not a real title, just the working title. I only got a few thousand words into the story, so a title was kind of the last thing on my mind.

Stories to Come...
1st runner up: "A Spark of Strength" I'll do this one next; it will probably take a long time.
2nd runner up: "The Girl and the Ring" Same thing with this title; cruddy, I know.
3rd runner up: "The Strange Lives of Zillah and Ria" This is a pet story of mine; I love it :)
4th runner up: "Desirae Mayes" Poor Desirae, no one likes her. LOL, just kidding.

Alright, so now I have to decide how I want to do this. Weekly installments? Daily? If your care, leave a comment, otherwise I'll decide all on my own. >:D Mwahahaha :)

So, without further ado...

The Magic Ring
Written at age 12-13
Total number of words: 4,214

Personal Ratings (1-10):
Plot: 5.5
Style: 7

Part I:

“Katelyn!” Called Mrs. Mullen from the bottom of the steps. “Come downstairs. Your grandparents are here.” Katelyn looked up from her book with a faraway look. Slowly, her brain found its way back to Earth and she yelled,

“Coming, Mom!” Then, she grumbled to herself. “Why now? Why now at the most exciting place in the whole book?!” She sat up from laying on her stomach on her bed and snatched around on the floor for the first two dimensional object she could find. Her hand landed on a piece of wrapping paper from one of her birthday gifts from yesterday. She stuck it tightly in between the pages of the book to serve as a bookmark. Katelyn loved to read, but she could never find a real bookmark when she needed one. The book was a great, epic fantasy with dragons and evil and elves and magic—Katelyn’s favorite kind of book. The book had been a present from her fifteen year old sister Jamie on the occasion of Katelyn's long-awaited thirteenth birthday.

“Why at the best part? Why at the best part?” Katelyn kept muttering to herself. She would have rather read than eaten, much less eaten with her mother’s parents: Gram and Pap.

Gram wasn’t really the sort of person a teenage girl liked to have around. She had gray-ish black hair that would have come down to her waist if it hadn’t been tightly wound into a sensible-looking bun. She was very small and very thin and sort of shriveled-looking. Her nose was sharp and pointed and always seemed to be directed at you. Her thin, pursed lips seemed to just adore pointing out all of Katelyn's faults.

Pap was huge in every way conceived by man. He was tall and fat and loud. He was bald as a bowling ball with big ears and still went to the barber shop every month to chat with the barber and hear some gossip. He had a wide mouth that was always going—and twitching whenever it wasn’t—and he always laughed loudly at his own jokes—which were rarely humorous to anyone else. He was the kind of person who only heard himself and it was better just to smile and nod.

Katelyn slowly made her way down stairs. Gram and Pap had come for Katelyn’s birthday dinner. They and Katelyn’s best friend Caroline had been invited. Of course, Caroline would come on time. Gram and Pap were forty-five minutes early.

“There’s the teenager!” boomed Pap as Katelyn rounded the corner into the living room. Pap roared with laughter and his enormous stomach shook. Gram nodded curtly at Katelyn.

“How are you doing, Katelyn Elizabeth?” she asked rhetorically. Katelyn smiled perhaps a little too big and gave each of her grandparents a hug. It was four forty-five. Dinner would be at six… Katelyn tried to estimate how long it would be before she could get back to her book. Let’s see. An hour for dinner and an hour for talking…Eight o clock! Three hours and fifteen minutes till freedom and happiness! Katelyn’s smile froze on her lips.

Whatever happened to the pursuit of happiness?! She thought bitterly.

“Mom! Dad!” greeted Mrs. Mullen as she walked in from the kitchen. “Sit down. Roger will be here late, he had to work.” Roger was Katelyn’s dad. “Would you like anything to drink?” Pap laughed for no reason.

“I’ll have a glass of iced tea, thank ya muchly!” he said. Gram gave a small, insincere smiled.

“Nothing for me, Grace,” she said. Mrs. Mullen went to get the iced tea, leaving Katelyn alone with her grandparents. Katelyn sank into an armchair and looked around the room. A loud silence settled in the air. Katelyn stole a quick look at Gram. She was sort of smirking or something. Katelyn looked at Pap. His mouth was twitching and he looked almost like he was trying not to smile. Were they trying to make her uncomfortable?!

“Um. I like your necklace, Gram,” Katelyn complimented. She hated it.

“Thank you, dear,” Gram replied stiffly. Pap looked around the room.

“Have you folks redecorated for us?” he asked in a hokey voice.

No, and you know it, thought Katelyn. Instead she answered,

“No, Pap, I don’t think so.” More silence. Time ticked by so slowly. Katelyn felt like it had been hours. How long could it take to get iced tea, for heaven’s sake?!

“Gram! Pap!” said a smooth and beautiful impression of surprise and delight. Katelyn didn’t have to turn around to know it was Jamie, probably with eight year old Emily right behind her. Jamie glided over to her grandparents, silky brown hair swept back into a perfect, medium-length ponytail. Her blue eyes sparkled. Katelyn snickered inwardly. She knew Jamie dislike Gram and Pap as much as she did, but she was much better at hiding it.

Eight-year-old Emily was cute and sweet and loved by all. She had blonde pigtails 24/7 and perfect pink lips, reminding Katelyn disgustingly of Cindy Brady. Gram and Pap showered her with gifts, so she loved them back. Gram and Pap loved Jamie, too. Jamie was sweet and polite and always knew just what to say. Katelyn didn’t think she was so much worse than her two sisters, but she despised Gram and Pap anyway, so it didn’t really matter. Gram smiled.

“There they are!” she grinned as if they were the birthday girls instead of Katelyn.

“How are you?” asked Jamie politely.

"We’re both doing well, thank you, Jamie Michelle,” said Gram. Gram always used their full names. Emily skipped over to Gram in her cutesiest way possible and smiled.

“Hi, Grammy!” she giggled. Gram looked down at her.

“There you are, Emily Cassandra!” she cried, giving the tiny girl a hug. Mrs. Mullen came back with the tea.

"Here you go, Dad,” she said as she handed Pap the glass. Pap sipped and made a contented grunting noise.

“Delicious,” he complimented. Mrs. Mullen sat down and brought up things to talk about, and Katelyn kept wishing for a fast-forward button.

P.S. Scroll down past the Followers thing on the right and look at that awesome widget that shows all the different countries that have visited! Well, people from those countries...You know what I mean :) Actually, if you're reading this, you've already scrolled past it, so scroll up a little...a little more...a little more...THERE! ;)